Hi, my name is mandy*
Do you ever stop to think about the other players in WoW? The game attracts a wide range of folks, but odds are good many of them are remarkably similar to you in many ways. Sometimes it's hard to remember that there is a living being behind those pixels. Someone who is excited by triumphs and aggravated by mistakes. Oddly enough, we don't always treat them as real people.Take for instance one of the PUGs I did this evening. Within 10 minutes of joining the group, the Hunter typed a vulgar joke in party chat. At this point I saw four options four options for dealing with it:
1. Go with it and pretend like it was funny, but that might encourage more of the same behavior.
2. Report it and leave the group, but that would be bratty of me.
3. Scold the player for the objectionable comment, but that would make a big deal out of it.
4. Ignore it, and hope that a lack of response extinguishes the behavior.
I chose option four. I just let it slide and went on tanking my merry way through the instance. About four pulls later, said Hunter prodded me to comment on his "humor." My response was that there is a time and a place for everything. As I saw it, a PuG was neither the appropriate time nor proper place for the joke. I believe that one should get to know the tolerance of their counterparts before making such comments.
Am I prudish and uptight? No, I make and take my fair share of off-color commentary amongst friends of a similar tolerance. On top of that, I have very thick skin. This does not change the fact that I don't make it a habit of opening a sexual dialog with complete strangers.
Prodded further, I asked the offender if he would tell the same joke to a random lady on the street. He informed me that I am not a person, I'm part of an online game. I find that odd. Do online games compulsively sip Diet Dr. Pepper and squirm around in their chairs? No, they don't. Online games don't have sensibilities or responsibilities.
Although I'm not entirely sure how to prove I exist, I'm fairly confident that I am a real person. The faceless nature of the online connection can bring out the worst of us. We've probably all forgotten that the pixels are controlled by flesh and blood. and have treated someone unkindly at on time or another. I've had the pleasure of meeting a handful of WoW players in person. It's nice to know the real face behind the Tauren or Night Elf. Even hearing voices on Vent helps add a semblance of humanity.
During this holiday season and beyond, stop to take a second and think about the folks on the other side. Remember than when you do a kindness or pay a compliment to a fellow player, your subject is a real person. It will make them feel good and they may just pay it forward. When you're being obnoxious or cruel to someone on WoW, you are also affecting someone else. Also bear in mind that anything you type is available for review should the person you offended chose option two.
Use this as a Litmus test for off-topic chit-chat: If you wouldn't say it to a stranger sitting next to you on an airplane, don't say it in a PuG.
*Yes, I spell my name with a lower case m.
Filed under: Analysis / Opinion, Fan stuff, Virtual selves, Odds and ends, Instances
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Reader Comments (Page 5 of 12)
ScytheNoire Dec 19th 2008 1:24PM
That is Vernon punching Roy, which was a great rivalry between the two teams. That was a great day when short guy Vernon punched Roy's annoying face in. And your name is Roy, not Wah.
Yeng Dec 19th 2008 1:26PM
Damn straight it is. Classic fight.
Neodarkmatter Dec 19th 2008 1:27PM
I miss those days as well. The rivalry just isn't there anymore. (Go Avs ;) )
Completely agree with everything else you say as well.
Hurode Dec 19th 2008 1:27PM
The question was very hypothetical, by the way :)
Yeng Dec 19th 2008 1:28PM
He's pronounces it 'Waaah' because he cries a lot. When they skated out to center ice to fight, that was classic.
Zrob Dec 19th 2008 1:34PM
I'm a Red Wings fan who moved to Denver-Metro. =(
A concert I'd waited my whole life to see (The Police) was marred by my seat being eye level with Roy's retired jersey.
benicrystal Dec 19th 2008 1:39PM
It's pronounced Rwouah.
Ahh, les anglais...
Rosa Dec 19th 2008 3:40PM
Wtf, it's not pronounced "Roy." It's French. He's French. He's allowed to pronounce his name the French way. Geez!
RetPallyJil Dec 19th 2008 4:06PM
What Patsy forgot is that Mike Vernon was from the days when junior hockey was, essentially, exactly as shown in the movie "Slap Shot".
Shorter or not, Vernon was WAY more than Roy could handle.
Kermittheorc Dec 19th 2008 1:21PM
Weird encounter. My response to being told I'm not a real person would be, "then don't tell me real jokes." I do try to treat people as people even if they are Alliance, I will help if they've pulled too many adds and I will let a herb/node slip by if I believe someone is already cleaning the mobs away to loot it.
KovaaK Dec 19th 2008 1:24PM
In this case, I agree that his behavior seemed inappropriate due to suggesting that you aren't a person. However, if you were simply to say that people shouldn't make sexual jokes in an online community, I'd think that you are asking for too much...
A lot of people view sexual jokes in public places as trying to make sexual advances toward another as opposed to being offensive. The people who think along these lines may feel like since it's an online community, it's obvious to them that they are just attempting to be funny instead of make an advance.
