I don't know if it's just the kid in me that likes to blow things up, but I always find myself aiming to make a few explosions happen around this time of year. As I've grown older and understood more about physics, chemistry, etc., I've come to make the explosions even larger. For instance, putting a bunch of fireworks in a barrel, lightening them all on fire at the same time, and then funneling the explosion towards the ground usually has a humorous result.

Humorous might be a few missing fingers, but they can be reattached. And really, who needs their middle finger for anything good?

This year I'm going to try to attach things to bottle rockets, perhaps 10 to 20 all tied together in a bundle. My goal is to see how high I can make things go up in the air. It's going to be a grand ol' time. And after all, what better way to celebrate the birth of America than to blow your own little part of it up?

All this talk about blowing things up has got me thinking though, which race would fit better on a rocket, and which would fly farther? Gnomes or Dwarves? Let's look at the strengths and weaknesses of both.


Gnomes

• Small and light weight.
• Fidgety - they might get out of the twine holding them on the rocket.
• Won't survive reentry. They have no padding on them like Dwarves.
• Gnomish engineering. It scares me a little bit.
  

Dwarves

• Fat. Might weigh down the rocket too much.
  
• Strong and stoic. They know they're about to be shot up in the air, and they'll take it without complaining.
• Lots of padding. They are going to easily survive a fall from high places. Their fat will just protect them as they bounce a lot.
  

It's obvious to me that the question comes down to which is worse: a gnome fidgeting and getting out of his restraints that are holding him to the rocket, or a fat dwarf that is weighing the rocket down? Since the firework stores around here have a near limitless supply of bottle rockets and other explosive and incendiary devices, I don't think getting a more powerful rocket underneath the dwarf would be a problem. I do think it would be an almost insurmountable problem to keep a gnome tied to a rocket. Escape Artist for the loss, right?

So there you have it. I think that a dwarf would be the ideal candidate to take a ride on my home made rocket. Any takers?

Tags: boom, bottle-rocket, dwarfs, dwarves, engineering, escape-artist, explosion, funny, gnomes, gnomish, holiday, humor, july-4th, rocket, sarcasm, theres-going-to-be-an-explosion

Filed under: Dwarves, Gnomes, Humor