Skip to Content
5-09-2009 @ 3:34PM
Holes to punch:SPOILERS AHOYStars don't suddenly go supernova, but let's pretend something triggered it (ala Generations). A supernova will not destroy an entire galaxy, ever. Also, the explosion is limited to the speed of light (unless every little particle has it's own warp engine!), so the only solar system in danger is the one directly in front of the exploding star. Everyone else in the galaxy? At worst, they have hundreds of years to worry about it, more like thousands. WHOOPS.Hey, we have to stop this catastrophe with our supersecret supercool weapon which we managed to develop in an unspecified amount of time during this monumentous galaxy destroying explosion. Ohwait, so IS it a threat or not? Oh, we don't have time to worry about facts, the important thing is that the OBVIOUS best solution for implementing our salvation weapon is.....a single pilot in a shuttle. In fact, let's get an aging ambassador to make this Star Trek equivalent of a Death Star run. Why? BECAUSE IT'S TEH DRAMA!!!Hey, how about that superweapon, eh? Red matter? When I pull things out of my ass, it's not a made up matter. Nice of them to give Spock an entire TUB of the stuff, though, since you apparently only need a drop of it. How does it work, where does it come from, etc? No, no, thinking bad.This movie really made me want to join Starfleet, and from the looks of it, it's REALLY easy to join Starfleet. Step one, find out where they are building a ship not designed for atmospheric flight. Apparently the most sensible place is on the ground in the midwest-oh, right, we needed that melodramatic shot, sensibilities be damned. Step two, drive RIGHT UP TO IT and just hop on a shuttle. Yes, in the future everyone is so trustworthy that the government has no security or anything, just come right on up!I don't think they'd let me into Starfleet, though. While I'm a pretty bright fellow, at 17 I wasn't able to outperform a SUPERCOMPUTER on mathematical and physical calculations....and certainly not by hand. Oh, but it gives Chekov something to do and it's SO DRAMATIC! Just like Sulu pretending he's a Jedi, with his little pocket sword and backflips high in the sky on a moving platform.Speaking of transporting things, maybe I missed a line, but why couldn't Spock's parents and the council be beamed out of that cave? Oh, right, we needed the dramatic image of Spock reaching out for his mother, doesn't matter if it makes sense or not. What was she doing there, anyway, as neither Vulcan nor elder?Odd that Nero knew where/when Spock was going to pop out. Psychic! He really must have been driven batty by spending so many years just floating around in space-he decimates a massive Klingon fleet, obliterates a top of the line Federation fleet in mere minutes, and then we he thinks about approaching Earth he's suddenly worried about defenses. Um. Why? Oh, right, so that we can have an OH SO DRAMATIC rescue and shoot out scene. Gotta give the boys an excuse. How's that brain stem, by the way, Captain Pike? Oh, you forgot about that? It's ok, the writers did too.That's just off the top of my head, shall we continue? The movie should have been called Star Trek Troopers:a lesson on how to take a property known for intellectualism and social commentary....and turn it into pretty teenage drama and explosions. It's dumb, gorgeous entertainment, and nothing more. Also, Beastie Boys=instant fail for any movie, especially a sci fi flick.....but hey, Kirk is the go to guy for product placement in the future, I guess. Nokia, Budweiser, Jack Daniels, contemporary pop music, you name it, he'll shill it!
First time? A confirmation email will be sent to you after submitting.
Members enter your username and password.
Enter your AOL or AIM screenname and password.
Please keep your comments relevant to this blog entry. Email addresses are never displayed, but they are required to confirm your comments.
When you enter your name and email address, you'll be sent a link to confirm your comment, and a password. To leave another comment, just use that password.
To create a live link, simply type the URL (including http://) or email address and we will make it a live link for you. You can put up to 3 URLs in your comments. Line breaks and paragraphs are automatically converted — no need to use <p> or <br /> tags.