Drama Mamas: Of phone calls and slanderers
by Robin Torres 
Jul 17th 2009 at 1:00PM
Let the Drama Mamas guide you through the sticky business of dodging drama, toward becoming that player everyone wants in their group. Drama Mamas Lisa Poisso and Robin Torres are real-life mamas and experienced WoW players. And just as we don't want our precious babies to be the ones kicking and wailing on the floor of checkout lane next to the candy, neither do we want you to become known as That Guy on your server. We are taking your questions at DramaMamas (at) WoW (dot) com.
Like patches through the PTR, so go the Raids of Our Lives. (Thanks, Matticus!) We got quite a few questions after last week's column. There's a lot of drama out there! We'll be answering two questions each episode, so if we don't get to your question this week ... we will eventually.
This week, we're talking about the drama caused by fellow raiders when they take phone calls during raids. We also talk about how to handle officers who end up being not-so-loyal. Let's get to it!
Like patches through the PTR, so go the Raids of Our Lives. (Thanks, Matticus!) We got quite a few questions after last week's column. There's a lot of drama out there! We'll be answering two questions each episode, so if we don't get to your question this week ... we will eventually.
This week, we're talking about the drama caused by fellow raiders when they take phone calls during raids. We also talk about how to handle officers who end up being not-so-loyal. Let's get to it!
Dear Drama Mamas: It really gets on my one last nerve when the raid grinds to a halt because somebody is on a phone call. We have a couple of guys in the guild who just can't say no to their cells. They take calls from their moms, their girlfriends, their roommates, and then we deal with half an hour (and that's being generous) of "Is it safe to pull? He said he's 'kinda AFK.' Is he, or isn't he?". If it's a boss, we're stuck waiting – and sometimes we can hear them jabbering away through Vent. These aren't business calls; they're friends and relatives calling to chat. Seriously – WTF? Signed, Please Shut 'em Up
Drama Mama Lisa: Taking a pressing business call during a raid is one thing. But when the pizza arrives night after night during the most chaotic section of trash clears, or when Mom calls predictably right before the new boss on progression night, it's time to put on the brakes.Raiding is a commitment; either you're there for your group, or you're not. With nine to 24 other people waiting on you (with their own pizzas to eat and their own Moms to call), you simply don't get the luxury of being "kinda AFK." Take care of your business beforehand! There's nothing the least bit attractive about a text- and cell-addicted junkie who can't keep his thumbs off the keypad long enough to deal with what's right in front of him. And make no mistake about it – the people who are waiting on you in game are very much a part of "real life," not figments of the internet that you can shuffle under the rug because "Sorry, guys, I have to talk to Mom!" (You really don't. Mom didn't raise you to ignore your commitments, now, did she?)
Let your voice mail take calls when you're raiding. (It's true: you're really not there right now – you're in Northrend!) At the very least, tell callers "Hey, I picked up because I really didn't want to miss you, but I'm busy now and can't talk. Can I call you back at 9:30?"
The easiest way to cope with chatterboxes who hold up the raid is to suggest that a guild or raid officer speak with them. Group leaders can set group expectations, including clear rules on replacing the person in question after X number of minutes or interruptions.
Drama Mama Robin: Something that your Raid Leader can do to avoid interruptions is to schedule a regular 15-minute raid break. The Spousal Unit did this so that he can participate in The Spawn's bedtime and it enables the entire raid to take care of all personal business and be ready to get back to work. If it's a scheduled break, then people can coax their friends and family to call during that time (and warn them they will be unavailable otherwise). Also, they can order their pizzas so that they can be delivered during that window. It has really helped my husband's guild put a lid on rampant AFKism, but it won't work unless it is enforced as Drama Mama Lisa suggests.
Dear Drama Mamas: I am the GM of a fairly small guild that is making casual but steady progress through endgame content. We are a close knit group that has been playing together for a considerable amount of time. The officers that I have selected to help me run the guild are people that I have always fully trusted. So when I recently found out that one of the officers, in addition to choosing NOT to help the guild with progression, has been spending his time on vent slandering the guild, and me (both as a person and the GM) I was floored. Now I feel as though there is constant tension whenever he logs on.
