WoW.com's prestige in the community has afforded us the opportunity to speak with major Azerothian leadership figures on any subject, and we're letting you, the reader, Ask a Faction Leader!
We recently spoke to Regent-Lord Lor'themar Theron, interim leader of the blood elves, and he shed light on several key issues, including requisition paperwork, small business ownership, visitor permits, and class confusion. In this installment of Ask a Faction Leader, we'll be sitting with High Shaman Rakjak, leader of the Frenzyheart wolvar tribe.
Our first reader question:
Like many, I ended up slaughtering many of your people on behalf of the Oracles to get a drake. By my estimates, that's at least 1000 people killing 50 of your tribesmen every day. And yet you had no shortage of troops when we came to do it all again the next day!
What's the secret to your fertility, and have you considered selling it?
Rakjak like how dwarf think. How can dwarf be as vi ... viri ... be as good at pup-making as wolvar? DWARF WISHES HE KNEW. Rakjak tell. OR WILL RAKJAK?
Dwarf listen to Rakjak. Want to know why no dwarf pups anywhere? Because no lady dwarfs anywhere either. Rakjak never seen one! Maybe if lady dwarf looked more like lady wolvar there be more dwarf pup. Reason why so many wolvar pup is because lady wolvar totally hot. Have you seen lady wolvar? No? That because we not want dwarvar pups. I show dwarf now for effect. RAKJAK WIFE. COME OUT AND SEE DUMB DWARF.
Stop looking at Rakjak wife that way. She out of dwarf league.
As previously noted by our Chieftain pointed out some time ago, we tauren do NOT scratch ourselves because of insects or rash, yet out of curiosity, what does your tribe use against fleas?
-Tauren druid with questionable itches while in bear form
Fleas! Rakjak hate fleas, wolvar hate fleas. Rakjak decided Frenzyheart need to get rid of fleas forever, so Rakjak ask Dajik, best wolvar bug hunter, to find way to kill all fleas. Dajik have good idea. How you kill big bug? Big shoe. How you kill little bug? Dajik say "little shoe." Frenzyheart try wearing small shoes but this hurt feet. Plus fleas jump high and then just bit wolvar butt instead of wolvar toes.
So wolvar not know how to kill flea. This big shame for Frenzyheart! Worse than kill-stealing.
Stupid big-tongues eat fleas but we too proud to ask dumb fat-tongues over for dinner.
Why are you and your people such jerks? You just stroll into the Oracles' homeland and just expect to take over just like that?
Draenei Mage, "Saviour of the Oracles"
Everyone think Frenzyheart just being bully to fat-tongues. Everyone not know what fat-tongues do to Frenzyheart one time! When Frenzyheart move to cool jungle place, fat-tongues say "Puppy-men come play in water with fat-tongues! Be friends with fat-tongues!"
To wolvar that is worst insult. Has reader ever smelled wet wolvar? Is not good smell. Wolvar not even like it. So we not play in water with fat-tongues, we just beat up fat-tongues instead. More fun than stink like dragon pee. At least for wolvar.
Now every time Frenzyheart see dumb fat-tongue they get mad. Frenzyheart only beat them up that one time. Also other time. Lots of other time. But still. Frenzyheart do right thing. We go back to say "come kill bug with Frenzyheart, maybe be friend." They not want to kill bug, they just offer Frenzyheart treats instead. But they tell Frenzyheart to sit first! This big insult too. And no, we not roll over either.
So fat-tongue Frenzyheart enemy forever, and that that. Question so dumb. Why wolvar mean to big-tongue. So dumb.
Dear High-Shaman Rakjak,
I was a little disappointed to discover that you did not participate in last week's Pilgrim's Bounty Festival. I mean, dude, there was TURKEYS there.
--A loyal initiate
No one tell Rakjak about turkey party! Every day chicken party day at Frenzyheart Hill but we still like to go to other parties. Why no one invite Frenzyheart? Everyone mad at Frenzyheart because Frenzyheart not give them dumb dragon to ride? No one even like dumb big-tongue dragon, Rakjak bets. Frenzyheart give Frenzyheart friends cool jar with prize in it. Sometimes prize is pee. Rakjak want see next letter. Read to Rakjak. Rakjak bet they not mad about dumb dragon.
Dear High Shaman Rakjak,
Would it kill you to put some better items in the Disgusting Jars? All I ever get out of them are some second-rate potions, a shoddy disguise, and what I assume is rotten crocolisk urine. Meanwhile, the fat-tongues are handing out 4 pets and a mount. A MOUNT! Could you at least through an occasional chicken in? You've got a few hundred of them you never seem to eat.
- Nizari, undead mage
THIS ONE NOT COUNT. READ DIFFERENT LETTER TO RAKJAK.
How dumb dead guy know about pee in jar? No one know. Not even Elder Harkek.
