Azeroth Interrupted: How to get your wife or girlfriend to play WoW
by Robin Torres 
Jun 3rd 2007 at 4:00PM
Each week, Robin Torres contributes Azeroth Interrupted, a column about balancing real life with WoW.
WoW players do have girlfriends (and boyfriends and spouses), contrary to the taunts heard in The Trade Channel and Barrens Chat. Many Players even play WoW with their Significant Others, but often, players have trouble getting their significant others to join them in their hobby/addiction. In general, the problem lies with the girlfriend or wife not being a gamer. Following are some tips for getting your lady to play WoW.
First of all, have you tried the sincere, straightforward approach? Just throwing out "Well, if you played WoW with me, you'd understand." here and there is not the same thing. Neither are hints or endless stories of how much fun you're having. Try saying something like "I would have more fun playing WoW if you joined me and I think it would be a great way for us to spend more time together. It would really mean a lot to me. Would you please give it a try?" If this doesn't work, it is time to analyze and tackle her objections.
"It's just a stupid game." Take a deep breath -- don't let it hurt you. She probably isn't a gamer and sees computers as tools, not sources of fun. Easing her into games is a very good approach to counteract a lack of interest. Be patient, this could take several weeks. Start her off with a simple and addictive solitaire game like Bejeweled. Once she catches the bug, and this is a double edged sword, move her onto something more complicated that has a wide female fanbase, like Sims 2. This will introduce her to the fun of character creation and a minimum amount of roleplaying. Once she grows tired of this, she may be ready to try WoW, but if she still resists, introduce her to your favorite single player roleplaying game. It can be an old one. The quality of the graphics is not as important as the gameplay (which is arguably always the case), and your passion for the game as well as your interest in how she is progressing will be flattering and encouraging.
"It's too expensive." Playing WoW together regularly is actually a pretty cheap date if you compare it to going out to dinner or to the movies, but this is not something you want to use to sell playing WoW. She is probably not going to want to give up those activities for a video game -- at least not right away. The best thing to do is to offer to shoulder the startup costs and the monthly fee. You could ask for another copy of WoW as a gift for you. Do not make WoW a gift for her, just as you wouldn't give her any other toy or gadget you want for yourself instead.
"I don't want to spend that much time at the computer." As reader GrumblyStuff suggested, a laptop is a great solution for this, if you have the resources. If you are living together, you can also setup a nice comfy area where you are able to be very together and watch tv.
"I want to spend time doing REAL things with you." (Again, deep breath.) Explain that the increased time you will be spending together will be real. Be careful here, though. Don't overbook yourself. If you have guild obligations, make sure that she is aware that not all of your WoW time will be spent with her.
"Why should I try WoW when you won't even <enter unpleasant activity here>?" Compromise. You don't have to like the theater or yard sales or scrapbooking, but just trying it once may be the best way to convince her to try your hobby.
Of course, there will be other objections that I have not listed here. Listen to them and respect her opinions, but try to address them all. Have her use a 10 day trial with no obligation to continue if she doesn't like it. Once you are successful in getting her to try it, however, don't relax. The hard part is just beginning. Good salespeople know that anyone can sell something once to a customer, but keeping a customer is the real challenge.
Be prepared. Set aside some time away from your other in-game obligations during the trial period so that you can devote all of your efforts to getting her hooked. Also, prepare yourself for any possible troublesome in-game personas.
Be patient. You may have noticed that, in other areas of your relationship, she is very much into the journey as well as the, uh, final outcome. This actually works to your advantage considering WoW has no ending. Yes, you've done the newbie quests a jillion times, but let her read them anyway. Let her explore the game at her own pace. Don't power level her. Instead, create a newbie to play along with her so that you have to complete the quests, too, and she is less likely to feel rushed.
Make her feel pretty. One of a guy's main roles in the relationship is to make his woman feel pretty and you should use WoW to help you do it. (I know I'm going to get flamed for this generalization, but I stand by it.) If you associate WoW with making her feel pretty, I think you will be happy with the results. But be careful, don't tell her that her Blood Elf rogue is hot or that you like how her Night Elf looks in her loincloth. You're trying to make her feel pretty, not be jealous of her character's pixel placement. Tell her the face she lingers on in the human character creation reminds you of her, or how you like it when she wears her hair like her troll. The more sincere you are, the more successful you will be. Also, you may want to keep her from playing a female Tauren during the trial period. As much fun as she may find in playing a Horde Druid, it will probably take her a while to relate to being a cow. Love may be blind, but she would still prefer to be pretty over just having a nice personality.
