Drama Mamas: The broken leveling pact

My husband and I make concept duos. Sometimes we make duos that our friends and guildies follow; an early Horde PvP project turned into an effective reforming of our guild, which wound through the battlegrounds and eventually morphed back into PvE raiding. Sometimes we change courses (a lot). A recent level 50-ish Horde shammy/pally combo turned into an Alliance reroll so we could revisit all the Alliance quests again pre-Cataclysm, which in turn became a reroll when I decided the new mage wasn't as fun as the old pally ... And that's been fun, but we've been feeling pangs about abandoning our rogue gank squad, which stalled out somewhere in Borean Tundra when the shaman/pally bug came calling.
Through all this, no matter how much we end up questing through the same old places, we've learned that it pays to stick together. We tradeskill separately, and we're cool about class-specific quests, but we try to stay neck in neck on quest progression. The whole point, after all, is to do all this crazy stuff (our current pre-Cataclysm Loremaster/Explorer quest-gasm) as a team. That's what makes it fun.
But we didn't always know that. We used to get impatient if one of us didn't feel like logging in that night. We used to oh-so-innocently run up "only three levels" ahead of one another. We used to get so swept away with the thrill of the XP hunt that we forgot that the point was to accomplish it together.
Dear Drama Mamas, Someone I thought was a good friend agreed to leveling a druid with me in preparation for the oncoming expansion. The plan was to get to 80 as quickly as possible, then realm transfer to a PvP server and do what we could in terms of PvP success. Then once Cataclysm was released and the feature became available, we would race change to Worgen, then work our way up the ladder again, our feral/resto combo hopefully unmatched.
The problem is that after this near month both of our druids are only level 26. Why? Because day after day, except about once a week and the first 10 levels, we would do no leveling. I would log on my druid to ask him if we were leveling and all I would usually get is "IDK." Rarely did I get a yes, in which case we would spend about an hour or two leveling, earning two levels maximum for that session. After which he would get tired and go back to his main, a priest, to do some BGs, arenas or whatever.
Today I basically asked him if he really cared about leveling his druid with me. I even told him I wouldn't mind leveling solo, I would rather do that then level only once every four days and for a little while. I know he has the time to level because I see him standing around in Dalaran for long periods of time and he plays much more than I do.
Receiving no definitive response from him I gave him until the end of the day to decide, and if I had no reply from him, I would assume a no and carry on solo. I regret to be so harsh on my long time and once very good friend but I felt it had to be done, especially considering what happened the last time we tried to level. I wanted to level a shaman and he wanted to play something else than his DK, so he decided on the priest that is now his main. After 62 levels of pure fun and speed (faster than I would have by myself), everything changed. My laptop's hard drive broke and my old computer was just too laggy to play on. After telling him the situation I hoped that he would have waited for my new hard drive and we would continue on to 80 just as merrily as before. However, the day the new hard drive came in the mail and I began reinstalling WoW, I saw that he had already reached level 70. The next day I confronted him on it and his reasons were that he plays a lot more than I did (which was not at all considering I couldn't do anything with all of the lag on my old computer) and he thought I would understand already having three max level characters and him only have his death knight.
What should I do, Drama Mamas? Should I continue to give him the benefit of the doubt for the sake of our friendship or should I just take my losses and move on without him? -- Raging Altoholic

No matter -- let's cut this friend of yours some slack. Sometimes what sounds like a great character concept doesn't turn out to be so fun in practice. Maybe your friend still loves the idea of the character combo but can't stomach the grind of releveling. It happens; my husband and I can't seem to push a new combo higher than 70 lately. The only thing you can do here is figure out ways to break up the monotony. Run BGs every so often. Spend an entire night nabbing a couple of levels inside instances with the dungeon finder. Agree on one or two nights per week that you'll work on your duo, and back off from there. Try a different faction or realm type. ... Whatever makes leveling enjoyable again.
Unfortunately for this situation with your friend, the "raging" aspect of your "raging altaholism" has overtaken the whole point of leveling as a team. Even if things are stalled out (either temporarily or permanently), there's no reason to kill off the duo and piss off your friend in the bargain. He may or may not regain enthusiasm. Either way, you've got plenty of other characters to dally with. So go ahead and get your game on -- just do it with another character.