Dear High-Shaman Rakjak,
Of all my time spent with you and yours (killing big tongues, possessing giant man-apes, beheading metal giants for haberdashery purposes, and netting your feathered dinner every single freaking day), by far the most rewarding activity was taking young Kekek on a grand tour of Azeroth last Orphan's Week. My concern, however, began after Orphan's Week concluded. Kekek seemed to enjoy his time with me so much that he actually CRAMMED HIMSELF INTO A MAILBOX and mailed himself to me, parcel post.
Now, fortunately I check my mail fairly regularly, and Kekek was released from his parcel prison to take up far more comfortable digs in my saddlebags, but I've heard that I wasn't the only adventurer to receive a mail box full of Wulvar, and it still makes me worry -- especially since some people go weeks without checking their mail! The thought of mailboxes crammed full of suffocating wolvar pups gives me nightmares. Aren't you at all concerned about your pups' utter disregard for their personal safety? What steps are you taking to avoid future disasters?
Finnegan think Frenzyheart pup dumb. Just say Frenzyheart pup dumb if you think Frenzyheart pup dumb. But if you say Frenzyheart pup dumb you wrong! Dumb and wrong.
Even Frenzyheart pup fight all the time. They fight all kinds of thing! Small bug. Small monkey. Small fat-tongue. So Frenzyheart pup not scared of mailbox at all. Mailbox not even have teeth! Think about that. You think Frenzyheart pup scared of thing without teeth. You so dumb. This letter so dumb.
Rakjak want Finnegan to know that even if mailbox have teeth, wolvar pup can live on wolvar belly fat for many hours. If wolvar pup run out of belly fat, wolvar pup eat mailbox. This question so dumb. Why you let reader ask dumb question.
Maybe Kekek dumb after all for mailing Kekek to dumb reader.
So I was wonderin' if you Frenzyheart dudes have any relations with the other tribes, you know like the Bloodpaw tribe or those Howling tribe dudes.
Rakjak have cousin in Bloodpaw tribe and brother in Howling tribe. They not as good tribe as Frenzyheart but they okay. Hate dumb fat-tongues so friends with Frenzyheart. Sometimes Bloodpaw wolvar borrow good spear and not give back, or Rageclaw wolvar come and kill-steal big animal or something and Rakjak get mad, but how can Rakjak stay mad at family. Rakjak can't. He just make scene at next family barbecue and get wife mad and have to leave early. Spend night sleeping on couch.
Dumb wolvar family. Rakjak can't live with them, Rakjak can't feed to giant bug. Not in front of Rakjak wife anyway.
Rakjak already say stop looking at Rakjak wife, dwarf from dumb letter.
Rakjak see you.
Dear High Shaman Rakjak,
I'm still not exalted with your faction, the Frenzyheart, but Winter Veil's coming up and I figured, what better time to get on your exalted side than give a gift during this festive time! Only problem is, that I have no idea what to give my favorite Frenzyheart buddies. I'd give something crafted from the heart, as I am a master jewelcrafter, but I don't want to offend and become hated again... Please help!
Aelina of Echo Isles
Rakjak glad you ask! Even Frenzyheart like present party. Rakjak not really understand why present party happens but Rakjak like presents so Rakjak go along with it. Frenzyheart not get presents very often. Fat man with white fur on face not come to Frenzyheart Hill. Last time he get mad that wolvar eat big deer. Not fair. Dumb fat man had seven more big deer. What so special about big deer with red nose. Red nose give Rakjak indig -- indige -- red nose make Rakjak belly hurt. Rakjak wife not happy about smell either.
But that okay. Aelina give Rakjak present.
For present party, Rakjak know big cat that live on high hill in jungle. Rakjak want to catch big cat so he need special spear. Special spear made from magic rock in deep jungle cave. Maybe fifteen rocks. Jungle cave guarded by giant bug. To kill giant bug, someone need special poison. Special poison made from other giant bug that giant monkey eat. Not every bug giant monkey eat have poison. Maybe find fifteen bugs. Giant monkey not give up giant bug so have to find giant monkey poop with bug poison in it. Not all poop have bug poison in it so look through many poops. Giant monkey only poop in one place where lots of other giant sting bug live. Maybe kill fifteen giant bugs to get to poop. Maybe. Rakjak forget.
Take very long time to do these things. Rakjak really want to kill big cat though. Rakjak app -- appre -- Rakjak think you not dumb if you give spear.
Rakjak also want squeaky ball.
Who's a good wittle puppy-man? Yessh, you are! Yessh, you are!
RAKJAK GOOD PUPPY MAN. YES RAKJAK IS.
That's all for our audience with High-Shaman Rakjak of the Frenzyheart. Next week is the Ask a Faction Leader Winter Veil Gift-Giving Special! Simply email firstname.lastname@example.org with the subject line "AAFL" with your Winter Veil gift-giving dilemma and a faction leader will help you choose the perfect gift for your friend, loved one, or alt.
Filed under: Ask a Faction Leader