All the World's a Stage: Descriptions done right

Your usual AtWaS columnist, David Bowers, has found himself a tad busy this weekend. Due to this, I'll be nosing in on his territory for a day. Don't worry ladies and gentlemen, I'll take good care of you. Just yesterday we discussed a little about RP descriptions. That is, the physical descriptions you can give your character via addons such as FlagRSP2 or MyRoleplay. David seemed to think this was a pretty good topic, so we're going to go a little more in depth into the right and wrong way of writing these.
Right and wrong in this case is naturally up to the individual, but in general there are some pretty solid guidelines you should keep in mind. The first and most obvious is that you should always proofread your writing. In general, roleplayers gravitate towards people with at least some grasp of the English language. A sloppily written description is the first thing someone will see, and it's going to set off alarms in the heads of other people.
In general, proofreading your description shouldn't even take that long. I prefer keeping my descriptions to two paragraphs or less, so a quick glance or two over your work should be enough. Remember, your descriptions should encourage people to interact with you, not drive them away! Proofreading your description is like brushing your teeth and fixing your hair. People are more inclined to hold a conversation with you if your breath doesn't smell like rotting corpses.
Let's use the description of Daniel Whitcomb's Night Elf Druid as an example. If he were drunk and half asleep when it was written, it would look something like this:
"This man walks with a ditermin gait and his eye glow intensely he wears the tabard of the Cenarion Circle and the signs of the Argent Dawn and the Northrend Commonwealth are pinned to his cloak he wears a ring wedding ring finger. Another ring says hes an honored protector of the Bronze Dragon and another for the Violet Eye.
His clothing varies from day to day but it usually leather with a bear or wolf about his shoulders and antlers on his head. He smells."
What a mess! Do you want to play with that? Probably not. Luckily for Daniel, a little proofreading and revision makes it much more attractive.
"This man walks with a determined gait, and his eyes glow intensely. He wears the Tabard of the Cenarion Circle, and the insignias of the Argent Dawn and the Northrend Commonwealth are pinned to his cloak. He wears an elaborate insignia ring on his wedding ring finger. Another ring marks him as an honored protector of the Bronze Dragonflight, while yet another is emblazoned with the shield of the Violet Eye.
His clothing varies from day to day, but it's usually rustic leather, with a bear or wolf pelt about his shoulders and antlers on his forehead. He smells of smoked dreamfoil."
There are a few other things you should take note of in this description. The first one we'll mention is the length. This description could be a little longer before reaching the danger zone, but there's no real reason for it. Your goal with your description is to attract people to you. It's there as fuel to kickstart some RP. You want the description long enough to give someone a hook and an idea of what they're getting into, but short enough that they'll actually finish reading before they get bored. Writing a novel as your description will just drive people away, even if you think it is amazingly well written. They'll have lost interest in you before even speaking to you. That is definitely not what you want, considering roleplay is such a highly social activity.
Next, you'll notice he has a little blurb about body language. How you carry yourself in real life often determines someone's first impression of you, it suggests what kind of person you are. It's the same in these descriptions. Is your character an angry one? Shy? Nervous? Energetic?
Another thing you'll notice about Daniel's description is he drops a number of specific items in there. He has a few neutral items such as the animal pelts, and he also has some more specific things such as his rings. These hooks will probably be what inspires others to talk to you. Alongside that description of how voluptuous your female draenei mage is, you may want to describe a few pieces of jewelry. "Nice earrings" is a much easier conversation starter than "Nice boobs."
Appealing to senses other than sight is a good idea, too. Daniel's Druid smells like Dreamfoil. Maybe your character likes the smell of Dreamfoil. Maybe your character hates the smell of Dreamfoil. Maybe you want to know what makes him smell so bad. This one little hook opens up a wide variety of ways his character can be approached.
Sound is another good thing to touch on. The sound of your character's voice is good one, because it's something you definitely cannot get just out of text-based dialogue, but could inspire conversation. It can be a little harder to describe the sound of a voice than it is to point out jewelry, but it's good inspiration for conversation if done well.
You do not always need to get as specific as Daniel does with his jewelry and items of note, but it can help. Characters who have an interest in Karazhan, Dalaran, et cetera will pick up on his ring from the Violet Eye. Maybe they'll ask about his ring from the Bronze Dragonflight. These are items acquired in-game, there's no shame in displaying them on your character. Lording PvE accomplishments over people is a bad thing, but integrating them into your roleplay experience is good. Just remember to do it in a way that is accepting of others. PvE accomplishments can be good RP inspiration, there's not always a need to disconnect the two.
