WoW, Casually: Deciding to raid as a parent
Robin Torres writes WoW, Casually for the player with limited playtime. Of course, you people with lots of playtime can read this too, but you may get annoyed by the fact that we are unashamed, even proud, of the fact that beating WoW isn't our highest priority. Take solace in the fact that your gear is better than ours, but if that doesn't work, remember that we outnumber you. Not that that's a threat, after all, we don't have time to do anything about it. But if WoW were a democracy, we'd win.
I finally hit 80 on my druid, Freja and since I am in The Spousal Unit's raiding guild, I was immediately able to put on some nice purples to help gear myself up. But gear myself up for what? Raiding has become much more accessible to those of us with limited playtime, but do I really want to go there?
Raiding involves more than just a contiguous block of time during which you can participate in a large group activity. Raids need and expect quite a lot from its members – more than just showing up and downing a few objectives, like you can in AV. If you, like me, are the primary caregiver in your household and have many other pursuits vying for your time, you need to consider many factors before making the decision to wade into the endgame.
Do you have the time?
Being able to set aside a contiguous block of time where you are not the primary caregiver is paramount to being able to raid, but just any old block of time free doesn't guarantee that there will be a raid available to you at that time. Sure, 8pm to midnight on a Friday night may be great for you, but is typically not the best time for most WoW players. If you can't make arrangements so that you are only interrupted for emergencies during an available and accessible raid time, then unfortunately raiding is not for you.
Do you know the right people?
Sure, there are successful PuGs progressing through raid content, but these groups also tend toward beingelitist buttheads very discerning. Unless you have the required achievements/gear, you won't be allowed in and will likely be insulted for your troubles. Your best bet is to get in on alt raids with a regular raiding guild. Alt raids won't be at the cutting edge of progression, but they will be lenient on your gear and will usually be patient as you learn -- since the regular raiders are usually learning new roles on their alts as well. Also, a casual raiding guild that is not so casual about scheduled start times will meet your needs. Because you have to coordinate your schedule with other family members, you absolutely need a guild that keeps to its raiding schedule.
Do you know your class role?
It's not just as simple as "I'm a hunter, therefore I'm DPS. Bang bang." If you have been primarily soloing through your career, you haven't been paying attention to things like threat and butt aggro. As a hybrid, you may have a choice between roles, but just because your class can tank, doesn't mean with your gear and experience that you should tank. And while being a healer certainly opens up more grouping opportunities, a bad healer in a group can be deadly, while a bad DPS often just slows things down. Talk to your raiding group and determine what role you will be playing. Take any advice they have as to what addons and research you need. Also, the class columns here at WoW.com are full of the info you require to be successful. If you don't have the time or inclination to learn about your role, then please don't try raiding -- for the sake of your frustration level and that of those you group with.
Are you willing and able to gear up?
Ok, you have the time, opportunity and skills to raid. But if you are poorly geared, you are just not going to be able to get the numbers needed to properly contribute. Of course, you need to raid to get the best gear for raiding, but your quest gear is just not going to cut it in the mean time. As of this writing, this is the best path to getting good gear, regardless of class, filling in the gaps with craftables (yes, you'll have to run a lot of instances):
WoWiki is the site that The Spousal Unit uses most for his raid strategies. Your raiding group probably has preferred links on their forums for you to study. If the Raid Leader has to stop and explain the strategy before each encounter, you are not going to be wanted back. Take the time during lunchbreaks or whenever is convenient to read up on instances before you run them. If you don't, you'll be wasting everybody's time, including your own.
Can you take criticism?
We learn best from our mistakes and you are going to make a lot of them. People are going to be forcing their advice on you and they are not always going to be nice about it. Of course, you don't have to accept verbal abuse and should avoid anyone who has anger issues. But multiple oops moments on your part are going to frustrate people to the point where they forget to use tact. Just as your fellow raiders are going to try to be patient with you, you are going to have to grow some thick skin and try to follow their advice. If you are going through an emotional phase due to, say, pregnancy or sleep deprivation due to infant, I highly recommend avoiding raiding until after you've had the little one and he/she is on some kind of successful sleep schedule. You don't need criticism about a game when your hormones have that covered, thank you very much.
Is this really how you want to spend your leisure time?
I've saved the most important question for last. Because others depend on you to show up and do a good job, even if you only do it once a week in older content, you have to answer the above questions positively and be willing to keep it up. But if you don't think theorycrafting and grinding is fun, then you really, really shouldn't waste your time on raiding. Really. Your leisure time needs to reduce the stress of the rest of your life and, therefore, should be fun. Don't waste your WoW time on something you think is drudgery, even if your friends and family are begging you to do it.
