Drama Mamas: Should you tattle?
by Robin Torres 
Apr 2nd 2010 at 4:00PM
For a long time, I looked at the world as if everything were black and white. A lie is a lie and the truth should be told to everyone, no matter how much it hurts. But through the years, this attitude has not proven itself to be good for getting along with people. Yes, I wish everyone were honest, but that just isn't the case, and sometimes dishonesty really doesn't hurt anyone. While I still believe in taking a stand for what is right, I think it is wisest to save your energy (and the resulting drama) for what is really important. This week, we hear from an honest player who wants to do the right thing.
Dear Drama Mamas, I play a disc priest and I recently joined a raiding guild currently attempting to kill the lich king 25. I am one of 2 disc priests on trial at the moment and we joined the guild the same day. I feel I know my class and I think come well prepared for the raids. The other priest is a little less well prepared. He don't know what piece of loot is the best for him and he was a little wierd gemmed when he first applied but fixed it. He even asked if one trinket was better than another in the raid chat so this part is quite clear to everyone. He performs alright and is actually quite good. Since we joined he's been whispering me a lot asking questions and generally chatting and I think he's a really nice guy.
The trouble is this: Tonight during our progress wipes on LK we chatted back and forth all the time on how to improve and what went wrong. We're currently the only 2 active raiding priests in the guild and it's quite good to get another guy's opinion on stuff like movement.
All of a sudden, he commented that the raid leader is a much nicer guy than their former leader. I asked him how he knew how her raid leading was and to my surprise, he told me he'd been in the guild on his hunter before but got kicked for disappearing for 5 days without telling a word to anyone (vacation). He then told me to not tell anyone in the guild.
Stunned by getting this knowledge, I quickly SS'd it but I'm in doubt with what to do? Should I tell the leadership about this and probably be hated by my priestly colleague? Or should I keep this knowledge to myself, especially given the fact that the guild is in dire need of priests at the moment? Signed, Should I or Shouldn't I
Drama Mama Robin: Should, I don't think you should. By your own account, he seems like a good guy who is willing to improve his character. It's not like he admitted to anything actually bad. He went on vacation for less than a week and neglected to tell the guild. Only really strict guilds kick for that -- it's not a moral or ethical issue. With the change in leadership and time passing, it's not even certain that the current leadership would care too much. You may just end up alienating a fellow player and coming off like you are trying to eliminate the competition, regardless of your good intentions.I'm not saying that DiscHonest (see what I did there?) is doing things correctly. I haven't seen the app for your guild, but they usually have a question about being in the guild previously. He must have lied on that question. He also may be lying about why he left. Maybe he did ninja loot or had an affair with an officer's significant other. Liars lie. But he also may have told you the truth -- we just don't know. Whatever DiscHonest really did to get kicked, he is likely to do it again. So if it was something really heinous, he'll show his true colors soon enough. If he really is no worse than a bit of a flake, however, his being flaky again isn't going to cause too much drama. Unfortunately, you will be the one causing drama now if you tattle on his bit of dischonesty. (A joke done once is worth doing all day, don't you think?)
Your account of him leads me to believe a second chance isn't going to hurt anyone. I wouldn't trust the guy and I would keep the screenshot, but I don't recommend causing a fuss at this time. I hope you get the raid spot and that your guild turns out to be a good fit for you!
Drama Mama Lisa: I'm with Robin all the way here. Just as when we advised The Other Egg to pipe down and let his guild leadership work, it's time to keep your nose to yourself. Hopefully, the officers are doing more than waving a magic wand over the guy's app and will spot anything that could be a problem. You risk more by looking like a gossip or a back-biter than by calling this guy out right now.
Drama Buster of the Week: So many of us want to hear the latest and greatest about the upcoming expansion and all the lore that goes with it. But there is a chance that some of your guildies may not want their Cataclysm spoiled before they get to play it themselves. Even if there are only one or two in your guild who want to avoid spoilers, don't make them leave guildchat. Just create a Spoiler chat channel and invite your fellow speculators. It will keep guildchat friendly and uncluttered, and you will have the added advantage of being able to chat about the expansion across guilds, if you like.