Let her be herself. She may have a very different play-style from yours. Encourage it. You may find that the two of you will be playing at the same time, but not actually together. Or she may turn out to be the hardcore healer your guild needs. Forcing her to conform to your play-style will only sour her experience and make her less likely to play.
If after the trial period, she still doesn't want to join you in your WoW habit, she will still probably be more understanding about your play time. And your efforts in sharing your hobby with her may mean the difference between quality togetherness or going solo.
Robin Torres juggles one level 70 Tauren Druid, multiple alts across multiple servers, two cats, one toddler, one loot-addicted husband and a yarn dependency. After years of attempting to balance MMOs with real life, Robin lightheartedly shares the wisdom gleaned from her experiences. If you would like to ask Robin's advice, please email Robin.Torres@weblogsinc.com for a possible future column.
WoW players do have girlfriends (and boyfriends and spouses), contrary to the taunts heard in The Trade Channel and Barrens Chat. Many Players even play WoW with their Significant Others, but often, players have trouble getting their significant others to join them in their hobby/addiction. In general, the problem lies with the girlfriend or wife not being a gamer. Following are some tips for getting your lady to play WoW.First of all, have you tried the sincere, straightforward approach? Just throwing out "Well, if you played WoW with me, you'd understand." here and there is not the same thing. Neither are hints or endless stories of how much fun you're having. Try saying something like "I would have more fun playing WoW if you joined me and I think it would be a great way for us to spend more time together. It would really mean a lot to me. Would you please give it a try?" If this doesn't work, it is time to analyze and tackle her objections.
"It's just a stupid game." Take a deep breath -- don't let it hurt you. She probably isn't a gamer and sees computers as tools, not sources of fun. Easing her into games is a very good approach to counteract a lack of interest. Be patient, this could take several weeks. Start her off with a simple and addictive solitaire game like Bejeweled. Once she catches the bug, and this is a double edged sword, move her onto something more complicated that has a wide female fanbase, like Sims 2. This will introduce her to the fun of character creation and a minimum amount of roleplaying. Once she grows tired of this, she may be ready to try WoW, but if she still resists, introduce her to your favorite single player roleplaying game. It can be an old one. The quality of the graphics is not as important as the gameplay (which is arguably always the case), and your passion for the game as well as your interest in how she is progressing will be flattering and encouraging.
"It's too expensive." Playing WoW together regularly is actually a pretty cheap date if you compare it to going out to dinner or to the movies, but this is not something you want to use to sell playing WoW. She is probably not going to want to give up those activities for a video game -- at least not right away. The best thing to do is to offer to shoulder the startup costs and the monthly fee. You could ask for another copy of WoW as a gift for you. Do not make WoW a gift for her, just as you wouldn't give her any other toy or gadget you want for yourself instead.
"I don't want to spend that much time at the computer." As reader GrumblyStuff suggested, a laptop is a great solution for this, if you have the resources. If you are living together, you can also setup a nice comfy area where you are able to be very together and watch tv.
"I want to spend time doing REAL things with you." (Again, deep breath.) Explain that the increased time you will be spending together will be real. Be careful here, though. Don't overbook yourself. If you have guild obligations, make sure that she is aware that not all of your WoW time will be spent with her.
"Why should I try WoW when you won't even <enter unpleasant activity here>?" Compromise. You don't have to like the theater or yard sales or scrapbooking, but just trying it once may be the best way to convince her to try your hobby.
Of course, there will be other objections that I have not listed here. Listen to them and respect her opinions, but try to address them all. Have her use a 10 day trial with no obligation to continue if she doesn't like it. Once you are successful in getting her to try it, however, don't relax. The hard part is just beginning. Good salespeople know that anyone can sell something once to a customer, but keeping a customer is the real challenge.
Be prepared. Set aside some time away from your other in-game obligations during the trial period so that you can devote all of your efforts to getting her hooked. Also, prepare yourself for any possible troublesome in-game personas.
