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Know Your Lore Special: So what are you doing for the holidays?

It's Thanksgiving, and after the turkey is eaten, football is watched, and devastating family arguments are resolved with steely silence and long-term grudges, it's time to get prepared for The Holiday Season's relentless assault. For the next month, every other conversation is going to involve Christmas/New Year's/general shopping. And why should Azeroth be any different?

So for this KYL, we're going to find out what Azeroth's most famous denizens are doing for Thanksgiving, Winter Veil and New Year's Eve. Where will they be traveling? Who are they getting presents for? And who will they be waiting for under the mistletoe? Read onward, and all your questions will be answered. (Well, not really, because I made this up. But read on anyway. There's candy at the end.) Edited for minor errors on 11/23.

Tyrande Whisperwind: I'll be spending another Winter Veil alone, of course. My husband is away on business, although by now I'm beginning to suspect that "The Nightmare" is actually some blonde Sin'dorei warlock in Black Mageweave. Anyway, me and Shandris are taking a trip together to a resort in Silithus. We're going to see whether it's true what they say about gnome men. Two can play that game, Furion!

M'uru: I'm going to use my godlike powers to manufacture some LSD and put it into the stuff that the blood elves are draining from me. It's my Winter Veil gift to myself.

Thrall: Grandma invited me and my ... a friend to come spend some time in Nagrand for Thanksgiving. I've got some work to do, but I figure I can update the treaty with the Alliance in Outland just as well as on Azeroth, right? I have a lot to give thanks for this year -- I found my true home, the Horde has a ton of new territories on Draenor, and the Theramore guards are still too dense to find the teleportation device Jaina and I set up. Set up for ... diplomacy.

Maiev Shadowsong: By Elune, Winter Veil has become too commercialized these days. It's like it's all for the good of Smokeywood Pastures, and everyone's forgotten about the change of the seasons. I'll be spending the day in solitary fasting and prayer, and I suggest you do the same, or else.

Zul'jin: Me and my boys are going to spend the holidays chillin' with our friend Mr. Felweed, if you get my drift, mon. Jan'alai has got Season Three of the Office, Akil'zon cooked up some Cheesy Poofs, and Nalorakk and me are gonna decorate some of those Ghostlands pine trees. The blood elves have been telling us to keep the drumming down, but Malacress says he's gonna go turn them into frogs as soon as this episode is over.

Sylvanas: Varimathras and I are putting up some lights around Lordaeron and roasting some dwarven haunches, but it's mostly going to be work for me. Building a ship for Northrend, making a vast army of Forsaken, figuring out exactly what I'm going to do to Arthas with a hot poker, a pair of calipers and a ginger root ... it's going to be a nice Winter Veil.

Malfurion Stormrage: I'm making myself a Winter Veil feast of berries and additional berries, and Cenarius and I are hanging some wreaths up -- although since we'd be hanging the wreaths on the trees we made the wreaths from, it's sort of a pointless exercise. I made Tyrande a pendant from some amber I found, a vine that tried to strangle me, and a setting of my own blood and tears. Did you hear how she's doing? She isn't hanging out at the Black Temple, is she? I know how she gets when I'm in the Dream for too long. Tell my brother to stay away from her if he doesn't want the powers of nature to root his demon ass permanently into an anthill.

Illidan Stormrage: Winter Veil in Outland sucks. There, I said it. It never snows, except for that black volanic ash; the demons are totally unable to hang up lights with their claws; and I have to shop for the ENTIRE Illidari Council. And the adventurers ... always the adventurers coming to farm me. How did I screw up so badly? I used to be so cool. I wish I was back in Zin'Azshari. Hell, I'd even go back into the Barrow Den for another ten thousand years. Maiev used to knit us stockings. Admittedly, she filled mine with scorpions, but it was nice to be acknowledged.

Cairne Bloodhoof: I need a break from Thunder Bluff, so the wife and I are going up to the Frostfire Hot Springs resort in Winterspring. It should be relaxing, assuming that the yetis don't attack. By the Earthmother, I hope the yetis don't attack. I feel guilty killing anything with fur.

Medivh: Of course, I'm going to have a party for New Year's. I'm always having a party, but it keeps getting crashed by those heroes. I've got a surprise for them this year, though. Moroes will take their coats, the Curator will show them around the gallery, I'll let them win at chess, the Maiden of Virtue is hiring a male stripper, and at the end, they'll face not Malchezzar alone, but the dishes he cooks. We were going to get Illhoof to do some juggling, but he wouldn't stop making obscene jokes.

Kil'jaeden: What am I doing for the what? Hi, I'm a demon lord, and we don't celebrate religious holidays. I do get the day off, but I'm going to spend my time collecting knowledge on how best to corrupt humankind, working on a new pawn to destroy Arthas, and trying to figure out why Blizzard never gave me an actual personality.

Jaina Proudmoore: I'm going to a peace retreat in Nagrand, so it'll be yet another Winter Veil of business. What? Sometimes you need an evening dress to conduct business. And a jewelcrafter. And some Holy Candles. And a picnic basket. And size XXXXL boxer shorts.

Kael'thas Sunstrider: I don't celebrate Winter Veil myself, but I am having a big Thanksgiving dinner for all my staff. They've been putting in`some long hours destroying Outland and working for our demon overlords, and that deserves to be rewarded. This year, I'm thankful for those adventurer groups for letting me get away with faking my death, he residents of Silvermoon City for being really behind on current events, and the picture I have of Jaina in her bathing suit when we went swimming in Lordamere Lake after her prom.

Anduin Wrynn: I want a pony anda Stormwind Tram playset anda Uther Lightbringer Retribution Action Figure with Hammer-Smashing Action anda orc slave of my very own. Uncle Bolvar is taking me to see the big smelting place in Ironforge, the librarian says I'm old enough to see the books in the restricted section, and Auntie Prestor is going to take me to her home near Theramore for dinner. For Winter Veil she gave me my very own bottle of barbeque sauce and an extra-large baster!

Arthas Menethil: Anub'arak invited me to his party, but I'm still frozen to this throne and can't go. In fact, I can't go anywhere. Sylvanas sent me a basket of muffins, but I saw the original shipping crate and it totally said "Poison Muffins" on it. This holiday sucks. At least I don't have to deal with adventurers like that pansy Illidan and idiot Kael'thas. Wait, why are you smiling like that?

Rend Blackhand: Hello? Is anyone there? Why has everyone forgotten about me? I'm so cold, and the dwarves stole all my rare items. Also, I think Gyth is planning to eat me.



What do you get the gamer who has everything? We've got a few ideas in our WoW holiday gift guide!

Filed under: Humor, Lore, Know your Lore

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