[1.Local]: Garrosh Goulash
by Lisa Poisso 
Oct 4th 2009 at 2:00PM
We interrupt this edition of [1.Local] for this declaration on the state of the world post-Icecrown, just in from reader "Garrosh" (whom we suspect may be the Orc himself, given the abrasive use of capslock):
IN CELEBRATION AND HONOR OF THE GREAT VICTORIES THE HORDE HAS AND WILL SECURE UNDER MY LEADERSHIP, WE ARE GOING TO BE RENAMING MANY OF OUR FINE CITIES AND TOWNS:
ORGRIMMAR SHALL NOW BE CALLED GARROMAR
HAMMERFALL IS NOW CALLED GARROSHIRE
THE CROSSROADS SHALL FOREVER BE KNOWN AS THE GARROSHROADS
ALL COMMON OBJECTS SHALL REFLECT THE SUPERIORITY OF THE HORDE. NO MORE REFERENCES TO THE ALLIANCE:
WESTFALL STEW SHALL HENCEFORTH BE KNOWN AS GARROSH GOULASH
STORMWIND BRIE IS NOW CALLED GARROSH GOUDA
DWARVEN SNOW BOOTS SHALL BE KNOWN AS GARROSHES
BLOOD AND THUNDER! LOK'TAR OGAR!
Join us after the break for less caps lock and more reader comments from the past week at WoW.com.
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The lessons of Wrathgate "This comment gets it," notes blogger Matt Rossi, "and should be in [1. Local]." Simply put: we agree. DragonFireKai: The thing people need to remember about Varian when they say that he should look beyond the past and give peace a chance is that he did look beyond his past and gave peace a chance -- not once, not twice, but thrice. The whole kidnapped-and-turned-into-a-gladiator-by-bloodthirsty-orcs thing? He was on his way to a peace summit with the Horde when it happened. Jaina convinced him to attempt to set up another conference with the Horde. Thrall showed up, brought Garrosh (who was his usual rabid self), and Thrall also brought Rehgar Earthfury, the bloodthirsty orc who had kidnapped Wrynn and forced him fight in Dire Maul. Real smart, Thrall, real smart. Why didn't Wrynn remember to have a necromancer raise Blackmoore so Thrall could get the same feeling? And to make things worse, the Twilight's Hammer cult decided to use that opportunity to attempt to kill Wrynn, using a mind-controlled orc. That orc was Garona Halforcen, the same orc who stabbed Wrynn's father through the heart before his eyes as a child. That looks real bad for the Horde there. But Wrynn decides to take the high road, and rather than declare war on the horde, he focuses the Alliance's efforts against the Scourge, forsaking true peace in favor of detente. But the Forsaken strike, dealing a crushing blow to the war effort, killing thousands of Alliance soldiers in Howling Fjord, and thousands more at the Wrathgate, including Bolvar Fordragon. Even so, Wrynn decides to make a surgical strike on the Undercity. In the Undercity, he's presented with the full extent of the machinations of the Horde, and who does he find standing in the Undercity's throne room, fresh after this discovery? Thrall, with a small army behind him. Yeah, that looks real good for the Horde. Especially since dreadlords don't leave corpses, so he can't know that they just finished off Varimathras. The true irony of the situation is that Varian Wrynn was long the most moderate of the Alliance leaders. After the defeat of the Horde in the second war, the accepted plan was to execute every last orc on Azeroth. No survivors. Wrynn convinced the alliance leadership to simply contain the orc in internment camps. King Terenas wanted to kill them all, King Greymane wanted to kill them all, Lord Proudmoore never stopped wanting to kill them all, Magni agreed after the siege of Ironforge, King Sunstrider wanted to kill them all. The lone dissenting voice was that of King Wrynn, the man who had lost more to the orcs than any other, convinced the Alliance to let the orc live. And yet, the actions and inactions of the Horde since then has been enough to convince the most tolerant of the lords of the Alliance that they are a threat to the survival of the Alliance greater than Yogg-Saron. Not all of it is the Horde's fault directly -- but a large amount of it is. |
