How to make friends (and influence orcs)
by Mike Schramm 
Sep 21st 2006 at 12:48AM
Ravven at MBAzeroth has a post up about being "solo by nature." She says she leveled to 60 without putting together even one PUG, and except for her guild, she doesn't really chat with anyone else, and definitely hasn't made any friends that she regularly groups with ingame.My first reaction was that WoW is a social game, and so of course I figured I must have made some friends along the way to 60. But when I think back on it, the only people I really talk to in game or know in any way are my own guildies. I did PUGs pretty often (because I love running instances), but beyond "thanks for the run" I never really had any extra relationship with those people. Even the folks I added to my friends list never seemed to come across my radar again.
Ravven wonders if she's the only one so shy (is shy the word?) while playing what's really a social game, and she wonders what to do about it. I know of noone better to ask than you, dear readers, so what do you think? Do you play the game as if it's a solo RPG, or have you made real ingame friends that you've grouped with regularly? And while I (and Ravven) consider being a guild a different relationship dynamic, is it? What does it take to make friends in game, or should you even bother at all?
Filed under: Analysis / Opinion, Virtual selves, Odds and ends
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
Jonathan Sep 21st 2006 2:32AM
Like her, I'm solo and level 48. Takes longer, but I think it reflects how I've got through life (real life, that is)
I would raid etc but I think I'd prefer to know the people I do it with...
Ravven Sep 21st 2006 6:03AM
What lead to the post on MBAzeroth was my experience in wanting to try a roleplaying server, and paying to move two alts there. It's a bit tough, obviously, to RP all by your lonesome, so I needed to *gasp* initiate contact with other people. I just couldn't do it. I could no more walk up to someone in front of the AH in IF and strike up a conversation, than I could walk up to a stranger in a bar in real life. I'm not socially inept, mind you - I'm great in groups of people I know even slightly. But I don't feel comfortable with people I don't know, and that evidently translates to in-game (along with my total lack of any sense of direction, much to my surprise). Makes it a bit tough to roleplay, so those alts are feeling very left out. :/
Craig Sep 21st 2006 6:06AM
I solo most of the time, mainly as it's rare I have enough time free to spend several hours in one go to run an instance.
Having said that, my guild started off as a few friends at work and (as well as talking more people in the office to play) we have since invited several others who we have met through PUG-ing.
Also, playing on an RP server (Steamwheedle-EU) I've interacted with others in character quite often, including a really fun (and often hilarious) brief in-character relationship with a female Warrior while levelling my Paladin (both human characters).
To me the biggest problems with meeting others are that many cannot spare the time to do an instance run for a few hours - and those that do generally will do it with their guild rather than a PUG. Also, I think the "zomg l2play u n00b" culture present throughout many servers in WoW often gets in the way of encouraging people talking to each other.
It's something my guild have always tried to avoid, and we reguarly try to encourage RP on our server, and indeed a couple of us have fairly recently set up LanCraft.co.uk to try and bring people together and encourage more mature discussion about the game we all love.
Valzar Sep 21st 2006 9:03AM
Wow has always been about the social aspect for me, I play with my 3 roomates. We formed our own guild and know a lot of other people that play Wow. We all rolled chars on a new server, and beyond the RL friends whenever we come across cool people in questing and world pvp, we give them a guild invite and make new friends.
PodMonkeys Sep 21st 2006 7:40AM
I tend to mostly go solo, with the rare pug. When I do group, its usually with my brother and his family, but thats pretty rare too. When I do pug, 90% of the time its been with really nice people. I've added people to my friend lists, but rarely do I run across them again.
What happens more often is I meet new friends IRL, find out they play WoW, but its always on a different server. I think of all the people I've met that play WoW, none play on the same server as myself or each other.
Buruko Sep 21st 2006 9:19AM
I have come across some folks in my time in Azeroth that make me lose complete faith in humanity, and some that have restored it... viscious cycle.
But currently I try and raid with my brother and get to know his guildies. Other than that I seem to have picked up a friend a state away that plays about the same hours as I do so we level together (alts for me) and have a good time.
Maybe social skills do translate in game, I'm a very extroverted person in real life, in Ravven's example I can easily go and chit-chat with some even if they are a stranger, but then again I'm from the South, we can talk to anybody I've been told.
Glowing Sep 21st 2006 8:40AM
In WoW I have noticed that you cannot count on too many people. Most everyone is only interesting in helping themselves lvl and get epics...or whatever. I have had a lot of people just leave in the middle of a raid or instance or just helping me on a quest...and these were players I thought I could count on. I think it's better to solo until you can't do it on your own. I am in a guild and I barely talk to them anymore because some of the higer-ups are only interested in gettin their alts to 60 fast and they take up everyones else time to do it. Maybe it's the server I am on but all the guilds kind of suck. Either they are hardcore "We have a sign-up sheet" or "I am 12 and I am starting a guild with my friends" guilds (not that there is anything wrong with the latter). I enjoy playing WoWe because it's fun not because I can connect with people. Maybe I lost the point of this post but I think some people are lucky to find good guild where they don't have to make "extra" friends in game...and some people are forced to find PUGs.
Later
James Sep 21st 2006 9:16AM
There's been about 3-4 people that I grouped with around level 20s-30s, that I still talk with all the time now. We don't ever play that often since we're in different raiding guilds, but we always catch ourselves inspecting each other in IF :)
Dyyne Sep 21st 2006 10:38AM
Am I the only one so far that DOES make friends outside of the guild? Ya, I may be 60 / 48 levels, but still, I have like 10 friends who dont even belong to my guild that I dont even know in RL yet we talk, group, and have fun together. I thought the whole point of WoW was to have a virtual social life!
