Drama Mamas: The broken leveling pact

My husband and I make concept duos. Sometimes we make duos that our friends and guildies follow; an early Horde PvP project turned into an effective reforming of our guild, which wound through the battlegrounds and eventually morphed back into PvE raiding. Sometimes we change courses (a lot). A recent level 50-ish Horde shammy/pally combo turned into an Alliance reroll so we could revisit all the Alliance quests again pre-Cataclysm, which in turn became a reroll when I decided the new mage wasn't as fun as the old pally ... And that's been fun, but we've been feeling pangs about abandoning our rogue gank squad, which stalled out somewhere in Borean Tundra when the shaman/pally bug came calling.
Through all this, no matter how much we end up questing through the same old places, we've learned that it pays to stick together. We tradeskill separately, and we're cool about class-specific quests, but we try to stay neck in neck on quest progression. The whole point, after all, is to do all this crazy stuff (our current pre-Cataclysm Loremaster/Explorer quest-gasm) as a team. That's what makes it fun.
But we didn't always know that. We used to get impatient if one of us didn't feel like logging in that night. We used to oh-so-innocently run up "only three levels" ahead of one another. We used to get so swept away with the thrill of the XP hunt that we forgot that the point was to accomplish it together.
Dear Drama Mamas, Someone I thought was a good friend agreed to leveling a druid with me in preparation for the oncoming expansion. The plan was to get to 80 as quickly as possible, then realm transfer to a PvP server and do what we could in terms of PvP success. Then once Cataclysm was released and the feature became available, we would race change to Worgen, then work our way up the ladder again, our feral/resto combo hopefully unmatched.
The problem is that after this near month both of our druids are only level 26. Why? Because day after day, except about once a week and the first 10 levels, we would do no leveling. I would log on my druid to ask him if we were leveling and all I would usually get is "IDK." Rarely did I get a yes, in which case we would spend about an hour or two leveling, earning two levels maximum for that session. After which he would get tired and go back to his main, a priest, to do some BGs, arenas or whatever.
Today I basically asked him if he really cared about leveling his druid with me. I even told him I wouldn't mind leveling solo, I would rather do that then level only once every four days and for a little while. I know he has the time to level because I see him standing around in Dalaran for long periods of time and he plays much more than I do.
Receiving no definitive response from him I gave him until the end of the day to decide, and if I had no reply from him, I would assume a no and carry on solo. I regret to be so harsh on my long time and once very good friend but I felt it had to be done, especially considering what happened the last time we tried to level. I wanted to level a shaman and he wanted to play something else than his DK, so he decided on the priest that is now his main. After 62 levels of pure fun and speed (faster than I would have by myself), everything changed. My laptop's hard drive broke and my old computer was just too laggy to play on. After telling him the situation I hoped that he would have waited for my new hard drive and we would continue on to 80 just as merrily as before. However, the day the new hard drive came in the mail and I began reinstalling WoW, I saw that he had already reached level 70. The next day I confronted him on it and his reasons were that he plays a lot more than I did (which was not at all considering I couldn't do anything with all of the lag on my old computer) and he thought I would understand already having three max level characters and him only have his death knight.
What should I do, Drama Mamas? Should I continue to give him the benefit of the doubt for the sake of our friendship or should I just take my losses and move on without him? -- Raging Altoholic

No matter -- let's cut this friend of yours some slack. Sometimes what sounds like a great character concept doesn't turn out to be so fun in practice. Maybe your friend still loves the idea of the character combo but can't stomach the grind of releveling. It happens; my husband and I can't seem to push a new combo higher than 70 lately. The only thing you can do here is figure out ways to break up the monotony. Run BGs every so often. Spend an entire night nabbing a couple of levels inside instances with the dungeon finder. Agree on one or two nights per week that you'll work on your duo, and back off from there. Try a different faction or realm type. ... Whatever makes leveling enjoyable again.
Unfortunately for this situation with your friend, the "raging" aspect of your "raging altaholism" has overtaken the whole point of leveling as a team. Even if things are stalled out (either temporarily or permanently), there's no reason to kill off the duo and piss off your friend in the bargain. He may or may not regain enthusiasm. Either way, you've got plenty of other characters to dally with. So go ahead and get your game on -- just do it with another character.