Be patient. You may have noticed that, in other areas of your relationship, she is very much into the journey as well as the, uh, final outcome. This actually works to your advantage considering WoW has no ending. Yes, you've done the newbie quests a jillion times, but let her read them anyway. Let her explore the game at her own pace. Don't power level her. Instead, create a newbie to play along with her so that you have to complete the quests, too, and she is less likely to feel rushed.
Make her feel pretty. One of a guy's main roles in the relationship is to make his woman feel pretty and you should use WoW to help you do it. (I know I'm going to get flamed for this generalization, but I stand by it.) If you associate WoW with making her feel pretty, I think you will be happy with the results. But be careful, don't tell her that her Blood Elf rogue is hot or that you like how her Night Elf looks in her loincloth. You're trying to make her feel pretty, not be jealous of her character's pixel placement. Tell her the face she lingers on in the human character creation reminds you of her, or how you like it when she wears her hair like her troll. The more sincere you are, the more successful you will be. Also, you may want to keep her from playing a female Tauren during the trial period. As much fun as she may find in playing a Horde Druid, it will probably take her a while to relate to being a cow. Love may be blind, but she would still prefer to be pretty over just having a nice personality.
Let her be herself. She may have a very different play-style from yours. Encourage it. You may find that the two of you will be playing at the same time, but not actually together. Or she may turn out to be the hardcore healer your guild needs. Forcing her to conform to your play-style will only sour her experience and make her less likely to play.
If after the trial period, she still doesn't want to join you in your WoW habit, she will still probably be more understanding about your play time. And your efforts in sharing your hobby with her may mean the difference between quality togetherness or going solo.
Robin Torres juggles one level 70 Tauren Druid, multiple alts across multiple servers, two cats, one toddler, one loot-addicted husband and a yarn dependency. After years of attempting to balance MMOs with real life, Robin lightheartedly shares the wisdom gleaned from her experiences. If you would like to ask Robin's advice, please email Robin.Torres@weblogsinc.com for a possible future column.
Filed under: Analysis / Opinion, Azeroth Interrupted
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 3)
MrAwesome Jun 3rd 2007 4:29PM
My girlfriend actually confronted me about wanting to play WoW, so she made an undead warrior, which she (I) leveled to 6 before stopping. Now, she uses wanting to play WoW again as an excuse to come over. It doesn't work. I'm way too smart for her feminine trickery. No girl actually wants to play WoW. That's preposterous.
FadedReality Jun 3rd 2007 4:40PM
Only negative thing about this type of thing is if you have one computer. The very reason I've not attempted to sway her from her wow-hating ways. I like to play, not sit and wish I could because she always is.
Natali Jun 3rd 2007 4:52PM
Make her feel pretty. One of a guy's main roles in the relationship is to make his woman feel pretty and you should use WoW to help you do it. (I know I'm going to get flamed for this generalization, but I stand by it.)
I'm not going to flame you, I'm just going to /ignore everything you write again. Thanks for adding to the general lack of respect towards women that is so prevalent in the gaming world. You're an idiot, and this article is a joke.
Jared Jun 3rd 2007 4:58PM
I asked my girlfriend to try WoW and she's reasonable so she did (It's reasonable because you can do the trial which uses nothing but some time). I'm a level 48 Tauren, which turned out wrong. If you're a guy and you want your girlfriend to play with you sometime. Don't be horde. Be alliance. They're prettier. Of course there are girls out there who don't care about their characters prettiness. (That's great, it's only an animation). Or if you want to go all out and buy her BC before she even tries, then she could be Blood Elf. I did not do that...
So anyways she had fun at first, and I danced my character for her, and she learned to dance. Then we started questing.
Try explaining to someone why you can see feathers on a creature, but yet when you kill it, you might not get one. It doesn't make RL sense. Also if you can see 100 feathers on it, and you only get 1. Some things are hard.
The hardest part was when we went (She chose a female tauren), to the ravine beside the tauren starting point. She didn't understand why a game would make you grind. So she quit. And I understand. The reason I grind is I want to get to 70. She doesn't want to get to 70, she wants to have fun now.
