Breakfast Topic: My cold, dead fingers
by Matthew Rossi 
Dec 18th 2009 at 8:00AM
It doesn't happen very often, because I try and be conscientious about it: while it's true that WoW is a game, it is (for me at least) a social game and I consider my guildmates friendly acquaintances at the very least. Just as I wouldn't bail on friends when we have an appointment to go out bowling or for pizza or when I was in a weekly D&D game, I don't like it at all when I have to step out of a raid or bail on an appointed "help me get my Northrend Dungeon Hero achievement" or what have you.
Sometimes it's unavoidable. Recently I had to leave a raid before it was done because I simply couldn't stay focused on what we were doing due to feeling feverish and run down. I enjoy tanking and healing with my guild but my health and real life have to come first so I bowed out once I was sure a suitable replacement was available. I've been with this guild since the launch of Wrath now, and we've seen pretty much the whole of the xpac together.
Where do you stand on it? Do you see WoW as something easily skipped out on, or are you in a tight knit social guild where you feel obliged to show up?
Filed under: Analysis / Opinion, Virtual selves, Guilds, Odds and ends, Breakfast Topics, Wrath of the Lich King
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 4)
Gamer am I Dec 18th 2009 8:04AM
As one of the Drama Mamas said, WoW may just be a game, but so are your children's sports games; would you miss those because it's "just a game"? I don't think it matters whether you are with a tight-knit guild or not; if you say you are going to be somewhere at some time, people are depending on you to show up, and if you don't, at the very least, it's rude, and at the most, it shows that you see your guildmates as means to an end (gear or raids) rather than as other people.
apocalypt Dec 18th 2009 8:44AM
This is a simply ridiculous statement. Comparing your KIDS sports games to WOW? You CLEARLY don't have kids, your most likely a teenager who is making statements that he/she knows absolutely nothing about. I know the majority around here is WoW crazy but this is simply nuts. Some of the best memories OF MY LIFE are from my childhood baseball games. The joy my Grandfather and Father experienced from watching me pitch is light years ahead of any video game EVER! Id be willing to bet the percent of players who make lifetime friends from wow is in the low .01 percent.
Your talking about skipping what could be lifetime memories with the people who should come far and above anything else in your life, your family. And for what? A graphic and some text in a video game, that in a month or two you most likely wont even have anyway. There is no replacement for Family, sadly too many people, usually youth, don't realize this until its too late.
Jehanne Dec 18th 2009 8:52AM
Depends on the family, depends on the person. Nobody is cookiecutter.
Massa Dec 18th 2009 9:06AM
@ apocalypt
I believe you are missing his point. I believe the analogy was saying, his "child's" soccer game is something one would schedule and tell others to expect to see him there. If something comes up, and he can't make it, he will try and let him know. He's not saying he would skip out on his "child's" soccer game because he wanted to play a videogame. Merely that if you say you will be there, then try to be there. As all the other people have mentioned real life is greater than WoW, but if you've scheduled something for WoW you should respect the people who are expecting you (by either trying to make it, or letting them know you can't make it as soon as reasonably known).
And, on Gamer's final point. If you aren't respecting the other people you are playing with, then you are just using them to get gear or raids rather than enjoying the game together.
In essence (or TL:DR), just because it's a videogame doesn't mean you can be a douche to the other people you are around. (If you do this in real life, people won't like you--same goes for virtual life).
vinniedcleaner Dec 18th 2009 9:08AM
It all boils down to integrity. If you give your word that you will be somewhere, then you need to be there. Too many people these days seem to think that they can flake on a commitment because something that they deem to be more important comes along.
Ian Dec 18th 2009 9:09AM
This. How important you rate WoW is irrelevent. You've made a commitment so if you've said you'll be there and you can't, you at least have an obligation to try and get online and let 'em know if possible.
Ratskinmahoney Dec 18th 2009 9:11AM
Ye. WoW itself may be considered distinct from RL, but the people you play with are not, they are real people to whom you've made a commitment. In the same way that if you were a part of a sports team and said you'd turn up to a game they'd be pretty bummed out if you didn't show, even if you are replaceable, so you should feel bad about failing to honor a commitment to raid. It's only a game, but so are a lot of things.
I'm sure the OP and everyone else realises that failing to attend your child's sports game in favour of WoW is as bad as doing so in favour of going to the pub with some mates, but that kind of misses the point, which is that a commitment to real people is as valid when it's made via a virtual world as when it's made via a real one.
Mr. Tastix Dec 18th 2009 9:22AM
I don't make promises for a reason, I don't say I will come to a raid or any event because I dislike making promises. Making a promise gives the person you made it to a false sense of expectation. From that moment forward they'll be expecting you to do as you promised to do and sometimes shit really just happens.
Real-life should always come first over WoW. Whilst I believe you should still respect your guildies or the people on your friends list real-life and your own satisfaction should ALWAYS come first. I don't pay $15 a month to screw about with 24 other people, I play to have fun (which may require 24 people to do, but that's not my point). Unlike WoW I don't pay to go a child's sport game and the difference there is they're my child, not an associate.
I won't try and miss an event because I just didn't want to go (I hate people who do that, it really is inconsiderate) but if I'm sick or just not feeling too great then I shouldn't feel obligated to partake in any event. You should never feel obligated to do anything in WoW, it's just a game and we all pay our share of it to have fun.
