All the World's a Stage: Getting too attached to a character
by Michael Gray 
Apr 25th 2010 at 12:00PM
The Drama Mamas passed this letter over to me, since it so greatly involves roleplay. I've obviously altered the names of those involved. Let's roleplay that this was a letter to ... the Roleplay Drama Papa! (Feel free to insert a "Who's your daddy?" joke here.)
Drama Mamas, I need help.
I am fairly new to the world of Azeroth. I have always loved RP, and so rolled an ally and a horde alt on an RP server and jumped in. My ally is the one in the current predicament.
You see, upon traveling to Stormwind, I was invited to a pub-based event. Feeling happy enough I immediately jumped in and started roleplaying with a gentleman. Our characters were vivacious types, so they they hit it off. Some problems arose early on, which I shall confess since I want a completely honest view.
One problem was that even after roleplaying for a couple hours, the other person always acted hurt when I cut the RP off. A lot of times it was to get some leveling time in, since I was still a lowbie and wanted more opportunities. Another was the discussions about erotic roleplay. Now, ERP isn't my thing. I describe kissing and that is about it. We could see our characters heading towards a relationship. I thought I had ended the issue.
Except the guy kept bringing it up. And I admit, I was too nice because I allowed one or two things more than I should. Little things, and our characters haven't even slept together, but still.
Recently, I decided I hated leveling the class I was playing. Since this person was the only one I really RPed with, I told him my decision to reroll this character as a Death Knight.
The other person was obviously distraught, Two things made me raise my eyebrows. He said he was so distressed because he cared about my character and didn't want her to go through that story. The fact that he was so attached to my character did not sit well with me. The second problem was that he suggested changing the back story of my character to have her be a virgin. It was so that her first sex was more meaningful
He eventually started talking about how his character was probably going to wander off, but mine would always be a part of his roleplay, and how it was fun RPing with me. I thought he was just overreacting, but I shared how my character would probably react. He then said it looks like I really wanted the characters' relationship to be over.
He said something along the lines of me having won the debate, but both of us losing RP partners, trying to sound all elegant while doing so. I must admit, I was ticked at this point. I simply said I didn't understand how I lost the roleplay in the first place, because if I had lost I wouldn't have cut him out of my stories. He said that I had gotten cocky, and though I admit some of my humor can turn out as such, I apologized for that but then he said the smilies were also cocky. I had always thought they were used to defuse situations.
To put it simply, I could understand it if the debate had been more fired up than it was. It never crossed lines and I thought it was just a friendly one. And the fact that he reacted so heavily bothered me. Also, he said the bomb I had dropped about planning to have my character turn Death Knight within the week shocked him, and how that bomb also affected him. And also how he didn't like losing debates.
So I am in a quandary. Although I apologized for any bluntness or hurt feelings, the person still acted like a martyr, I was truly annoyed, and though I was polite and patient when I logged off, I just got madder and madder. Now I need help, because I feel my emotions may be clouding my judgment. Should I not communicate with him? Should I ignore him, or should I just continue on like nothing happened? I feel like there are some warning signs, but maybe people take roleplay this personally and I was not aware. I need help, Drama Mamas.
-A brand new RPer
Brand New,
First, I should tell you -- yeah, people can get really invested in their roleplay. I chose that word carefully. If you spend hours every week for months developing a story and a character, you're going to get attached to that character. People get ideas in their heads of how they want their characters' lives to be, and can get frustrated when things don't turn out the way they want them.
Now, obviously, it's impossible for me to guess everything going on here. The player might just have honestly been that shocked, or maybe he thought that you were tired of him. Even if you were being truthful that the mechanics of your character's class was why you were rerolling, he might believe it was his fault.
Brand New,
First, I should tell you -- yeah, people can get really invested in their roleplay. I chose that word carefully. If you spend hours every week for months developing a story and a character, you're going to get attached to that character. People get ideas in their heads of how they want their characters' lives to be, and can get frustrated when things don't turn out the way they want them.
Now, obviously, it's impossible for me to guess everything going on here. The player might just have honestly been that shocked, or maybe he thought that you were tired of him. Even if you were being truthful that the mechanics of your character's class was why you were rerolling, he might believe it was his fault.
Or, the guy might have an unhealthy attachment to your character. That does happen, and I've seen it a few dozen more times than I'd like to admit. (Though, admittedly, I'm more accustomed to seeing that kind of thing in LARP than WoW roleplay.) I've seen players go on year long vendettas when their in-game lovers are killed. It's kind of crazy, admittedly. But I try and chalk it up to "they lost an investment, and that can always be frustrating."
What should you do? Honestly, if you're frustrated, then you need to decide if you think something unhealthy's going on here. If you're getting a "creep" vibe, then you should walk away. If you still want to play with the guy, though, then tell him that you think this felt a little odd, and would prefer not to go back down that road. The key is to be completely honest about your feelings; don't hem and haw because you want to be nice and friendly. And, again, if you're getting a creep vibe, walk away without another look back. Nothing good can come of a bad dynamic like that, and it's always better to be safe than sorry.
Good luck,
Drama RPapa
What should you do? Honestly, if you're frustrated, then you need to decide if you think something unhealthy's going on here. If you're getting a "creep" vibe, then you should walk away. If you still want to play with the guy, though, then tell him that you think this felt a little odd, and would prefer not to go back down that road. The key is to be completely honest about your feelings; don't hem and haw because you want to be nice and friendly. And, again, if you're getting a creep vibe, walk away without another look back. Nothing good can come of a bad dynamic like that, and it's always better to be safe than sorry.
Good luck,
Drama RPapa
All the World's a Stage is your source for roleplaying ideas, innovations and ironies. You might wonder what it's like to sacrifice spells for the story, or to totally immerse yourself in your roleplaying, or even how to RP on a non-RP server!Filed under: All the World's a Stage (Roleplaying)
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 4)
reswab Apr 25th 2010 12:10PM
What a strange world (of warcraft) we live in.
