Drama Mamas: My GM is a succubus
by Lisa Poisso 
Sep 7th 2009 at 2:00PM
We know, we know: A hot, fresh Succubus managing your every need - in game, in Vent, on the forums ... How's this a problem, again? Unfortunately, we suspect the reader who submitted the headline question this week was thinking of the more traditional type of succubus: the life force-sucking vampires who impose a real-life Curse of Exhaustion on their hapless victims. Yeah, this guy from this week's headline sub-mission (har, har) has got it that bad. The Drama Mamas exorcise his demon, plus explore what to do when you catch a young guildmate indulging in some not-so-pretty behavior, after the break.
My GM is a succubus
Dear Drama Mamas: My GM, a single gal who promotes getting to know the guildies (read as Facebook stalking), has a bad habit of becoming attached to guys in the guild. Sometimes it causes RL drama for people, and other times it's just wildly inappropriate talk in Vent during a raid. I can't begin to tell you how hard it is to handle Sarth while the DPS is either professing her undying love or demanding to know why the main tank isn't returning her calls or e-mails or Facebook messages or Twitters or texts or smoke signals ... w/e. I spend the first 20 minutes of every game night talking her out of kicking someone out of the guild for not posting to her Facebook comment and the second 20 minutes explaining why it not OK to Zaboo people (showing up at people 's houses, for those that haven't seen that episode of The Guild), which my wife is still pissed about.
It's causing mad drama! This has seriously crushed our raid group three times, and these days we can barely field a decent 10-man Naxx group (when we were Ulduar-25 when I joined).
This behavior is how I got to be an officer in the first place -- and my wife, who was in the guild but left because she thinks I'm the next victim, thinks I should try to take over the guild. I really don't need this headache. I just needed a few more achievements for my fancy title and my mount. Now the GM's cuddling up to me begging me to help save the guild, the wife's agro meter is maxing out, guildies are /gquitting every day.
Seriously, what do I do? I just wanna play, get me some loot and a few achievements and unwind after a crappy day at work. I don't wanna be an office or raid leader. My guild raids on the two nights a week that my wife/work/kid allows me to play on. I've talked to several other guilds, but none of them raid on my nights. Signed, I Just Wanna Play
Drama Mama Lisa: That's a lot of agony and confusion over a situation you've outlined in black and white: A guild that's progressing backwards. Members leaping like rats from a sinking ship. A GM who's sucking the life out of the guild's raid momentum, the members' personal lives and your own playtime.
And the best thing you can find to say about it is that it's all happening at the hours you've chosen to spend online?
Your wife had the right idea. Get the hell out of Dodge. Formulate a polite excuse, if it makes you feel better. Someone like this GM (good heavens, man, look at the title you used on your e-mail!) will most assuredly never accept it with the good grace in which it's offered; use your /ignore list as needed, sever social media ties and carry on.
Next on the agenda: a more congenial guild. If you exhaust the options for guilds that play on your schedule, you may need to consider a server transfer. Sometimes a realm in a different time zone offers more guilds that fit your particular schedule. Alternately, you could try to salvage something from what's already (come on, admit it) the wreckage. Try to identify who else in the guild is enthusiastic enough to help out. If you discover enough like-minded, energetic souls, you could consider staging a coup d'état. At worst, you may be able to snag some sympathetic guildmates and start up something new (your wife: member #2?).
Whatever your choice, keep your eye on the bottom line. Right now, you're not playing WoW at all – you're playing junior high school-level social shenanigans. Definitely not worth your $15 per month.
Drama Mama Robin: After you read Drama Mama Lisa's advice, hopefully you already /gquit and put the succubus on ignore. If you haven't, do so now. In the meantime, let me talk to your wife.
Dear Mrs. Play, Since Mr. Play is having a hard time letting go, it's time to move. Go to the realm forums and find one that is located in your time zone, has a medium population and has casual raiding guilds that fit your spouse's schedule and your own. Also, you are obviously not providing enough chaos, drama and fake damsel-in-distress in your husband's life - forcing him to seek it elsewhere. Try flirting with the UPS guy. They're usually pretty hot. Also, play WoW in lingerie and then refuse any amorous advances. Then later complain they weren't the right amorous advances. After a bit of this, hopefully he'll go back to appreciating your level-headedness and common sense. Obviously, you had the right idea about the succubus long ago. Ok, put Mr. Play back on.