Drama Mama Robin: Duuuuuude. Chill out. Go with the flow. If you're really a raging altaholic, then the solution is simple: roll another druid! Quit with the ultimatums and deadlines. Play the duo druid when he wants to play it and play your solo druid when he doesn't. Yes, your solo druid will catch up and out-level your duo druid, but so what? Big deal.If he gets upset that your solo druid is leveling quickly and that you are happily playing without him, then he needs to be more understanding. It's not like he waited for you with his priest. If he wants to catch up, great! If he wants to create another duo to play with you, great! If he gets snitty about the whole thing, well, that's icky. But have him come up with a solution -- the reasons behind his reticence to play with you may come out. Of course, that may be a bad thing. Hmmm, is there something outside of Azeroth that he may be upset about?
It may not be about the duo at all. Hours in Dalaran not doing anything? Perhaps he's got a little somethin' somethin' on the side. I mean, this is pure speculation and I may be totally wrong about this, but it sounds like some heavy chatting is going on and not with you. Perhaps he has found himself a groovy kind of love?
Your stress over this is sucking your fun and his. So relax, man. Schedule duo dates with your friend -- a couple hours a week -- and don't bother him about it otherwise. If he wants to play more often, let him volunteer when and how often. Don't push. Don't nag. Let it be.
Drama Mama Robin is out. Peace!
Drama-buster of the week
Sometimes, there's nothing like advice from a real, live player who's been there and done that. If you're looking for advice, use the /who command. You're most likely to find people with time to chat if you /whisper players who are traveling or in cities. Ask if they have a moment to answer a question about their class (or whatever the issue is) for you. The main thing to remember: don't send a random /whisper to someone who's in the middle of something requiring focus. Don't /whisper anyone who's in an instance (distracting someone at the wrong moment in an instance could literally cause a party or raid wipe). Don't /whisper someone doing an escort quest. Players who are farming for materials may be bored silly and interested in chatting, but they may have had a terribad day and want to chill out with some mindless, solitary grinding; either way, be polite. Most people love to help when approached politely!
Filed under: Analysis / Opinion, Drama Mamas






Reader Comments (Page 1 of 3)
That Guy Apr 23rd 2010 9:14AM
This is good advice because they are real-life mamas.
Boz Apr 23rd 2010 10:36AM
Typically I agree with the advice given here, but in this case the Mamas seem to be giving Raging Altoholic's (RA) friend a bit more credit than this letter would indicate he deserves. Maybe it's all those maternal instincts, but I think this Daddy would like to provide some input.
Let's call RA's friend The Priest.
RA had a great time leveling when it was convenient for The Priest, but as soon as RA ran into hardware issues The Priest did not wait for RA. Leveling a second duo, The Priest just can't seem to find the time to level with RA. The Priest loves his Priest more than his friend. Why should RA remain steadfast to The Priest when their partner obviously doesn't feel the same way?
I admire the concern of RA, but this concern appears based on nostalgia for those first 62 levels. If your partner isn't along for the ride at this point or considering your feelings as much as you his, it's time to DTMFA and move on.
As a druid you can power-level by tanking or healing via the RDF, running BGs, and a host of other options; you no longer need a partner. You never know: You might meet a more loyal partner along the way.
Catacomb Kid Apr 23rd 2010 11:25AM
@Boz I completely agree with everything you said. I think that the Mamas gave the friend a little too much credit, and I disagree with their overall approach in this situation. But it's rare! Normally I agree with them completely, just not this time, I guess.
Daniel Apr 23rd 2010 1:48PM
@Boz and Catacomb kid. I hope the fact that you now realize that it's possible for them to be wrong will make you go back and look more critically at some of the advice they have given in the past. It's amazing how different the world looks when you stop drinking the Kool-aid.
The problem with the advice in this case is that it confuses intention with behavior. It only makes sense to focus on the relationship when it's mutual. There is nothing mutual about anything these two people are doing that is beyond random coincidence. Psst, Lisa: a friendship is not a marriage. I'm not even sure there is an actual friendship in this case.
BTW, the "chill out" part was seriously rude. Seriously.
lisapoisso Apr 23rd 2010 1:57PM
@ Daniel
Psst. The author of the letter clearly indicates that the situation involves "Someone I thought was a good friend" -- as my response clearly reflects.