Please note that I fully understand that there are people out there who will find these jokes offensive, and I understand that - I personally don't tend to do anything along those lines... I'm just saying that I think I understand why these people act the way they do.
ivyleaves Dec 19th 2008 4:49PM
Actually, even if he's trying to make a date, it's not OK. No one has the right to assume that they can be offensive in the name of getting laid. Frankly, it's more likely to assure you DON'T get laid. Personally, I don't try to stop that type of behavior, I just ignore it unless it occurs in my guild chat. Similar to reporting player names like "Stiffey", it's OK by me if you wear a sign announcing that you are a giant @#$% so I can see you coming and know what I'm dealing with.
Rational Dec 19th 2008 1:26PM
The thing is, that person might just feel that their joke/comment whatever would be perfectly appropriate to tell to someone sitting next to them on an airplane. There is a very very wide range of acceptable civilized behavior out there.
Instead of getting offended, I'd just ignore it completely, not even care. You gotta let stuff like that slide right off you like water off a duck's back, or you're going to spend all your time in-game getting offended over random chatter; even trade chat isn't safe.
If prodded for a response, I'd say "I didn't think it was funny. That shit is disgusting, man." if pushed even further, I'd say "Dude, stfu or I'm outta here."
Of course, I've been playing as a healer lately so that might actually make him shut up or even get kicked outright for it.
Of course you can always report him _without_ leaving the group. You can always report anyone for anything. Or write a letter to his guildmaster about his crass language, if he's in a good guild.
Yeng Dec 19th 2008 1:32PM
Yeah, as a tank or healer you can pretty much call if a run is going to continue or not. You don't have to take any shit from people like this.
Eddie Dec 19th 2008 1:27PM
I'm really liking the kind of posts your giving us mandy. I like the personalization part of the game. It is a social game, and there are real people in there somewhere.
People always have more guts to talk trash or trashy comments/jokes online when they dont have to take any sort of responsibility for what they say/type.
This also applies to posters QQ ing about things. If you dont like the post, dont read it you big babies. :) hehe
Gessilea Dec 19th 2008 1:27PM
I really dislike the attitude of "well, that's just the way it is on the internet, nothing to do about it!" No, that's NOT the way it has to be, and there ARE things one can do about it. If all of people on the internet who weren't jerks (and yes, there are a lot of us) refused to put up with the people who are jerks, then the bad behavior will diminish, either as those people decide to shape up in order to fit in, or decide they're not wanted and go elsewhere.
You see this kind of thing on forums all the time. Some forums let people get away with all sorts of nonsense through a combination of lax moderation and fellow posters who don't care/don't speak up. The bad environment drives off a lot the intelligent/well behaved people, so you end up with a cess-pit of vulgarity and idiocy.
On the other hand, there are places where there is active moderation and a community that doesn't tolerate douche-baggery. New people who come in are quickly alerted as to the rules (often by other posters), and if they don't learn or go away, they are banned. These communities end up being real communities, where people are generally considerate of each other, where friendships are made and actual discussion takes place.
T Dec 19th 2008 1:31PM
Well, option 4 sounds good. As tank you had a 5th option: Aggro train on the hunter til dead.
Since the hunter was so insecure as to ask how his joke was (he was seeking attention and hoped that in telling it he'd get some), I'd have given him all the attention he could stand; probably in the form of asking him to pull the next mob and then...doing nothing for a bit.
And then since he's sending me tells notifying me I'm nothing more than a part of the game, I'd be the part of the game that also reported him. Of course, I have a very low tolerance for attention-needy 14 year olds, so maybe I'm over-reacting. Still, you had a lot of room to have some fun with the guy.
Why did I, with no hint from the article, immediately envision a male night-elf hunter as the hunter in question?
Shuth Dec 19th 2008 1:30PM
I feel a tinge of guilt whenever I sell something for stupid amounts of gold on the AH.
miyazana Dec 19th 2008 1:52PM
hahaha, im with ya
part of me says "this is wrong. I farmed 40 of these in a matter of minutes"
the other part says "there willing to spend it...im willing to provide it, They wouldent pay that much if they didnt feel it was appropriate"
greedy capitalistic pigs we all are
OINK OINK
Leon Dec 19th 2008 1:35PM
I honestly have to say, that Im a bastard on real life, a real old fashion mean person. I mistreat new employees at work old the time, I yell at my IT department all the time as well. Im really good at what I do, there for I have the luxury of exercising seniority, and picking on newcomer. Is that a good thing? Those that makes me a better person??? Definitely…. Not ( I guess u all expect me to say).
But I do that face to face, in WoW the ppl that exercise the same behavior “in game” I think that there is a fairly good chance that they are the ones being picked on in real life. I think that the rudeness and bashing comes out of restrain, and flaws in real life interaction with “real ppl”.
But then again that’s just my opinion.