V Magius Dec 18th 2009 9:26AM
@apocalypt
I think you need to re-read that post. Gamer am I is stating that the same argument of "it's just a game" can be used for both WoW and Little League. That argument is stated to have come from the Drama Mama article, two mothers.
Your argument is right and wrong. Yes, if you agree to a Little League game then you should be there and should not have agreed to the raid. If you have agreed to a raid, you should make it. Or, at least let someone know if something comes up.
The article itself is about keeping promises and what some believe is right/wrong/fair. It even states that real life comes first. Matt feels bad that he had to bail early on a raid because he was feeling sick. Even waited until a replacement.
would you miss a dinner with friends with no notice? Just a dinner. Movie? Just a movie. It's a bad slippery slope argument. I'm sure there's strawmen arguments and everything else in there. Thing is, no one brought up Little League or missing real life over WoW except you.
Graham Dec 18th 2009 10:18AM
@apocalypt...Did you even read his post?
He was not talking about enjoying WoW more than his child's sporting event. He didn't even mention what he wanted to do. He was talking about what he *needed* to do because he had made a promise. He was just saying that a promise is a promise, whether it's a raid or a real-life event.
Anyway, I have been really bad about missing raids lately. I generally put my real-life goings on before my WoW life, and life is busy sometimes. I justify this by reminding myself that I can always let them know that I won't be showing up by using the calendar or talking to the GM, and I also remind myself that leaving in the middle of the raid is worse than just letting them get a different dps in the first place, but I really wish I could participate more.
Clevins Dec 18th 2009 2:56PM
Agreed, but I'd take the kids out of it. WoW is like, to me, a recreational sport. If I join a basketball/softball/football/bowling league that plays twice a week after work I'd saying that I'll show up. My team mates are counting on that. If I get the flu, kid gets hurt, or have to work late at the last minute my teammates will understand - all of those are more important than a rec league game. Sub in 'guildmates' for 'teammates' and 'WoW' for 'softball' and 'raid' for 'game' and it's exactly the same. The guild will understand when real life stuff happens... but just as it's a jerk move to skip out on the rec league softball game for no reason it's a jerk move to blow off a raid. The fact that WoW is a video game doesn't matter... it's real people in both cases.
jbodar Dec 18th 2009 6:10PM
@apocalypt
So, what flavor are your shoes?
RetPallyJil Dec 18th 2009 8:05AM
I do my very best to attend scheduled events; but if real life rears its head, then I have no qualms about putting WoW aside.
elboricua1974 Dec 18th 2009 8:15AM
If I sign up for a raid and an event pops up that will keep me from the raid I do my best to let my guildmates know that I will unable to attend or at the very least late. I have the phone number of our guild master so if I cannot get to a pc to send an in game email, or post to the guild website I will generally shoot him a phone call or text to follow up a vmail left.
I am one of the guilds tanks (10 man raiding guild we only have 2) so I make every raid generally because if I don't the guild does not get to raid that night. I do feel obligated to show up because I am a core raider and my absence will have an adverse affect on my guild as a whole.
elboricua1974 Dec 18th 2009 8:18AM
Bah I can't edit my post and I replied to the wrong post. I wanted to add that I do believe that real life is greater than wow, but I treat my sign ups like any other event that I plan with friends. If I know in advance that I cannot attend I will give them notice in advance if I can. I don't like leaving irl and in game friends in the lurch.
Deathgodryuk Dec 18th 2009 10:35AM
It's really easy to go on armory real quick and decline a raid if you can't make it. I can certainly understand that things come up and that RL>WoW but I really wish more people would take the 30 seconds it takes to go to the armory and decline a raid when it happens. To do otherwise is really inconsiderate.
Redielin Dec 18th 2009 9:08AM
I try to make wow always come second to real life. That said, I will always drop the raid leader a mail if I can't make a raid that night. It may be just a game, but if 24 other people were expecting you to be there, you owe them enough to at least communicate your need to be absent.
arcaneterror Dec 18th 2009 8:11AM
My guild recently merged with another to have more people to raid; despite this, even the resulting guild is friendly and close-knit. People in this guild know that real life issues > raids. If someone is sick, visiting family or old friends, etc, we will accept that and find someone else. We won't hold it against them.
Tethra Dec 18th 2009 2:07PM
Sounds like my guild. We absorbed another guild and picked up some other people through recruitment, but we're still a close-knit guild. It's understandable if someone is sick or has other RL issues that make them unable to attend a raid. Our guild has signups so we know who is available for that night's raid. If something comes up, most of us have the GL's cell #, so we can send him a quick text to let him know if we can't make it.
David Dec 18th 2009 8:12AM
Real life > WoW.
I will not hesitate to skip WoW if RL has something more important that I need to do. Anyone who says otherwise is frankly deluding themselves and without being unduly insulting, needs to re-evaluate their life/game balance.
That doesn't mean I won't try to minimise the disruption and apologise but when it comes to it there is nothing in that game that is more important than real life.
For those who disagree, remember that in 5 years or so, WoW will be turned off and everything you have done will be but a fading memory, whereas the real world will still be there.