Whatever you do, don't let fear be the reason you don't try raiding. We all make mistakes, even seasoned raiders. To paraphrase one of my favorite Disney movies, we learn from failure -- success, not so much. If you do think raiding is for you and you think you can successfully balance it with parenting and all of your other real life duties, then now is a great time to go for it. Raiding opportunities abound for casuals and you should definitely take advantage of them. I'm still deciding if I want to put in the work. I'll keep you posted.
WoW, Casually is a column for those of us who are playtime-challenged. We've got your guides for choosing the best class, finding a casual guild, keeping your account safe and choosing the best addons for casual play. But wait there's more! If you have questions or tips about how to get the most out of your limited playtime, please send them to robin AT wow DOT com for a possible future column.
I finally hit 80 on my druid, Freja and since I am in The Spousal Unit's raiding guild, I was immediately able to put on some nice purples to help gear myself up. But gear myself up for what? Raiding has become much more accessible to those of us with limited playtime, but do I really want to go there?
Raiding involves more than just a contiguous block of time during which you can participate in a large group activity. Raids need and expect quite a lot from its members – more than just showing up and downing a few objectives, like you can in AV. If you, like me, are the primary caregiver in your household and have many other pursuits vying for your time, you need to consider many factors before making the decision to wade into the endgame.
Do you have the time?
Being able to set aside a contiguous block of time where you are not the primary caregiver is paramount to being able to raid, but just any old block of time free doesn't guarantee that there will be a raid available to you at that time. Sure, 8pm to midnight on a Friday night may be great for you, but is typically not the best time for most WoW players. If you can't make arrangements so that you are only interrupted for emergencies during an available and accessible raid time, then unfortunately raiding is not for you.
Do you know the right people?
Sure, there are successful PuGs progressing through raid content, but these groups also tend toward being
Do you know your class role?
It's not just as simple as "I'm a hunter, therefore I'm DPS. Bang bang." If you have been primarily soloing through your career, you haven't been paying attention to things like threat and butt aggro. As a hybrid, you may have a choice between roles, but just because your class can tank, doesn't mean with your gear and experience that you should tank. And while being a healer certainly opens up more grouping opportunities, a bad healer in a group can be deadly, while a bad DPS often just slows things down. Talk to your raiding group and determine what role you will be playing. Take any advice they have as to what addons and research you need. Also, the class columns here at WoW.com are full of the info you require to be successful. If you don't have the time or inclination to learn about your role, then please don't try raiding -- for the sake of your frustration level and that of those you group with.
Are you willing and able to gear up?
Ok, you have the time, opportunity and skills to raid. But if you are poorly geared, you are just not going to be able to get the numbers needed to properly contribute. Of course, you need to raid to get the best gear for raiding, but your quest gear is just not going to cut it in the mean time. As of this writing, this is the best path to getting good gear, regardless of class, filling in the gaps with craftables (yes, you'll have to run a lot of instances):
- Regular Trial of the Champion
- Heroic 5 man instances for badges
- PuGable 10 mans
WoWiki is the site that The Spousal Unit uses most for his raid strategies. Your raiding group probably has preferred links on their forums for you to study. If the Raid Leader has to stop and explain the strategy before each encounter, you are not going to be wanted back. Take the time during lunchbreaks or whenever is convenient to read up on instances before you run them. If you don't, you'll be wasting everybody's time, including your own.
Can you take criticism?
We learn best from our mistakes and you are going to make a lot of them. People are going to be forcing their advice on you and they are not always going to be nice about it. Of course, you don't have to accept verbal abuse and should avoid anyone who has anger issues. But multiple oops moments on your part are going to frustrate people to the point where they forget to use tact. Just as your fellow raiders are going to try to be patient with you, you are going to have to grow some thick skin and try to follow their advice. If you are going through an emotional phase due to, say, pregnancy or sleep deprivation due to infant, I highly recommend avoiding raiding until after you've had the little one and he/she is on some kind of successful sleep schedule. You don't need criticism about a game when your hormones have that covered, thank you very much.
Is this really how you want to spend your leisure time?
I've saved the most important question for last. Because others depend on you to show up and do a good job, even if you only do it once a week in older content, you have to answer the above questions positively and be willing to keep it up. But if you don't think theorycrafting and grinding is fun, then you really, really shouldn't waste your time on raiding. Really. Your leisure time needs to reduce the stress of the rest of your life and, therefore, should be fun. Don't waste your WoW time on something you think is drudgery, even if your friends and family are begging you to do it.