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Readers on writing Look what's happened to our Two Bosses Enter fantasy boss deathmatch series -- it's become a great place to read and write fictional scenarios involving figures from WoW lore. Over this season of Two Bosses, comments supporting various winning scenarios have evolved to mini-stories of their own. We highlight some of the (not necessarily technically best yet) most interesting submissions along with the results of each week's cage match in One Boss Leaves. It appears that like readers and writers alike are taking it all with a spirit of generous collaboration. Baldagrim: Pollux, thank you for an honest review. I appreciate it for it is hard to get someone to review honestly. All your points were valid and I was happy to read them. Mis-tense and comma usage are two of my biggest faults as a writer. Proofreading is a necessary skill I have to majorly polish. Dialogue, I've been told by every reviewer, is my strength, whereas character/environment details is not (I don't know how much detail is enough). I liked adding Laveras (thinking about making him a Horde alt). The idea of romance is one I try to embrace in all my stories. I was afraid Laveras and her relationship would hold down the story, which was sadly true. But it leads to another notion I enjoy adding, which is self-sacrifice for someone you care about whether it is money, time, material goods, and even life, which it was in this instance. Despite my story being complicated and not getting down to solely the fight, I like the style I've grown into, for it displays the feeling and heart of life. After all, one of their rules was "Don't neglect story," and I never will. I may not get article inclusion, which was a goal that I no longer strive for. Reading your review made me remember why I love writing for it is all about the story and not the recognition it gains. Thank you again, Pollux, for your wonderful review. |
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On being the nice guy Oh, and hey – that being nice thing? Not a fluke. WoW.com's Allison Robert caught plenty of it on this thread, noting "It's nice to see that Azeroth has good people in addition to trolls and ninjas." Nick: I love stories like these. One I will always remember that a friend told me, is that his friend one time had given a new player around 200g to finish helping him get his epic mount (ground). The person praised and praised and promised one day he would pay him back. They ended up losing touch, and about a year later he gets an in-game mail from that same new player. The mail said how the newbie never forgot what my friend's friend did for him, and told him he would pay him back one day. The contents of the mail, besides the letter, was a couple Nether Vortex (BC days) and 5,000g. bep4815: I have a good friend on WoW who is a warrior like me. He pretty much taught me the ropes of the class, still does to this day, and we became good friends. We were in a couple of guilds together, raided a lot together ... all that good stuff. Then one day, his brother logged on his toon and told the guild that he had a heart attack at the age of 19. Luckily, he survived it, but it took a great toll on his body and he was unable to work for a while. Since WoW was one of the few forms of entertainment he could do at the time but (he) couldn't afford it due to not working, I bought a game card for him. Even though we're pretty much on the other side of the world from each other, I still wanted to do something for a good friend of mine. Frank: Last year, during Winter Veil, I dressed up in my red Santa Suit, changed my Elekk into a reindeer, wrapped up some Frostweave Bags, and rode to Northshire Abbey and gave presents to the lowbies there. It was harder than I thought it would be, because they didn't know how to communicate with in-game chat yet, but eventually I gave all my gifts away. It was fun getting in-game smile emotes from people. : ) |
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He made Rossi snort soda Matt Rossi had more than one comment nomination for [1.Local] this week. "Especially the last comment in the thread amused me to no end," he noted, adding "Hangk and KJP made me snort soda." KJP: And he'll transition between fight phases by having an add appear, throw a cape on his shoulders, and start escorting him out of the room -- only to have him suddenly throw off the cape and re-engage. |
Name: [redacted]
URL:
Subject: hunters
hi im play world of warcraft my self and the name is [redacted] my sis is a warlock called [redacted] and on warlocks on level 20 they can get a horse why can hunters get a horse on level 20 as well.im getting up to level 30 for a horse but i can't do the quests,would u be able to put the arrow back on please because i find it too hard to do. by the way cool game though
Everyone together now: "Awww ..."
Quoth WoW.com's Dominic Hobbs (on the WoW.com team list -- not to the young hunter in question): Warlocks are just better, you'll get used to it with time. Thanks, we're very proud of it.
Eddie "Brigwyn" Carrington: We get the ability to get all big and red and eat warlocks for lunch. So they took pity on the poor clothies and gave them a cool-looking horse. ;)
And thus, the mutual love and hate live on ... Until next week!
