Forum post of the day: You and me against the World ... of Warcraft
by Amanda Dean 
Aug 9th 2008 at 1:50AM
Gotnerf of Vashj is facing a not-entirely-uncommon dilemma. His fiancé is has shown no interest in playing WoW. He believes that once she spends some time seeing him enjoy the game she will want to join in. Gotnerf asked other guys how they got their wives to play. While some suggestions were entirely unhelpful, many seemed encouraging.
Leadfoot of Feathermoon suggested a direct approach "You know how you're always saying we should spend more time together? We can share this together, honey." That's more or less how it worked for me. Zelkari of Spirestone recommended something most ladies can't resist, "Show her druids and their flight form." Strumpet of Eldre'thalas had some very grounding advice from experience:
Just don't use it to escape TOO much, or one day you'll logout one day only to realize so did she, and you're left with the dog.
I've been separated for 18 months, trying to work it out. WOW wasn't the reason, but it did contribute to why we are where we are now. As our relationship got harder we both pulled away, her with her friends and me with WOW. I tried getting her involved, we played together for a while but she was never a gamer and never will be. She lost interest and I kept playing, and playing. It's still a sore spot with her and one I will have to overcome.
If she doesn't like it now, she's not going to like it later. it's best to find a way to put it in it's proper place, much, much farther down the priority ladder. If she thinks WOW is interfering, you're in for some major hurt down the road.
My WOW account will go dark if I my wife and I ever work out all of our concerns and get back together. I keep the WOW fires burning for now because...well, I'm not sure really. Boredom, loneliness, friends, cheaper than the same amount of hours at the bar/club/[insert any other money sucking hobby here].
I may need WOW Anonymous to quit cold turkey.
Make sure she comes first, always, over WOW or any other game/hobby/interest. Love and marriage take commitment & cooperation, understanding, compromise. Throw in children and it's a full time effort, and it's not always Roses. There will be bumps, try to keep your perspective and the Big Picture in view and you might not become another statistic.
With that said, congrats on the engagement! I wish you the best of luck and hopefully many, many happy years!!!
I'm sure it happens that one partner plays WoW and the other doesn't. I honestly don't know if Brad and I would have made it this far if I hadn't started playing. It something that we share quite a bit. Even when we're not playing together, we're usually playing side by side. In addition to all the other trivialities of life that we discuss WoW mechanics, theory, and meanings in the game. It's been a nice, relatively inexpensive way to share some of our down time together.
I don't exactly remember why I started to play. It was recently after he'd reopened his account, he let me roll and Orc Warlock and it seemed pretty fun. I remember walking into Game Stop and hesitantly laying down my debit card for my own copy, him holding my hand. The clerk sensed my nervousness and started talking about happy WoW couples. I'm glad I made that purchase. Sometimes we have our tense moments, but if our biggest argument is "Why didn't you bubble faster?" I think we're doing ok.
My best advice is to introduce her to good people and watch out for her amongst the trolls. Give her help when she needs it, but allow her to become proficient. Recognize that her experience will be different from yours and watch her back. Most importantly don't get bitter when she turns out to be better than you are. Congrats on the engagement, and good luck.
What advice do you have for this happy couple?
Filed under: Forum Post of the Day, Analysis / Opinion, How-tos, Virtual selves
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)
izo Aug 9th 2008 2:06AM
One proven method:
Find a game she likes from childhood (Tetris worked in my case) and find a current version with multiplayer. She'll get used to playing a game she likes in a social atmosphere.
Introduce her to a newer game with character building that she would like (the sims worked) play the game with her and encourage her to try something similar but with the online social aspect that she liked (the sims online was a horrible game but it worked...)
At this point she's doing a lot of what we do in WoW (skilling up and making money) and really liking it but the games lacking... that's when you introduce WoW. She realizes why it's so much fun to play MMO's and is now addicted (for better or worse)
In my case, she is now a level 70 shaman, conqueror title earned from bg's and raiding kara. Before all this, she hated when I played any video game, let alone spend hours playing an MMO. It might not work for you but it at least worked once.
schwonga Aug 9th 2008 2:40AM
Damn dude, got it down to a science huh? Ha! Very interesting ideas.
Also to the main post, all I can say is amen brotha! This is the very basic truth of life, just focused in on wow instead of everything. You know, all in moderation, big things first, get your prioritizes straight yadda yadda yadda.
Its a very important lesson we all got to get down in order to... what do they call it? "Have a life" i think. Anywho, grats to anyone who can show their significant other a new hobby that connects the two even closer than before. I'm still stuck on the "get a girl" theory myself.
ahh well, one step at a time.
pnm326 Aug 9th 2008 2:44AM
It took me about 3 months to convince my current girlfriend to start playing WoW. She had heard rumors of nerds, dorks, geeks, etc....and was afraid to be known by such titles. I finally got her to sit down a start a toon, initially on my account. Now she has a 70 hunter and is working on a druid.
My Method?