Whatever you do, don't let fear be the reason you don't try raiding. We all make mistakes, even seasoned raiders. To paraphrase one of my favorite Disney movies, we learn from failure -- success, not so much. If you do think raiding is for you and you think you can successfully balance it with parenting and all of your other real life duties, then now is a great time to go for it. Raiding opportunities abound for casuals and you should definitely take advantage of them. I'm still deciding if I want to put in the work. I'll keep you posted.
Filed under: Analysis / Opinion, Raiding, WoW, Casually
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Reader Comments (Page 3 of 3)
th0093 Nov 10th 2009 6:05AM
As a parent of 4 (not a single parent, bless you who are) time is always a challenge when it comes to WoW. The key to me is finding a great guild. The guild I belong to has a wide range of players, many who are north of 30 years old, and allows for a diverse play style. We casually raid (that means 1 time per week, my definition of casual). To minimize the disruption at home I only try to log into WoW after 8:30pm which is the kids bed time. I may have time to run 1 instance or maybe some dailies.
Would I like to play more? Sure, you bet. But in my life you have to balance the family needs and play time has to come second. The raiding I will do will always be minimal, but that's OK. I enjoy my limited time in WoW, I never suffer burnout and enjoy all of the folks that are in my guild.
Find a great guild. Focus on family first. Keep the home life happy and WoW will be there.
Bearbehind Nov 10th 2009 6:19AM
I'm a dad of a 2 year old - and have been playing wow all that time and more.
I now raid 4 nights a week + in 2 different groups and still get time to be a good dad. How? here's what i have learned:
1) Mature guilds are great if you can fond one - the more understanding the better. Ask around for such a guild as they do exist.
2) Set a schedule with your other half to take turns to meet your sprog's needs. I alternate with my wife so I am completely free (Short of the odd code brown disaster) once the little one has gone to bed.
3) I only play/raid when my son has gone to bed - so won't log till 8:30 at least. Most raids have started by then - so whats the answer? Time share... Fact is alot of younger players need to log early - around 9/10:00 so have the same issue as you in reverse... Have an agreement that you will fill that player's raid slot when they need to log, so a raid can switched quickly without interruption. I know 6 people who make up raid slot pairs like this.
4) Be the standby player. get into a pug raid? Play well and make the RL aware that you are often available for Fillers. They will often add people to friends lists and be after players at all sorts of times when they have openings/dropped slots.
Be flexible and mature and you can be the raider you want to be :D
Bearbehind Nov 10th 2009 6:34AM
Sorry - point 2 should read:
2) Set a schedule with your other half to take turns to meet your sprog's needs. I alternate with my wife so I am completely free (Short of the odd code brown disaster) once the little one has gone to bed - every other night
really ought to check posts before posting :D
Pemberton Nov 10th 2009 8:17AM
A "5 minute editing window" on posts would be handy here.
dawnseven Nov 10th 2009 8:27AM
Alternating time with my spouse is what worked for me as well. We're in the same guild, we both raid, and we like playing to together, but it got to be too much. There was a lot of stress involved in both of us being ready and then "out of pocket" at the same time, so we went on an alternating raid schedule with one week on, one week off. We didn't gear up quite as fast as some others but it was nice during your week to sit down and raid for 3 hours, 3 nights a week undisturbed while the other took care of other things that needed to be done and was available for handling bad dreams or that 10pm "I need a drink of water" announcement.
Pemberton Nov 10th 2009 7:52AM
I got the double whammy of being both a parent and a night shift worker. The kids get to bed at 9pm and I have to get ready for Work at 10pm. I haven't raided much for that reason. I run instances on weekend nights only because that's then only time I have log periods of free time when people are playing. Trying to get into a morning PUG on Eitrigg-US - the LFG channel is eight hunters. I'm in a very nice casual guild, though.
Blizz has worked wonders though - shorter instances are wonderful for me! No four-hour wipe fests in PUGs! And the short raids like VOA and Onyxia - bless Blizz!
I'm looking forward to the new LFG system. It's going to be fried gold for us people who want to run an instance in the morning after the kids go to school.
Rob Nov 10th 2009 8:50AM
@Pem There are a handful of day raiding guilds. I found one of them (Epic on ET-A). Google day raiding guild list and there is a list out there. That may be your best bet if you want to do stuff during the day. There are also post-night shift guilds that raid at like 8am.