Is this a demotable or /gkickable issue? He has made it clear that he does not understand my frustrations with him and feels as though my complaints are invalid. Turn the other cheek, or make it clear that this is unacceptable behavior by letting the door hit him on the way out? Signed, NoAngel
Drama Mama Robin: NoAngel, my initial reaction is to say, "Kick him!" Life is too short to have stress in your leisure time activity as well as the rest of your life. If he's not helping progress the guild and is badmouthing you, my question is what does he bring to the guild?
Upon further reflection, and after consulting Officer's Quarters, having a serious chat with him is in both of your best interests. Discuss his current attitude and the reasoning behind it. Obviously, badmouthing you and the guild publicly and not helping in progression are not good for the guild and needs to stop. If he gives you solutions for making his experience better and the guild's as a whole, while apologizing for handling his issues so unprofessionally, then everyone benefits. If, on the other hand, he is neither apologetic nor cooperative, then I go back to my original advice: Kick him!
Drama Mama Lisa: I have to wonder where the other officers are in all this. After all, if you're a true team, this isn't simply between you and This Guy. Where were the other officers when all this slander was going on? Were they agreeing with him? Disagreeing? Shocked into silence? Fleeing from the channel in terror?
If you truly intend the officers to fill working roles, they need to get off their duffs and act. Obviously, Drama Mama Robin is right: you need to have a talk with This Guy and figure out what his beef is. But equally important, you need to get your officers on the same page with an eye toward actively managing guild issues. If This Guy's complaints were without merit, why didn't anyone tell him to knock it off? And if his complaints do have merit, why didn't he or anyone else bring it to the attention of the officers as a group, instead of creating drama in a guildwide channel?
Bottom line: officers need to be useful -- or there's no point. That goes for This Guy, and that goes for the rest of the officers. Sounds like time for a summer tune-up!
Remember, your mama wouldn't want to see your name on any drama. Play nice ... and when in doubt, ask the Drama Mamas at DramaMamas (at) WoW (dot) com.Filed under: Analysis / Opinion, Drama Mamas, WoW Social Conventions, Virtual selves
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 6)
Craig Jul 17th 2009 1:24PM
Is the first response a joke?
Real life should trump an in game activity, and answering the telephone falls into real life.
I remember receiving a call whilst raiding, to tell me that my daughter had fallen off the top bunk bed at her grandfather's house, and broken her wrist.
As for telling people you are busy playing a game and can't talk - get a life.
peagle Jul 17th 2009 1:16PM
I think the implication was that these were just calls to chat and had no serious or timely content to them.
If you pick up, and the call isn't life or death, would you keep shooting the shit and make 24 people wait on you?
pfoooti Jul 17th 2009 1:17PM
If you're the kind of person who cannot commit to the 24 other people in the raid, don't raid. It is a decision you make - there's plenty of WoW and other games out there for people who have unstable time. There's also guilds that are more or less flexible around timing, and ones that focus on 10-man or heroic dungeons even.
But the first response is NOT a joke. It's one thing to take a call because you've got a sick or hurt family member. It's another thing entirely to keep the guild waiting because you need to chat with your girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse/parent whatever. We're all waiting for you to get off the phone, and our time is no less valuable because we're just pixels to you, sorry.
Tilt Jul 17th 2009 1:20PM
I don't think you're getting the point. If you mysteriously get phone calls every single time you're raiding, and it's NON-EMERGENCY stuff like "Hey bro I just got me some chicken wings" "NO WAY BRA I love me some chicken wings" then it's annoying. Real life emergencies are not applicable to this situation and everyone should be supportive. One time during a raid someone in my guild found out their grandmother passed away. So we stopped raiding. Another time during a raid, someone got a phone call from their girlfriend, so he got off Vent and kept raiding. There's a difference.
Bart Jul 19th 2009 5:18PM
Is your response serious?
if WoW is your hobby or scheduled activity, and you keep going AFK to chit chat on the phone thats just rude.
What if you were playing in a basketball game with your friends? Would you leave the court everytime your phone rang and make your other 4 teammates wait for you?
Cause, you know, real life is more important than basketball (or any other hobby/activity you might be participating in.)