WaterRouge Apr 23rd 2010 3:45PM
I agree with Boz simply because it seems like RA didn't just ask once or twice to see if the friend would level and get the "IDK" but many times a week (hence the "after this near month" I'm guessing). Plus, RA already had three max level characters so I think it's right to say he/she knows what they are doing in terms of leveling. I wouldn't be surprised if after two weeks of casual leveling their characters could have already been forty (based on how fast altoholics I know can level solo.)
I wonder if this was already worked out too. RA only gave The Priest one day to decide...
cheezygonzalez11 Apr 23rd 2010 4:02PM
I can sympathize, as someone who likes to level with my boyfriend. We did RAF, so my main (shaman) we levelled ele/resto shaman and retadin. Amazing combo--we BLEW STUFF UP. He made a lot of time to play with me, and when he wasn't around I played my warlock. After I hit 73 or so, 3.3 had just come out, he wanted to do random heroics and get frost badges and focus on ICC, and I was supposed to get to 80 ASAP to join the raid and let our other resto shaman retire. So for a week I painstakingly ground my way from 73 to 80.
We keep rolling characters to play together. The main thing is to accept that it's something you do together. Power levelling is not really ideal for group play--that's for your own time. I'm levelling another toon with my boyfriend (a feral druid tank, running instances with his rogue) and even though I'd like to level my druid faster I just accept it as a matter of course that the druid is for playing with him, and my solo time is for my shaman, or warlock (lvl 72 now! woot!), or my paladin (who is trying to catch up to HIS druid so we can play together)
Al Apr 23rd 2010 5:38PM
Well said Boz. The Priest has cheesed on the levelling partnership twice, forget "benefit of the doubt" and move on.
Darkspectrum Apr 23rd 2010 9:21AM
One thing I'd like to put in here. My main is a druid and I do have a bit of altoholism. Your friend could possibly be put off by levelling a druid. So far my druid was one of the hardest classes to level.
If you're levelling as feral it can be pretty boring until you get mangle.
If you're levelling as balance it can be difficult til you get Moonkin form and even then there is alot of downtime.
Maybe the friend is just having some difficulties trying to level the druid itself and is put off by it.
clevins Apr 23rd 2010 3:46PM
But then *the friend can say that*. This is the point both Lisa and Robin completely miss above - it's not just on RA, it's on the priest too. Instead of saying "IDK..." when RA wants to level, RA's friend can frigging communicate. Say "Dude, I just don't like my druid/can't do Duskwood again/whatever." Acting like this is all RA's issue is flat out wrong. If these two are friends they can do the straightforward thing and talk. Jeez, some people...
PictoKong Apr 23rd 2010 9:25AM
That reminds me of a situation i lived:
My cousin, in september 2008, invited me to WoW via RaF. Then, we decided that i would have a "main" caracter for solo and a RaF caracter when he was online. For about 2 weeks, playing some minutes a day, my "alt" was already 25 and my "main" only 12... After that, which is quite sad, he simply stopped playing with me on my "alt", so i just leveled my main to 80, and i did not enjoyed RaF bonus.
After some months of level 80, i decided to level my alt who was still in his 30's to 80, and now i had 2 max level caracters
Right after i dinged 80, my cousin said he wanted to experience the alli side of things with me (duo leveling) we agreed a prot warrior (me)/Hunter (him) combo to get faster queues and some fun (revenge crits are awsome). Now, i think he realized how much i was pissed of because of my alt, we sticked and we are now nearly 68!
He said he liked it and, come cataclysm, he would roll a troll druid with me, getting an undead hunter, a tauren pally or a rogue (not sure which one i want)
The thing is, we see each other IRL and such, so we can't really break our leveling pact
Anyway, great story, I'm sad it ended badly for you
PictoKong Apr 23rd 2010 9:29AM
* alliance side of things before cataclysm
* He rolls a troll druid, i roll one of the class/race combo i said, if it wasnt clear enough
WTB edit button
Erzfiend Apr 23rd 2010 9:25AM
Back when I first started playing WoW, I was leveling with my girlfriend at the time. She already had two 70's (this was a few months before Wrath came out) but she said she wanted to level up a hunter with me on my warlock. We had so much fun leveling together and we managed to make it up to level 74 before things ended.
But when we were not able to play together, either because of both of us having school or her having work, I would level up a bunch of alts, simply because I wanted to play WoW and had more free time than her. The way I saw it was I was leveling these alts with different professions so that I could help her out if she ever needed someone to tank for her, or maybe craft some glyphs or something like that. She never outright said that she was bothered that I played without her, but she didn't seem happy.
