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Tales from the Customer Service Forum: Can't sleep, Blizzard is after my goldz

There are a lot of conspiracy theories in WoW. The top raiding guilds all have GMs on their roster who give them tips on how to kill bosses. Blizzard is getting kickbacks from gold farming companies to let them keep selling their product. Blizzard hates (insert class name here.) But I gotta say, I've just found the most far-fetched Blizzard conspiracy theory of all time.

Lonecrow, a level 68 night elf hunter on the Icecrown realm, ran the antivirus program AVG a couple of weeks ago and noticed that WoW patches were coming back listed as Trojan horses. A Blizzard employee promptly told him that some antivirus programs were detecting patches as malware and that it was a known issue. Unfortunately for Lonecrow, he got hacked ten days later. The perpetrator made off with 850 gold and all his gear. An unfortunate coincidence? Maybe. But not for Lonecrow.

He decided that rather than being infected by a keylogger or something that his AVG wasn't picking up, Blizzard itself was hacking accounts and stealing gold. He was targeted because he reported a bot in Burning Steppes, a bot that was clearly farming gold for Blizzard itself. Blizzard, or a rogue/fired Blizz employee, is just waiting for an opportune time to hack the rest of us and steal our accounts. "I had saved up a large amount of gold and they waited until they knew I was about to buy my flying mount at level 70 soon and took the cash, " Lonecrow wrote. "You all are infected by a rogue blizzard employee and don't even know it. They have millions of people's logins. It takes time to go through them and find one with the money ... This patch is OBVIOUSLY the culprit without a doubt." And he demanded a full criminal investigation into the internal corruption of Blizzard.

Of course, Lonecrow got beaten to a pulp by the CSF regulars, who noted that since Blizzard owns the characters and the information and can make gold simply by pressing buttons, it was highly unlikely that they were running complicated trojan programs to rob ... themselves. Of 850 gold. As Ashenbra put it, "I bet Blizzard used your gold to buy themselves some Krol Blades."

What's your favorite WoW conspiracy theory?

Filed under: Analysis / Opinion, Humor

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