Drama Mama Robin: Duuuuuude. Chill out. Go with the flow. If you're really a raging altaholic, then the solution is simple: roll another druid! Quit with the ultimatums and deadlines. Play the duo druid when he wants to play it and play your solo druid when he doesn't. Yes, your solo druid will catch up and out-level your duo druid, but so what? Big deal.If he gets upset that your solo druid is leveling quickly and that you are happily playing without him, then he needs to be more understanding. It's not like he waited for you with his priest. If he wants to catch up, great! If he wants to create another duo to play with you, great! If he gets snitty about the whole thing, well, that's icky. But have him come up with a solution -- the reasons behind his reticence to play with you may come out. Of course, that may be a bad thing. Hmmm, is there something outside of Azeroth that he may be upset about?
It may not be about the duo at all. Hours in Dalaran not doing anything? Perhaps he's got a little somethin' somethin' on the side. I mean, this is pure speculation and I may be totally wrong about this, but it sounds like some heavy chatting is going on and not with you. Perhaps he has found himself a groovy kind of love?
Your stress over this is sucking your fun and his. So relax, man. Schedule duo dates with your friend -- a couple hours a week -- and don't bother him about it otherwise. If he wants to play more often, let him volunteer when and how often. Don't push. Don't nag. Let it be.
Drama Mama Robin is out. Peace!
Drama-buster of the week
Sometimes, there's nothing like advice from a real, live player who's been there and done that. If you're looking for advice, use the /who command. You're most likely to find people with time to chat if you /whisper players who are traveling or in cities. Ask if they have a moment to answer a question about their class (or whatever the issue is) for you. The main thing to remember: don't send a random /whisper to someone who's in the middle of something requiring focus. Don't /whisper anyone who's in an instance (distracting someone at the wrong moment in an instance could literally cause a party or raid wipe). Don't /whisper someone doing an escort quest. Players who are farming for materials may be bored silly and interested in chatting, but they may have had a terribad day and want to chill out with some mindless, solitary grinding; either way, be polite. Most people love to help when approached politely!
Filed under: Analysis / Opinion, Drama Mamas
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Reader Comments (Page 2 of 3)
Hih Apr 23rd 2010 11:30AM
Meh, I've had someone whisper me randomly for advice before. Their spelling/grammar left a little to be desired, but I helped them out and gave them advice just the same.
Though ya, when a level 1 in Durotar whispers me, "Hey", I say "I don't want your ****ing gold" and ignore them before they have a chance to say any more.
Cheb Apr 23rd 2010 11:34AM
I agree that doing a /who and whispering people is a bad idea. If my 80 is running around low level zones, it's because my daughter has decided she wants to push the buttons, not because I want to adopt lowbies and mentor them (she is particularly fond of jumping and running into trees). I think a much better idea would be to ask in guild if there's someone who can help, either for a recommendation of who to talk to or if someone online knows the answer to the question. The person then could also be directed to various websites that all have various information to look through.
lisapoisso Apr 23rd 2010 11:37AM
@(cutaia) Some of us who played EQ actually deleted new characters who got lost in the bowels of Neriak. True story.
Mordockk Apr 23rd 2010 12:12PM
i didnt say it was bad adivce whispering someone for help I said it was bad just to do a /who and then eeny meany miney moe a person to ask a question.
honestly when people ask me questions I usually answer them, mostly because I would feel like a jerk if I didnt even tho I'm busy, so just ask general chat and wait for someone to reply instead of putting someone on the spot, seriously its kinda intruding even if you ask politely.
Kylenne Apr 23rd 2010 12:56PM
I'm much more likely to respond to a random /whisper asking for help if it's in a complete sentence and phrased politely, with an attempt at proper spelling/grammar.
Random "Hey" gets someone ignored. Because 9 times out of 10 an obnoxious request for money/food/portals will follow. Yeah, I'm a bitch, but I'm also a frustrated mage.
AlmtyBob Apr 23rd 2010 1:16PM
Back in mid-BC I had a warrior tank who had just gotten kicked from a heroic run send me a random tell while I was at the bank in Shatt asking for some tanking advice. I had 30 minutes to kill before a raid so I gave him some gearing advice and then took him to the little ogre plateau above Shatt to show him some techniques. About once a week or two he'd send me tells asking me this or that and I'd help him out. I even tagged along on my shammy for a (scary) heroic run a couple of times.