"So what did you do today? Oh. you played your druid. Okay."
Leveling my first toon with her was some of the most fun I had ever had in Warcraft, and I wish we could have reached the level cap and achieved our dreams of raiding in a friend's guild, but I still wish she had understood my motives behind leveling alts. It wasn't because I could not wait for her, I simply wanted to have a better understanding of the game and its different roles and classes so I could better assist her or ourselves if the need ever arose.
Now I have my level cap warlock that I have just started raiding with, but I also have a new friend I met that I level with sometimes. I feel bad when she asks me to play with her and I have a raid or something coming up, or if I am running heroics, but I do still try to make time to play with her, too.
Whew, that was long.
Mordockk Apr 23rd 2010 10:09AM
No you definitely just leveled up alts because you didn't want your GF to get mad that you leveled up the character you were supposed to level with her. And you really just wanted to play cuz this game is pretty awesome. I'm sure she saw right through your "but i went ahead and leveled all these characters to assist you in leveling up",
let's face it, girls are smarter than us.
Talia Apr 23rd 2010 11:09AM
"No you definitely just leveled up alts because you didn't want your GF to get mad that you leveled up the character you were supposed to level with her."
As the other side of that (I've leveled a couple sets of alts with my BF now), that would also be a perfectly acceptable explanation. Anything that shows you're conscious of the agreement to run the toons *together* and keep them at close to the same level as you can is a good thing, at least in my books.
Aaron Apr 23rd 2010 9:49AM
I wanted a leveling partner, so I rolled a hunter. Now I have a friend with me no matter I'm getting myself into. It's really awesome playing a pet class (my main is a pally). I honestly do not feel alone. Sounds weird but whatever... The only time I rage is when an 80 kills my pet just to grieve me. YOU CAN KILL ME ALL YOU WANT BUT YOU LEAVE MY PETS ALONE! /rant
I did the RaF deal with a friend and we made it to level 22 and he quit. Just out right quit playing for about a month and a half. So, I went from 22 - 80 alone but I was having fun and at the end of the day that's what matters.
Hih Apr 23rd 2010 10:00AM
"The plan was to get to 80 as quickly as possible, then realm transfer to a PvP server and do what we could in terms of PvP success."
Then why not just level on a PvP server? Unless you're somewhere completely imbalanced like Alliance on Cho'gall, ganking wont slow you down more than an hour. I've leveled up nearly 20 characters to 60 or higher, 5 of them being 80s, couple being 70+ and ganking really isn't a problem. If someone does decide to camp you, log out for 5 minutes. That's all it takes to get people bored and move on. Read the forums or wow.com while you wait. Save yourself the $25 and the embarrassment.
Mordockk Apr 23rd 2010 10:03AM
I'm not too sure about your last comment about asking for help. Any person who I don't know that /whisper's me asking if I have some time I immediately put on my ignore list because of gold spammers.
Although I don't mind helping people who have questions, I wouldn't advise people to /who and then randomly start whispering people. I think that's the worst advice you've ever given.
Oh how I wish we played in an azeroth that didn't shun on people randomly whispering and asking for advice. sadly we do. You're best bet is to ask a question in the general chat, because that's what its there for. You won't be intruding in anyones game time and you'll get your answer, along with people being stupid but there's no way around that.
I guess I'm also one of those people who doesn't like getting whispered from random people who see my high GS and ask "what is your rotation?". I'm not grumpy, just always strapped for time.
Darthregis Apr 23rd 2010 10:19AM
It's not bad advice to suggest /whisper'ing someone for help. You should just be wary about what you say when you do it. If you ask in a polite way with clear intentions, it shouldn't be a problem.
Ie: "Hi, I'm just hit 80... I'm kind of stuck on which gems to pick. Could you help?"
That probably works better than: "wut gems shud i get??!1"
At the same time, if you don't have time, you can be polite about that as well.
"Sorry, can't chat - busy right now" as opposed to "wtf, l2p nub".
Yeah, you'll get douchebags out there and what have you, but there's plenty of nice folk that are willing to help out, too.
(cutaia) Apr 23rd 2010 11:12AM
I got a random whisper from someone the other day who couldn't figure out how to leave Undercity. Of course, I helped him. That place is a freakin' maze.