Introduce her to the cutesy stuff in WoW. Show her a cuddly tauren she could create, or maybe an attractive Belf hunter that can train all sorts of cute pets, capable of being named "Snowflake" or "Nala." (This was my case lol)The cute approach may not work with everyones' significant other, but it did with mine. :)
mk Aug 9th 2008 12:30PM
show her cute stuff? this is your advice? yea i hear all women love makeup and pretty dresses too. it's stuff like this that makes me depressed when i think about how men view women. it seems like many of them basically think we're children.
personally i got into wow when i looked at all the different races and saw that you could be a "zombie" :P if my boyfriend had tried to show me a night elf druid and told me how pretty it was i probably would've given him a mean look before telling him what a stupid game it was.
(on a side note, i think advice like "show her bejeweled" as a starter to playing wow is awful. bejeweled is a dumb, boring game and misses the things that make wow attractive to someone who's never played - namely all the other people and a seamless world. if someone told me "yea if you like bejeweled you'll love wow," i would've stayed as far away from wow as possible. my best advice for men who want to get their gf's into wow would be to just let her see what it's like in a crowded city with lots of activity and people around and let her look at all the races and classes. don't insult her by suggesting she try out a "starter game"...just let her make a character and explore a starting zone without any pressure. the thing i liked about wow when i first started was how easy it was right away. many games (console especially) have a very steep learning curve and are intimidating to get into, especially with a person who's very experienced sitting right next to them. wow's not like that, so it's easy to feel relaxed when starting to play.)
Nonny Aug 9th 2008 1:02PM
@MK
It depends on the girl. I have known a lot of women who got into the game for the "cutesy" factors.
The first character that I created was an Undead Warlock. Unfortunately, my husband and his friends were hardcore Alliance. *muttergrumble* (His "friends" quit the game, and I have now managed to bring him to the dark side... oatmeal raisin cookies ftw! ^_^)
Bottom line, it really depends on the type of girl she is. If she's the "girly" sort that doesn't want to play video games because it's a "guy thing", then going the cutesy route may actually work pretty well. If she's a Goth interested in the darker side of things... well, it may not.
Smurk Aug 9th 2008 2:56AM
I think I'm just gonna keep playing WoW in a dim room alone and do other things with my girlfriend. We don't have similar hobby-type interests but it doesn't matter.
bob Aug 9th 2008 2:58AM
i would say that getting my GF to play WoW with me was fantastic. We both get home from work and kick it with some WoW. She prefers to pvp i like to raid.. we take our breaks from playing with each other but we still sit right next to one another. we discuss our days', we talk about the game and we help one another with our characters. we have a habit of making alts of classes the other knows better. But of course it works better with her playing the game with enthusiasm.
Volomon Aug 9th 2008 3:03AM
It was purely the druid that got mine started, the ability to change into different animals had her interested.
natisweird Aug 12th 2008 9:34PM
My boyfriend got into WoW abotu a year ago and I love it. I played other games before so that is probably why i easily got into it. Not all girls are gonna like games, just not thier thing. But if you can get your girl to play and she actually likes it and takes it on then well done. It is so much fun that me and my bf have something in common that we love so much.
Cyanea Aug 9th 2008 4:46AM
Or...just get a nerdy girlfriend or boyfriend. Mine's played more MMOs than I have, and if I could get him away from Team Fortress 2, I'll get him into WoW. :P
Archenemy Aug 9th 2008 6:10AM
Actually girls like other aspects of the game. If you say "be a warlock, so you can have high DPS", it doesnt sound very interesting to them.
Show them interesting, rich landscapes, like Ashenvale, Un'Goro Crater, or Echo Islands, (underwater including - a lot of games, water=death, show them the freedom of going underwater here), thats better. (Dont show Desolace or Hellfire Peninsula. At all.)
If you show them the customization options of the character, namely changing robes, thats cool. If you show them the cute things, like vanity pets or hunter pets, its even better. Show her the /dance, /silly, the /flirt, the /kiss! Sounds stereotypical, but it works.
It is much better to let them create a character (even if its some ally human warrior or NE hunter on a pve server), than to give them your own level 70 to play a while.... they will feel stupid, not knowing, what to do, with all the skills and consumables and no clear directions.
While beginning a new char, its much more easy. First, they choose a char they like to play with, second, they just have a few abilities and very simple missions, so they dont get confused. Let them go ally first, even if you play the horde - ally starter locations are a lot nicer. I mean she will probably like some green forests and calm rivers instead of burning desert and crypts full of dead.
As a last advice, do not ever, EVER mock them for their lack of knowledge. And i mean NOT EVER ONCE. Anything like "Oh my, use those damned hotkeys instead of clicking on them!" or "Dont you see that guy gives a quest?! You should have picked that up looong ago." or "Why not use mouseturn? You will be a looser in PvP!" or "Cloth armor with Intellect for a warrior? Are you crazy?" is highly discouraging.
Instead say some good words for their moves, like: "Great, you used thunderclap so much, so both mobs constantly took damage, and also attacked slower". Or "You see? If you use hamstring on the mob, then you can run away!"