Laura Nov 10th 2009 12:49PM
I'm on Eitrigg as well and work from home (own my own business). I will often log on around lunch time or sometimes in the morning if work is slow. A few of my guildmates log on then as well, but not enough to get a full group together and sometimes they're at work and just checking on AH stuff anyway. I also like to play on weekend mornings around 7 server and it's hard to pug something then too. I'm Zalsonna--look me up sometime if you want to get a pug going.
Re: raiding time as a parent. I raid twice a week. I see guildies raiding more often with pugs. I'm not a fan of pugging a raid. My gear is good, but I've had enough experiences of being made fun of just because I'm not running 25s regularly that I avoid pugs for larger raids. My kids are older and so I don't have to tend to them the way I did when they were little, but we still have some family activities that I don't want to miss out on. So, twice a week raiding is probably going to be it for me.
catharsis80 Nov 10th 2009 8:00AM
A friend of mine raided in BC. He left WoW for a while, and when he came back, leveled a warrior all the way to 80, he realized he didn't want to raid. His reasoning was that when people get to 80, all of a sudden it's like everyone becomes a jerk. Also, raiding takes a lot of time. Those two things in combination do not equal fun. I tend to agree, though I have raided some.
Kal Nov 10th 2009 8:16AM
It is very possible to raid at a competitive level as a parent. I'm a single parent to a 4-year-old and I raid in one of the top guilds in the US (currently top 5 US). I spend most of the day playing with my daughter and take care of everything before the raid (dinner, bath, etc). At 7pm she usually gets an hour of TV/movie/whatever (it's a treat for her, since we spend a lot of time outside or doing other things during the day) and she goes to bed around 8pm.
My guild starts raiding at 7pm and I usually wait for a "break" time in the raid (a time when we're switching instances, switching people in/out for bosses, other people taking bio breaks, etc) and take my daughter to bed then.
It's all about how you manage your time. It is very possible to be a good parent AND raid in WoW. It just has to be a commitment as much as anything else.
That said, I don't know that it would be possible with a baby or younger child who could randomly require something at any given moment. My daughter is almost 5 and can do everything herself (like go to the bathroom, get a drink, get toys).
Heuer Nov 10th 2009 8:38AM
I think pugging is definitely a viable alternative. Each week I lead 6 pug raids and am pretty successful: VoA 10/25 (ok no great shakes), onyxia 10/25 (usually one shot both no prob) and ToC 10/25 (usually clear 10 with 2 or less wipes, 25 man have gotten through faction champs). No I am not clearing ToGC I will give you that. At the same time I probably would being getting bosses down if all the people who are properly geared for it were not saved with guild runs. My only point is that there are numerous ways to make raids work for you, and one way is to run them yourself. A tip for people looking to do this, which may seem obvious, but you wouldn't believe the number of people who are shocked. Every time you play with an exceptional player, add them to your friends with a note of the roles they can fill. I can usually fill out my tanks with people I know are good players AND a couple of dps and healers.
lanceg Nov 10th 2009 9:14AM
For all you game playing parents out there: Don't forget the best game is being a parent!
I found this out the hard way. I went from staring at a video screen, to looking at the backs of my children as they grew up and left the house.
We barely talk now.
Please be careful.
Christina Nov 10th 2009 9:26AM
This is a great post!
My husband and I used to do a lot of raiding when Wrath was first released, but ended up getting a bit burnt out and took a break. Lately I've been wanting to get back into the raiding scene, but I had several factors to consider. Firstly, I am now pregnant with our first child and while I do technically have time to raid at the moment, I wonder if it's something I really want to get back into and if I'd be able to continue raiding once the baby is born. I was leaning towards the side of no, I would not be able to continue it. This is our first child after all, and I am going to have a lot of learning to do after the baby is born. Your post pretty much solidified my choice. You bring up a lot of considerations that I didn't even think about when I started considering going back to raiding and I am really glad that you did bring them up.
Raiding it seems, is just not going to be an aspect of the game that I am going to be able to participate in right now and... I'm ok with that. There are lots of other less time consuming things that I can take part in both while pregnant and after the baby is born.
Thanks for the post :)
Rapskallion Nov 10th 2009 9:53AM
I, too, am a parent to two little ones (almost four and eight months) and am in a four night a week raiding guild. When I was looking for a raid guild (both in TBC and recently) I made sure to find one that had times which worked for me.
At first I was on a CST server raiding with a guild that started at 9pm. However, finding guilds that start that late are rare (only three on my original server). Now I'm on a PST server. Most guilds start their runs at 7pm, which is my 9pm. Since my kids are always in bed by 8:00-8:30 it works out.
