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by Michael Gray 
Apr 25th 2010 at 12:00PM
The Drama Mamas passed this letter over to me, since it so greatly involves roleplay. I've obviously altered the names of those involved. Let's roleplay that this was a letter to ... the Roleplay Drama Papa! (Feel free to insert a "Who's your daddy?" joke here.)
Drama Mamas, I need help.
I am fairly new to the world of Azeroth. I have always loved RP, and so rolled an ally and a horde alt on an RP server and jumped in. My ally is the one in the current predicament.
You see, upon traveling to Stormwind, I was invited to a pub-based event. Feeling happy enough I immediately jumped in and started roleplaying with a gentleman. Our characters were vivacious types, so they they hit it off. Some problems arose early on, which I shall confess since I want a completely honest view.
One problem was that even after roleplaying for a couple hours, the other person always acted hurt when I cut the RP off. A lot of times it was to get some leveling time in, since I was still a lowbie and wanted more opportunities. Another was the discussions about erotic roleplay. Now, ERP isn't my thing. I describe kissing and that is about it. We could see our characters heading towards a relationship. I thought I had ended the issue.
Except the guy kept bringing it up. And I admit, I was too nice because I allowed one or two things more than I should. Little things, and our characters haven't even slept together, but still.
Recently, I decided I hated leveling the class I was playing. Since this person was the only one I really RPed with, I told him my decision to reroll this character as a Death Knight.
The other person was obviously distraught, Two things made me raise my eyebrows. He said he was so distressed because he cared about my character and didn't want her to go through that story. The fact that he was so attached to my character did not sit well with me. The second problem was that he suggested changing the back story of my character to have her be a virgin. It was so that her first sex was more meaningful
He eventually started talking about how his character was probably going to wander off, but mine would always be a part of his roleplay, and how it was fun RPing with me. I thought he was just overreacting, but I shared how my character would probably react. He then said it looks like I really wanted the characters' relationship to be over.
He said something along the lines of me having won the debate, but both of us losing RP partners, trying to sound all elegant while doing so. I must admit, I was ticked at this point. I simply said I didn't understand how I lost the roleplay in the first place, because if I had lost I wouldn't have cut him out of my stories. He said that I had gotten cocky, and though I admit some of my humor can turn out as such, I apologized for that but then he said the smilies were also cocky. I had always thought they were used to defuse situations.
To put it simply, I could understand it if the debate had been more fired up than it was. It never crossed lines and I thought it was just a friendly one. And the fact that he reacted so heavily bothered me. Also, he said the bomb I had dropped about planning to have my character turn Death Knight within the week shocked him, and how that bomb also affected him. And also how he didn't like losing debates.
So I am in a quandary. Although I apologized for any bluntness or hurt feelings, the person still acted like a martyr, I was truly annoyed, and though I was polite and patient when I logged off, I just got madder and madder. Now I need help, because I feel my emotions may be clouding my judgment. Should I not communicate with him? Should I ignore him, or should I just continue on like nothing happened? I feel like there are some warning signs, but maybe people take roleplay this personally and I was not aware. I need help, Drama Mamas.
-A brand new RPer
Brand New,
First, I should tell you -- yeah, people can get really invested in their roleplay. I chose that word carefully. If you spend hours every week for months developing a story and a character, you're going to get attached to that character. People get ideas in their heads of how they want their characters' lives to be, and can get frustrated when things don't turn out the way they want them.
Now, obviously, it's impossible for me to guess everything going on here. The player might just have honestly been that shocked, or maybe he thought that you were tired of him. Even if you were being truthful that the mechanics of your character's class was why you were rerolling, he might believe it was his fault.
Brand New,
First, I should tell you -- yeah, people can get really invested in their roleplay. I chose that word carefully. If you spend hours every week for months developing a story and a character, you're going to get attached to that character. People get ideas in their heads of how they want their characters' lives to be, and can get frustrated when things don't turn out the way they want them.