Ha, caughtcha looking! Hey, don't scroll away -- come join the conversation on these and other posts around the WoW.com community. We'll see you around in [1.Local].Filed under: Analysis / Opinion, Fan stuff, Features, Humor, [1.Local]
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)
zaver88 Oct 4th 2009 2:01PM
That has been posted for the last month on 4chan's /v/. The internet is such a small place.
daan.leijen Oct 4th 2009 2:30PM
Not one, but two bloggers who like to eat warlocks for breakfast?
Goodie! More demonic energy for me to spam into unknowing holy fools :)
Clydtsdk-Rivendare Oct 4th 2009 2:33PM
Hate to hijack a post here, but noticed something HUGE on the official forums. DK comes from the PTR and posts on the forums that Chains of Ice has been put on DR in the PTR. Proceeds to get laughed at. Later turns out to be correct.
http://forums.worldofwarcraft.com/thread.html?topicId=20131899968&sid=1
Considering all the QQing about said ability, just thought I'd give it a heads-up.
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Now I feel I have to post something intelligent.
Anyway, as a Hordie, I always like to point out, when Varian Wrynn is brought up, that he and Thrall led very similar early lives before becoming monarchs. The only difference is, Wrynn's a crybaby for it; Thrall took it like an, erm, orc. It's almost like all the Alliance hatred he would have built up were he like Varian simply disappeared somewhere *coughgarroshcough*.
jealouspirate Oct 4th 2009 3:53PM
Wrynn isn't a "crybaby" about being enslaved. That was just one thing on a long list of atrocities that the Orcs have committed against him and the Alliance races- all of which were pointed out in the original post, I wont rewrite them all here.
Even if Varian had never been enslaved by the orcs he'd have plenty of good reasons to consider the Horde a threat.
Clbull Oct 4th 2009 4:11PM
CoI was pretty OP anyway, even more so than Crippling Poison. Good luck trying to kite a Death Knight who could just spam the hell out of that ability.
DragonFireKai Oct 4th 2009 4:23PM
The situations, while similar, are not identical. While Thrall has undergone many of the same trials that Wrynn has, most of Thrall's trouble have had to do with his people's own checkered past, as opposed to Wrynn's troubles, which have mostly had to do with Thrall's people's checkered past.
Both had their parent's murdered, Wrynn watched an orc carve Llane's heart out, Thrall merely heard about Durotan being murdered by Gul'Dan's orcs.
Both had their surrogate paternal figures killed. Anduin Lothar was murdered by the Orcs. Grom Hellscream died trying to clean up his own mess.
Both had their homelands destroyed. Stormwind was burned to the ground by orcs. The Horde tore Draenor apart through their own misdeeds.
Both were enslaved. Wrynn had a pair of elves help him. Thrall had a human girl care for him, and help him escape
Both of them had slavemasters. Reghar Earthfury's still an honored member of the horde. Blackmoore was killed by Thrall, and is generally regarded by the alliance as an incompetent drunk.
Thrall, has had the advantage of closure in every situation. He knows what happened, what was done, and how it ended. Wrynn does not, Garona's still out there, Reghar's still out there, the orcs who destroyed stormwind in the First War are honored and Memorialized by the Horde.
When Twilight's Hammer tried to kill Thrall and Wrynn, it's much easier for Thrall to look and say, "Hmmmmm... Orcs coming to kill me, this probably isn't the Alliance's fault." Wrynn on the other hand sees Garona and goes, "Great, the Horde is trying to kill me with the same assassin who killed Dad."
At Wrathgate, it's pretty easy for Thrall to say, "Hmmm... The Forsaken are murdering thousands of my troops. Probabaly not the Alliance's fault." Wrynn on the other hand, gets to see the horde slaughter thousands of his men, and when they claim innocence, he finds an entire wing of their city devoted to exterminating his people.
In the end, Thrall has the advantage of more complete information than Wrynn does. People are basically demonizing Wrynn for not reading Wowwiki.
Guildenstern Oct 4th 2009 5:16PM
Hey guys, raising babies in slavery and thralldom to drunkards is perfectly OK if the babies' forebearers were dickheads.
BRILLIANT.
Bikhai Oct 4th 2009 6:33PM
@DragonFireKai
Most of your points are valid. However, the argument against Wrynn isn't that he doesn't know the whole story. It's that he doesn't care to know the whole story. In much the same way that Garrosh does, Wrynn fails to look before he leaps.
