Drama Mamas: Too many cooks in the kitchen
by Lisa Poisso 
Oct 15th 2009 at 6:00PM
Meet the drama llama: the attention-starved, manipulative player who seems to get more of a charge from being immersed in emotionally charged social situations than from actually playing WoW. They're the ones responsible for creating friction in your raids, fanning flame wars on your forums and running guildmates out of Vent, right?
Not always.
Oh sure, drama llamas take top billing in many an online drama, starring in guild breakups and social meltdowns all over the globe. But the Drama Mamas see just as much drama generated by well-meaning players who take it upon themselves to "fix" unsavory situations -- when far be it from their place to do so. The heat feels hottest when there are too many cooks in the kitchen ...
Time to keep your head downDear Drama Mamas: I've been with a great raiding guild for a few months now and I really love it. The people are nice and although we are still progressing, it's a lot of fun and I have enjoyed it immensely.
There's just one problem. There's one guildie who's spoiling it for me. He's rude and immature, but I was able to tolerate that. What broke this camel's back was that yesterday I caught him ninjaing a PUG run we did together. I took a screenshot and privately approached our GM. He didn't say or do a thing about it that I can see. This guy is still in our guild and still raiding with us, and I can't help but feel that it's because he is friends with the GM.
I don't want to be raiding with a ninja, but I don't want to leave these people who feel like a second family to me. Since I've mentioned it to the GM, if I bring it up again, I will be the one causing the drama. What can I do? Signed, The Other Egg
Drama Mama Lisa: Egg, I hope you have a thick shell – because now is no time to crack under your own pressure. You're right: if you bring it up again, you'll be the one causing the drama.
So don't.
I'm willing to bet that the reason your guild is such a pleasant place to be is because there is a rule (whether explicitly written or implicitly understood) against public drama. It's a good bet that the matter was handled appropriately behind the scenes. Drama begets drama. It's not your place or your duty to witness any and all spankings.
Trust your GM. If the player ninjas something again, of course, you'll be perfectly within your rights to raise the matter with the GM anew. At that point, you'll need to be clear with yourself over whether or not the situation bugs you enough to quit the guild, especially should the GM continue to dodge the problem.
Oh, and BTW – quit PUGging with that annoying dude. Seriously. Life's too short to play with people who get under your skin. Now get out of here, quit worrying and go have some fun!
Drama Mama Robin: Egg, you handled it perfectly from the very beginning. You took a screenshot for proof and you approached your guild leader privately. You did not escalate the drama.
I probably would have immediately posted the screenshot on the guild forums along with a passionate rant and then regretted it the next day. Doing things like that makes you feel good because you're right! And justice is done! And so many people agree with you! But it's divisive and messy and while Rotten ninja'd the loot, I would have ninja'd the guild peace.
So pat yourself on the back for handling this so well, and good luck with minimizing contact with Rotten in the future. It's too bad there isn't a smart ignore function for guildies, where you can /ignore them during their butthead times and only hear them during raids -- but I guess you can accomplish that manually. Well done, Egg.
Dear Drama Mamas: Our guild has a "sister guild" that raids with us, and recently a few of their members have boycotted our raids. They are doing this because some of our top DPS can't make our new raid times. So their GM is telling her people to not show up, even though we have 15+ people sign up for every raid. What should we do? (I am not the GM, by the way.) Signed, Bothered by Boycott
Drama Mama Robin: Boycott Betty sounds like a real peach of a guild leader. By telling her members to boycott your joint raids, she is essentially nullifying your guild alliance. If you were the GM, I would suggest that you go back to your previous raid schedule and find another guild to ally with and/or try to fill your ranks with similarly scheduled players. Obviously, Boycott Betty is neither mature nor reasonable, and she is likely to handle loot issues and personality conflicts in a similar manner. (Has that been your experience previous to the boycott?)
But you're not the GM, so there is only so much you can do. Certainly, you must inform your guild leadership of the boycott, if they don't already know. Also, express your concerns (be calm, clear -- and most of all, concise) and offer any help, such as any flexibility in your schedule you may have. Just like with our answer to Caged Beast, offering up backup plans for the transition period would be a good idea.
Surely, with all of the people playing WoW, there must be more options on your server than having to deal with Boycott Betty. (I know, I know. Don't call you Shirley.) Hopefully, your guild will be able to find those options soon so that you can get back to raiding regularly.
Drama Mama Lisa: Do what needs doing: nothing. If you are absolutely certain that a boycott is what's keeping those raid slots empty (How do you know that the other GM is telling her members to boycott? Who said so?), then don't sign up, either. You don't need to contribute to this situation in any way, from the raids themselves to the politics swirling around them.