Your probably one of those rude people who keeps their cell phone on in the movies, and then answers it while it rings.
Mask Jul 17th 2009 1:21PM
"As for telling people you are busy playing a game and can't talk - get a life."
I do that all the time. If I'm raiding or PvPing it can be hard to concentrate on playing while Im chatting on the phone (not to mention holding the phone to my ear or having to mute the game sound to use speaker-phone). People can leave a message and I usually will check my voicemail within 5-10 minutes and can call them back if it was important.
I get a lot of phonecalls from friends who just want to chat for 30+ minutes and if I took them during raids I might as well stop raiding because I wouldn't be helping the guild progress at all.
Fierna Jul 17th 2009 1:22PM
Well if you receive an emergency call like that once in a while your guild isn't going to freak out. Also... I assume if your kid's wrist is broken it's the end of the raid for you. You'll do a "GTG" and hopefully your raid will say "Understandable hope everything is ok" and find a PUG.
It's the raiders who "5min afk" several times a night and answer their phone whenever they get any call that make people nuts.
Have a life just don't be inconsiderate to the other people you are raiding with.
Hasteur Jul 17th 2009 1:25PM
I'm going to have to disagree. I've set up a arrangement with those people whose calls could interrupt my gaming time. First they need to call and leave a message (voicemail/etc.). Then they need to contact me via a second means (Other phone, Text message, IM, etc.) When I see that I have 2 inbound communications from the same person I know that it truly is an emergency and need to step out.
But the guild I'm in does arrange for a 10 to 15 minute break about halfway through our raid times so people can take care of biological/personal/emotional issues and be as near to 100% focused when we start back up.
Dave Jul 17th 2009 1:27PM
You turn your cell phone off when you're watching a movie, you don't answer it when you're on the field in a baseball game.
Yeah, take the call if it's from the person watching your child. But if you're going to let just-chatting with a friend screw up 24 other people's plans because the person that called you counts as "real life" and the other 24 people are "just a video game"...
Coik Jul 17th 2009 1:33PM
From the question, it would seem that the question is not about taking emergency calls, such as your example of your daughter breaking her wrist, but rather social calls that take them away from the game. The answer isn't so much about "never pick up the phone during a raid," because you never know if a call is an emergency or not, it's about honoring the social commitment you've made to the rest of the raid group and talking about the weather or who they saw at the grocery store at a time when 4/9/24 other people don't need to wait for you to finish.
Gessilea Jul 17th 2009 1:35PM
There is certainly a distinction between an emergency and just chatting. If I get a call during a raid I usually answer, determine if it's an emergency or not, then tell them I have to call back when I'm free. I'd do the same thing if someone called while I was out bowling or partying or whatever.
If you're not interested in being respectful of the time of the 4 or 9 or 24 other people in your group, you certainly have other play options.
micgillam Jul 17th 2009 1:37PM
That was my initial response too. But upon further reflection, if you're entertaining guests (in-person) it's kind of rude to leave them to their own devices while you take a long phone call (particularly if you were supposed to be a key part of the activity and nobody can do anything until you get back). If it's 12:30 and you're supposed to be meeting friends for a bike ride at 1:00, and you have the front tire off your bike so you can replace that leaky tube, you should probably just pick up the phone and say "Hi mom, I can't talk right now, I'll call you back around 4." rather than have a 45 minute conversation, then continuing your work and ultimately holding everyone else up for half-an-hour, meaning that your bike ride can potentially either be cut short or make other people late for their later commitments. If person x in your raid holds it while he has a half-hour chat with his new girlfriend, and person y holds it for a half hour chat with her mom, and person z holds it up while he gets pulled away for half an hour to clean his room, then maybe person MT will have to leave before the content that everyone wanted to clear is done.
If it can be a 2-minute conversation, that's one thing. If it has to be long then either a) it's more important to you than the raid, don't say you're available if you aren't, b) it's an emergency, you couldn't have seen it coming and now you have to do something about it, apologize and leave. Sometimes it happens, or c) it's not urgent, you can take the call, make a time to call back, and be done before Battle Shout wears off.
Yes, it's a game. A game played with others requires commitment and understanding.