I took a break from WoW about six months ago and when I came back (and geared up a bit) I was PuG'd into a guild's ICC run and it turns out that same guy was now their main tank. I was worried at first then I noticed he was dripping in ICC gear and he turned out to be a damn good tank. I'm not normally a very nice person so that warm fuzzy feeling was new and pretty cool.
dkhar Apr 23rd 2010 1:32PM
omg, to who mentioned the undercity, I completely agree. I played this game way back in the beginning stages of beta, and no one knew how to get into UC, you basically had to accidentally find your way in. I remember I fell down and died, and after a ghost run I realized there was an elevator lol. I can totally understand anyone new to this game if they have problems getting in that place, even though it isn't as hard as it was back then, its still bad for newbies. The only other place I have found that I hated more in all the MMO's I have played over the many years, old EQ Neriak, that place SUCKED! until you could find a map then it wasn't that bad, but still sucked :)
jair Apr 23rd 2010 2:07PM
I think if you are clear about your question right away when whispering, and it's specifically about a class/profession that whispering is fine. General chat works well for quest questions. The benefit of whispering on some topics, is if someone thinks your question is dumb, you won't be mocked mercilessly. I do hate when people do that, though it happens far more often in cities then in general.
I answer clear and concise whispers, and if I'm too busy, I specifically say so. The ones that bother me are people who have one question, then suddenly think we are best buddies and I'll help them level for the rest of the day.
Hunterlicious Apr 23rd 2010 2:24PM
I don't think that doing a /who for help from other players is bad advice at all!
When I leveled my first toon, I did it without addons, such as Carbonite, Lightheaded, etc. and without checking websites likes Thottbot because I wanted to figure things out for myself the first time around. I'd only ask for help in trade chat whenever I was really stuck, and while some people were decent enough to reply with advice or directions, most of the time I'd get stuck in a flurry of "look how witty I am by making fun of the noob in chat!" banter that would just annoy me and waste my time completely.
I would do a /who and then select someone from my class who was in a city (less likelihood of interrupting their grinding/questing). I'd ask *very politely* if they would mind giving me advice on something, since I was confused about where to go/what to do. Nine times out of ten people replied- and even better, often became buddies and even "mentors." Once, while asking for advice on a class-specific quest, a higher-level player not only gave me advice, but rode out across the map to help me, since he remembered what a pain that quest had been to solo. I think it's all in how you approach people and you need to respect the fact that some will not be interested. Still, it was one of the best ways I found to get advice and even make new friends on my server.
Now I try to do the same for other people who are new to the game, although I am more willing to help when they genuinely seem to appreciate my time rather than expect me to cater to them.
Artificial Apr 23rd 2010 6:46PM
Asking for help from someone you see going about town is a good idea. Randomly /whispering people you pull off the /who list is spamming, and you should expect whatever very hostile responses you might end up getting because of it. Some people don't mind spam but a lot of people do, particularly when they're right in the middle of something (and "I didn't know you were right in the middle of something" is precisely the point -- if you can't see my on your screen and see what I'm doing, you must be randomly spamming people to even be whispering me, and getting spammed really, really annoys me -- if you weren't being an impolite jerkwad, there'd be no danger of you interrupting me in the middle of the fight because you'd already know I wasn't in the middle of a fight because you wouldn't be spamming me without even being able to see me -- the fact that you don't even know whether I'm in the middle of something or not but spammed me anyway makes you an even bigger jerkwad than someone "doing it intentionally").
JustPlainJim Apr 23rd 2010 10:29AM
Ah, this one hits a bit close to home for me. You ladies gave Raging some good advice. If he keeps nagging and pushing his friend, then he's going to lose his leveling partner really fast.
My similar bit o' drama:
My best friend and I started WoW together. We'd played City of Heroes and Final Fantasy XI together, but WoW was going to be 'our' game, one we would get into together, learn together, and really experience as a team. In the cases of CoH and FFXI, we dragged each other into games where we already had high-level mains. Much fun was had, but still.
We made a couple ally characters as a way to test the waters. Human warrior for me and human mage for him. We had a great dynamic for noobs. We didn't rely on any web sites to teach us, just going by gut feeling, what the tutorials could tell us, and friendly advice from higher-level players. We were still noobs, but we were having fun with it. We saw the world together and it was awesome.