Wrathgate: Wait a sec...didn't that Forsaken attack kill Horde too? And didn't Jaina act as an envoy between the two sides to relay the information that the attack was a betrayal by Putress? Hmm...
Ultimately, Wrynn has taken his stance and will see only the evidence that backs it up.
DragonFireKai Oct 4th 2009 8:02PM
@Bikhai
There's a famous saying, "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me."
Wyrnn attempted to look beyond the differences between the horde and the alliance directly twice. Both times resulted in orcs nearly succeeding in killing him. Even running into Thrall at the conference with the Kirin Tor resulted in an orc drawing steel and trying to gut him without provocation. And you expect Wrynn to attempt to extend the hand of friendship yet again?
Was Putress responsible for killing the thousands of Alliance troops in Howling Fjord? No. The Alliance has known that the horde was working on a plague since vanilla wow. And from a logical standpoint, the whole situation at the Wrathgate smells heavily of seafood. Sure, some Horde Soldier died, but while the Alliance was commited to the attack, with the ground commander of all alliance forces in Northrend leading the charge at the front, the Horde's commitment was not nearly so impressive. Where was Garrosh at the Wrathgate? Is the Hellscream line comprised of cowards who shy from battle now days?
Even post wrathgate, the Alliance still focused on cleaning up the scourge. At the Deathgate, the Alliance was once again poised to sieze a gate into the citadel and gain a decisive advantage against the scourge. Once again, the Horde ruined the oportunity to strike a decisive blow against the Scourge. Qouthe Korm Blackscar: "They saw the Alliance assaulting the gate and attacked them from behind? THAT is what it means to be HORDE!"
And you want Wrynn to look beyond all this, and trust the horde to not stab the alliance in the back again out of sheer spite? Because an orc, whom every time Wrynn has attempted to talk to has led to someone trying to kill him, says so? Forgive me, but that sounds like a terrible idea.
Wrynn's situation is entirely different from Garrosh's. Garrosh's bloodthirst is inexplicable. He grew up in Nagrand, where the Alliance had no presence until BC. He was a whiney, mopey little orc who cried about the shame his father brought upon him constantly. Then Thrall tells him a story, and he decides to reenact the same bloodthirst that made his father such a failure. Honestly? What has the Alliance ever done to Garrosh? The Burning Legion killed his father. Ner'zhul, now the Lich King, was responsible for the sundering of his world. The alliance did nothing to him. And yet he seeks to decapitate Wrynn the first time they meet, and again the second time?
Wrynn is being defensive based on the information he knows, and taking the best course of action he can take in his position. Garrosh is acting like a rabid dog.
Killchrono Oct 4th 2009 8:05PM
@ DragonFireKai
I've said this a million times and I'll say it again: it's not Varian Wrynn's motives that annoy most of his haters, it's the way he goes about them. He lets emotion drive his actions more than sound logic. Yes, a lot of it is justified, it doesn't change the fact he won't see reason when it's staring him in the face and come Cataclysm, it wouldn't surprise me if he makes a few brash decisions out of direct spite to the Horde.
The sad part is, the way Wrynn is portrayed in the comics (where he was re-introduced) is almost the exact opposite to the way he's portrayed in game. From what I've seen of him in the comics, I almost like the character - he seems genuinely heroic and a character I can respect. But in-game, most times I see him, he appears broody, skeptical, and more than a bit ready to lay smack-down. And that's NOT when an orc is around. I wish there was more consistancy between the different media.
DragonFireKai Oct 4th 2009 8:30PM
What's more logical than recognizing a pattern? Every time Wrynn tried to talk peace with horde, every time he lets his guard down, an orc tries to kill him. Diplomacy is not working, and there is no reason to suspect it will work at any point in the future. To be honest, of all the Alliance leaders, the one who's being most irrational and emotion driven is Jaina. Jaina is horrified at what she saw in the Third War, and is irrationally taking every step, including risking the lives of her people to try and prevent any conflict breaking out again. Every other Alliance leader is prepared for conflict. The Night Elves are at war with Garrosh's Clan over their decimation of Ahenvale without just cause. Not to mention the murder of their God. The Draenei's issues with the orcs stem even deeper than the humans. Magni's brother has lost countless friends to horde predations on expeditions. The only one who doesn't see the logic of the situation is Jaina. Unlike Garrosh, Wrynn has done nothing strictly out of spite. The Horde on the other hand continues conflict with the night elves for no reason at all other than to fight the night elves. They strike into the very cradle of human civilization out of spite. Wrynn is acting in an entirely reasonable and logical manner. There comes a time when continued efforts at diplomacy are no longer productive, and as such it would be irrational to continue them. For the Alliance, that time has come and gone.
