Skip to Content
11-28-2009 @ 6:11PM
Being in a relationship does not mean that you are not allowed to have no close friends, or no close friends of the other gender, I mean what century do we live in?I am really shocked at the middle-ageian view of you. You don't "own" your partner.If all she does in live is being at home and playing WoW and all he does is work and play WoW isn't it natural that they want to meet new persons?
11-28-2009 @ 6:13PM
'Close friends' aren't busy doing their best to hide all of their correspondence from their spouses.
11-28-2009 @ 6:21PM
While I agree with you that its ok for people to have other close friends outside marrige, I think they should be just that. Close friends, not extremely close, intimate passionate friends. I get from the article that they were a lot more than close friends.
11-28-2009 @ 11:20PM
Hasha, I'm going to be a bit ageist and suggest that kind of mentality is typical of folks without much life experience. There is a difference between having close friends of the opposite gender when you're in a committed mono relationship, and putting yourself in potentially dangerous situations. One can have close friendships with people of any gender, but certain behavior just is not appropriate. There is something called the appearance of impropriety. As I said to the previous commenter who said something similar, you don't have any business engaging in the kind of communication this woman's husband was when you are married and monogamous. Going alone in vent channels, calling on the phone and texting the way the husband and this other woman were is inappropriate, period. Is that unfair? There's a lot of things that single folks can do that committed monos can't. That's part of being faithful to the commitment you made to your partner. Appearance of impropriety, people.I am a bi poly woman, and unfortunately in many people's minds that erroneously translates to "homewrecking whore", so I am extra careful with my own behavior around the married/mono people I am friends with. Which, frankly, more folks regardless of gender, orientation or relationship style need to be.
11-29-2009 @ 12:21PM
@Kylenne: You hit that on the head. There is definitely a problem with the attitude of most people not understanding that you can have a close friend of the opposite gender, and not be cheating. As you said though, this one went too far. The big problem here isn't so much the attitude or the reaction she had. The problem is that he was keeping things from her.I know how the allure of an online female friend can be intoxicating, and it can be dangerous to engage in those kinds of things. I know how easily it can be pushed into RL, and how easily you can delude yourself into thinking it's okay just because it's online, or just because it's on the phone. You have to ask yourself: Would you feel comfortable if your partner was present for all communication between you and the other person? If the answer is no, then you need to re-examine the relationship you have with that other person.And @Hasha, it has nothing to do with backwards attitudes. While those are a problem, the big problem here is that he was keeping things from her. As anyone who has been in a poly relationship before knows, if there is no communication between partners, it will end badly. No one owns anyone else. No one can force you to do anything. But if you make a promise like marriage to someone, you are sharing your lives together. But if you aren't sharing the private parts of your lives, you aren't doing much of sharing, and that promise is pretty worthless, and that right there shows you can't trust them.Let me share a little story with everyone. Some years back, when I was living with my ex-girlfriend, we had some problems, both in the relationship due to differing work schedules and the apartment itself. The air conditioning was not working at all, and no matter how many times we called maintenance, they never seemed to fix it. So I set up the webcam to capture movement in front of it, and pointed it to the front door and where the AC unit was. We caught the maintenance guy just goofing off instead of fixing anything, and let the apartment managers know. But before this was all resolved, it also caught my GF and another guy. And trust me, from what I saw, it was not a platonic friendship, no matter how much my GF claimed it was before I saw this. After doing a little investigating it seems that instead of trying to work on the relationship, she decided to seek 'help' elsewhere when I was at work, and it had been going on for some time. Up until seeing that footage, I trusted her. Trust is a good thing, but only if the person you are trusting actually CAN be trusted.
First time? A confirmation email will be sent to you after submitting.
Members enter your username and password.
Enter your AOL or AIM screenname and password.
Please keep your comments relevant to this blog entry. Email addresses are never displayed, but they are required to confirm your comments.
When you enter your name and email address, you'll be sent a link to confirm your comment, and a password. To leave another comment, just use that password.
To create a live link, simply type the URL (including http://) or email address and we will make it a live link for you. You can put up to 3 URLs in your comments. Line breaks and paragraphs are automatically converted — no need to use <p> or <br /> tags.