Female elf hypothermic syndrome: Won't you help us find a cure?
by Elizabeth Wachowski 
May 5th 2007 at 11:32AM
As Children's Week approaches, we turn our attention to the needy of Azeroth. The poor orphans, only looking for some companionship and a nice vacation, who end up dragged into Magtheridon's Lair. The elderly, who disappear somewhere once they're too old to fight. The homeless, the gnomeless, the disenfrancished and the disemboweled. But today, I ask you to think of a different kind of need. I ask you to think of the female elves.
The poor paladin pictured above was a perfectly happy blacksmith until she hit level 40 and started wearing plate. Then, suddenly, her chestpieces started losing arms. Then necklines. Then midriffs. Then other areas of the breastplate that should probably be there to protect against swords and stuff. Today, she is only clothed in two pieces of metal attached together with what appears to be duct tape. And the mail pants ... well, I bought the pants for emphasis because there weren't any plate pants I could wear on the AH at the time. Still, they appear to be a fur loincloth with two mudflaps on the side. Considering where the blood elf's hands are placed when riding a horse, it looks pretty NC-17. And the frostbite ... oh, God, the frostbite. Especially the ears.
But my elf is not the only victim. Read on, if you dare ...
Among the top contributors to elf hypothermia are the Polychromatic Visionwrap ...
the Warbear Harness ...
the Black Mageweave Armor ...
and the Vanguard Armor.
Sure, elf hypothermia may look attractive when they're in their natural habitat, dancing on top of mailboxes. But what happens when these stalwart but underclothed heroines go out to fight? Unless their armor is made of Lucite, they're not gonna have much protection from attacks. And some of those cuts just don't work with physics. What's keeping that Polychromatic Visionwrap up, aside from the collective will of Blizzard?
If you're still not convinced that elf hypothermia is a problem, remember -- it could happen to you. Sure, you may be a dwarf or tauren or orc, but that doesn't make you safe. Do you really want to look in the mirror someday and see ... THIS?
Or THIS?
So please, next time you're in Orgimmar or Ironforge, donate a Dark Silk Shirt or some decent legplates to that elf. Trust me, she'll need it.
What's your favorite-looking set of armor? Do you think female character should have the same armor appearance that male characters do, or are you okay with the skimpier outfits?
Filed under: Night Elves, Items, Blood Elves, Humor
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)
Tumples May 5th 2007 11:47AM
Good post :D
C.A. May 5th 2007 12:04PM
LOL! Nice, and agreed, that's pretty ridiculous.
oomu May 5th 2007 12:28PM
it's just fantasy. characters, not people
no one forces you to put only light armors on yours characters
and no one forces you to respect some silly regulations or whatever physical cold.
>Do you think female character should have >the same armor appearance that male >characters do
no. it would be ugly.
>or are you okay with the skimpier outfits?
I'm okay, it's only some colors on a screen. cooool.
talk me about a real sexy foxy !
navalpha May 5th 2007 12:13PM
oh come on thats why all my chars ARE FEMALE!
Holly Jackson May 5th 2007 12:19PM
My draenai female has similar issues. As a hunter, I feel her incredibly skimpy (read heavily armored bikini pants) that she picked up as her first outlands drop were a little silly. Sadly, most of the female armor in the game for non-casters is both skimpy and kind of ugly. I'm all for different looking armor for different characters, but a little more of it for the women please?
bennet May 5th 2007 1:17PM
Although it's not just the females. Our (male NE) druid tank boasted a pair of warbear woolies for a while, and I personally helped our leatherworker spend hours farming devilsaur to get him out of them. Sure, most of the time he was in bear form, but when he wasn't...it's tough running Scholo when you're laughing too hard to keep your fingers on the gamepad.
Nyx May 5th 2007 12:57PM
I absolutely love walking around in stripper gear, but my budget for double-sided tape is through the roof. Please, Blizz, put some Velcro on the inside of this gear!
Varja May 5th 2007 1:08PM
Why can't the females get the same chunky style gear as the males? It would probably look great.
But then we are talking about a company that was worried about BElf models looking too gay...
Hellbena May 5th 2007 1:14PM
Ah, yes. The Vanguard Armor. The first time I saw that on a female blood elf, I stopped for a moment, not to ogle her cleavage, but to link the armor in guild chat and say "This isn't armor, this is a freaking bra!" And the people that I know are women in the guild just went "WTF?!". Sure, the armor looking different between male and female is understandable, but give them something decent and a woman would actually wear into battle.