We leveled together, the only time we played was if we needed to gather mats (I was a blacksmith and needed about 7000 pieces of Thorium). No questing while the other wasn't around, and minimal killing of mobs.
We had some great times, and enough fun experiences that I could probably write a book (or at least a long magazine article). But, things change. Specifically, he became soulbound while I'm BoE and still waiting to be equipped.
Suddenly, he wasn't around as much. Not a problem for me, as I had plenty of solo alts. But then I saw him online... he'd leveled. he was doing things with his wife on what was "our characters". Going to dungeons I hadn't, experiencing parts of the game I hadn't, and leveling faster than me so I couldn't keep up. I'll admit I was hurt. ... Okay, that's an understatement. I went full-blown emo. At about level 73, we agreed to try to stay close to each other even if we couldn't play together. Still hurt any time I saw him running a dungeon with her while I was running around the Tundra or Dragonblight. But, we were still talking in-game so that was something.
Thankfully, I managed to extract my head from my posterior and learned to just have fun with the game. The three of us started doing dungeons together and I learned how to be a better tank. Wife unit is a healer so we didn't have a hard time finding a pug. We also had our fair share of arguments, but it was generally fun playing with them.
My friend and I managed to find a night when we were both free. we were both 79 and both had a good number of quests in Storm Peaks. So, naturally, we did them together... and managed to ding 80 on the same quest hand-in. A perfect end to our leveling pact, even with the bumps along the way.
~~~~~
I'm sure it sounds like I've got a vendetta against my best friend's wife. I admit we've had a few arguments (especially when she told me I wasn't "playing the game right" because I wanted to quest and skip the dungeons), but we've become close friends since then. She's still my healer of choice when it comes to dungeons and raids.
~~~~~
TL;DR : "Dude needs to chill."
Aaron Apr 23rd 2010 10:35AM
I'm glad that had a happy ending. I was worried for a minute.
A_V Apr 23rd 2010 11:31AM
My boyfriend and I play tandem and nearly always have since he hooked me into WoW several years ago. In my opinion (and even though we both have a couple of 'solo' alts to chill out on occasionally) levelling and playing together if you're lucky enough to stick within a few levels of each other is what makes the levelling experience wonderful. I was lucky enough that he was always there for me, having played the game for a year or so before I came onto the scene. (And having someone on hand to ask the noob-ish questions was such a bonus!) I believe together now we've levelled about 6 pairs of 80s and have about 3 more on the go.
Grovinofdarkhour Apr 23rd 2010 12:00PM
Raging Altoholic - reality check time. You and a bunch of strangers are playing a VIDEO GAME.
There are real-life friends and then there are "internet friends". We all make "internet friends" in WoW. Sure they are relevant, but they are obviously not the same as a real, lifelong friend. Can they become a real life friend? Sure, via increased involvement OUTSIDE the video game, but these transformations are few and far between.
You tried to tether an internet friend to your agenda, but you're expecting them to have a level of commitment to you as though they are a lifelong friend. Snap out of it. Just because someone you've never met has been a great guild officer for a year or two doesn't mean you should make them your best man/maid of honor at your wedding.
Take everything in game, especially promises and time commitments, with a grain of salt. Start mentally attaching "no biggie" to the end of every statement if necessary. It's just not healthy to emotionally invest yourself so heavily in strangers.
Pintsized Pugilist Apr 26th 2010 5:56PM
^this
Shelly Apr 26th 2010 11:40AM
If you can't count on a friend in game then what is the point of a guild raid? I expect my friends to be on time to a guild run they signed up for, this pact isn't much different than that, only in size of group.
If the dude doesn't feel like playing the duo for any reason, he should tell the other.
As for my own experiences with duo play, me and my bf started the game together and I ended up waiting on him for levels worth of play time. He made it to 40 on a warrior and a paladin and hasn't played since. He pretty much decided he didn't want to play a warrior anymore but liked playing his pally so on the far off chance he will come back to the game, I left a leveling partner at level 40. Now that I think about it, I can train the next riding skill on her. Since then, I have leveled a whole 8 characters to 80.
LiaG Apr 23rd 2010 12:21PM
I still think that what is important is to make your gaming experience good for yourself and don't rely on others to make it good/fun. I have a friend that is an attention whore and the last thing I want from a friend is someone that needy that requires you to give him attention so he can enjoy the game - specially since I enjoy the game more when I'm doing my own things/soloing.