Commitment to play it through, or until as a group you don't want to continue, and commitment to try to "win" (almost any game sucks when some players aren't trying, team games suck more when some players aren't trying).
Understanding that it's not the most important thing in the world, and that if most of the people aren't having fun anymore it's not worth playing.
Hunterlicious Jul 17th 2009 1:42PM
Craig, they never said to ignore your phone calls. They even distinguish between important calls, such as work-related ones, versus jabbering away with a friend when you had previously committed to concentrating your attention on doing something with 24 other people. I think this is just plain common sense. I bet your raiding buddies were understanding and sympathetic if and when you told them what happened to your little girl. I have a kid too and of course I am going to pick up the phone if my kid's on a sleep-over, or if someone's in the hospital. Stuff happens. They even suggest picking up the phone just to check and agree on calling back later. The main point is- it's just rude to waste other peoples' time when they arrange to meet at a specific time to accomplish a specific objective. If you feel that taking calls is more important, no problem- just don't expect people to appreciate taking a forced break when they want to game- they are relying on you. I don't like to raid for that very reason- I can't commit to large stretches of time and like to have the flexibility to come and go as I please. I never expect, though, for other gamers to accept that.
Treason Jul 17th 2009 3:07PM
The comment isn't about real life emergencies. Which that clearly is.
The comment is about real life things that are not both important AND urgent interrupting the game.
Sure, mom needs to talk about her estate planning, but she doesn't need to do so while you're in the middle of dinner, a raid, or a movie. That is important, but not urgent, so can be put off.
Sure, the fact a phone call from your friend who wants to chat (or family member who calls all the time) is urgent (as in something that needs to be dealt with now or not at all), but not important (as they call all the time, and will happily call back later, and have nothing important to talk about).
If you were playing a game of baseball on a time limited format, and someone called, I think you'd tell both your mother with the important discussion, and your friend who just wants to chat, that you're busy, and you'll happily talk later about it. The author (and I) am just asking you to extend that courtesy to the 9-24 other people you're raiding with.
Bart Jul 17th 2009 1:16PM
I think youve answered your own question.
Tell them your a helpfull guild, not a welfare guild.
Farming gear for 9 alts isnt going to help the guild progress.
For some people, you cant just "easily" break it to them.
kidandroid Jul 17th 2009 1:22PM
I'm sorry. As soon as I get a phone call or any type of occurrence in real life it immediately takes priority over whatever I happen too be doing in WoW. Whether it be a short unimportant phone call or a long pressing one, I can guarantee that I will be that one player who afked out on Saph because of real life stuff.
The possibility of a life changing phone call (whether it be good or bad) > downing a raid boss in a videogame. I love WoW just as much as the next guy but when something is up, I gotta put away the mouse and keyboard and man up to other challenges in life.
Jardal Jul 17th 2009 1:26PM
So you answer your phone in the movies too?
DFitz Jul 17th 2009 1:32PM
Then don't sign up for your guild's progression raids, because you clearly don't care about the 9 or 24 other real life people in your hobby activity. AFK'ing over and over on progression content causes wipes even if 1-2 people are gone, so excuse yourself from those situations and have fun on the phone.
Jeff Jul 17th 2009 1:34PM
She wasn't saying that you shouldn't take pressing calls. If you get a call from your mom saying there's a family emergency or something, OF COURSE you should take the call. Nobody's arguing that.
What she's saying is that if you pick up the phone and it's your friend wanting to talk about the crazy party last night, you should tell him to call you back later or that you're busy at the moment.
I think the big mistake people make is saying that WoW is completely unimportant because it's a video game. Yes, it's a game, yes, it's just for fun. But you have to remember that when you're raiding, there are 9 to 24 other people who have also committed several hours of their time to this activity.
Emergencies happen, and they willy always trump WoW. Lisa never said otherwise. She's just saying that when you've committed to an activity with 24 other people, you need to be able to say "I'm busy" when it's not an important call.
J Jul 17th 2009 1:34PM
I don't see the problem with answering your phone when it rings. Exactly, it might be something important.
But if it's *not* important, don't sit for ten, twenty minutes gabbing away when you know you've got people waiting for you. Explain that you're a little busy right now, and you'll get back to them as soon as you get a chance.