Now, obviously, it's impossible for me to guess everything going on here. The player might just have honestly been that shocked, or maybe he thought that you were tired of him. Even if you were being truthful that the mechanics of your character's class was why you were rerolling, he might believe it was his fault.
Or, the guy might have an unhealthy attachment to your character. That does happen, and I've seen it a few dozen more times than I'd like to admit. (Though, admittedly, I'm more accustomed to seeing that kind of thing in LARP than WoW roleplay.) I've seen players go on year long vendettas when their in-game lovers are killed. It's kind of crazy, admittedly. But I try and chalk it up to "they lost an investment, and that can always be frustrating."
What should you do? Honestly, if you're frustrated, then you need to decide if you think something unhealthy's going on here. If you're getting a "creep" vibe, then you should walk away. If you still want to play with the guy, though, then tell him that you think this felt a little odd, and would prefer not to go back down that road. The key is to be completely honest about your feelings; don't hem and haw because you want to be nice and friendly. And, again, if you're getting a creep vibe, walk away without another look back. Nothing good can come of a bad dynamic like that, and it's always better to be safe than sorry.
Good luck,
Drama RPapa
What should you do? Honestly, if you're frustrated, then you need to decide if you think something unhealthy's going on here. If you're getting a "creep" vibe, then you should walk away. If you still want to play with the guy, though, then tell him that you think this felt a little odd, and would prefer not to go back down that road. The key is to be completely honest about your feelings; don't hem and haw because you want to be nice and friendly. And, again, if you're getting a creep vibe, walk away without another look back. Nothing good can come of a bad dynamic like that, and it's always better to be safe than sorry.
Good luck,
Drama RPapa
All the World's a Stage is your source for roleplaying ideas, innovations and ironies. You might wonder what it's like to sacrifice spells for the story, or to totally immerse yourself in your roleplaying, or even how to RP on a non-RP server!Filed under: All the World's a Stage (Roleplaying)
Reader Comments (Page 2 of 4)
Aephid Apr 25th 2010 1:02PM
I never comment on here but I really felt the need to do so with this one. As someone who has RP'd in WoW for four years, I can honestly say that this was a very typical reaction that I used to see on a regular basis. For one thing, did you roll a character on Moon Guard or Wyrmrest Accord?
I know that not all RPers on those realms act like this, but MG seemed to have an awful lot of people interested in ERP. Whenever I would RP in a relationship with someone, ERP would always, always come up. The best advice I can give if you really want to RP in WoW is to not be bullied or pressured by these kinds of people. I echo the author's view that if you are getting the creep vibe, do yourself a favor and walk away.
There were so many times I should have just walked away and tossed in the towel and I didn't, and it lead to much more drama down the road. It wasn't worth it. RP in WoW can be fun and you will run into some extremely creative people that make it all worth it and a great experience, but for every great RPer in WoW, you'll have 10 more who want to ERP or do something you aren't comfortable with (like taking the relationship OOC, this has happened to me more times than I can count).
Good luck, and just be prepared for these sorts of things to happen again. You'll get the hang of it eventually!
Kalcifer Apr 25th 2010 1:29PM
I've had similar when rp-ing. I was mates with a guy and eventually he started trying it on. First it was hugging which was fine, then kissing which wasn't as fine but I went with it cos he was a mate but then he wanted to go the next level and I knew that if i stayed hanging about with him it was going to lead to me doing things that i didn't want to do.
Eventually I just said that i wasn't into that and if he couldn't accept that then well that was his problem. It was akward for a while but now we're back to being friends and i know that if it's going to get creepy again I can stop it before it goes to far.
I think the main rule has to be that if you start finding it creepy or uncomfortable, you have to stop it. Doesn't matter what the other person thinks becuase if they are your friend then they'll understand and step back.
Irem Apr 25th 2010 4:10PM
"I think the main rule has to be that if you start finding it creepy or uncomfortable, you have to stop it. Doesn't matter what the other person thinks becuase if they are your friend then they'll understand and step back."
Seconded.