tim Oct 4th 2009 10:01PM
I think it would be helpful if we stopped conflating two things concerning Varian: his STORY and its IMPLEMENTATION.
On the one hand, we have Varian. He's tough (hey, he's got scars on his face), he's strong (have you seen the size of his shoulders in the comic?), and he still has that necessary soft side (insert some conversation Varian had with his son here). If you consider Varian's background, he's at the very least not dislikable, if not likable though flawed (every character in Blizzard's lore is intentionally flawed; yes, even Thrall, Uther, Jaina, etc.).
But note that that's Varian's STORY--mostly told through out-of-game media such as comics.
On the other hand, consider the IMPLEMENTATION of said story that we currently have in game. I won't say much about it except that you must be a pretty hardcore fanboy/fangirl if you think it's a complete coincidence so many people (on both factions no less) consider Varian and Garrosh to be, if not he same, then very similar characters. Obviously they're very different, but that's not how Blizzard choose to implement them. Most people don't like Varian because of how his character is implemented - and frankly I don't blame them.
I mean, I get that people like Varian. I really do. The Alliance needed an active leader up front. The Horde had Thrall for a long time, who is hard to dislike (in before the special "I don't like Thrall" snowflake--you're in the minority). And though I wish the Alliance's forefront man could be a non-human, I understand Blizzard's desire to make it a primarily human/orc thing.
This said, I think a number of players (I'm looking at you, the guy who attacks everything against Varian with comic book lore wall-of-text) need to realize that, at the moment, Varian's lore is simply not implemented in the game in a manner that relates his story as it is told though other media. This could mean a number of things (i.e., WoW going in a different direction, Blizzard being lazy, etc.), but why don't we all take a breath and realize that we're confusing 2 very different things... lore and implementation of said lore.
Deadly. Off. Topic. Oct 5th 2009 9:35AM
Actually, a lot of Wrynn's background didn't just come from the comics. There's a lot of history that's come from the first 3 games too, but a note to point out - It's rather hard to merge or NOT to merge every media out there and just pick and chose what you want to hear.
Books, comics, prior games and current MMORPG, etc... they all blend into a nice big mess.
Darky Oct 5th 2009 10:53AM
All wow heroes are Greek style heroes in the making, They are all noble (or were) and are/were very likable but they have one flaw which gets worse over time and consumes them to the degree that they make a horrible mistake.
Extrox Oct 5th 2009 1:47PM
Anyone else find it quite humorous that the Orcs take all the blame for everything?
I hate to tell you, but those blueberries you have sided with you stirred the pot. First, innocently enough, they crash land on the Orcs home planet. Sargy, who's after the Draenei, follows them there and decides "Hey, lets corrupt this more primitive race. That way I don't have to get my hands dirty". Enter drama and corruption, then Orcs go "Orc Smash!" on the Draenei.
As they're killing all the blue ones off a member of the Alliance, good ol' Medivh, decides "Hey, lets open this portal and unleash these guys on the world! /evilcackle". Bam! Portal opens, Horde flows out.
Orcs lose 2 rounds, Alliance decides to throw 'em in camps to spare 'em (cool enough). Suddenly, fast forward a few years, those Blueberries crash land on Azeroth. Coincidently, the same planet that the Orcs are now on *cough* stalkers *cough*.
In other words, the Alliance, frankly, caused all their own problems. Except I guess part of the blame (well, most of it) goes to Sargeras.
Then again, these "Horde vs. Alliance" debates don't generally go back as far as they should. Alliance don't like seeing how much they've screwed themselves and their world over. First we put down the mad Night Elf, now we're taking on a lunatic former paladin who helped create the bonds of 2 of the Hordes factions (not of course without help from the "good guys"). Sylvanis and Kael had no reason to respect the Alliance, considering they were both abandoned when they were attacked by Arthas. I don't blame the Blood Elves one bit for going Horde.
