Welcome to Saturn Six Insider n00bs!
by WoW Insider Staff 
Apr 1st 2010 at 8:00PM
Breaking news out of BLIZZARD today: A new MMO is on the way from the Blizzboys and it is TOTALLY SWEET. Saturn Six Insider just got confirmation from multiple independent Tweets, uh, sources about this sweet new game called SATURN SIX. Forget that ancient garbage where you ride into battle on your "pony" with a "sword" (lol, lame). Blizz's phne NEW first-person MMO breaks new ground, totally setting the standard for the virgin "futuristic steampunk" genre!
You heard me right, boys and robogirls: EFFIN SWEET SPACESHIPS. Lasers and nukes. PEW PEW!
We don't know all the details, but here's what we've gathered from our intergalactic data miners on planet Rilon 4.
Humans now live on Titan, the sixth moon of Saturn. Everything is peaceful and the game is played through diplomacy, hugs, rainbows and... LOL JUST KIDDING you blow shit up in a spectacular, son! It's like civil war EVERYWHERE and everyone has guns. Space guns. Sweet.
The game sounds like Caprica meets Max Headroom meets Star Trek meets Wolfenstein 3D meets Full Metal Alchemist with a little dash of Innerspace thrown in for good measure. PvP on an intergalactic level! BOOM (NUCLEAR) HEADSHOT.
Rampant speculation with flimsy backing
We don't know an awful lot about the game yet but we can only speculate that there will be a CARD GAME AND A MINIATURES GAME to go with it. I called Gamestop a bunch of times to ask them about the card game to give you guys the inside scoop but ASSistant manager "Greg T. S." says I'm not allowed to call anymore. I'll check back in when his shift is over to get the latest. CAN YOU SAY PREORDER, be-yotches?!?!
The BlizzBlizz has one upped itself YET AGAIN -- instead of only two lame factions to play like in some "other" past-its-prime MMORPGs, you get to play as one of three AWESOME factions. Will the factions have guns? Robots? Sexy computerized girl voices? Mmmmmmmmmm YOU KNOW THEY WILL!
Graphics are going to be CPU-melting SWEET. Three-dimensional models of everything and the female toons look HOT AS HELL when you unequip their starting gear. The Blizzinators went OVERBOARD on this one you guys -- I've never SEEN splines be so reticulated before. I swear you can see nipples if you look really really really really close. But only on chicks. And some dudes that look like rejects from Muscle March.
Agent? Citizen? n00b-nation?
You have no chance to survive, make your time, but take your time to answer this question lol: Will you be Agent or Citizen?! Those are two of the sweet new sub-factions. Agents are like sick MATRIX-MEETS-SHADOWPRIEST characters with sun glasses even indoors because they're too cool not to wear them. Citizens are maybe the "good guys." Everyone at Blizzyland is gonna play as Agents and I'm gonna be Agent too. Watch out CITIZEN SCUM! Hope you all splatter up good lol!
They want to rule Saturn Six? Not on my watch! BOOM!
The Future of Saturn Six, baby!
Also I bet Felicia Day does the voice acting. And then makes a video about it. And then pretends it's not really about this game. Then shoots to superstardom among the nerd set. Man, I hope she get's on HOUSE again....
Oh and PS Blizz: Will there be a Saturn Seven?! Uh... YES PLEASE!
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 3)
Soulhound Apr 1st 2010 8:02PM
Too... much... april....
My head is gonna explode....
Whole front page of Wow.com full of april...
There is a limit you know, 1 or 2 threads would have been enough
N-train Apr 1st 2010 8:05PM
So why did you keep coming back after 1 or 2 threads? No one is forcing you, especially considering it's April 1st all the way to 11:59.
cheezygonzalez11 Apr 1st 2010 8:22PM
And the april fools isn't even funny. They're just retarded posts trying really, really hard to be funny.
It's making me REALLY tempted to take wow.com off of my feed reader just so i stop getting updates about omg farmville guys lolololololol
Boydboyd Apr 1st 2010 8:25PM
Soul and Cheezy, you two are idiots.
That is all.
Tokkar Apr 1st 2010 8:40PM
@Soulhound
@cheezygonzalez11
/fishslap
Rollo Apr 1st 2010 8:43PM
No, really. It's been too much. Especially since most jokes were the same as last year (hello kitty insider, was it?)
Tokkar Apr 1st 2010 8:50PM
@Rollo:
It's one day.
24 hours.
I think we can take ONE WHOLE DAY and have some fun outside of World of Warcraft.
Oh, and...
/fishslap
Rollo Apr 1st 2010 8:57PM
It's not a joke website. A few jokes are fine, but don't shut down the entire site for them.
Also, the jokes are old, and it's been two days, not one. April 1st is already over, here and in most of the world.
Al Apr 1st 2010 9:04PM
Depending on where you are, April Fool's stops at noon, so they have some ground.
Vaeku Apr 1st 2010 9:20PM
@Tokarr
+1 internets for the French reference.
Ryan Apr 1st 2010 9:32PM
Full of win.
Exe973 Apr 2nd 2010 12:39AM
So what people are saying is... because April fools is over in there part of the world, all jokes must end. So only the first timezone gets a full day? Sucks to be the last timezone huh...
Wulfkin Apr 2nd 2010 5:34AM
They could at least try to make the jokes decent. This is more like a random piss-take than an actual "fool".
Blizz really have you beta here wow.com. At least some people may have fallen for theirs.
Superdooperfuntime Apr 1st 2010 8:03PM
wow.
Dreadskull Apr 1st 2010 8:03PM
>_> I'm not sure if I should say cool or... the day that rhymes with cool.
Alan Falcon Apr 1st 2010 8:03PM
C'mon guys, can we get a spoiler alert? Now there's no reason for me to buy Blizzard's previously unannounced MMO.
Soulhound Apr 1st 2010 8:04PM
Also... a fail from WoW.staff. If you click on the picture link you get taken...somewhere... that proves the aprilness of this post.
Boydboyd Apr 1st 2010 8:26PM
So?
Adam Holisky Apr 1st 2010 8:50PM
Be sure to click through the links in the next post...
DTpwnz Apr 1st 2010 8:05PM
OMG I'm gonna go pre-order NOWW!