Some times it just takes effort to find a raid team that will work with a parents schedule. But where there is a will, there is a way...
sprout_daddy Nov 10th 2009 9:57AM
Without knowing or certain, I'm willing to bet that this was one of a series of photos taken of Dust Bowl families who left the Midwest to pursue jobs out West during the Dust Bowl period of the Great Depression (most likely in the late 30s, early 40s from the dress and the Coca-Cola calendar in the background). Many of these migrants lived in cardboard and tar-paper shacks until they could get established.
Dracula Jones Nov 10th 2009 10:03AM
6-month-old twins. I'm lucky if I get a heroic VH in once a week. I've pretty much run out of little things I'm able to do in WOTLK on my schedule (or lack thereof). Looking forward to Cataclysm at this point, so I can run around and /love new critters.
Samantha Smith Nov 10th 2009 2:20PM
Im a mother of two young daughters. a 9 month old and a 2 1/2 year old. Its hard, but i carve out the time to raid. It works well that their bedtime is 7:45 which is about when diego ends and i can log in and get ready before raid start time at 8.
My biggest problem as a Mommy raider, is finding the time to farm for matts for my flasks. I made sure to join a guild that provides free enchants and fish feasts. I was also very up front when apping to my guild that kids come first, and if they needed me, I would have to go. Usually my guild has a few ppl on "standby" to fill in if needed.
Basically, i wanted to raid and found a way to do it. My husband no long plays wow but is usually at class on raid nights so its usually all me. I have to make sure i have everyone fed, bathed and in pjs and we usually read a story or two before 7:30, then my best friend Diego comes on. I try and do my dishes between 7:30 and 7:45 while my 9 month old has a bottle and falls asleep and my two year old calms down in front of hte tv. I also balance work 2 nights a week and at least 1 night a week on the couch with my hubby. Sometimes raiding does start to feel like a chore, its starting to right now, especially with the holidays creeping up trying to suck the life out of me, but im going to try and push through it, offer to be that standby person when i can, and I know that when Icecrown comes I will be ready to hopefully be one of the realm firsts on my server to clear it.
JBWithers Nov 10th 2009 8:09PM
I may be a little late in replying but I wanted the parents and busy people of the world to know about a guild that basically caters to that kind of crowd. Divindi on Trollbane was founded on the principle of real lives, real people and real priorities. Most of us play with our spouses, boyfriends, girlfriends, etc. Some of us are grandparents and some don't have kids of their own yet.
Divindi is located on the Trollbane - US server. We have raid times for both East and West coast, raiding about 2-3 times a week on a limited schedule (2 hours on a weeknight, 3 hours on the weekend). There are very few expectations and everyone in the guild really does "get it" when it comes to having priorities.
I'm pretty sure we're not the only guild out there like us so if you're looking for one on your server be encouraged. If you happen to be on Trollbane, check us out at http://divindi.com/
--Impulsive
phearis Nov 11th 2009 10:04AM
My priest was born in Dec 2006 and I hit 80 back in early May, so almost 2½ years to get to 80. And the only reason I hit 80 then, was because my GM threatened to g-kick me if I didn't hit 80 by Memorial Day.
Dimsumi Nov 11th 2009 10:36PM
I have been a long time reader at wow.com although I have never felt the desire to comment on any previous topics - generally I simply read the article, some of the comments and continue on.
I have just recently (yesterday in fact) let my account expire due to upcoming family commitments and the fact that I do not feel that I will have enough time in the near future to set aside to consistently make it through a full raid and/or dungeon - even with many of the dungeons being 30 mins or less now... Some of the comments about it all being about time management are absolute garbage!
My situation - I have a 13 month old son at home now and my wife is pregnant with twins - due at the end of this year. With one child I was able to take some of my free time and log on to my character and run various raids/dungeons/quest/etc while my son was asleep or the wife was taking care of him. But with three infants at home there will be absolutely no way that I can guarantee I'll be able to have thirty uninterupted minutes to myself - and I hate disappointing 4, 9 or 24 other gamers that were hoping to spend some time downing bosses.
As a result, I feared that my playing time would be limited to Battlegrounds (taking a number of AFK breaks which I don't like because it hurts my team - on an aside BG's are annoying in that they allow AFKers to farm honor anyway but that's another topic entirely), WG and solo questing when I get the chance...
If anyone is in a similar situation and has some suggestions - by all means shoot me an email, but for now I will say I truly enjoyed playing WoW since before TBC and will continue to read wow.com to see the changes that come in the following patches and expansions for my own curiosity.
Thanks
Dimsumi - 80 Druid Kul Tiras Feral DPS/Tree