This story is the short version about my initial encounter with Hogger. There are no embellishments and this account is totally factual. Be glad you rolled Horde (smart move) so you don't have to deal with this beast. Well, actually he's a humanoid, but you get the point.

For those of you who don't know Hogger, let me set the stage:

First of all, you have to achieve hated status w/ Gnolls in order to even start this quest. I farmed rep for 7 days before I could even click on the Wanted: Hogger sign. This quest isn't for everyone. But then again, I'm not everyone.

But what am I? A L70 NE hunter. A killer. A Knight. I'm a rogue for justice. But I'm not a rogue. I'm a L70 hunter. A modern-day Robin Hood. With gigantic, enormous blue

ears.

The humans had enough of Hogger's hostilities; eating babies, stealing apples from that one lady, spray painting Stormwind Castle with his gang of thuggish ruggish gnolls. And word around Azeroth was that the Humans had offered a cash reward for Hogger's demise. Psh! My reward is that justice is served! Keep your silly money.

"Keep your silly money," I said to them. "Because what I need money can't buy. I need information about The Hogger."

"Go visit the SI:7 informants near Old Town. He'll tell you everything you need for 7s. He's off thattaway," they pointed.

I consider myself a true student of Azeroth. When I accepted the quest to end the atrocities committed by this brutish gnoll, I knew that I had to have the upper hand to emerge victorious. I traveled far and wide, day and night, seeking knowledge and wisdom on how to defeat this wretched beast. From Booty Bay to Winterspring. From Stormwind to Ironforge (I took the tram).

I was given many suggestions:

"Open with Aimed Shot, then trap him, hit him w/ a multishot, then Scattershot him, blast him w/ an arcane shot, then have your pet Intimidate him, then concussive shot him. He might be dead by then, but if not, be prepared to Feign Death. Make sure all your trinkets and pots are up before you fight him."

"Kite him to Stormwind where hopefully the guards will come to your aide!"

"I saw him eat Princess and Bellygrub for breakfast!"

"Ask if Death & Taxes will fight by your side!"

"Dude.. WTH? Are you retarded? You're L70. He's L11 (elite)."

True. Hogger is elite. I am merely a Knight. I am not a Knight (elite). The mental strain was like a rake in my brain. Always the calm and cool one, I found myself stirred and jittery as the day of reckoning drew nearererer.

The day of the attack I said a prayer to the NE god(s) and asked for protection. They must have heard me because my concentration was broken with a protection buff. And a concentration buff. And a prayer buff. The irony was as thick as Hogger's hide.

The morning of I mounted up and rode through the forest. I was paying close attention to the scenery... A bubbling brook. Fuzzy bunnies frolicking in the grass. Some pretty flowers that I can't pick up and smell because I'm an enchanter/engineer. I had to take it all in... It might be the last time I ever see these things. Lost in a rainbow haze, my mount gracefully jumped across a lovely clear stream and landed on the other side. Hogger stand there with his back to me, almost as if to say, "Hey. This is my back."

But how did I not see him on my map? Is he so (elite) to evade my tracking skills? (As it turned out I was tracking Gnolls, not Humanoids. Common hunter mistake. lawlz newb)

His gnollish gnostrils caught wind of my scent and he turned just as I was dismounting. I didn't have time to swap out my riding gear before I was considered "In Combat". My +crit/+AP trinkets were replaced w/ a carrot on a stick and riding crop! (Yeah, they stack for me.) and my epic boots were replaced w/ L20 squishy greens with spurs. I was screwed.

He charged, but I thought fast. I immediately dropped a frost trap to inhibit his attack. I turned and ran the other way to distance myself from the assailant.

RESISTED

Oh crap. Now what? Scattershot!

PARRY

I tried to summon my pet, but before I could even let out the whistle he was ground pounding me. "OMG THINK! THINK DAMN YOU!" I thought to myself as I watched my hit points steadily decline. I hopped to my feet and wingclipped the bastard. HIT!

I distanced myself again so that I could hit him with a concussive shot.

DODGED

I had time for one shot before he was within my dead zone. I instantly hit Arcane shot and critted him for 3k.

HOGGER BECOMES ENRAGED

The next few moments are but a blur of gnashing yellow teeth (dude needs to floss) and the clank of his rusty weapon piercing my armor. I knew my time had come. BUT WAIT! I can use the bread and butter of the Hunter's survival skills! FEIGN DEATH!

RESISTED

Damnit. Okay, I'm seriously gonna' die now. As I lay there, pretending to be dead, then shortly thereafter actually dead, contemplating the afterlife, corpse being dry-humped on by a rabid dog-beast-thing, I thought of all those who have come before me in such futile attempts at murdering this fiend. I thought of those who have yet to encounter his wrath. Those who will be as ambitious as I was. Those stupid, stupid noobs.

I died a painful death that day, but thanks to Blizzard and the Spirit Healer I can live on and tell my story. For those of you who don't know about The Hogger, I challenge you to pretend he doesn't exist. Just keep going on about your life and don't bother getting uberpwned. There's no amount of gold or glory worth getting killed over.

And because I couldn't afford the enormous repair bill, I wait naked by the banks of Darnassus dancing for copper. I hate you, Hogger. I HATE YOU!

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