Also avoid bragging. "you deal 16 damage with heroic strike, witch is not much... i deal above 1500..."
Explain calmly things you see they struggle with, even if it is _very trivial_, like rage generation, or aggro range.
A final advice: Duel them with your own beginner character, and let them win if they play good :p
Cyanea Aug 9th 2008 6:22AM
Guys like the interesting landscapes and the sense of exploration too. That's what hooked me on the game. :P
Iwanttobeasleep Aug 9th 2008 11:59PM
I'm just giggling that your suggestions of good things to say are bleeding condescending. I'd rather be told that I should have picked up that quest long ago than treated like a small child, heh.
Amethyst Aug 9th 2008 6:19AM
The cutesy aspect worked with me, at first I thought that wow players were all massive geeks (still do really, just that I'm one of them haha) but then my boyfriend showed me his character walking around Stormwind. I thought it looked kind of like the Sims which got me interested, but then I saw hunter pets and cute kitty mounts and I slowly got reeled in.
Now I have a 50 hunter and a 67 mage and I'm glad I joined. It's a massive thing we have in common, we chat about lore and guild drama and upcoming changes to our class, and when we have to be apart we can kind of be together in wow. Having him help me and give me advice and protect my character ingame is a nice feeling and makes our relationship stronger :)
/corny
flic_kitten Aug 9th 2008 7:45AM
Remember, the article is about 'significant others', not just "her".
Being a girl (not a gamer previously) and also a WoW-player, I found that after my boyfriend saw my - at the time - dormant WoW account, we both got into it together. Him for the first time, me after months of not playing, although I hadn't got beyond lvl 20 initially. It's really brought us together because its something we can both spend hours/days on, and talk about together. We even started our own guild for fun! It was the classic Belf warlock/paladin relationship, and we both love our mains best. We only play on these characters if we're both on, so that way neither of us feel left out. With alts, anything goes, but I'm afraid my poor Nelf alt is gathering dust while my main goes on to bigger and better things! I don't mind a bit. We're still not 70s yet, and still learning about how to become less n00bish, but we're doing it together, which i love.
Besides, why emphasise the cute aspect? Any girl can be drawn to the dark side, and its great therapy for 'that time of the month' stress! Demonic power ftw ;)
Muse Aug 9th 2008 8:22AM
And once you do have her sitting down at the computer at the WoW starting screen, your hands must at all times be at least a meter away from the keyboard and mouse. When the girl is playing, the girl is playing. The guy who attempted to get me interested in his game-at-the-time insisted on playing the "difficult" parts for me.
Chivalry does not work that way.
(Preferably, leave the room.)
kunukia Aug 9th 2008 8:52AM
"Just don't use it to escape TOO much, or one day you'll logout one day only to realize so did she, and you're left with the dog."
OK, I am a woman and a gamer, and I can tell you one thing for sure: I would never leave the dog behind when I left. Most men do not have the same nurturing instincts as women, and likely the poor dog would be in deep shit, hardly ever getting walked, drinking out of the toilet and finishing off the doritos to survive...
Briory Aug 9th 2008 9:21AM
Being a girl gamer myself, I initially started playing wow because my ex-boyfriend started. I wanted to spend more time with him, so I started playing too. I wasn't enticed by the cute things (although the rabbits are still sooo cute!). I started playing a rogue because you could stealth and pick-pocket!
So I would suggest, showing him or her all the different things you can be and do. Show all the places you can explore and professions too. Also, if he or she starts to play, quest together to get acquainted. I would highly suggest though that you do not always quest together. You can be sitting right next to each other, spending time together and still having fun, separately.
It is always good to spend time directly together, but being able to do your own thing in the game can definitely keep conflict to a minimum.
And, whatever you do, do NOT get upset over loot.
Kila Aug 10th 2008 12:17PM
My Bfriend always been into wow and has about 4 level 70s and most of my male mates played but I never really got the bug until he had vent on louder speaker and I could hear all the cheering and whooping when they down a boss (I guess) I wanted to know why that was so xciting and 2 weeks of a holiday later I have a Belf Spriest and not looked back
aulani Aug 9th 2008 10:56AM
I think I was luckier than most. My fiance became interested in the game from the things I was telling her about it. She plays a lot of classic games and also likes nesting games like The Sims, etc. So video games aren't anything new to her.
At first she was interested due to some of the cuter aspects like vanity pets and gnomes. Then she became smitten with the succubus. Since then she has always taken a strong interest in the game.
And I want to agree with some of the posters above. You should try to quest together, but also give her time to try things herself. Also, as another said, reinforce the positive things she does to improve her game play. I offer my own suggestions from time to time, and explain to her why I think they would work better. Also encourage her to ask her own questions of you. At times she tells me she still feels overwhelmed, but she has also taken the game at her own pace and I've always kept my alt around the same level so she has a partner to quest with.
It's been an enjoyable experience and I'm glad she got interested to begin with. It's kept me interested in the game as well.