Kylenne Apr 23rd 2010 12:54PM
This kind of letter is why I refuse to level with other people anymore, and I think it's important to point out that Duoing really only works when both people are generally on the same page when it comes to playstyle and leveling philosophy. People need to understand that just because you're good friends with someone/in love with them, does not mean your playstyles will mesh. Bluntly, I don't duo anymore because it simply drives me fucking insane and sucks all the fun out of the game to have to deal with other people's BS when all I want to do is level. If I wanted to level according to someone else's schedule/quirks, I'd still be playing FFXI. My very first toon (a mage) was supposed to be duo-leveled with my then-BF's shammy, but I got the WoW bug in a bad way and needed zero handholding so I ended up outpacing him by a lot just because of our schedules (I had a lot more free time because he had work + school and all I had was my normal-houred office job). In the end I ended up catching up to his other leveling alt, a paladin that had stalled, and we ended up zooming those two to 70 because his classes ended. It was fun, largely because we had the same philosophy: as many levels as you can in one sitting, no bullshitting around, let's gather as many of these "kill x mobs for a quest" things as we can and AoE them down.
The thing is, I've found that every time I've tried to level an alt with someone else, I get driven insane in the first ten minutes. I've been playing this game for 2+ years, I have 14 billion alts and I'm very set in my ways about how I do things when I quest. I'm not skipping xp-rich zones because you don't like them, I'm not doing every step in every exhausting and pointless chain because you want Loremaster, I'm not fucking around with QuestHelper, I'm not stopping every 5 seconds because your cat is setting the house on fire, and I sure as fuck am not doing ANY Nesingwary quests (I hate him like burning). I'm all about brutal efficiency and getting to cap ASAP. If that sounds harsh, keep in mind that's *my* idea of fun; I've done all this crap a million times, on both factions, and speed leveling is the only way to keep it fun for me. I'm sure the people I tried leveling with had just as miserable a time with me, because their idea of fun was diametrically opposed to mine. So I go it alone, and the only time I ever quest with someone else is if I can't manage to solo a group quest (which is pretty rare for me at this point, even with a clothie), or if I see someone else having a hard time with one. If I found someone who digs the way I quest, I'd duo again, but I rather doubt that at this point.
Yeah, I realize it's an MMO, but there are a zillion other (much more fun IMO) activities you can do with friends besides leveling--dungeon runs, two-manning old world raids (did that in MC with a pally friend of mine recently XD), dailies, achievements, rare mount farming. I will probably end up duoing again at least once for Cataclysm though because my gf wants to try the game, but that'll be different because the leveling experience will be entirely different and I won't nearly mind it as much to take my time.
danawhitaker Apr 23rd 2010 3:31PM
I think people who want to duo definitely have to have their ducks in a row about how they're going to do it. While almost your opposite in approach to leveling (I'm going for Loremaster on all six of my alts, and I have a zone-by-zone schedule that I'm moving them through in tandem), I respect the fact that everyone likes to level differently. I wouldn't dream of subjecting anyone to my madness - even my good friends. I know they'd hate it, they know they'd hate it, and I'd hate the way they'd probably want to level. I call out guildies/friends for help when I get stuck on a group quest I can't complete, otherwise, I stick to solo.
Differences in leveling style don't even begin to touch on the whole problem of wanting to play when the other person isn't around, or running into a problem where your schedules maybe only work out 1-2 times a week for a few hours so that leveling, even when it commences and you're in agreement how to do so, is painfully slow. The biggest hurdle for me when it comes to this, aside from the fact that my leveling style is just *weird*, is that I can't really commit myself to running stuff with anyone else until my daughter's asleep for the night so that I can play uninterrupted. And that time is reserved for, mostly, my main toon - dungeon run, battlegrounds, mount runs, raiding, etc. I don't want to shaft my main character, as I need to keep her in good shape for raiding. That leaves very little time for a restrictive schedule with another person.
Lemons Apr 23rd 2010 3:34PM
Omg our fun doesn't match up I hate this now omg.
When you're leveling with someone else there has to be some compromise. Basically you're being selfish...if it's not on your agenda you're simply not going to do it. The other person is expected to follow you around like an NPC pet and do whatever you want to do.
So, yea...I agree with you. I think it's best if you level alone.