So, Play. I agree with Lisa, but I think you should get as far away from Dodge as possible. Help your wife find a new server and make sure that the succubus doesn't find out about it. Also, buy your wife some flowers, chocolates, shoes, diamonds, a vacation in Paris - whatever you can afford, and apologize profusely for getting your feminine attention needs satisfied extramaritally.
The young beggar
Dear Drama Mamas, I caught a young fellow guildmember begging in Ironforge. We are a long-standing casual raiding guild with a good reputation on our server. Our guild rules forbid begging, ninjalooting, etc. but I think this kid is pretty young and may not have read the rules. I don't know if his parents play, but no one has owned up to him in guild. I whispered him that it wasn't allowed, but he logged off without responding to me. Should I tell the GL or wait to see if it happens again? Sincerely, Not a Parent
Drama Mama Robin: Dear Not a Parent, You hit the nail on the head with your signature. You are not this kid's parent, nor should you or your guildies be responsible for his education in manners. Because WoW is "just a game" in many non-gaming parents' eyes, they let their children play unsupervised and unguided. Lil Beggar's public actions reflect poorly on your guild and very few people even think about the age of other players, let alone give allowances for it.
Yes, tell your Guild Leader about the behavior and hopefully he/she will gkick Lil Beggar. I know it sounds harsh, but the kid needs to know that non-parental adults are going to be strict on rules and short on patience for bad behavior. You'll be doing him a favor and keeping your guild's good name clean.
Drama Mama Lisa: Aww, Robin, you're such a meanie! Why not put the poor kid on warning or probationary status, instead? Not a Parent, I do agree with Robin that you shouldn't give your young guildie too much room to slide - but I don't think you're off the hook when it comes to being "responsible for his education in manners." If you accept minors into your guild and if you expect a certain level of decorum, it's up to you to provide a little guidance. That includes a shot or two at getting off-track behavior back on the rails. Give him a chance or two. If he blows it -- /gkick it is.
Remember, your mama wouldn't want to see your name on any drama. Play nice ... and when in doubt, ask the Drama Mamas at DramaMamas (at) WoW (dot) com.Filed under: Analysis / Opinion, Tips, WoW Social Conventions, Virtual selves, Features, Drama Mamas
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 4)
Treeston Sep 7th 2009 2:11PM
Interesting read, as always.
tresser Sep 8th 2009 9:57AM
So uh....the GM is single huh? *straightens tie*
/bow-chicka
Bullseyed Sep 9th 2009 8:31PM
It really isn't hard to find a girl on any given server who has a camera and webcam and wants to use them.
/personal experience
/shame
Zinger314 Sep 7th 2009 2:17PM
I'm sorry, but I don't buy the first story. Since when do girls HIT ON GUYS in WoW?
Stages Sep 7th 2009 2:21PM
Stranger things have happened.
Ziberious Sep 7th 2009 2:26PM
Every guild I'm ever in has the co guild leader in love with the main guild leader. It gets..really repetitive and expected, now.
Oteo Sep 7th 2009 2:33PM
I'm imagining a scenario where a female attention-whore started playing WoW, then discovered that the predominantly male population paid her a lot of attention so she sticks around to soak up their affections, or something.
I'm also a female player, and some people do start flirting with me (even if they only see my character is female! I could be a guy!) but luckily my main is a female tauren AND a druid, so most people never realize I'm a girl until they hear me on Vent or someone else corrects them.
zombiesauridae Sep 7th 2009 2:39PM
Yes. It happens. It's just more rare because of the guy to girl ratio on WoW.
theRaptor Sep 7th 2009 2:43PM
What are you talking about Zinger? That is classic drama queen. Common as muck on most servers in my experience.
Speaking from personal experience, if your self-esteem is really low it is incredibly easy to find some sleazy succubus to chat you up*. As long as you keep the relationship virtual you
can maintain the illusion that the woman could pull a date in a bar.
I can almost guarantee you that the succubus/drama queen is either 40+ or not on hotornot.com. If that isn't true then succubus is likely suffering from borderline personality disorder or the like (ie lonely or mad).
* pro-tip: Go to forums were women are the majority. It isn't that hard.
Jorges Sep 7th 2009 5:05PM
It's more common than you think. I was on a guild that broke up because of this, my last guild had many girls and some of them were attention-whores. And now I'm in a new guild and two of these girls hit on other guildies; even on me, knowing that I have a GF an she's a guildie too.
eenersumbrella Sep 7th 2009 6:38PM
I've met a few of these types *e-whores*. As a female, a good percentage of the time you join vent with a group of guys to do anything, you get automatically hit on.. "Whoa, there's a chick in vent?!".. Some girls play this to their advantage, and some are apparently attention deprived and take it to the extreme.