There are a lot of people who ERP on every server. Personally, I play on Wyrmrest Accord and I've never been bothered for it, although I've heard of people who have, but the community there is fairly close compared to some other servers and I've seen jerks come down on very hard for harassment. Any RP server you go to you'll find people who take it too far, and the most you can do is learn the warning signs and cut off contact when you see them coming.
josh Apr 25th 2010 1:03PM
RPers are weird. just pve and have fun
Thorie Apr 25th 2010 1:29PM
I agree, my friend.
Come, let us explore the darkest null of wow.com together.
Ruta Apr 25th 2010 1:18PM
Sounds to me like you got one of the true wierdoes that exist in RP. They are unable to dissociate player and avatar, and then also demand a monopoly on your play and story. To be honest, your best bet is to sever communication from this person. They may try to stir up drama because you've thrown them to the side like a cheap tissue, but people like this do generally find a new target to latch upon.
Just calmly tell them that you realise your playstyles are too disimiliar, and head your own seperate way. They may try to make it like a divorce and force other RPers to side one way or another (or even claim "YOU CAN'T RP HERE THIS IS WHERE I RP" - yes, some of the RP weirdoes do this) - just preserve on with your RP endavours, try to get in with a decent RP guild on your server, and pretty soon, that weirdo will be a memory in your past.
And yes, I know a lot of the Non-RPers reading this thinking we're all ERPers. Far from it, but this is an argument for another time. All I will say is RPers are like any interest society, you get people who do it because they enjoy it, others who take it too seriously and those who are just batshit psycho.
Thorie Apr 25th 2010 1:27PM
"Halp, I roll female human and blood elfs and I keep getting asked to ERP! What I doing wrong?"
You can't roll a Blood Elf on Moon Guard without being asked to ERP
deluded spider Apr 25th 2010 9:06PM
What if I made her a priest and said I had taken a vow of celibacy?
exogenesis. Apr 25th 2010 1:29PM
I've encountered that kind of person in my own roleplaying; I have never RPed on WoW, but for six years I have roleplayed on the Internet using fiction as the medium, interacting with other writers. In many ways it's completely different to what I presume WoW RP is like, but in others it's still similar. I've seen people being creepy and pressurising others into ERP on writing RP sites, and it's been done to myself. Best thing to do is just ignore it.
Deathknighty Apr 25th 2010 1:40PM
Am I the only one who is intrigued by the fact that there are two Drama Mamas and only one Drama Papa?
Extrox Apr 25th 2010 3:04PM
Sounds like a pimp to me.
Deathknighty Apr 25th 2010 3:16PM
...but he's married!? Oh no...
paradox176 Apr 25th 2010 1:56PM
Two drama mama's and one papa? If another drama mama gets added to the mix, they're going to have to live in Utah...
Daniel Apr 25th 2010 2:10PM
Huh, that actually sounds like a lot of fun.
Killik Apr 25th 2010 2:10PM
This guy is either a total creep, or he's excellent at roleplaying a total creep.
BigDumbFace Apr 25th 2010 2:15PM
What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here.
fouadaitmehdi Apr 25th 2010 2:14PM
is this real its a just a GAME not real live if you are so faraway in a game i think its time to stop playing XD
Deathknighty Apr 26th 2010 1:58AM
Kewl story bro.
Kryren Apr 25th 2010 2:21PM
Having been RPing for close to a decade in various mediums, I can say that this is a common issue. I'm going to assume that the letter was from a female player, as it seems that ERP rarely comes up and gets obsessed over between players of the same sex IRL (unless, of course one or both is homosexual).
I've been in the situation far too many times where my character will hit it off with another and after a while things progress to where they're talking about a relationship or more. In nearly every case the guy had become attached to the idea because the line between IC and OOc had become blurred on their end. I've heard of other women having getting attached as well, just to get that out there.
the best thing to do it to just put your foot down and tell them OOCly that you, as a player, are not comfortable with the way things are headed. Set ground rules and stick to them.
If they still don't let up then stop RPing with them.
If you want to reroll your character then do so. It's your character.
Smurk Apr 25th 2010 3:13PM
WHERE THE TROLL WOMEN AT