I can grind and talk on msn as i auto kill things alttabbing in and out. She can't because she hasn't the skill yet. Not a loss. I kinda found it tiring waiting beside her in game. I can just talk to her on msn when shes far. or call her. etc.
thats my story.
hope you enjoyed it.
or not.
yep.
im still just typing.
for no reason.
k ill stop.
Brian Jun 3rd 2007 5:31PM
@3 This article is intended to help guy's to introduce the game to their significant others. It was not intended for self-righteous feminists.
rcdan Jun 3rd 2007 5:31PM
@natali
Actually your response proves your the idiot. Well writin article by an obvious realist. Thank you.
Arann Jun 3rd 2007 5:33PM
@3:
Being a male myself, I'm not going to claim any knowledge or understanding of things from the female side of the equation (which is where I assume you're coming from, given your name). However, as a happily married man, I have to say that Robin has a decent point in the section that you took such great offense to.
Like it or not, everyone needs affirmation from time to time. Sometimes guys need to reaffirm their significant others, just as women often do for men. Reaffirming a woman's sense of beauty doesn't have to be by its very nature demeaning--or at least, it shouldn't be.
I don't think Robin is saying that men should only value their significant others for their beauty, but rather that taking the time to notice little things about your other half while participating in a shared activity can be used (however shamelessly) as a way to help draw you closer while enjoying a favorite pastime.
What is there in that to take offense to?
Gigantor1960 Jun 3rd 2007 5:55PM
I started playing WoW a little less than a year ago and was hooked. My wife initally accused me of loving the game more than her. This went on for a week when I asked her to give it a try using the free 10 day trial. After 2 days she MADE me get a permanent account for her. She had not gamed before that and now when we get home she logs on before I do.
She is a level 70 warrior and I have a 70 Priest as my main, both pretty well geared. One tip may be to get complementry toons as I think that helped us in growing in to and learning the game. Another is to certainly let your partner be themselves. When not running instances together my wife likes the social side...chatting and whatnot..and sitting in the AH. I like to get out and grind for rep or mats. That's the great thing about the game. There is something for everyone.
Sylvina Jun 3rd 2007 6:15PM
Psst... the author is a FEMALE... so... I doubt she's being sexist to her own sex. Chill out Natali.
Sarah Jun 3rd 2007 6:44PM
I am a female, and I will say that, indeed, my boyfriends job is to make me feel pretty, which is an easy job ;). However, I was the one who had to talk my boyfriend into playing WoW.
For those of us female gamers with non-playing significant others, this is how I did it. I played on my laptop at home and looked like I was having a lot of fun for four weeks. Then I started showing him WoW videos on youtube. Then he actually took the initiative (because he's an awesome boyfriend and wanted to understand what I was into) and saw the opening movies you get when you start the game. That did it. Next thing I knew I had come back from a business trip and he had not only bought the game but the expansion too so he could have a choice of all characters, and now he plays more than I do. :)
Birthmark Jun 3rd 2007 7:12PM
The last thing I'd want my girlfriend to do is play WoW. I like her tush perky thanks.
Krianna Jun 3rd 2007 7:27PM
Well, you could try my boyfriend's tactic-- he had a lovely human mage. I watched him playing in the human starting area.
Pretty character, lovely gown, bright colors, flashy spells, and I think he quit general and was only talking to his guild. So I see a lot of intelligent talk, a character that is aesthetically pleasing, fights that aren't focused on blood but rather on sparkly spells in primary colors in a cartoony but lovely setting. The quests didn't hurt, either-- I got there just in time for the Romeo and Juliet of Azeroth type quest. (Now with a happy ending when grandma makes the girl invisible!)
Then a Dwarf Pali from the guild came up and danced. I ended up getting to see most of the Alliance dances. Then they started on the jokes. I was hooked.
I would suggest that you not introduce her to the undead starting area unless she's already into that-- as an instant attracter, it lacks, although the storylines can be *major* emotional pulls later on.
You know the gal, figure out what she'd like.
Natali, I think there is a consensus-- you are the "idiot". If you think that affirming attraction to your mate is not needed, you are probably either highly immature, have never been in a relationship or are simply deluded. More likely, you are just out looking to be offended. Bugger off.
marsh Jun 3rd 2007 7:45PM
"Tell her ... how you like it when she wears her hair like her troll."