Jim Sep 8th 2009 2:50AM
Yes, girls do hit on guys in WoW. About 2 years ago roughly I had a bad experience in which a gamer girl after getting to talk to me a few times questing and having seen my face on myspace, without ever really meeting me in person developed a huge crush at first and then claimed to have fallen in love. The sh*t hit the fan when I realized what was going on and mentioned I had already been dating someone IRL. UBER DRAMA ensued after in the guild....
Stages Sep 7th 2009 2:18PM
To Mr. and Mrs. Play- I think the advice you got was excellent, and I strongly suggest getting off that server. Now that faction changes are a possibility, it may be worth your time to consider it, if for no other reason than to open up more guilds to you. Many older servers have numerous guilds that run at various times, so consider server population before switching; there may be an awesome guild that doesn't have a recruiting post in the realm forums.
However you end up resolving it, stay away from the crazy. There is no room in a marriage for WoW drama, and no room in WoW for marriage drama.
Birdfall Sep 7th 2009 2:46PM
I agree. You can even make an alt on a server you're considering and ask around.
Kyle Sep 7th 2009 3:06PM
"There is no room in a marriage for WoW drama, and no room in WoW for marriage drama."
possibly the best quote ever.
Shardrell Sep 7th 2009 3:30PM
Agreed! This is why my husband and I play almost exclusively with other adults over age 30, most of whom are married or in serious relationships. We make it crystal clear to anybody who starts to flirt with one of us that we are married and don't welcome flirtatious behaviour from others in-game, shutting down any inappropriate behaviour before it starts. Even of somebody's behaviour isn't over-the-top or openly flirtatious, if I feel like somebody is paying a bit too much attention to me, I'll just politely tell them that they're making myself and my husband a bit uncomfortable, and I'd like them to dial it back.
This doesn't mean we can't have fun and joke/goof around with our on-line friends or make dirty jokes on Vent... we just do so in public where the other spouse can hear or read what we're saying. Thanks to following these basic ground rules, we have been playing WoW together for five years with absolutely no WoW-related relationship drama.
bughunter Sep 8th 2009 10:29AM
Generally, yes, the essential advice was given: /gquit already!
I would add: Be prepared to be Naboo'ed yourself, Mr. Play.
(BTW, love that Naboo is now a verb.)
jbodar Sep 9th 2009 5:30AM
@bughunter
Uhhh, wrong "-aboo"
http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Naboo
BTW, here's the episode being referenced, "Zaboo'd":
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qb7GNu3NN-E
Anonymous Sep 7th 2009 2:22PM
The chick in the first post is downright creepy to me, I'm surprised that guy stuck around long enough to even write this letter. I'd certainly never, ever provide an emotion-vampire like her my real life info; what on earth are those people thinking?
Irem Sep 7th 2009 5:35PM
Seriously.
For the millionth time, people--anyone who comes off as "high maintenance" over the internet in the context of a freaking online game is not worth your time. There are thousands of people who can't get their need for attention and validation met RL who try to get it online, where they're more likely to find people willing to give them the time of day. Three simple steps to not getting screwed over:
1) Don't feel like you need to be a white knight. If your special ingame friend that is fragile and damaged because they've had such a terrible life RL has managed to alienate not only their whole family but the entire damn server, stop for a minute and think about what the common thread is (hint: it's them). A nonstop pity party is your cue to be wary, not to offer them 1000g, dungeon runs, and a place to crash on your couch if they're ever in your neck of the woods.
2) Don't treat members of the sex you're attracted to as though they're magical unicorns that just might grant you three wishes if given enough attention and offerings. I cannot repeat enough that anyone worth your time will not expect you to be at their beck and call, giving them things constantly and making sure they're at the top of your flattery list. If you fall for this, no one can be expected to have any sympathy if you start whining that (insert gender/sexuality here) does nothing but manipulate and wrap people around their little finger. The likelihood of that cute night elf that's been /giggle every time you /flex coming to visit you in Bumfarq, Wisconsin is approximately .01%, and if they do there's a strong chance that you'll wish they hadn't.
3) For the love of god do not give out your personal information online. Don't exchange addresses, phone numbers, full names, ect. You don't know these people at all, anyone can think before they type and conceal the warning signals that would be blaring in face-to-face communication, and I know from personal stupidity that what seems like a harmless exchange at the time can bite you firmly in the rear months or even years later when you're having to seriously consider changing your phone number and doublechecking under the stairwell when you come home from work.
It's not mean or cynical, it's just common sense.