I think that's about all we can milk out of Daniel's Druid for the moment, so let's talk lore. Azeroth is a very rich world with many possibilities. Backstories can be extremely diverse, but common courtesy is to keep your character within the limits of Warcraft. Work with what we know. If you want to roleplay in Stormwind, make sure your character is one that would actually be allowed in Stormwind.
Example: "Jane walks with grace, long white hair flowing down to the small of her back. Her robes are just slightly too long for her frame, trailing behind her as she moves. A dark green brooch can be seen about her neck, a demonic rune set within the stone.
On her back are twelve pitch black wings, each of them flexing and relaxing independently of one another, as if they have a mind of their own. Horns of flame sprout forth from her forehead. She growls ferally at all who come near."
Not the best description I've ever written, but I think you see what I mean. Roleplay requires a certain level of suspension of disbelief, but a little realism is required to keep everyone's experience a good one. That person would never be allowed in Stormwind, or any other city. This character probably shouldn't even exist in the context of Azeroth.
If you have a lot of Warcraft knowledge, you can beef up your descriptions without it being ridiculously out of context. If you're a beginner, keep it simple! There's no harm in that.
"Timmy looks like your typical Westfall farmhand. His hair is unkempt and there is a bit of dirt on his clothes. His hand grips the pommel of the simple sword at his hip tightly, his knuckles white."
That's a pretty simple, safe description. If you don't know much about Warcraft yet, it works! A simple character from a simple zone, with the hook of him and his sword. It might signify he's a very nervous man, or a very aggressive person trying to hold himself back. This will raise questions, which is a good thing! As you learn more about Warcraft and explore more of the world, you can flesh this out. You can personalize him, make him something more.
Immersion is a massive part of roleplay. Craft your character as they would be in the world you are playing in. It's a rich world, use it!
Remember, these are guidelines and not rules. There is no set length that is the 'best,' some just work better than others. You don't need to include all of the things mentioned, there is no level of detail required. I believe these suggestions will lead to a better experience, but the quality of your experience is ultimately determined by you and not me.
Oh, and by the way, if you want to avoid the creephats out there... don't describe your character's boobs and their awesomeness. Trust me.
Filed under: Analysis / Opinion, RP, All the World's a Stage (Roleplaying)






Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)
Sydera May 11th 2008 3:14PM
Very interesting article!
All this is new and exotic to me because I've always played on a PvE server. Initially I wondered why people would post a physical description when you can clearly see the character.
I think a good tip would be to emphasize things that can't be seen on the character--a wedding ring would be a great detail. I actually thought the best of your descriptions was the one of the man from Westfall. I like more "ordinary" characters. There is no need to be grandiose or important--let's just say I'd rather talk to Timmy than Jane.
Danath May 11th 2008 3:27PM
I must respectfully disagree, "nice boobs" is a fantastic conversation starter.
Eternalpayn May 11th 2008 6:28PM
You read my mind, friend. Trust me, it makes things a lot more interesting than "Nice earrings!"
Badger May 12th 2008 9:32AM
It's especially fantastic if your character doesn't speak a word of Common, and has been gravely misinformed by his Human 'friends' that 'Nice boobs' actually means 'Dear Sister, may the Blessings of the Light be upon you this day.'
Tridus May 11th 2008 4:00PM
The best descriptions cover things that people would notice when first looking at you. Stuff like jewelery, an accent while talking, a limp, tattos, etc. Obvious personality traits work too, its pretty easy to notice a snob, they look aloof from the rabble.
What bugs me is when people start going into stuff like history. No, by looking at you I can't tell that you were a war hero 14 years ago (unless you got a medal you're wearing anyway), or that you really hate Gnomes with red hair.
Oh, and I really don't want to know about how you're a thousand year old Vampire Paladin filled with brooding sadness. In fact, as soon as I see the word Vampire, you're on ignore.
Finnicks May 11th 2008 4:01PM
Northrend Commonwealth?
Daniel doesn't play on Cenarion Circle-A, does he? :) That's a popular RP Guild there. I see em' all the time.
Daniel Whitcomb May 11th 2008 4:59PM
Yes, I do, Finnicks! I wasn't one of the charter signers, but I was probably in the first handful or so of people to join the guild, too.
Aislinana May 12th 2008 2:06PM
Yeah, he's from NC. So am I. Enabrin SMELLS. >:|
Daniel Whitcomb May 12th 2008 5:49PM
I smell awesome, and you know it, Ais.
Hurode May 11th 2008 5:38PM
This makes me wonder how you'd integrate personality traits into RP descriptions. I'm not talking about putting your entire profile on your description, just more subtle things that people would notice at a glance.
