How do YOU think the Dark Portal opened?
by Dan Crislip 
May 15th 2007 at 5:35PM
Today's forum watch has started a new humor thread about the origins of the reopening of the Dark Portal. Many debated if it was Kazzak or some other power, or if it had always been open. Quite a few people had their own opinions about how it opened:
Chuck Norris may have roundhouse kicked it open.
Rick Astley might have "rickroll'd" it open.
Kazzak reopened it because Pokemon Silver came out 3 months earlier in Outlands.
A Blizzard comic submission seems to have their own theories as to how the Dark Portal opened.
A fairly blunt opinion stated that, "Blizzard wanted more money."
I personally like the idea that someone finally discovered what the "unused light switch in their garage" did.
What we know from WoWWiki.com:
The portal was originally created by Sargeras who possessed Medivh, which was used to allow the horde to invade Azeroth, which started the First War. After the Second War, Khadgar attempted to destroy the portal, but the rift remained. Ner'zhul wanted to procure 4 powerful artifacts to open other portals: the Book of Medivh, the Skull of Gul'dan, the Jeweled Scepter of Sargeras, and the Eye of Dalaran. Using these artifacts, he opened the portals, but in turn ripped Draenor apart. The Dark Portal remained silent until recently, when Doom Lord Kazzak discovered a "powerful artifact" and reopened the portal, leaving Highlord Kruul in his stead.
How do you think it opened? What relic did Kazzak discover? What humorous reasons have you heard?
Filed under: Humor, Analysis / Opinion, Fan stuff
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
oshin May 15th 2007 5:46PM
Maybe kazzak was trying to get away from another reckoning bomb paladin ?
Quoi May 15th 2007 6:10PM
I'm gonna have to go with the rickroll.
Where did that thing come from, and how did it completely engulf the forums in a matter of days?
KingdoK May 15th 2007 6:13PM
It must be the Eye of Dalaran, as it is the only artifact that Ner'zhul did not obtain.
Vespaholic May 15th 2007 6:31PM
He must have used the old "Dark Portal Garage Door Opener"
Myatha May 15th 2007 6:33PM
I think someone finally flushed the toilet bowl, which is the blasted lands and a lot of players and crappy monsters got flushed into a crap hole.
Bobby Hansen May 15th 2007 7:54PM
Simple: the Outlands McDonalds is offering the Double Fliet-o-Red Snappah and Azeroth was not. Remember the Rib-wich epsiode of the Simpsons? Same deal.
Chris M May 15th 2007 7:55PM
Murlocs.
End of story. They're always behind every evil plot. Think I'm wrong? Take a trip through lore, murlocs are the answer to the universe.
Chris
Rich May 15th 2007 11:25PM
Makes sense. The Earth was made for the mice, why not Azeroth was made for the Murlocs.
Meriones May 16th 2007 2:39AM
Kazzak's wife came up to him and said "honey, can you open this for me". Annoyed, Kazzak said "sure" believing it would be easy. Doom Lord Kazzak gave the Dark Portal a twist and quickly discovered that it was tightly secured. However, this did not stop the Doom Lord. He took his shirt and wrapped it around the Dark Portal, hunkered down, put some elbow grease into it and opened the portal.
"Thanks honey!" said his wife, and took the Dark Portal back into the kitchen.
Outlander May 16th 2007 3:09AM
I opened it and I wont tell you how I did it... it's a secret. (Shhhhh.....)
Thijz May 16th 2007 3:45AM
Mankrik's opened it because someone in Barrens chat said his wife was on the other side
Odicus May 16th 2007 5:54AM
Sorry guys; I did it when improving my lockpickingskill.
Automod May 16th 2007 5:57AM
It's the result of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicking Rick Astley while he was dropping those bad ass moves.
fel May 16th 2007 6:46AM
Well the stroy starts with onyixa - after being downed by a mare 3 lvl 60 she was upset and so at the next "raid boss get over being downed meeting" she said that with the portal open there whuld be far to much content for palyers to bother with them and more - all agreed - and so when the next time the sever was down thay opened the portal - no one knows how - but with a raid of raid bossis you can do anyhting.
and thus the dark potal was opened and every was happy.
Chives May 16th 2007 8:00AM
@11 - hilarious
@14 - not funny at all
too bad I'm not creative enough to think of my own.
Fel May 16th 2007 9:33AM
humm ok don't white storys wile not thinking - ok take out mine and go with 7 ;p - also im counting flames I bet 5 by the time this dies ;p
Arawn May 16th 2007 9:44AM
Hogger hit the lock for 7584399305757 damage.
Zhirem May 16th 2007 9:55AM
Man, that rickRolled link just abused me. Way too early for that crap. - Z
Kahja May 16th 2007 10:51AM
I have insider information!
This is how it happened.
I was working in the lab late one night
When my eyes beheld an eerie sight
For my monster from his slab began to rise
And suddenly to my surprise
He did the mash
He did the monster mash
The monster mash
It was a graveyard smash
He did the mash
It caught on in a flash
He did the mash
He did the monster mash
Klysandral May 16th 2007 1:55PM
The Dark Portal was open during the Gnomes first field test of the Gnomish Weapon of Mass Destruction([Gnomish WMD] in game) and the burning Legion are really mutated gnomish offspring resulting from the field test