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Drama Mamas: Is it time to leave?


Dodge the drama and become that player everyone wants in their group with the Drama Mamas. Lisa Poisso and Robin Torres are real-life mamas and experienced WoW players -- and just as we don't want our precious babies to be the ones kicking and wailing on the floor of checkout lane next to the candy, neither do we want you to become known as That Guy on your server. We're taking your questions at DramaMamas (at) WoW (dot) com.

When an elephant walks into the room, it may be time to leave. OK, I admit the above picture is a stretch for the topic at hand, but I just couldn't resist the elephant butt. The picture for the Officer with No Respect letter may also be an obscure choice, but I just felt that the Dead Bunny Police Officer depicted in that photo didn't look like he got the respect he wanted. And I could probably hold my own in a layman's debate as to whether or not Mary, Queen of Scots was a Manipulating Queen, though I doubt that I would do well against a real historian. But enough of my excuses for this week's choices from The Commons, let's get to the letters.


Officer with no respect

Dear Drama Mamas: I'm an officer in my Guild, and there are only 2 other officers in the guild. There is this one person, who gets along really well with another officer, and at least respects the GM, but when it comes to me, I get no respect... or at least very little. When I am the only officer online, this person is really annoying, He chats in guildchat about how he misses a person when he is not online all the time, or how a body part hurts, or linking all his gear when, frankly, no one cares or had even asked.

These things aren't that bad, if they were not that often, but it's all the time. I say, "Don't Link your gear. If people wanted to see, they will look you up on the Armory" or "Please stop spamming in Guild Chat. The person will be back when they come back. Complaining about it doesn't make them come on any sooner." I get a "Sory Mam... I men sir" (His spelling isn't that great.) A hour or so after this, he starts back with the annoying things again. He doesn't listen to me, and the "mistake" of calling me Ma'am happens to often to be a Mistake.

Now, I could throw him on my Ignore List, but I'm an officer, and I need to see what everyone is saying, so I can deal out punishment when needed. I would demote him, but when another officer that he is very friendly with comes online, he will complain to them and get promoted again.

It has gotten rather bad, and I have thought about leaving the guild a few times over it. But I enjoy being an officer, and I have made a lot of good friends out of it. I don't want to complain to the other officer, as the other officer is his friend and I don't want to put him in the middle of it. The person is young, around 13/14, so I don't want to be mean to the guy. But sometimes he just annoys me so much that all I can do is be mean to him. Do you have any advice on what I should about this guildie, without hurting his feelings too much? Signed, Officer with No Respect

Drama Mama Robin: The only thing that Chatty Teen seems to be doing wrong is acting his age. He knows he can get a rise out of you and he's pushing your buttons every chance he gets. I don't condone this behavior; but as long as his cronies do, he's going to keep poking at you. Sure his misspellings, equipment linking and chatting are annoying. But if you don't have restrictions against that kind of thing in the guild, he really shouldn't be demoted for doing them. Of course, calling you Ma'am is not at all a mistake and he shouldn't be insulting an officer, but your nagging and his immaturity bring it on.

Personally, I can't handle the misspellings and immature behavior, which is why I don't belong to guilds that allow it. There are plenty of guilds out there that have the same tolerances you do. I don't think you should let your attachment to the officer title get in the way of finding a home with people who have better guildchat manners. Regardless of your playstyle, choose a guild that has an application to get in and that expects minimum language skills and maybe even an age restriction. If you are a good leader, you will work your way up to officer, no problem.

Drama Mama Lisa: Dear Officer With No Respect, I agree that you're not getting the respect you deserve – but it's a lack of respect from your fellow officers (not the Chatty Teen) that's the issue. There doesn't seem to be a clear concept of what sort of atmosphere the guild is aiming for and what standards of behavior should be acceptable. More to the point, though, there's no teamwork and mutual respect among the leadership team. Playing the demoting/promoting/demoting/promoting game based on personal impressions and relationships? Really?!?

I see three alternatives:
  1. You meet with the GM and officers as a group, set standards and enforce them as a team.
  2. You resign as an officer, get out of Chatty Teen's line of sight and enjoy the friendships and connections you've built in the guild.
  3. You leave the guild and look for one with more mature members and leaders.
One thing's clear: you can't remain an officer without confronting this issue. This is, after all, the role of an officer. Good luck!

(One last thing: Parents, are you looking over the shoulders of your teens when they're gaming? This is your opportunity to instill social skills and respect for others. Don't pass by these teachable moments!)

Manipulating Queen

Hi, Dear Mamas: My question concerns a raider in the guild. That raider turns out to be a girl, and it seems she is using her "charms" to get things from members of the guild. She got promoted to raider after only being in the guild for two weeks; usually, the probation is a bit more longer.

Many guys in the guild love her. She is top healer, she's cute and she flirts with them. From what some officers learned, she is flirting (like proposing dates and related actions) to members, and after, she tries to use them to get what she wants: enchants, flasks, gold, promotion, more attention ... This has led one of the class leaders to quit the guild, since he could not stand a girl like that.

The officers and guild leader are unsure about what they should do. She is very good at what she does and all, but the way she acts is in my opinion unacceptable, and she denies everything when someone tries to talk to her. Oh also, something that may lead that she had a bad reputation: She had to rename her character at least two times -- in less than 6 to 8 months ... Signed, Worried Member

Drama Mama Lisa: This is a matter for your guild officers. Approach them with your concerns. They'll need to examine the facts and decide if That Girl is actually behaving in a way that is disruptive to the guild as a whole. After all, you've admitted that "many guys in the guild love her." They may conclude that some personality clashes are inevitable.

If the officers decide that That Girl's skills are an asset and her behavior isn't have a harmful impact on the guild at large, it will be up to you to take the next step. Obviously, be careful not to be seduced by her succubus charms. Avoid her when possible. But if merely having her around is putting a dampener on your spirits, you may need to start looking for a guild with a more compatible social culture and atmosphere. Remember, this is your hobby time; spend it among people you can enjoy it with!

Drama Mama Robin: I agree that taking it up with the officers is the best thing to do here. If they decide she is sticking around, there is something to think about before you jump ship. While I agree that life is too short and you should spend your leisure time as pleasurably as possible, you also need to keep in mind that there's always going to be That Player.

That Player is going to be immature, like the kid in the first letter, or flirty or abrasive or whatever. In a big enough guild, there may even be more than one. You need to decide if That Girl is a make or break personality clash for you or if you want to take a chance on getting another type of That Player if you change guilds. Of course, this phenomenon also occurs with That Coworker, That League Player and That Person in Your Extended Circle of Friends. Is her inappropriate behavior worse than the other personality types you might have to deal with if you make a move? If not, try to focus on the benefits she brings to your raid and put the rest of her on mental ignore.

Remember, your mama wouldn't want to see your name on any drama. Play nice ... and when in doubt, ask the Drama Mamas at DramaMamas (at) WoW (dot) com.

Filed under: Analysis / Opinion, Tips, WoW Social Conventions, Virtual selves, Features, Drama Mamas

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