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11-29-2009 @ 12:21PM
@Kylenne: You hit that on the head. There is definitely a problem with the attitude of most people not understanding that you can have a close friend of the opposite gender, and not be cheating. As you said though, this one went too far. The big problem here isn't so much the attitude or the reaction she had. The problem is that he was keeping things from her.I know how the allure of an online female friend can be intoxicating, and it can be dangerous to engage in those kinds of things. I know how easily it can be pushed into RL, and how easily you can delude yourself into thinking it's okay just because it's online, or just because it's on the phone. You have to ask yourself: Would you feel comfortable if your partner was present for all communication between you and the other person? If the answer is no, then you need to re-examine the relationship you have with that other person.And @Hasha, it has nothing to do with backwards attitudes. While those are a problem, the big problem here is that he was keeping things from her. As anyone who has been in a poly relationship before knows, if there is no communication between partners, it will end badly. No one owns anyone else. No one can force you to do anything. But if you make a promise like marriage to someone, you are sharing your lives together. But if you aren't sharing the private parts of your lives, you aren't doing much of sharing, and that promise is pretty worthless, and that right there shows you can't trust them.Let me share a little story with everyone. Some years back, when I was living with my ex-girlfriend, we had some problems, both in the relationship due to differing work schedules and the apartment itself. The air conditioning was not working at all, and no matter how many times we called maintenance, they never seemed to fix it. So I set up the webcam to capture movement in front of it, and pointed it to the front door and where the AC unit was. We caught the maintenance guy just goofing off instead of fixing anything, and let the apartment managers know. But before this was all resolved, it also caught my GF and another guy. And trust me, from what I saw, it was not a platonic friendship, no matter how much my GF claimed it was before I saw this. After doing a little investigating it seems that instead of trying to work on the relationship, she decided to seek 'help' elsewhere when I was at work, and it had been going on for some time. Up until seeing that footage, I trusted her. Trust is a good thing, but only if the person you are trusting actually CAN be trusted.
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