For example, my Draenei priest is shy (only slightly - she still has to be able to interact with people for spontaneous RP) around non-Draenei that she doesn't know. Around friends, guildmates, and those of her race she's fine, but she isn't as comfortable around Azeroth natives that she doesn't know or recognize to some extent. I've been trying to figure out how to work that ambiguity and shyness into her description, but I can't get it to work unless it sounds like she's shy around everyone and not just strangers.
Finnicks May 11th 2008 6:03PM
Well the way I see it you have three options: you can either state what you want to convey bluntly (albeit eloquently), you can choose to have the description describer her as shy and trust your aquaintances to know and remember that she isn't the same way around them, or you can leave that part out altogether and just RP that shyness around strangers.
"Her height, like that of all draenei, exposes her against the backdrop of the crowd, and her subtle demeanor toward the shorter races around her suggests a certain shy discomfort with them, or perhaps a tinge of racial arrogance by the warm smile she casts her fellow outlanders."
Sean Riley May 11th 2008 7:13PM
You show the physical signs of that emotion, is how.
For the shy: "She walks with a slight stoop, a habit of hunching her shoulders over as if she were trying to hide down her own collar."
The nervous: "His fingernails, a jagged collection of sharp angles, bear all the signs of habitual chewing."
The proud: "His chest, puffed up and proud, juts out beyond his massive shoulder-pieces."
It's all about demonstrating the internal presence of a character with external symbols.
Sean Riley May 11th 2008 7:16PM
And, to be more specific to your case, you could easily do this:
"She often clams up around natives of Azeroth, her shoulders hunched and her chin lowered as if trying to hide within herself, but opens up around other Draenei."
Daniel Whitcomb May 11th 2008 8:09PM
Honestly, besides some physical description about how you carry yourself, I prefer to let my roleplay do the talking in those cases. If you're roleplaying a shy nervous person, that should come across in your speech and emotes. That said, Sean has a good idea as to how to bring across body language in the RSP.
Sean Riley May 11th 2008 10:45PM
@ Daniel
Oh, absolutely. While I note the fingernails thing with Fulthruttle, heck, I have not one, but two macros set up so she can freak out at a moment's notice.
(For the curious, "Panic!" is "/say AHHHHHH!|/panic" while "Really panic!" is "/say AHHHHH! AHHHHH!|/panic|/cast Sprint" I'm hardly a macro master. :) )
Narica May 11th 2008 5:40PM
Tridus makes some good points. To me, there are three main things to include in your description.
1. Minor physical details. Say, a Forsaken having a ring of bruises around her neck. Or a shaman having tattoos representing the elements and dirt on her hands. This can also include something that's within lore, but which there isn't a playable model for, e.g. a half elf.
2. Items. That they're commonly wearing a Shattered Sun Tabard, or an engagement ring, etc. Or the badge of some police or military unit.
3. Any earned titles. If a respected RPer and raider wants to name their 70 pali as a high-ranking blood knight, I tend to think they've earned it. A level 15 who thinks they can order everyone else around hasn't. This can go back to the items as well.
Bad things:
1. Background. No, I don't want to know that your char slept with his brother. Seriously.
2. Unrealistic descriptions. You don't look like a half dragon demon thing to me. And how is it possible to be an adult and half blood elf, half night elf?
Generally, it seems best to start with the model you've got and then add in a few specific details. Will save the rest of us from much /headdesk
Xiphus May 12th 2008 3:48AM
My descriptions only mention what you would had seen on my character. I also included descriptions that is not present on my character, but I feel is reasonable enough to mention without making it seem game breaking. Like my undead rogue having a small build and a permanent frown. I also produce two profiles with two descriptions. When my rogue's in his combat gear, he is obviously on 'job' mode and his entire demeanor changes. Not to mention wearing masks means nobody should be able to see his complexion. When he is in his city gear, his entire demeanor is changed as well, and no masks this time, so another description for that.
I do not agree with the idea of putting title in description. Shouldn't that go under nicknames? I mean, if I took a glance at you, I don't see your title plastered on your tabard. Also, do not display physical features that is supposed to be concealed. If you have a tattoo on your back, I shouldn't be able to see it unless you are topless, no?
Narica May 12th 2008 10:41AM
The time to put the title is in when the character is wearing some sort of badge, or emblem that marks them as having such, really. It's just easier to see at a glance when it's in the title field.
mdmadph May 12th 2008 9:30AM
Man oh man do I wish Blizzard would integrate something like FlagRsp into the game so that more people would use it.
Badger May 12th 2008 10:50AM
I don't.
Requiring someone to proactively seek out an RP plugin like FlagRSP or MyRolePlay means that they're at least somewhat dedicated to preserving the integrity of an RP experience.
Seriously. If Blizzard ever integrates functionality like this into the UI, get ready to watch the millions of ways other asshats in-game fill it with lewd comments and Chuck Norris quotes.