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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
1-22-2010 @ 3:31PM
raspybunk said...
I tend to dislike the vocabulary used by 17 year olds a lot, but I gotta say I can't agree with this approach. People say a lot of offensive things, people also don't say anything about others saying offensive things. It's a waste of time battling it in trade chat.
But to report someone for saying something offensive without notifying them that they have offended you is lame. Never mind how obvious you find it, they may think you find it hilarious. If you don't give someone the chance to either apologize or discontinue said behavior and expect me to /cheer for you getting them banned or something in a small venue like a group in a non- spam type context I simply can't get on board.
I know when you feel victimized by someone's comment it can feel like near re-victimization to have to be the strong one to confront the situation, especially since you feel so in-the-right. However, it would better live up to my expectations of this column if you requested people draw on that inner strength, or built a more transparent situation in your response as to when this 1-5 step process was the right method of dealing with life online.
Reply
1-22-2010 @ 4:27PM
raspybunk said...
I should expand on that. If you confront the situation you're much less likely to feel the victim. Honestly it feels like in most of your replies to problems of any sort your first step to solving it is to confront it. I find it odd that in this case it is not.
Once again I surely can't blame you, the situation is awkward. But I promise you that confronting the situation is more likely to remove some of, if not all of, your victimized status then the advice you've given here.
If you confront the person somehow you may get an apology, the group may say "yeah, seriously fool, not cool" or whatever. It will empower you. If the person ends up being a serious jerk after that, usually your group's POV will hold up your pride. Confronting the situation empowers you. Reporting them really doesn't. If you could report him now you wouldn't feel better. If you could go back to that moment and say "wtf, jerk?" and have him prove himself one way or the other (sounds like he really is a jerk) then leaving group and reporting him would make you feel good. He'd be the moron and you'd be the powerful person who stands up for them self.
Without confronting it, you are the person who sat down and took it, rage boiling inside, wanting to fight back but doing nothing. This is where prolonged victim status comes from. Reporting him without confrontation does little to fix the feeling.
If you confront, you may be apologized to, your group may agree with you, either way the situation is given an end by you and your awesome self-assured bad-ass self who calls out the wicked in their thoughtless behavior. Then you can smite them as you like, but who really feels the need to after standing up for themselves and having made the moron's actions lose them a player as good as you?
I'm sorry people screw with you, I promise you're worth the typing to stand up for yourself, and that it feels better than reporting or trying to kick them without saying why.
1-22-2010 @ 4:33PM
Robin Torres said...
raspy, Step 2 says to tell the perp his behavior is unacceptable.
If at that point, the perp turns out to be an ok guy, apologizes and straightens up the rest of the run, of course the rest of the steps should be abandoned. These steps are meant to be a guide and not The Law.
If he doesn't, as in the case of the letter or my personal experience (I did end up saying something later and was insulted for my efforts), then those steps apply.
But, if you follow the steps, you are informing the perp of his bad behavior, and not reporting "someone for saying something offensive without notifying them that they have offended you".
1-22-2010 @ 4:48PM
raspybunk said...
It does indeed. But it says state in party chat that it is unacceptable and call for a vote kick. That's one step that should be many. It also isn't confronting the guy. If they want to kick him he'd be kicked before he could even say sorry, typing out "I'm sorry, I didn't mean...." takes far longer than the vote kick.
"this guy's behavior is unacceptable"
a vote has been initiated to remove______ from group
Leaves no time for reply, and very little room to feel better about the situation. I've kicked people before, and I doubt that it's as much croney-ism as you see if you use that method and more a lack of wanting to instantly click the boot button without a reply.
I really think everyone would feel better if they played the situation out for a moment. In your particular situation I'd have voted to kick, but in many of these I wouldn't instantly kick someone so fast. You'd be left with the feeling that people thought it was ok, when really I just wouldn't know what was going on yet. You'd also miss the opportunity of an appology, etc.