Skip to Content
11-28-2009 @ 5:09PM
ill probably get downrated for this but hey, its my opinion.am i the only that thinks... wow total and complete overreaction?ok, we can only make assumptions from whats been written, but all i see here is 2 adults talking.there was no physical contact, there was only talking in game and phone calls. o, if she meets a man that is having problems with his family and she helps him by talking to him on the phone and having coffee, then hubby can jump up and down and do what she did?if thats all that happened then there are much more serious issues going on here.for some people like me, the relationships we form online are just as important the the one's we form in person. the friends i have in game we have shared phone numbers, family problems, issues we have at work etc. my wife plays as well and she know that the friends i have in game are very important to me. i may spend hours talking to someone when they need someone to listen. whether they be female or male doesn't matter.she trusts me and i trust her 110%.
11-28-2009 @ 5:15PM
re read the part were when she logged into his toon, she got a tell from her. she didn't say what the tell was. but I think you can get the idea of what was going on.
11-28-2009 @ 5:14PM
The down-rating is automated by people with enough time to repeatedly clear their cache and re-vote, so I wouldn't lose sleep over it. It's not the community as a whole, just someone who doesn't agree with what you said and wants to cheat the system to prove something.Not sure I agree with what you said, this type of behaviour will just develop into something over time, but I won't down rank you as a result :)
11-28-2009 @ 5:18PM
If I was your wife, I'd be fairly concerned about this post. Yes, online friendships are real and important, but not at the expense of committed relationships. This is not a WoW issue, as has been stated multiple times by the Mamas and other commenters.The problem with online affairs is that they always just start as "2 adults talking" and can very quickly escalate, as it did in this case. If you're in a committed, monogamous relationship there is no earthly reason for you to be spending that much time in vent alone with someone who is not your partner, let alone texting and calling. Particularly when your committed, monogamous relationship is in trouble (and your "friend's" is also).If there were problems in the marriage, the husband needed to talk to his wife about them. Period. Too many affairs even offline start out with unhappy people "comforting" each other like that. Too many people are afraid of confrontation and would rather escape than communicate. Mix that in with an environment that is tailor made for escapism and it's a recipe for disaster.
11-28-2009 @ 5:28PM
It sounds like this wasn't just a case of the husband making a female friend on the game, but forming a romantic relationship, sending each other sexy/flirty texts and messages and so on.
11-28-2009 @ 5:40PM
"there was no physical contact, there was only talking in game and phone calls."So you'd let your wife or girlfriend run around with some other guy, having intimate conversions, neglecting you in order to spend time with each other, and you'd be fine with it so long as they didn't touch each other?I seriously doubt that.
11-28-2009 @ 6:38PM
A marriage is more than physical. If that is all it is to you, I'm sorry. It is about emotions and the such. An emotional affair is an affair. It is part of what makes a marriage a relationship.
11-28-2009 @ 6:50PM
In one respect you're right. They had become friends and friends aren't bad. What IS bad is the secrecy. She had already spoken to him a few times about how uncomfortable she was about their interactions in game. He -promised- her that there was -nothing- going on. And then she found out all along that there was a very big something going on.A spouse or significant other is supposed to be held at the pinnacle of your emotions. If you're going to take your relationship with a friend to be more important than that with your spouse, what's the point in being married? He deliberately brushed aside her emotions and kept secrets from the one person he should be closest to in life.Had he been a lot more open with his wife, there may not have been as much of a problem because having a completely honest and open relationship is harder to call an affair.
11-28-2009 @ 10:52PM
You're already down-rated but I have to agree with you. If there is no Physical contact, it's not cheating or having an affair.Me and my Girlfriend of almost 3 years have a rule we made: as long as we know that our Real Life Girlfriend/Boyfriend is more important and that we'd never cancel a date for our online one it's fine. Also, we can never meet them IRL. WE have never had a fight or argument over this.I can understand since she (Brokenhearted Raider) is uncomfortable with it so he should end it. But it's not a big deal otherwise. Real Life is more important then Virtual so there shouldn't have been a real problem.
11-29-2009 @ 12:04AM
@tarinGood point... until you apply it to the situation....IRL>WoW you say, I agree 100%, but this had progressed to RL and yet you call it an overreaction? Also, you are forgetting, rather like the OP, that this was being HIDDEN. There can be no trust when there is no honesty.... if they were just friends, fine, keep it open... I am friends with girls, and my wife knows it and to keep the trust I keep it open, if we go somewhere i let my wife know, I don't hide phone calls and I don't lie about hanging out with them. That's the PROBLEM, the hiding, not the actions. If he had remained open, the actions he committed would not have occurred anyway.Oh and BTW to state 'it's not cheating, if there's no touching' proves how very irresponsible and unready to commit you are.
11-29-2009 @ 12:34AM
Let me point out a contradiction you've posed that skewers your point:you say: "ok, we can only make assumptions from whats been written, but all i see here is 2 adults talking.there was no physical contact, there was only talking in game and phone calls."and then say: "for some people like me, the relationships we form online are just as important the the one's we form in person. the friends i have in game we have shared phone numbers, family problems, issues we have at work etc."Okay. If you agree that online relationships can be as powerful and personal as physical ones, why is it necessary for physical contact in order for it to be an affair and be cheating? If you agree that people's online relationships can be just as important and serious to them as their physical ones, then it cuts both ways: an online romance can be just as poignant as a physical one - especially if it's leading in that direction. And when that online relationship is with YOUR SPOUSE and SOMEONE ELSE, you see why that would be an issue, don't you?
11-29-2009 @ 5:30AM
I'm inclined to agree. The reactions seem a little paranoid, understandably, but still.It may be that I'm talking from a very male perspective, but - while I see that what the husband did was wrong, men do this kind of thing all the time. He knows that, as is clear from the way he responds to being confronted. I imagine that they probably just started chatting innocently and got closer for whatever reason without really noticing it until it had gone too far.I think part of the problem is not that the husband is capable of this - I'm pretty sure everyone is - but that WoW is such a weird social setting that people have difficulty in understanding the boundaries of appropriate social conduct. You see all the time that people can be far ruder and more confrontational than you would expect of RL, there's often difficulty in comprehending quite what is 'real' i.e. the humans at the other end of the wire and the consequences that your actions have outside of WoW.
11-29-2009 @ 12:19PM
He is keeping a secret from his wife. Is that "imfidelity"? No. Is it untrustworthy and indicative of potential infidelity? Probably so.
First time? A confirmation email will be sent to you after submitting.
Members enter your username and password.
Enter your AOL or AIM screenname and password.
Please keep your comments relevant to this blog entry. Email addresses are never displayed, but they are required to confirm your comments.
When you enter your name and email address, you'll be sent a link to confirm your comment, and a password. To leave another comment, just use that password.
To create a live link, simply type the URL (including http://) or email address and we will make it a live link for you. You can put up to 3 URLs in your comments. Line breaks and paragraphs are automatically converted — no need to use <p> or <br /> tags.