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Drama Mamas: Too many cooks in the kitchen


Dodge the drama and become that player everyone wants in their group with the Drama Mamas. Lisa Poisso and Robin Torres are real-life mamas and experienced WoW players -- and just as we don't want our precious babies to be the ones kicking and wailing on the floor of checkout lane next to the candy, neither do we want you to become known as That Guy on your server. We're taking your questions at DramaMamas (at) WoW (dot) com.

Meet the drama llama: the attention-starved, manipulative player who seems to get more of a charge from being immersed in emotionally charged social situations than from actually playing WoW. They're the ones responsible for creating friction in your raids, fanning flame wars on your forums and running guildmates out of Vent, right?

Not always.

Oh sure, drama llamas take top billing in many an online drama, starring in guild breakups and social meltdowns all over the globe. But the Drama Mamas see just as much drama generated by well-meaning players who take it upon themselves to "fix" unsavory situations -- when far be it from their place to do so. The heat feels hottest when there are too many cooks in the kitchen ...

Time to keep your head down

Dear Drama Mamas: I've been with a great raiding guild for a few months now and I really love it. The people are nice and although we are still progressing, it's a lot of fun and I have enjoyed it immensely.

There's just one problem. There's one guildie who's spoiling it for me. He's rude and immature, but I was able to tolerate that. What broke this camel's back was that yesterday I caught him ninjaing a PUG run we did together. I took a screenshot and privately approached our GM. He didn't say or do a thing about it that I can see. This guy is still in our guild and still raiding with us, and I can't help but feel that it's because he is friends with the GM.

I don't want to be raiding with a ninja, but I don't want to leave these people who feel like a second family to me. Since I've mentioned it to the GM, if I bring it up again, I will be the one causing the drama. What can I do? Signed, The Other Egg


Drama Mama Lisa: Egg, I hope you have a thick shell – because now is no time to crack under your own pressure. You're right: if you bring it up again, you'll be the one causing the drama.

So don't.

I'm willing to bet that the reason your guild is such a pleasant place to be is because there is a rule (whether explicitly written or implicitly understood) against public drama. It's a good bet that the matter was handled appropriately behind the scenes. Drama begets drama. It's not your place or your duty to witness any and all spankings.

Trust your GM. If the player ninjas something again, of course, you'll be perfectly within your rights to raise the matter with the GM anew. At that point, you'll need to be clear with yourself over whether or not the situation bugs you enough to quit the guild, especially should the GM continue to dodge the problem.

Oh, and BTW – quit PUGging with that annoying dude. Seriously. Life's too short to play with people who get under your skin. Now get out of here, quit worrying and go have some fun!

Drama Mama Robin: Egg, you handled it perfectly from the very beginning. You took a screenshot for proof and you approached your guild leader privately. You did not escalate the drama.

I probably would have immediately posted the screenshot on the guild forums along with a passionate rant and then regretted it the next day. Doing things like that makes you feel good because you're right! And justice is done! And so many people agree with you! But it's divisive and messy and while Rotten ninja'd the loot, I would have ninja'd the guild peace.

So pat yourself on the back for handling this so well, and good luck with minimizing contact with Rotten in the future. It's too bad there isn't a smart ignore function for guildies, where you can /ignore them during their butthead times and only hear them during raids -- but I guess you can accomplish that manually. Well done, Egg.


Stay out of the madhouse

Dear Drama Mamas: Our guild has a "sister guild" that raids with us, and recently a few of their members have boycotted our raids. They are doing this because some of our top DPS can't make our new raid times. So their GM is telling her people to not show up, even though we have 15+ people sign up for every raid. What should we do? (I am not the GM, by the way.) Signed, Bothered by Boycott

Drama Mama Robin: Boycott Betty sounds like a real peach of a guild leader. By telling her members to boycott your joint raids, she is essentially nullifying your guild alliance. If you were the GM, I would suggest that you go back to your previous raid schedule and find another guild to ally with and/or try to fill your ranks with similarly scheduled players. Obviously, Boycott Betty is neither mature nor reasonable, and she is likely to handle loot issues and personality conflicts in a similar manner. (Has that been your experience previous to the boycott?)

But you're not the GM, so there is only so much you can do. Certainly, you must inform your guild leadership of the boycott, if they don't already know. Also, express your concerns (be calm, clear -- and most of all, concise) and offer any help, such as any flexibility in your schedule you may have. Just like with our answer to Caged Beast, offering up backup plans for the transition period would be a good idea.

Surely, with all of the people playing WoW, there must be more options on your server than having to deal with Boycott Betty. (I know, I know. Don't call you Shirley.) Hopefully, your guild will be able to find those options soon so that you can get back to raiding regularly.

Drama Mama Lisa: Do what needs doing: nothing. If you are absolutely certain that a boycott is what's keeping those raid slots empty (How do you know that the other GM is telling her members to boycott? Who said so?), then don't sign up, either. You don't need to contribute to this situation in any way, from the raids themselves to the politics swirling around them.

The most helpful thing you can do right now is to be the kind of mature, supportive guild member who makes guild events enjoyable, productive and drama-free. Remain active and supportive of your own guild's events, and let the GMs sort out the inevitable. That's what they're there for. Best wishes on getting your guild into a more productive alliance soon!

Remember, your mama wouldn't want to see your name on any drama. Play nice ... and when in doubt, ask the Drama Mamas at DramaMamas (at) WoW (dot) com.

Filed under: Analysis / Opinion, Tips, WoW Social Conventions, Virtual selves, Features, Drama Mamas

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