WoW, Casually: Deciding to raid as a parent
Robin Torres writes WoW, Casually for the player with limited playtime. Of course, you people with lots of playtime can read this too, but you may get annoyed by the fact that we are unashamed, even proud, of the fact that beating WoW isn't our highest priority. Take solace in the fact that your gear is better than ours, but if that doesn't work, remember that we outnumber you. Not that that's a threat, after all, we don't have time to do anything about it. But if WoW were a democracy, we'd win.
I finally hit 80 on my druid, Freja and since I am in The Spousal Unit's raiding guild, I was immediately able to put on some nice purples to help gear myself up. But gear myself up for what? Raiding has become much more accessible to those of us with limited playtime, but do I really want to go there?
Raiding involves more than just a contiguous block of time during which you can participate in a large group activity. Raids need and expect quite a lot from its members – more than just showing up and downing a few objectives, like you can in AV. If you, like me, are the primary caregiver in your household and have many other pursuits vying for your time, you need to consider many factors before making the decision to wade into the endgame.
Do you have the time?
Being able to set aside a contiguous block of time where you are not the primary caregiver is paramount to being able to raid, but just any old block of time free doesn't guarantee that there will be a raid available to you at that time. Sure, 8pm to midnight on a Friday night may be great for you, but is typically not the best time for most WoW players. If you can't make arrangements so that you are only interrupted for emergencies during an available and accessible raid time, then unfortunately raiding is not for you.
Do you know the right people?
Sure, there are successful PuGs progressing through raid content, but these groups also tend toward beingelitist buttheads very discerning. Unless you have the required achievements/gear, you won't be allowed in and will likely be insulted for your troubles. Your best bet is to get in on alt raids with a regular raiding guild. Alt raids won't be at the cutting edge of progression, but they will be lenient on your gear and will usually be patient as you learn -- since the regular raiders are usually learning new roles on their alts as well. Also, a casual raiding guild that is not so casual about scheduled start times will meet your needs. Because you have to coordinate your schedule with other family members, you absolutely need a guild that keeps to its raiding schedule.
Do you know your class role?
It's not just as simple as "I'm a hunter, therefore I'm DPS. Bang bang." If you have been primarily soloing through your career, you haven't been paying attention to things like threat and butt aggro. As a hybrid, you may have a choice between roles, but just because your class can tank, doesn't mean with your gear and experience that you should tank. And while being a healer certainly opens up more grouping opportunities, a bad healer in a group can be deadly, while a bad DPS often just slows things down. Talk to your raiding group and determine what role you will be playing. Take any advice they have as to what addons and research you need. Also, the class columns here at WoW.com are full of the info you require to be successful. If you don't have the time or inclination to learn about your role, then please don't try raiding -- for the sake of your frustration level and that of those you group with.
Are you willing and able to gear up?
Ok, you have the time, opportunity and skills to raid. But if you are poorly geared, you are just not going to be able to get the numbers needed to properly contribute. Of course, you need to raid to get the best gear for raiding, but your quest gear is just not going to cut it in the mean time. As of this writing, this is the best path to getting good gear, regardless of class, filling in the gaps with craftables (yes, you'll have to run a lot of instances):
WoWiki is the site that The Spousal Unit uses most for his raid strategies. Your raiding group probably has preferred links on their forums for you to study. If the Raid Leader has to stop and explain the strategy before each encounter, you are not going to be wanted back. Take the time during lunchbreaks or whenever is convenient to read up on instances before you run them. If you don't, you'll be wasting everybody's time, including your own.
Can you take criticism?
We learn best from our mistakes and you are going to make a lot of them. People are going to be forcing their advice on you and they are not always going to be nice about it. Of course, you don't have to accept verbal abuse and should avoid anyone who has anger issues. But multiple oops moments on your part are going to frustrate people to the point where they forget to use tact. Just as your fellow raiders are going to try to be patient with you, you are going to have to grow some thick skin and try to follow their advice. If you are going through an emotional phase due to, say, pregnancy or sleep deprivation due to infant, I highly recommend avoiding raiding until after you've had the little one and he/she is on some kind of successful sleep schedule. You don't need criticism about a game when your hormones have that covered, thank you very much.
Is this really how you want to spend your leisure time?
I've saved the most important question for last. Because others depend on you to show up and do a good job, even if you only do it once a week in older content, you have to answer the above questions positively and be willing to keep it up. But if you don't think theorycrafting and grinding is fun, then you really, really shouldn't waste your time on raiding. Really. Your leisure time needs to reduce the stress of the rest of your life and, therefore, should be fun. Don't waste your WoW time on something you think is drudgery, even if your friends and family are begging you to do it.