Remember, your mama wouldn't want to see your name on any drama. Play nice ... and when in doubt, ask the Drama Mamas at DramaMamas@WoW.com.Filed under: Analysis / Opinion, Drama Mamas
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)
Cyanea Apr 2nd 2010 4:14PM
It doesn't sound like he did anything reprehensible. I've gone away from the game for a few days at a time, neglecting to tell them by accident. Shit happens. He seems to be willing to improve, and he seems to be a good player. Don't rock the boat so close to finishing a dungeon.
Karuna Apr 2nd 2010 4:49PM
Imo, telling people about what he told you is worse than what he did to get kicked. I'd rather be in a guild with someone that went on holiday and got kicked than someone that can't be trusted.
Snuzzle Apr 2nd 2010 5:40PM
And we can't trust the guy who lied about who he was.
icbleu Apr 2nd 2010 6:13PM
Put yourself in his shoes. He just confided something to you that made him vulnerable. Dont repay his trust and friendship with betrayal. If it were me, I'd be horrified if the person with whom i thought i had developed a rapport screenshotted an admission i had made with the thought of using it against me.
To be frank, you dont need that screenie in the first place. It was unethical to make it at all. If he really is a flake, he'll do something else soon enough and earn his own ticket out of there, and if he turns out to be a good person who is using that grey logic the drama mammas pointed out that most people use, then betraying him and starting up drama isnt going to do anyone any good.
Birdfall Apr 3rd 2010 12:09AM
I never think it's unethical to make a screenshot of something like that -- it's practical. But the screenshot isn't the crux of the matter.
"Should I" got put in an awkward position by DiscHonest, because DH has forced SI to keep a secret that obviously makes SI uncomfortable.
I agree that SI is better served by just letting it slide, but DH was unwise (perhaps even unkind, in a thoughtless sort of way) to put him in this position to begin with. It is never comfortable to know stuff like this, and SI has my sympathy.
ZMES_Matt Apr 2nd 2010 4:15PM
*resists making a joke about WoW priests following the pope's lead*
Halgrimur Apr 2nd 2010 4:38PM
don't, holding it in is just not natural...
Tomatketchup Apr 2nd 2010 5:00PM
Be honest with us now.
briker Apr 4th 2010 7:44PM
Or, the guild leadership will see this post and figure it out for themselves - some pretty specific information to go off of - hunter booted for 5 days vacation, 2 raiding disc priests on trial, making attempts on LK - is all enough for the guild members to figure it out.
So, let us know what happens....
xquarkds9x Apr 2nd 2010 4:20PM
I personally wouldn't bother to tattle if someone told me this. True, on the one hand he disappeared for 5 days and then came back on a different toon, but in the end he might be found out anyway.
Micheal Apr 2nd 2010 4:51PM
If you're about to get bumped off the roster for him, tattle. Otherwise, no point.
lolikitty Apr 2nd 2010 4:54PM
Submitting advice were they're not asked for : what to do ?
Not too long ago i spoke with a fellow mage in my guild about this crappy trinket he was wearing and why would he keep it when there're better ones that are easy to get, and i got promptly told to mind my own business (the exact words were nicer, but the effect was the same). Seeing as his dps is anything but stellar, i thought he would take the advice, but no.
We're running ICC25 so i thought he would at least buy the talisman of resurgence, but he's not "convinced" by it. He knows about rawr but says he doesn't "believe in it".
I immediately decided to never ever answer any question he might have in the future (yes i'm the overreacting resentful type)
I know people can be touchy when someone comes up and criticize their gear, but we're in the same guild and supposedly get along well, and i tried my best to not sound patronizing or like i was moking him or anything like that.
Did i do something bad ?
Cataca Apr 2nd 2010 5:30PM
I was in a guild with some people like this. The guild catered to the very casual.
Some people just don't like being told anything even if it is in the most friendly way possible. Not that you were -telling- him to do anything but they will take it that way no matter what you do.
It's pretty much the equivalent of telling your friend that you know where the escalators are when he is heading to the stairs and having him tell you that he can do what ever he feels like.