Not to mention both of which are the "main" focus of their respective expansions and I'm sure the Naga will play a role in the future as well.
As for Varians little claim of Undercity belonging to the Alliance. It could have been if he hadn't had his people killing off the Forsaken. It belongs to it's rightful owners regardless of how he sees it. Personally, I completely understand why the Forsaken are out for blood. Their leader was killed by a Human Prince, most of the Forsaken were killed originally by their prince as well. I think I'd be pretty pissed too.
Anyone capable of seeing why Varian is ticked off should be quite adept of understanding the Forsakens attitude as well considering they went through a even MORE traumatizing experience. At least he had a "enemy" killing his people, the Forsaken had former friends and family members out for their heads. If Varian can go all hotheaded about the Horde because of his past, then the Forsaken have even more right to do so about the Alliance.
TLDR: World of Warcraft is essentially about the Alliance shooting themselves in the foot repeatedly.
rika13 Oct 4th 2009 2:40PM
reminds me of Saparmurat Niyazov, former Turkmenistan President for Life
after his self given title of Türkmenbaşy which means Leader of all Turkmen (also means father of all Turkmen)
copy/paste from wikipedia
# Niyazov banned the use of lip syncing at public concerts in 2005, citing a negative effect on the development of musical arts incurred by the use of recorded music.[21]
# Dog and cat ownership in the capital is restricted to one animal by a law restricting the keeping of herds of animals in Ashgabat.
# According to the Asgabat correspondent of Turkmenistan.ru right hand-drive imported cars converted to left-hand drive were banned due to a perceived increased risk in accidents.[22]
# Niyazov requested that a palace of ice be built near the capital, though Turkmenistan is a desert country with a hot and arid environment. The palace was never built.
# All hospitals outside of Ashgabat were ordered shut, with Niyazov feeling that sick people should come to the capital for treatment.
# He declared that doctors were to swear an oath to him directly instead of reciting the Hippocratic Oath.
# After having to quit smoking in 1997 due to his resultant heart surgery, he banned smoking in all public places and ordered all government employees to follow suit. Chewing tobacco on Turkmen soil was later banned as well.
# In February 2004 he decreed that men should no longer wear long hair or beards.[23]
# He also banned news reporters and anchors from wearing make-up on television, apparently because he had difficulty telling male and female newsreaders apart.
# Gold teeth were outlawed in Turkmenistan after Niyazov suggested that the populace chew on bones to strengthen their teeth and lessen the rate at which they fall out. He said:
he renamed january after himself and april after his mom, others after Turkic historical figures
the Neutrality Arch, which officially celebrates Turkmen neutrality, is topped with a large gold statue of him that rotates to always face the sun
The best part was his book (the Ruhnama) was to be prominently displayed at all bookstores and mosques, alongside the Qur'an; naturally there is a giant version in the capital that shows video and plays recorded passages from the book nightly at 8pm
Eli Oct 4th 2009 3:08PM
@Locks being pitied:
And then my hunter came along and tipped the balance by not only being able to kick their asses, but by getting several mounts that look cooler than their angry demon warhorses. (i.e. Attumen the Huntsman's Steed, not to mention the Mekgineer's Chopper) :D
macster Oct 4th 2009 3:33PM
Except...
All other mounts are less cool than the Xorothian Dreadsteed, because all other mounts CAN BE RIDDEN BY MAGES.
olzer Oct 4th 2009 3:40PM
Except our rather uber paladin mounts...
Warhorse.
Charger.
ARGENT CRUSADE CHARGER, HECK YEAH!
Eli Oct 4th 2009 4:21PM
@Both of you:
Sure, they *can* be ridden by the other classes, and to the paladin, they can't.
But:
EVERY paladin gets that mount.
I think rarity in the entire population makes my mounts much cooler than your mounts which are confined to a single class; which an 8th of the population has. Compare to the Attumen the Huntsman's Steed: Probably less than 1%. I was on alexstrasza for 2 years, only saw 2 other people on my server with it, and saw 4 in BGs. Switched to norgannon, then saw maybe 3 people there, tops, and 2 in BGs so far. Tell me, how many times do you see the pally charger around?