Whatever you do, don't let fear be the reason you don't try raiding. We all make mistakes, even seasoned raiders. To paraphrase one of my favorite Disney movies, we learn from failure -- success, not so much. If you do think raiding is for you and you think you can successfully balance it with parenting and all of your other real life duties, then now is a great time to go for it. Raiding opportunities abound for casuals and you should definitely take advantage of them. I'm still deciding if I want to put in the work. I'll keep you posted.
WoW, Casually is a column for those of us who are playtime-challenged. We've got your guides for choosing the best class, finding a casual guild, keeping your account safe and choosing the best addons for casual play. But wait there's more! If you have questions or tips about how to get the most out of your limited playtime, please send them to robin AT wow DOT com for a possible future column.
I finally hit 80 on my druid, Freja and since I am in The Spousal Unit's raiding guild, I was immediately able to put on some nice purples to help gear myself up. But gear myself up for what? Raiding has become much more accessible to those of us with limited playtime, but do I really want to go there?
Raiding involves more than just a contiguous block of time during which you can participate in a large group activity. Raids need and expect quite a lot from its members – more than just showing up and downing a few objectives, like you can in AV. If you, like me, are the primary caregiver in your household and have many other pursuits vying for your time, you need to consider many factors before making the decision to wade into the endgame.
Do you have the time?
Being able to set aside a contiguous block of time where you are not the primary caregiver is paramount to being able to raid, but just any old block of time free doesn't guarantee that there will be a raid available to you at that time. Sure, 8pm to midnight on a Friday night may be great for you, but is typically not the best time for most WoW players. If you can't make arrangements so that you are only interrupted for emergencies during an available and accessible raid time, then unfortunately raiding is not for you.
Do you know the right people?
Sure, there are successful PuGs progressing through raid content, but these groups also tend toward being
Do you know your class role?
It's not just as simple as "I'm a hunter, therefore I'm DPS. Bang bang." If you have been primarily soloing through your career, you haven't been paying attention to things like threat and butt aggro. As a hybrid, you may have a choice between roles, but just because your class can tank, doesn't mean with your gear and experience that you should tank. And while being a healer certainly opens up more grouping opportunities, a bad healer in a group can be deadly, while a bad DPS often just slows things down. Talk to your raiding group and determine what role you will be playing. Take any advice they have as to what addons and research you need. Also, the class columns here at WoW.com are full of the info you require to be successful. If you don't have the time or inclination to learn about your role, then please don't try raiding -- for the sake of your frustration level and that of those you group with.
Are you willing and able to gear up?
Ok, you have the time, opportunity and skills to raid. But if you are poorly geared, you are just not going to be able to get the numbers needed to properly contribute. Of course, you need to raid to get the best gear for raiding, but your quest gear is just not going to cut it in the mean time. As of this writing, this is the best path to getting good gear, regardless of class, filling in the gaps with craftables (yes, you'll have to run a lot of instances):
- Regular Trial of the Champion
- Heroic 5 man instances for badges
- PuGable 10 mans
WoWiki is the site that The Spousal Unit uses most for his raid strategies. Your raiding group probably has preferred links on their forums for you to study. If the Raid Leader has to stop and explain the strategy before each encounter, you are not going to be wanted back. Take the time during lunchbreaks or whenever is convenient to read up on instances before you run them. If you don't, you'll be wasting everybody's time, including your own.
Can you take criticism?
We learn best from our mistakes and you are going to make a lot of them. People are going to be forcing their advice on you and they are not always going to be nice about it. Of course, you don't have to accept verbal abuse and should avoid anyone who has anger issues. But multiple oops moments on your part are going to frustrate people to the point where they forget to use tact. Just as your fellow raiders are going to try to be patient with you, you are going to have to grow some thick skin and try to follow their advice. If you are going through an emotional phase due to, say, pregnancy or sleep deprivation due to infant, I highly recommend avoiding raiding until after you've had the little one and he/she is on some kind of successful sleep schedule. You don't need criticism about a game when your hormones have that covered, thank you very much.
Is this really how you want to spend your leisure time?
I've saved the most important question for last. Because others depend on you to show up and do a good job, even if you only do it once a week in older content, you have to answer the above questions positively and be willing to keep it up. But if you don't think theorycrafting and grinding is fun, then you really, really shouldn't waste your time on raiding. Really. Your leisure time needs to reduce the stress of the rest of your life and, therefore, should be fun. Don't waste your WoW time on something you think is drudgery, even if your friends and family are begging you to do it.