BoB Apr 25th 2010 12:09PM
Turn into a Death Knight. Then kill him. And then have him roll Forsaken. And then see if he still likes roll-playing with you. If this is so, then keep roll-playing with him. If not, kill him again.
Volaro Apr 25th 2010 12:12PM
In Warcraft, Murder solves all problems!
James Apr 25th 2010 12:29PM
Assuming you are RPPVP Server:
Make the Death Knight - but make it a Horde character. Go on a "date" somewhere contested and say you are relogging to activate some RP mod. Kill and camp him with your Death Knight until he logs. Then next time you see him say he is dumped because he stood you up.
PROBLEM SOLVED
James Apr 25th 2010 1:05PM
Or:
Race change to a big butch male Draenei then turn up for a "date" wearing:
http://www.wowhead.com/item=6125
http://www.wowhead.com/item=14775
And holding a bunch of flowers. That should do it.
Hih Apr 25th 2010 12:25PM
Sounds like he was just mad that the person his character was getting action with finally decided to cut it off. He had a taste of what he wanted, so of course he was going to be upset that it couldn't continue.
Though that doesn't excuse him for being creepy as hell.
Lucent Apr 25th 2010 2:54PM
/ignore and then have fun as you want to?
Listerofsmeg Apr 25th 2010 12:34PM
I dont pretend to understand the rp'ers but this really struck me as odd. Do alot of people get into this ERP?
Irem Apr 25th 2010 3:54PM
There are some people who will start RPing with someone with the intention of hitting them up for ERP, even on PvE servers, although they're usually more honest there and will just ask you to cyber. There are different types of ERPers, some are skeezy and some are not, and she ran into one of the skeezy ones that type one-handed. A lot of RPers do erotic roleplay, and a lot don't, but unfortunately it's a catchall term for everything from "Do you think we should play out this sex scene, since our characters are so messed up from recent events still that it'd be interesting to see how they handle being intimate?" to "hay qt, ur rly fine do u want r toons 2 do it? i got a big 2hander lol ;)"
Doki-Chan Apr 26th 2010 5:29AM
I was wandering around Goldshire on a lowly alt and came across 2 Nelfs in the almost-nud, whispering sweet nothings to each other... (upstairs of the little house near the pub with the LW trainer in).
The creepiest part wasn't the ERP, it was the fact the "creepy kids" were in the same room, watching...
lady.silverdragon Apr 25th 2010 12:43PM
It sounds to me like this guy is taking things "out of game"- that it's not just his character who is upset, but that he personally is upset. If this is the case, and you don't want to cut him off for whatever reason, you may want to start talking to him out of game (about ordinary stuff) as well as in game (if you haven't already) so that he can see the difference between you and your character.
I don't know if I'd go to the trouble though, as he sounds kind of creepy to me...
Vladeon Apr 25th 2010 1:05PM
yeah, I was about to say, this dude sounds like he's a little crazy and/or creepy as hell. I don't know much about RPing, but if someone was that invested in my character, I think I'd reroll on a pve server.
Tethra Apr 25th 2010 2:49PM
Yeah I would totally reroll on either a PVE or just another RP server in a different battlegroup.
Irem Apr 25th 2010 3:58PM
For the love of all that is holy, this person should not talk to this guy out of game or tell him about real life stuff, ever. From experience, I can tell you that if someone is unable to separate you from your character, the only thing non-game-related contact will accomplish is making them think that you're accessible outside of the context of RP.
Camo Apr 26th 2010 2:12PM
"Hey lets pretend your a virgin! *grabs fleshlight xs*..."
*shudder*
theRaptor Apr 25th 2010 12:47PM
And this is why although I love RPing I don't really like RPers. And also why I don't really RP in games like WoW where nearly all the RP is "friendly".
I would much rather RP conflict with my ex-freespacer turner Amarrian zealot in EvE, than RP sitting around in a bar in WoW. If things get OOC weird or hostile in PvP RP that just fits with the RP.
I really think WoW RP would be improved massively if they removed the artificial language barriers (the cross faction smack couldn't be worse than the inter-faction smack, a-holes will always find a target)
Irem Apr 25th 2010 3:02PM
I've always been really curious about EvE RP, since it seems like the game actually encourages a level of roleplaying to a certain extent (I've heard stories about people doing actual espionage within major corporations, that kind of thing), even if you don't have a fictional persona and a backstory. This is the first time I've heard someone mention an RP community within the game in passing, though, and it's made me interested enough to look it up.
theRaptor Apr 25th 2010 10:48PM
www.eve-chatsubo.com is a discussion forum for the RP community. EvE is fairly unique among MMO's in that RP was very strong early on and the developers are constantly updating the NPC stories and integrating player interactions into them. It is common for even the massive 1337 kiddie alliance leaders to do IC press releases.
The "problem" with most EvE RP is that "gentleman's agreements" and the like don't work too well for conflict based RP (these are common in most other RP PvP I have seen). But EvE RP corporations and ALLIANCES have been fairly large movers and shakers*. Since they introduced faction warfare a few years back there is a decent sized community that is just about cross-faction PvP (not all of them are real RPers, but they will put on a persona and interact with RPers).
* I was in Jericho Fraction, who RP post-humanist, kind of Randian, freedom fighters who struggle against the games inherant encouragement to "own" and "control" space. They have hundreds of pilots and can field a fair number of super-capitals.
Irem Apr 26th 2010 11:39AM
Thanks a ton for the link! :D
Zanaji Apr 27th 2010 12:48PM
Chatsubo, huh? Love the Gibson reference. Appropriate.