The most helpful thing you can do right now is to be the kind of mature, supportive guild member who makes guild events enjoyable, productive and drama-free. Remain active and supportive of your own guild's events, and let the GMs sort out the inevitable. That's what they're there for. Best wishes on getting your guild into a more productive alliance soon!
Remember, your mama wouldn't want to see your name on any drama. Play nice ... and when in doubt, ask the Drama Mamas at DramaMamas (at) WoW (dot) com.Filed under: Analysis / Opinion, Tips, WoW Social Conventions, Virtual selves, Features, Drama Mamas
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 3)
Wavemancali Oct 15th 2009 6:16PM
Drama Mamas,
So for the first question, your advice is ignore your morals and continue to guild with a ninja and a GM that supports a ninja. Glad I'm not in any of your guilds.
Turboblazer Oct 15th 2009 6:30PM
I wouldn't so much say that. You obviously didn't pay much attention. They said assume the GM handled the problem privately, as any GM worthy of leadership would have, rather than the alternative of doing openly and initiating more drama.
In this case the GM doesn't support a ninja, but would prefer a private chastisement rather than stringing up the perpetrator in town square.
They agree with you partially that if the ninja does not properly stop his actions that "The Other Egg" should consider leaving the guild.
Try reading the article, it helps when you critique it.
Random_Tangent Oct 15th 2009 6:33PM
Seconded.
Wavemancali Oct 15th 2009 6:37PM
I did read the article and I disagree. I honestly believe if a screenshot shows a ninja, that's a /gkick. There is no excuse for it.
Turboblazer Oct 15th 2009 6:44PM
I would prefer to give someone a second chance, but to each his own.
Branch Oct 15th 2009 6:57PM
Ninja = kick. A second chance? Was it ninja'd by mistake, oh sorry i got caught, won't happen again...yeah you're right, dodge this kick. A douche is a douche.
(cutaia) Oct 15th 2009 6:56PM
Wave,
Below you mention that you'd "rather be the guy that broke up the guild for not hanging with ninjas." Great...then you wouldn't have asked this question, would you? The person who DID ask, however, apparently doesn't want to be that guy.
This isn't an article about proper procedure for guild leaders. Nor is it an article about morals. Egg was specifically asking how he can handle this situation without causing drama.
Considering that, the question was answered fairly appropriately.
(One thing I do disagree with, however, is the idea that Egg shouldn't bring it up at all. I see no problem with whispering the GM sometime and saying, "Hey...out of curiosity, what was the result of that issue I brought up?")
It's also important to note that you're making some assumptions here. Perhaps the guild leader did punish him with a big loss of DKP or decided that the ninja's actions were out of ignorance and not maliciousness. The fact that he's still in the guild does not prove that nothing took place behind closed doors.
Aurigo Oct 15th 2009 6:59PM
Personally I would like some acknowledgement from the GM that proper action (to whatever degree) has been taken, and that the issue has not been ignored. Otherwise, it's probably not the right place to hang around if the GM and his friends are above the standards' of others.
Wavemancali Oct 15th 2009 7:19PM
@cutia
Lisa's advice was, you've brought it up once, never speak of it again. Assume he's been punished.
Robin said, you handled everything great congratulations now just try and avoid the thief.
In my opinion both really horrid pieces of advice. A guild isn't a secret society, it's a group of people trying to accomplish things together.
When I report behavior that is unacceptable like a ninja, I want to know how it's handled so I can make an appropriate response, which in this case for me would be to leave the guild. Just burying it under the table and thinking happy thoughts is not right.
I'm not suggesting long drawn out arguments about the situation, that's undue drama. Finding out whether a ninja will be kicked is necessary.
yiNXs Oct 15th 2009 8:45PM
I agree with Aurigo. A good leader should keep his/her people informed. After dealing with the problem he/she should tell that whistleblower about it. It doesn't matter if it's good or bad news, or even no news yet. Leaving somebody that knocked on your door wondering about what happened shows a strong lack of respect. That GM either doesn't want to bother, or simply doesn't care, there is no other explanation and both are wrong. You shouldn't have to wonder about his reasoning behind it too, it's his job as leader to fix these problems, and something is not fixed until everyone involved is notified that it's fixed: that's a global rule. As far as Egg's concerned the case is not closed yet. Assuming anything is done is wrong, because assuming is always wrong. Bringing it up again will not really cause the drama, because the drama has actually already been caused by the GM (hence Egg's mail). I think Egg realizes that bringing it up again will cause more drama (the open kind), because it seems actually quite obvious the GM has chosen to ignore the incident. I still think that talking this over, at least trying to, is the only way to get at peace with it, but with the risk of finding out that the GM is not a nice person. At least then you know the truth. The other solution is ignoring it.
