Sigh.

I’m not exactly sure what I’m frustrated over more, my inability of thinking of something positive to say regarding the story, or that it has taken me this long to write something at all.

Honestly, I felt that the writing was too dry. There were a lot of descriptive words in there, but they felt more like “lets open the thesaurus and tack this on” instead of adding to flow and direction. If this was a drink it would be filled with dust choking the reader as it went down. Description should flow smoothly in the story and further the development within. In the time it took to tack on the words, you could have used that to develop the characters, add history and NOT assume (NEVER assume) that the readers will know the background. Take pride in your work by adding that information in. Sure some people might bitch because they know the stuff, BUT not everyone will and if you’re trying to get as many people to read your story as possible that’s something you need to keep in mind. Description without development, characters without true explanation just make for one long boring read.

I still have to read the others so for all I know this was the “best” of the bunch. ....