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All of the latest Mists of Pandaria newsBreakfast Topic: What really happens during maintenance?
by Gregg Reece 
Jan 26th 2010 at 8:00AM
Goblins and gnomes are using refitted shredders to sweep the streets and repaint the buildings. Mankrik's wife has stopped playing dead for a little while and is grabbing a bite to eat with her husband. The stormforged dwarves are hard at work forging more drops for the raids that have reset. The streets of Orgrimmar are empty with tumbleweeds blowing down the streets and an old orc in a rocking chair is playing the theme to The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly on an old harmonica (the music was in the tumbleweed's contract).
What do you think the World of Warcraft does while we're temporarily forced offline?
Filed under: Breakfast Topics
Reader Comments (Page 4 of 5)
Kylenne Jan 26th 2010 11:08AM
That sounds like a terrifying episode of ReBoot.
Cataca Jan 26th 2010 10:27AM
January 26th. Daylight…The monsters have overtaken the city. Somehow… I’m still alive…
Azerael Jan 26th 2010 10:55AM
Lich King: FINALLY....
*breaks wind*
Kylenne Jan 26th 2010 11:07AM
Prophet Velen turns the Exodar into the Interdimensional House of Pancakes and treats everyone to an all you can eat Nannerpuss brunch.
Little do they know Varian is a lightweight who can't hold his mimosas.
Kaz Jan 26th 2010 11:09AM
Varian Wrynn and Garrosh Hellscream sail to an isolated island deep in the great sea. Close to the maelstrom, too dangerous for others to go. They face each other from opposite sides of the tiny atoll. They look into each other's eyes, champions of their people, know harbingers of decades of racial pride and historical prejudice. Then, slowly they reach for their weapons. Raising them high, before throwing down sword and ax.
They run to each other and embrace. Expressing their true love for each other in the few intimate hours they have. Eventually they are happily exhausted, basking in the afterglow, prolonging their time, both afraid of the lonely journey home. Eventually they break their grasp on one other and sail off back to their respective lands.
Both feeling the weight of their charge, and the forbidden desires of their hearts.
Or maybe it has to do with virus scanning, defragmenting, backing up, and running proprietary diagnostic tools on their servers...
Sterdoker Jan 26th 2010 11:16AM
I bet 100g that maintenance is Jaina and Thrall's "private time".
Tirion, Varian and Thrall stop shouting and drink some honey tea while cursing every DK born that week.
travis Jan 26th 2010 11:19AM
Mankrik's wife has stopped playing dead for a little while and is grabbing a bite to eat with her husband.
-Win
biglou Jan 26th 2010 11:22AM
You are all such morons.....All I did was look in the want ads for the answer...
"Wanted...displaced mythological actors to replace dead/damaged NPC's in a popular MMORPG. Experience preferred (UOnline, Everquest, DDO preferred) but not required. Pay negotiable depending on experience and dying moan. Apply at blizzard.com/en-us/company/careers/NPC. Interviews are most tuesdays from 3:00AM-11:00AM PST. Come and be an evil minion, a merchant, or an endless supply of dying NPC's in the largest MMO in the world. Lunches provided".
Rubitard Jan 26th 2010 11:38AM
Every Tuesday maintenance is spent at Blizzard's offices by gathering all the employees together into a huge circle, where they tell each other, "I can't believe how popular this game has gotten! Can you believe how successful we've become? Seems like only yesterday we were a scrappy little game company...." Then, the reboot the servers, and proceed to grossly underestimate the popularity for the next expansion.
Jenny Jan 26th 2010 11:59AM
Here's how I imagine server maintenance:
In the vast, dry-hot server room the lights turn on with a loud "clunk". The smell of burnt electrics hangs like a heavy mist in the air, but then disperses as a batallion of hazmat suits enters and sprays thick clouds of liquid nitrogen over everything. They're followed by two twin squad of crack hardware and software ninjas, who disperse and attack separate terminals like a well-oiled machine, fixing and checking and uploading bug fixes. Someone slips up, causing a blue screen of death, and immediately gets garroted and replaced by the backup squad. Failure is not an option, says a mechanic voice over loudspeaker. The server will be up in forty-five minutes.
Wait, that's not WoW. I'm thinking of Eve Online. :x
The Long Man Jan 26th 2010 12:28PM
Having actually been in CCP HQ, aside from the ninjas, its rather accurate.
Just the in-house server is huge as fuck.
glenn.winstead Jan 26th 2010 12:09PM
Thrall, Varian, Sylvanas and Magni all get together for their weekly Westfall Hold'em poker game, which is little different than Texas Hold'em, except for the boys subtly trying to get Sylvanas to take her clothes off.
Garrosh visits Rhonin for his weekly therapy sessions. They aren't really helping...
Lady Deathwhisper and Kel'Thuzad have their weekly cup of Joe, commiserating over the virtues of being kicked over and over and over again by every rogue they see.
The "Frogger" slimes go to their second jobs as the "Scrubbing Bubbles".
Jaina and Tyrande have a Mani/Pedi date and go out for Moonwell drinks after.
Elseer Radak Jan 26th 2010 12:17PM
The hamsters Level fishing
The fishes level cooking
Easy enough, silly!
slythwolf Jan 26th 2010 12:22PM
Asric and Jadaar look around at the deserted Tournament grounds, then sneak into one of the empty tents for a little "quality time" together.
Cory Jan 26th 2010 12:23PM
The npc's go to the bathroom, eat and sleep. Being awake for 7 days must suck. lol
orla Jan 26th 2010 12:30PM
I'd like to think that all of the NPC's go to club Thrall. Jaina, and Tyrande change into something more skimpy, while sylvanas puts on an Victorian era gown. Magni pulls up in a limo, and gets out with his own personal stein in one arm, and his night elf mistress on the other. Varian and Thrall are already putting back the whiskey and talking about the latest sports game. Behind the bar, Velen is pouring the drinks faster than the eye can see and is holding 3 more glasses by his tentacles. Cairne is leading the dance floor in the electric slide, while Vol'jin is back in the corner reading a book about quantum mechanics. Saurfang comes in after work, sits down, and orders an Import from Outlands, and simply chuckles as Lor'themar strikes out with every woman in the club.
slythwolf Jan 26th 2010 12:34PM
Two of the ladies at the bar look at each other, look at Lor'themar, look back at each other, and one of them says: "Please, he's so deep in the closet he's king of Narnia."
raging_squirrel3 Jan 26th 2010 12:59PM
The kobolds take back their candles.
muddy Jan 26th 2010 1:14PM
Actually blizzards maint is for vendors as well, this is when EMC, and other vendors are allowed to do more intrusive work. I doubt you would want them to take down a whole battlegroup for work on one of their boxes when it can wait till Tuesday.
Michael Jan 26th 2010 1:21PM
That's pretty funny. It's a shame that you get moderated down for not worshiping at the altar of WoW 24/7 here.