That guild I was in had Hunters and Death Knights with spell power. Melee Hunters. Petless Hunters. Melee Boominks with melee gear. Resto Shaman stacking Spirit and Spirit gems/enchants.
Even the slightest mention of anything concerning what they could improve or what other gear may be available would end in that person flipping out with, "THIS IS MY GAME AND I'LL PLAY IT HOW I WANT. IF I WANT YOUR ADVISE I'LL ASK FOR IT!!" and them logging. The next day there would be more drama posts on the guild forums about "This is a casual guild, bleh bleh bleh, don't say anything to anyone about anything they may be doing. Everyone plays how they want to."
While I understand and appreciate a guild that has such values, it is incredibly frustrating for the members that are asked to run with the melee hunters and spell power Death Knights.
Jayjay Apr 2nd 2010 5:34PM
@Lolikitty
Yeah you did something bad. You assumed he wanted your thoughts on his gear and that he'd take your unwanted advice as gospel. Maybe you were right, but you aren't the raid leader and your mage friend didn't ASK for your advice. You critiqued his gear firstly and then insulted him (mockingly or not, he didn't ask for your opinion remember) and now you're throwing a hissy fit because he basically told you - in a nice way - to shove it ( you want HIM to take advice but when he tells YOU something you sulk..hmmm you might want to think about that too)
If his dps is 'less than stellar' I'm sure he'll lose his raid spot - or perhaps your guild just enjoys his company and doesn't care about his dps? WoW isn't 'all about dps' its about having fun, enjoying people's company AND dps. Relax a little man, have some fun and stop obsessing about what other people are doing, or not doing. You aren't in charge so it's really not your concern.
As for the DISC-overy about the priest (see I can do it too!), I'd keep my mouth shut. He isn't a guild ninja or an account buyer - and you guys get on fine. Let seleeping dogs lie - or in this case, sleeping hunters.
Cataca Apr 2nd 2010 6:04PM
Voting this for the next Drama Mama
To give advice or to quietly face palm as your Hunter friend melees away?
DurkonKell Apr 2nd 2010 7:03PM
I don't think it's at all unreasonable to submit unsolicited recommendations to people, and I can't really agree with JayJay on this. Just because you're not an officer / raid / class leader doesn't mean you can't help out. In my previous guild I would often recieve helpful advice from others which I was always happy to consider (even with me being an officer and they not - I don't consider that a problem). Similarly, I always tried to repay our little community by helping out and training others. Because this was just the way of things in the guild, we had very few problems.
If you offered some advice and it was rejected, I don't believe you've done anything wrong at all - so long as you don't keep pushing that individual!
Hoggersbud Apr 2nd 2010 7:19PM
>Did i do something bad ?<
No, assuming everything else you said was true. Ignore people like Jayjay, they're so stuck on themselves that they can't realize other people may just want others to do well, and that it's not bad thing to offer criticism.
There are bad ways to do it, but you said you tried to avoid them, so what else can you do except leave this person as they are?
lolikitty Apr 2nd 2010 7:29PM
@ Jayjay
I suppose "noone asked you" wins.
I know it's none of my business, but i just hate to see that damn trinket on a high level mage, and not do anything against it.
Then again, I sometimes rearrange the fruits at the supermarket ...
ok I'm a control freak D:
lolikitty Apr 2nd 2010 7:35PM
@ DurkonKell
I really didn't push him at all, and since he said no, well then ok, he knows the alternatives but choses not to consider them, at least i've cleaned my conscience about it.
(double post ftl)
Jillas Apr 24th 2010 10:14PM
It could just be special to them for some reason, or mean something. I once did a quest on my orc shaman - I went out of my way to do it, actually, and earned a neat hat for my trouble: a wolf helmet. It had the stats for my spec, and it was from Outland so it wasn't especially out of date. But I would never replace it. Ever. It looked cool on me, and it supplemented my character's name. People came to attenuate me with it, and couldn't convince me for the world to upgrade it.
I could still pull off decent DPS without an up-to-date head, so I suppose nobody really cared so long as it didn't hurt anything.