Whatever you do, don't let fear be the reason you don't try raiding. We all make mistakes, even seasoned raiders. To paraphrase one of my favorite Disney movies, we learn from failure -- success, not so much. If you do think raiding is for you and you think you can successfully balance it with parenting and all of your other real life duties, then now is a great time to go for it. Raiding opportunities abound for casuals and you should definitely take advantage of them. I'm still deciding if I want to put in the work. I'll keep you posted.
Filed under: Analysis / Opinion, Raiding, WoW, Casually







Reader Comments (Page 1 of 3)
inthemidst01 Nov 9th 2009 10:07PM
Where do you guys find these photos? This one and the one shown on the most recent "Drama Mama" article are both rather odd, as if you went rummaging through someone's personal family album in the backcountry.
Robin Torres Nov 9th 2009 10:45PM
The Commons http://www.flickr.com/commons/ is a set of public domain photos from sources all over the world. As you can tell, I am completely enamored with them. I always make sure to set the photos up so that if you click them, you go to the source and read the stories.
I like this particular photo because they all look healthy, though they live in a homemade home with cardboard for wallpaper/insulation.
dawnseven Nov 10th 2009 8:12AM
Thanks for asking the question (and answering it). I was wondering the same thing. The girl on the far left looks like she's wearing her mom's old dress (which she might) but more importantly she looks like she got a good spanking 5 mins before the picture was taken.
KruelTerrokar Nov 9th 2009 10:13PM
Gearing up isnt as horrible as it once was. Normal TOC, and HTOC Pugs....plus Vault and the lopsided pug Naxx allows people to easily gear up in a few weeks.
Veranilla Nov 9th 2009 10:13PM
A "game" should never equate "work," or becoming a virtual mirror of actual "work," as in having to deal with 1, 2, or numerous abrasive, fun-killing "coworkers."
Personally, this is the key factor in why I don't "raid."
briker Nov 9th 2009 10:15PM
Thanks for the insight. As an expectant father-to-be, I am starting to consider the ramifications of less time available to me to do the things I normally want to do. How to balance an incoming baby vs the habits I have formed around playing this game is going to take some adjusting. Of course, that goes for everything else in life as well. By the time Cataclysm rolls around, I hope to have it worked out.
You know what though? There are worse problems in life to deal with. This conflict is win-win all the way.
Good luck to all you parents out there. May your lewts be phat, and your children happy.
Kyle Nov 10th 2009 1:51AM
As a father of three the only advice I can give is get used to doing things on your childs schedule. You will still have plenty of free time (infants sleep 75% of the day) but it will not be a set schedule for several months. There will be plenty of times you sit there bored twiddling your thumbs while your baby sleeps but the minute you accept that raid invite to TOC theyre sure to wake up.
Battlegrounds and console games were a lifesaver. Anything that you can pause or just take the deserter debuff is the way to go.
Congratulations on the soon to be baby!
Snowfeather Nov 10th 2009 9:23AM
As a mother of a 15mo old, I couldn't agree with Kyle more here. I've been playing since WoW landed, and always raiding, even meeting my hubby in one of my old raiding guilds. In the last month I sat down and reevaluated my raiding desire however. Sure, the kiddo went to sleep half way through a raid, and Naxx was easy enough to take care of bottles and diapers during trash [I'm just a moonkin so the group could leave me behind or on follow on someone easy between bosses]. But then Ulduar and ToC hit, no trash between bosses, or at least not enough to make it easy for me.
Then there was the fact that I didn't get to see my husband a lot. He's a service plumber, gets home late sometimes, just enough time to -maybe- scarf down some food at the table and rush to the comp for invites. Then he was asleep about 2 hours before the raid got over. The last month I took a vacation from wow, getting things ready for our wedding on Halloween, and I have to say, being able to relax and go to bed after the wee one was asleep was awesome.
As a parent, especially as the primary caregiver, not only do you have to weigh the pros and cons of being able to have time for the raiding; but you have to weigh the pros and cons of how it will affect the time frames of the people around you. Also, if you do decide to raid, don't let it consume you. It's easy to let happen, so watch for it. When you start to put off responding to the children as they learn new things [like hand you things and say "thank you"] then it may be time to reevaluate your situation again.
Children don't stay little long, they don't want to be held while they have that bottle, or sit still on yoru lap and watch what you are doing. Cherish those moments before they slip away.
agnignus Nov 10th 2009 12:48PM
As a previously raiding, now father to a 5 month old boy, raiding pretty much stopped altogether. When I am needed, he comes first. AFK's with minimal notice in the middle of a raid make you a liability. Thus, I only raid as an alternate with the full understanding of my guild that I might drop out at any second with baby aggro.