The farthest any piece of armor should go is armless and maybe midriff. Armor with no arms is fine because it's just skin, and there aren't any vital organs there. No midriff, although your stomach is exposed, it is justified by the fact that females have a larger upper chest area, so since it's the same amount of metal, the midriff gets exposed.
Laurens Holst May 5th 2007 1:32PM
For the Robes of Insight, I really appreciate the female looks (I want! ^_^), but really, be honest, do you want to see a man to wear that? I don’t think so ^_^, so I’m glad Blizzard created different looks. Women just don’t wear the same stuff men do (often they don’t, at least), not IRL and not in WoW.
That aside, of course as a man I appreciate the looks of certain women-gear ;).
In one of the quests in Hellfire Peninsula though you get some pants... I forgot the name, but the female looks is just too skimpy. It looks terrible, and it’s actually embarrassing. I wore it for a few hours, but I couldn’t stand it in the end and bought some more-or-less equivalent pants on the AH that DO look decent ^_^ (plus its colour matches my coat :)).
~Grauw
Lori May 5th 2007 1:42PM
I think it is Blizzards way of giving female characters an advantage in PvP. They can usually get a few free shots in while male players are zooming in for a close up and then drooling all over their keyboards.
Thomas May 5th 2007 2:04PM
Remember the Jade armor for plate-wearers back in the day? My god but that was skimpier than a European's bikini!
rufwork May 5th 2007 5:05PM
"Sure, elf hypothermia may look attractive when they're in their natural habitat, dancing on top of mailboxes."
Clahhsic. Lol. That and as mules, standing in nekked front of auctioneers. I'm always surprised how many nekked HE mules there are in IF, and how I've never seen any in Darn. What does that tell ya?
chris poloncic May 5th 2007 5:19PM
This is nothing. Try looking up "Dark Elf" women from Lineage 2. Fully armored they wear bras and chaps. That's in the equivalent to tier 5. They literally run around in lingerie for the first 40 levels.
Savok May 5th 2007 8:05PM
I've always held the opinion female armour needs to be skimpy, as it attracts more invisible tentacle demons to protect you.
Also
http://www.elfonlyinn.net/d/20030305.html
Sjofn May 5th 2007 9:39PM
I could deal with the stupid skimpy armour if I could wear decorative pants under them to cover MY butt. I don't care if other people have their butts out, but I want mine covered. :(
By and large, I prefer the male and female armour to look the same, though.
Bobby Hansen May 6th 2007 12:20AM
I just want more Skirts and Kilts in the game.
Sinsemilla May 6th 2007 12:23AM
I do think that male and female armor should be the same, but we should use the female designs.
But seriously, I don't really have a problem with the skimpy outfits. Yeah, they're unrealistic as any sort of defensive gear, but let's keep things in perspective. The elves were DESIGNED to be hot. They're the Playboy bunnies of Azeroth. If you're really so upset about your character's armor then
roll a female troll, gnome, tauren, undead, or orc.
It's the same design, but it doesn't look nearly as blatantly whorish on some of the less attractive races. I doubt your female tauren will get many
catcalls while standing around in the Undercity (actually furries probably play this game, so maybe you'd still get some).
Is it a little sexist? Probably. But most of the people who design and play this game are younger males. They're the ones spending the most money on
the game, so it would make sense that there would be some fan service.
I believe someone already posed a simple and effective solution; let elves (or any race, for that matter) wear pants under their armor. That way, the feminists will be able to cover up if they
want, and the boys can make their virtual Barbie doll /dance on the mailbox and have a wank (you know people do it, we've all seen the video).
Everybody wins!
Jessie May 7th 2007 4:27AM
As a woman in RL, when I first started playing WoW, I was a little appalled at the female character design. After a while, though, I've actually come to enjoy it somewhat: I get to run around not only as a tough female fighter, but I get to look absolutely fabulous to boot. There's something very fun, in a very girl kinda way, about spending virtual gold on virtual clothes...
That said, I have learned the hard way to ALWAYS try on the gear before buying it. And to always have a spare shirt in the bank for when that dress is just too low-cut for comfort. Since rolling my first male character, the dressing room has become even more crucial: My night elf huntress can get away with short-shorts for a couple levels. My male BE...cannot.
Jessie May 7th 2007 4:35AM
/agree with 18
I really appreciate being able to stick a shirt under some pieces of armor--it'd be nice to have the same option for pants. Call 'em leggings.
I'd think even the players who LIKE their skimpy characters could appreciate a new piece of clothing like that: Shirts can be used to make a mis-matched outfit a little less painful on the eyes, or to add some extra snazz, or to wear without armor when you're just walking around the city. Leggings could be used the same way. And I'm sure we'd end up with some leg-version of the swashbuckler's shirts anyway >.