Jax Sep 21st 2006 10:00AM
I mostly solo too. Rarely instance, and just farm a lot for AH PvP. WoW for me is a solo game.
LadyMulder Sep 21st 2006 10:12AM
My BF and I were talking about this aspect of WoW the other day. We used to play Everquest and we got to know a lot of people over there, ran a guild, website, the whole nine. A few of those people we still talk to from time to time even though we don't play EQ anymore. But with WoW, other than our friends who also play, we pretty much stay to ourselves in game. It's not that we're not social and don't talk to other people. I think it's more like other people are more in to actually playing than being social. I try to be chatty when grouping like during downtime but I have yet to really come across another "Hey, how you doing, you wanna go hang out in WC for a few hours." kind of person. To be honest the only random misc chatting I've really come across in WoW is Barrens chat :) So I'm thinking WoW is definitely more of a solo-type game.
James Sep 21st 2006 10:55AM
I've played other MMO's in the past, and actually made a couple of decent friends through PUG's. I expected the same experience in WoW--and have been completely disappointed. I also have added people to my friends list, and never really see them again. I am not the most socially adept person in the first place, but I aim to be polite and friendly when in game--usually.
I say usually because I have encountered an unexpected problem in that not only have I failed to make friends in WoW, I have gained a list of people (about 5 or 6) that I refuse to team with and avoid at all costs due to their behavior problems. I would suppose this would classify them as enemies, which is unfortunate. I realize this is a feature of any game that has such a heavy social aspect, but compared to prior MMO's I've played, I have been surpised (and disappointed) at the number such players. I solo primarily now for the same reason I have few friends in real life--I don't feel like putting up with crap out of people. Probably not the best in-game outlook (or life outlook), but it does afford a level of peace in that I don't have to deal with stupid/selfish/angry behavior from a subset of players who behave like jerks.
I can say since playing WoW, I am losing faith in humanity far faster than I'm gaining it. I certainly play the game for the game itself--not the people in the game. If I did, I'd probably have quit by now.
CM Sep 21st 2006 11:31AM
I play with two folks I have been playing with consistently 3-4 times a week for over a year. I have noted that with PUGs for instances (you can see, we only need 2 to fill; we ALMOST never need anyone else for quests--even elites), we rarely end up happy with how things went (although we had our best Scholo run with a PUG this week). It is interesting to me to note that even when we have a GOOD experience -- and there have been one or two per instance along the way to 60 -- we don't tend to employ the same folks again and again or even to frequently engage in conversation thereafter with any of them. I honestly think that a good portion of this is because our standards are too high. We have been the 3-Hordesketeers for so long that we know each other's gamestyle, & what the others are going to do before they even say it or make a move, etc. So much so that it's hard to group with folks who aren't as attuned to our play style.
Then again, it could be because we get too many "I gotta get up for work in the morning"s 30 minutes into an instance. ARGH! Oh yeah, and too many "what's aggro?" and "oh crud, I left my shield in the bank" statements. Kinda makes you want to be ANTI-social
Big Sur and the Oranges of Hieronymus Bosch Sep 21st 2006 1:41PM
Most people soloing probably are not playing on a PvP server. We had a small group of real life friends who started playing together about six months ago and occasionally picked up one or two puggers when we had to fill out a five man.
Separating the good players from the suckage gets a lot easier when you qualify your invite like this: "LF1M to run instance. You must be on vent."
Most good players will have vent set up and ready to go.
If they don't want to use vent, well they probably have other priorities than giving you a quality raiding experience. Tell em happy trails and move on.
If you don't play PvP and you don't use vent, well... it's a totally different experience as far as teamwork, gameplay, and social interaction. That's cool, but I don't play an MMO so I can solo all the time. I play it so I can have fun with my friends.
::: FOR THE HORDE! :::
Tim Sep 22nd 2006 4:38PM
I just started playing WoW about a month ago. I perfer to solo. It allows me to explore and roam around. I've got afew guys I hung around with when we all started. But after we left the start area, we all sort of went our own ways.
But back to soloing. I perfer to solo because I don't have to share the XP, GP, or loot. Sure it takes me longer and I can't go after mobs that are more than a level or two above me. But I enjoy it.
Also, I play on a PVP server. It feels like the loot is better and allows me to progress easier as a solo.
Unkle Sep 21st 2006 6:33PM
What if I use vent, but then type everything I want to say into one of those programs that talks for you, and sounds like stephen hawkins?
I play on a pvp server, but I have basically soloed all the way to 60. I find it much easier to level that way, especially since I work a TON of hours, and don't have much time to play (glad I can get this site at work) so when I am online, I have to get right down to business.
Also, being a BM hunter makes it pretty easy for me. Tiny repair bills, since my pet does the tanking, and can easily move from one mob to the next, with the rare pause to drink/eat.
PVP is what I live for though, so being in a huge guild that has to spend a minimum of 25 hours/week raiding just isn't for me. I will be happy slowly farming my way to decent gear in pvp or the AH.
I still have some RL friends that play, and enjoy talking to people in my guild on occasion. I do feel that this game is far less social than the other MMO I dedicated years of my life to. That one was much smaller though, and the vast majority of the population was adults, where it feels like WoW is dominated by children. It was a very friendly atmosphere in that game, but this one seems much more hostile.
OK, I'm done rambling, and flipping screens so the boss don't catch me.