I am lucky that Ascension on Madoran are such good people. I was a pretty hardcore raider before my boy, and I think they make allowances for me now.
I just try to keep myself moderately raid viable with badge gear and working over the auction house to get money for the current crafting orbs.
AeZ Nov 9th 2009 10:52PM
I am a parent, and help run a successful raiding guild - while managing life/etc. It goes into TIME MANAGEMENT skills. If you want to do something, you'll figure out how to do it.
danawhitaker Nov 9th 2009 10:54PM
There's no such thing as time management when you're the single parent of a toddler. Period. There are simply some things you cannot do, short of hiring a babysitter or conning a relative into watching your child. As kids get older, I agree, there's more flexibility as children have the necessary skills (and often desire) to entertain themselves without your constant supervision to ensure they aren't blowing up the house. But below a certain age, the high probability you'll need to AFK at any moment outweighs the desire to raid. The fact that my actions alone would inconvenience/screw up an encounter for 4/9/24 other people means that I just don't put myself in those situations when I know my child will be a distraction.
I raid/play for the most part after my child's asleep. Unfortunately, that means that I'm trying to run stuff outside of prime time, when most people are asleep or finishing up their raids. It's something I'll have to live with - again, short of hiring a babysitter, which I wouldn't be willing to do.
AeZ Nov 9th 2009 11:03PM
It is time management. Again - you need to find a guild that would fit your specific needs. I know single mother of 4 children - who raids- reliably so. AFKs may happen but it's a rarity not a planned for. 99% of our raiders are working parents/adults with jobs - it can be done. But it is a balancing act as is any recreation for a parent.
There are guilds that raid outside of prime time. I've seen many late night raiding guilds post for recruitment. The key is know what you want out of a guild and raid environment and finding it- not settling.
To each his own- but I would be the first one to agree - RL and kids/spouses/etc are more important. Schedules are important - for a reason.
LeepinLeemur Nov 9th 2009 10:37PM
If you click on the photo you can see most of the details from library of congress.
Hairfish Nov 9th 2009 10:42PM
Mouseover the photo. Looks like a link to its origin has been added. Thanks!
"Your leisure time needs to reduce the stress of the rest of your life and, therefore, should be fun." That statement sums up why I *don't* raid at this time. Too many bad pugs...being made to feel like an outsider on runs with others' guilds...doing research on fights only to find that those I'm running with haven't done the same... Nah. Not fun. My three lvl 80's are in a holding pattern.
Altoholism in full bloom. ;)
johnnype Nov 10th 2009 6:25PM
I think this piece was written with me in mind because it describes my life perfectly. I like WoW but don't have the time to raid. My guild is great but they really don't have the interest to walk me through the ropes of end game content. My Hunter is undergeared and I end up doing solo quests in Northrend. C'est la vie.
Brouck Nov 9th 2009 10:51PM
best advice to raiding parents, especially of younger children, try to find a guild of parents that raid in your suppossed downtime. A guild of like-minded people understand when you have to afk for 10 minutes to give the baby a bottle at nighttime. It was the best move I ever made!
Ellemir Nov 9th 2009 11:46PM
Agreed. To be a parent and raid - raid with other parents. That's what we do. We have three parents in this household, and three kids, and the parents all raid together. Takes some juggling. We always try to plan things ahead, get them fed before raid starts if we can, use a scheduled AFK to take care of their needs, but the group understands if we have a sudden kid emergency - and we understand when they do.
Stages Nov 10th 2009 1:01AM
I completely agree. My husband and I are in a casual 10 man raiding guild. We have a toddler, and we would never be able to do all of it if our guildies didn't have kids of their own.
Rhamona Q Nov 10th 2009 1:09AM
Also, if you just can't find a parent-friendly guild on your server that runs at good times for you, consider a server in another time zone, where "prime raid time" coincides with your downtime.
Rob Nov 9th 2009 11:07PM
I'll tell you honestly. If you are in a social guild, raiding will be hard. People will be undergeared, not prepared, don't know the fights, dont have addons, don't use vent, etc. Our social guild does its best to have 3 raids a week for 2.5 hours each, and that's pretty tough. Alot of times we can't get 10 ppl together to do even the simplist of raids like naxx.
On the other hand, if you are in a more progressed guild that has compatible raid schedules, this is the most efficient use of your time, however many guilds do not really run old instances or do so at unscheduled times (==bad for time-pressed players). Usually the good guilds will be ready to raid at the raid time and prepared, but many have very long raid times (4 hours 3 times a week is common).
Anyway raiding is a blast but it's a huge time commitment to one toon and one guild to progress as much as you can content and gear-wise.