WoW and The "Impossible" Romance
by Mike Schramm 
Sep 1st 2006 at 9:23PM
Nick Yee's excellent Daedalus Project (covering the psychology of MMORPGs) has put up its latest edition, and it includes some interesting articles about players and the meta-game (of which WoW Insider is a part), seasonal play patterns, and active subscriptions per player. But the most interesting one is called "The 'Impossible' Romance," about romantic relationships that originate from within an MMORPG game like World of Warcraft.Nick first covers the patterns of ingame to real life romances-- there's the "First Contact," the "Incubation Period," the "Moment of Truth" (where two people finally decide there's a possibility of having a real-life relationship), meeting face to face, and finally the "Ever After." Surprisingly, 67% of those surveyed had relationships when the survey was collected. I'm not quite sure if that means relationships in an online game work better than other relationships-- seems to me to be a high figure.
Yee then covers the reasons why lots of people meet in places like Azeroth: it's a low pressure environment, like work, or the gym. Because first contact is anonymous and remote, shy people often are willing to take the first step when they might not in real life. And he says that online relationships benefit from working "inside-out" instead of "outside-in" like most offline relationships.
Interesting stuff-- to tell the truth, I've never met anyone personally from playing with them in an online game, romantically or not. Maybe it's because I'm more focused on the gameplay, or maybe it's just me (I can be pretty smug sometimes, I'll admit). But I'm interested in hearing other people's success (or, maybe more interesting, failure) stories. Does meeting a romantic partner in an MMORPG mean it's more likely to work? Or less?
Filed under: Analysis / Opinion, Virtual selves
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
Matthew W. Sep 2nd 2006 8:05AM
I met my boyfriend while playing City of Heroes. At first we just chatted online, in game, then out...then on the phone, and so on. At the time he was living in GA and I was living in MI, and after about 5-6 months, we decided it was a choice between ending things or one of us moving. I had fewer things keeping me where I was, so I made the decision to move to GA. We've been together for about 1 1/2 years now, and we couldn't be happier. :)
Fabian Sep 2nd 2006 5:57AM
I met my now ex-girlfriend in WoW. As the term "ex" indicated it didn't work out. Nevertheless it was an interesting experience and I wouldn't want to miss it. We met in the game for an instance in a random group - got along well and started questing together. More often and often...
...and started chatting on TeamSpeak and Skype, then phone and someday we decided to meet and see if there really was more than mere sympathy between us. Well it was, even if it didn't work out in the end.
I'd do it again, given the choice. It's not like I even thought something like that could happen, but it did. I would take the chance again.
Matt Sep 2nd 2006 11:54AM
I met my wife way back in the days of text-based MMORPGS, then called MUDs and MUSHes. She accidentally sent a tell to me, I gave some smart ass response, and the rest is history. We've been married 8 years and have three kids.
I'd say meeting people online is easier because it's less risky. But you've got to be careful, because you never know what kind of person is on the other end. Of course, that's true if you meet people in a bar or through a dating service, too.
Chris Sep 2nd 2006 9:57PM
I dont have any online love, I prefer the meet-and chat approach, call me vein, but My best friend Is dating someone, they started on some online forums, then it worked from there, there both 17-ish and live a few states apart but since both there parents are filthy rich they can work that. They talked for over a year before dating, seems very emotional rather than physical, which is awesome.
slybri Sep 3rd 2006 1:28PM
I think a lot of it depends on where you live. If you happen to meet someone who lives in your area it's easy to meet up for real. On the other hand, taking time off of work and jumping on a plane to go meet someone in real life is a pretty big step. Expensive too.
Living in a big city like New York or LA, you would probably be more likely to run into someone from there on your server. I live in New Orleans (what's left of it). I've never met anyone online who lives even remotely close to it. The few girls I've connected with in WOW were from Canada or Australia.
Maybe if an MMORPG had region specific servers it would encourage more meetings in RL. But that's not the point of a game like WOW.
Jedrallin on Kul Tiras Sep 5th 2006 1:36PM
I met my current wife on Webpersonals.com (now Lavalife.com) which I know isn't a game, but it's an online venue and I like adding my 2ยข.
As for meeting someone in game, I think that would be more difficult. It's not a 'dating' forum and would probably be more rare.
The biggest issue is safety. It's easy for someone who's up to no-good to act like someone they're not to lure teens/children. As a parent, you can't be paranoid about the possibility of something happening, but you can teach your kids about being safe in any online environment.
Donner Nov 15th 2006 12:07PM
Id like to try that but it always turns out either Im talking to a guy, the persons married or in a relationship already. Meh no use in complaining thats life.