Um, this is a joke, right?
I mean, really, if your gf/wife is wearing her hair like her troll character, I don't think you need to worry about getting her to play... maybe she plays TOO MUCH.
Kim Jun 3rd 2007 7:50PM
I think another thing Natali forgets is that the author is talking about non-gamer girls. In fact non-gamers in general. A lot of people roll pretty toons to start because all they know about the races is how they look.
If this hypothetical girl cared enough about the game to do research and find out that undead and tauren's have cool racials rather than choosing her race based on appearance (though Horde does have the best looking toons now anyway) then she'd be playing already and wouldn't need a boyfriend to talk her into it.
Byron Ellacott Jun 3rd 2007 8:55PM
The real trouble is KEEPING them playing, I found. My girlfriend played a Troll Shaman to 60, then pretty much stopped playing. When BC came out, she played to 70, then stopped again. She loves playing the levelling game, because we can just go out and do some quests together, make some meaningful progress, all good. But when you hit level cap, you raid, or you quit.
Raiding is fine for those who like it, but it's scheduled, it's demanding, it requires dedication (more so in BC than in WoW 1.0, imo) and it's not a way for a girlfriend to spend time with her boyfriend, not in her view, not in mine.
Everything that isn't raiding at level 70 in BC is spinning your wheels on the spot. In the words of my girlfriend, "what's the point?"
Jared Jun 3rd 2007 8:57PM
There is an ethical debate in here.
These are some of my assumptions. (1 and 2 below)
1. Beauty is not universal. (it's in the eye of the beholder) This is true because people think one person is beautiful and then someone comes along and disagrees. (You could argue this, but it's pretty solid.)
2. Men and women who are married or bf/gf should think the other attractive. This is a personal opinion of mine. But it seems like a bad idea to me if you aren't attracted to them.
The question is, if you do not think your significant other is attractive in a physical way, should you lie to them and tell them you do?
"Make her feel pretty"
You could take that as
a. She is pretty, let her know.
b. She isn't pretty, lie to her.
I think lying is bad, so option b is out for me.
Maybe Natali understood the article as promoting option b.
I dunno how correct what I just wrote above was, I simply tried to tell the truth.
For me, I would only date, etc. a girl I thought was attractive in more than one way. It's not hard to find. So why would I date a girl that I only liked a few things about. I would search for the one that had all of what I liked. (which i happen to have found already)
Maybe this is way off topic. Or just odd. I'm hoping someone will post something interesting to read. I like ethical debates.
Rick Jun 3rd 2007 8:58PM
@3:
"I'm not going to flame you..."
"You're an idiot, and this article is a joke."
Seems somewhat contradictory to me. If the girl in a relationship feels like you do, and she tells the guy that, it seems to me like either he will abide by her wishes or she needs to find a new boyfriend. On the other hand, what's wrong with it? You will notice that no mention was made of this part of a relationship being prevalent over every other part.
Robin Torres Jun 3rd 2007 9:19PM
Jared, I had two assumptions when writing the column:
1) If the guy wants to spend more time with his significant other, he still finds her physically attractive and therefore compliments would be sincere.
2) If the guy considers her his girlfriend or they are married, then they are probably in a more complacent part of the relationship where compliments don't flow as freely as they used to during the courtship stage.
I agree that honesty is not only ethical, but important to a relationship and that the compliments should be sincere.
Robin Torres Jun 3rd 2007 9:23PM
Marsh,
I was just trying to tickle the imagination -- to help the guy be creative in his sincere compliments. I mean, the troll female hairstyles are so 80's.
Potatowedge Jun 4th 2007 6:56AM
And now, for some hints from a girlfriend who was converted to WoW by her boyfriend, as opposed to an argument about gender roles.
Start her off with a character on your account. Be sure to send her a couple gold once she's near a mailbox - it'll make her feel like a queen. Also, since this is on YOUR account, it's real-world time together! Once she's ready, hand over the trial code and your discs. Watch her grow from there. Of course, your mileage may vary.
Also, don't be afraid to send your significant other useful things in-game. I'm always sending my bf some healing potions with an "I love you" attached.