What's in a name?
by Alex Ziebart 
Feb 3rd 2008 at 1:00PM
The names of equipment in the World of Warcraft are really hit or miss. You have a few that are absolutely amazing, some that are downright awful.On the one hand, you have Crul'shorukh, Edge of Chaos. Stop reading for a second, and say that out loud. Crul'shorukh, Edge of Chaos. Roll it around on your tongue, savor the flavor. That name alone radiates manliness, and it helps that it was a darn good weapon in its day. If Bruce Lee and John Wayne had a child, I bet its name would be Crul'shorukh. This right here is the height of awesome.
And then... then, you come across the Wand of Happiness. Come on, really? The Wand of Happiness? When I spotted this in Nagrand, I completely forgot whether I was playing the World of Warcraft or Cuddly Pink Ponies in Dreamland. Am I supposed to be slaying orcs and dragons by the dozen or rolling dice to see if I get to wear the pretty tiara? Well... I guess I'm doing both, technically, but thats not the point. How about Wand of Blowing Stuff Up instead? Eh? Ehh? Yeah, that's what the World of Warcraft is really all about.
Crul'shorukh. Mmm.
Filed under: Items, Odds and ends, Quests, Humor
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)
Meira Feb 3rd 2008 1:18PM
The Ashbringer...
That and Ashkandi, Greatsword of the Brotherhood, plus Frostmourne... you have a winning trio of badass named weapons!
I wish WoLK give us badass named weapon as well, maybe even an Omega Weapon! (Come on, they ripped off Sephiroth, Jenova and Chocobos with the Blood Elves XD)
Averion Feb 3rd 2008 1:20PM
i lol'd
Heraclea Feb 3rd 2008 1:19PM
My favourites are the ones that are apparently generated through the random enchantment process like the "Pontiff's Pantaloons of Prophecy" (saw this once, in Old Hillsbrad); or the "Grizzly Pants of Intellect" my druid once wore.
"Woolies of the Prancing Minstrel" (from a rare elite in Stratholme, worth seeking out for logout clothes) is another personal favorite.
Zaringu Feb 3rd 2008 1:29PM
I found out the other day that Cinch of the Manimal exists. Ponder that one.
Tridus Feb 3rd 2008 1:34PM
The Wand of Happiness is a healing wand. People who are using it are preventing stuff from getting blown up, which when its you is usually a reason for happiness.
So its very well named.
Erika Feb 3rd 2008 1:36PM
Did you hear about the undocumented change from World of Warcraft to Hello Kitty Happy Furry Island Adventure and the expansion pack The Furry Crusade, and then the new expansion pack Ultimate Happiness Fun-time Adventure King?
Derek Feb 3rd 2008 1:47PM
Ahhh... I had Crul'shorukh on my warrior back in the day, it still ranks on my top ten of most awesome things to happen in WoW, right next to getting the shield out of AQ40.
D Feb 3rd 2008 1:47PM
Favorites :
Ancestral Woolies
Shady Dealer's Pantaloons
Eternalpayn Feb 3rd 2008 1:58PM
R.O.I.D.S. Gotten from a quest in Blasted Lands, increases Stength by 25 for an hour. Best. Name. Ever.
Aerei Feb 3rd 2008 2:01PM
Right, a random, hard to pronounce string of letters with an apostrophe in the middle is a good name? And then appending it with "fiercenoun of awesomeadjective" is supposed to make me do something other than roll my eyes? That kind of crap is why fantasy gets looked down on by serious literary types. :|
I'll stick to the wand with the intentionally funny name. Humour is, after all, a big part of the tone of Warcraft. Always has been. ^_^
Eyeon Feb 3rd 2008 2:06PM
/clap... great piece. random and reminds me why i even bother checking this website
Retro Feb 3rd 2008 2:09PM
Considering Wrath of the Lich King is adding Dance Studios and Hair salons to the World of Warcraft, you can expect things to get a whole lot frillier before long.
Skwidspawn Feb 3rd 2008 2:10PM
That wand comes from an obviously "we're being funny with the dumb broken concept" and it kinda makes sense that the reward would be obviously silly.
Personsally I'm a fan of the troll-named items:
Ancient Hakkari Manslayer
Zin'rokh, Destroyer of Worlds
Blade of Twisted Visions
and my favorite:
Dagger of Bad Mojo
Johnnyd2 Feb 3rd 2008 2:23PM
What about Don rodrigos poncho and the other "Don" whose name i cant remember? how the hell did Azgalor get the poncho, unless there were Spanish named people in Dalaran, and then Archimonde hated the poncho and said "Screw it, im giving this crap loot to the pit lord whose actually going to survive! lolz" exist in Azeroth
NobleArc, The Lazy Canadian Feb 3rd 2008 2:22PM
"Crul'shorukh. Mmm." Best quote ever.
Ametrine Feb 3rd 2008 2:29PM
To me, "wand of happiness" sounds like a cutely euphemistic name for a vibrator.
badb Feb 3rd 2008 3:02PM
I thought the whole idea of varied names and varied types of items was because well young girls play this game as well as 60 year old men. So well Blizzard wasn't thinking of guys when they named these.
badb Feb 4th 2008 3:50AM
I thought the whole idea of varied names and varied types of items was because well young girls play this game as well as 60 year old men. So well Blizzard wasn't thinking of guys when they named these.
Tarbh Feb 3rd 2008 3:09PM
Wand of Happiness, in my humble, yet completely correct opinion, is one of the best names eveor!
But I'm strange like that.
Zechleton Feb 3rd 2008 4:16PM
The
Untamed
Blade
.