Killchrono Oct 16th 2009 3:24AM
As for my actual opinion, I don't see any problem with contacting the GM so see what happened with the situation, but otherwise I agree with Robin and Lisa.
To the OP and the detractors in this thread, the point the article is making isn't saying you should condone ninjas or give them second chances. It's saying you shouldn't escalate drama just for the sake of your own moral justification. While some people may feel validated in doing so, especially if there really is foul play abound, purposely creating drama makes you appear to lack dignity and respect no matter how justified you are. If your actions create conflict that hurts innocent people and your justification is 'I'm doing what's right,' that's not justice, that's being vindictive. And most of all, it makes you look like a dick.
If the guild is really that bad, then leave. If it really is run by a corrupt GM and lets ninjas get away without punishment, it will gain a reputation for such or simply collapse from the corruption. THEN you can go back to whomever remains, say 'I was right' and get your moral validation.
Sinthar Oct 16th 2009 8:43AM
Hmmm i personally dont like this situation (the Egg one). If there is no visable reprimand or punishment then that sends the wrong message out to both the guild and the wow community imo. If i reported a ninja, i would expect SOME feedback at least. I dont mean each gory detail and written transcripts of all conversations, but definately something, even if it was the GM /w saying that it had been dealt with.
As a ranking admin of my guild, i have had to deal with several issues of this type. In the cases that were upheld, i booted the person AFTER announcing in guild (and that only after /w the guilty party to see if they had anything to add before the decision was final). Personally i liked my 'Ninja you are our weakest link - Goodbye' followed by gkick immediately after. Keeps the guild informed, gets rid of the problem, and everyone laughs, in one easy quick sentance.
To the Drama Mamma's (ugh still detest the name) - "to ASSUME is to make an ASS out of U and ME". The homily is true - so please DO NOT ASSUME. Theres enough drama out there to make a column without assuming essential details.That is VERY poor advice imo. If you had proceeded to state the opposite case, if the GM HASNT done anything THEN..... as well as the case where you think its been handled quietly, then id have accepted it as you covered both options. If your assumption is wrong, and the guilty party in this case IS ninjaing, and they are getting away with it because of RL friendships, then your advice leaves egg waiting to be ninja'd. If/when that happens it usually provokes a MUCH larger drama situation if people in the guild know their GM wont kick his RL mate for ninjaing. I know if that happened in my guild - id be looking for a new guild NOW.
Deadly. Off. Topic. Oct 16th 2009 10:11AM
I'd have to agree with Wavemancali though, without any feedback, poor Egg is going to feel as if their opinion doesn't matter - especially with proof of the screenshot.
talkingmike Oct 16th 2009 11:31AM
"It's saying you shouldn't escalate drama just for the sake of your own moral justification."
This is the most sound advice on this page. Keep your righteous indignation to yourself; if you threaten to leave if nothing is done, save us all some hassle and just leave already.
SithLlenniuq Oct 15th 2009 6:22PM
When I had a guild on Born tun (H), I /gkicked our top tank just for that reason. He ninja'd in a pug we were doing.
The guild fell apart shortly afterwards.
So what is the best case? For the morals or the best of the guild?
Wavemancali Oct 15th 2009 6:34PM
I'd rather be the guy that broke up the guild for not hanging with ninjas. You can always find another guild or start a new one with like minded people.
I'd rather fail with dignity than succeed by cheating.
Furious Kalleck Oct 15th 2009 6:37PM
Was it the first time your top tank ninja'd something? If so, then I'd warn him, and place an officer note saying he'd ninja'd before. Then, if he did it again, I'd open up a vote with the officers (or even the guild at large, if that's feasible) to see if he should be /gkicked.
While no public drama is often a good way to go, for /gkicks or substantial changes, I would always be open and clear with my guildmates about what's going on. IMO.
SithLlenniuq Oct 15th 2009 6:36PM
Yeah I'd have to agree, I dont regret what I did.
Dreyja Oct 15th 2009 6:48PM
Morals, always but I understand where everyone else is coming from.
William Oct 15th 2009 7:06PM
Gkicking for ninja'ing once doesn't seem appropriate at all. Even in society, the penalty for breaking the law is relative the severity of the crime commited. A warning seems more in line, and maybe gkick if the behaviour is continued.