Breakfast Topic: A sucker for orphans
by Matthew Rossi 
May 3rd 2010 at 8:00AM
It's hardly a secret that I, WoW.com's resident curmudgeon, hate all things that bring joy to others. Well, okay, that's not true, but in general I'm not a big fan of the in-game celebrations and holidays. Much like a Greench, I seem to find no real reason to celebrate Winter's Veil or participate when Love is in the Air or what have you.
But when it comes to dragging a small child around to the most ridiculously dangerous places in Azeroth and Outland? I am there. You want me to take a blood elf orphan to the Dark Portal, then take her to Utgarde Pinnacle and kill King Ymiron in front of her? It's on like Donkey Kong, my friends. I am ridiculously eager to take this kid to visit her little mushroom friends and get her jumped by dragonkin in the Caverns of Time. It's not the pets (although I do enjoy my elekk) so much as this is something I can actually believe a battle-hardened old warrior would actually do. And it amuses me to imagine the smile on the Orphan Matron's face slowly turn to a horrified rictus as Salandria (that's the blood elf tyke in the picture above) relates how I took her to the site of a battle with demons, killed enemy combatants in front of her and dragged her to Silvermoon to stare at musicians.
I bet the musicians are what horrifies her the most. I don't know why, but for some reason I find the idea of my tauren or draenei going, "You want me to take you to a place where time doesn't work, right? Okay. Sounds fine," to be absolutely hilarious and yet totally in character. I mean, these guys routinely fight dragons and old gods and so on; they probably think everyone should get a chance to see a vrykul king die.
So how do you feel about Children's Week?
But when it comes to dragging a small child around to the most ridiculously dangerous places in Azeroth and Outland? I am there. You want me to take a blood elf orphan to the Dark Portal, then take her to Utgarde Pinnacle and kill King Ymiron in front of her? It's on like Donkey Kong, my friends. I am ridiculously eager to take this kid to visit her little mushroom friends and get her jumped by dragonkin in the Caverns of Time. It's not the pets (although I do enjoy my elekk) so much as this is something I can actually believe a battle-hardened old warrior would actually do. And it amuses me to imagine the smile on the Orphan Matron's face slowly turn to a horrified rictus as Salandria (that's the blood elf tyke in the picture above) relates how I took her to the site of a battle with demons, killed enemy combatants in front of her and dragged her to Silvermoon to stare at musicians.
I bet the musicians are what horrifies her the most. I don't know why, but for some reason I find the idea of my tauren or draenei going, "You want me to take you to a place where time doesn't work, right? Okay. Sounds fine," to be absolutely hilarious and yet totally in character. I mean, these guys routinely fight dragons and old gods and so on; they probably think everyone should get a chance to see a vrykul king die.
So how do you feel about Children's Week?
Filed under: Breakfast Topics
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 7)
Wigamooshoo May 3rd 2010 8:05AM
Children's week is great; well except for 1 thing.
Other than that though its been great fun .
Josin May 3rd 2010 8:19AM
Would that thing be the PvP Achievement?
Noselacri May 3rd 2010 8:58AM
I don't understand why people hate School of Hard Knocks.
So long as you didn't attack people in AB, you could walk up to the flag with your orphan, and walk off 2 seconds later.
Everyone zergs in AV, so capping a tower just means killing 3-5 mobs.
People in WSG were purposely dropping the flag as soon as they picked it up. People that ran with it were instantly crushed by 4-ish people looking for both the Not in My House and Hard Knock achieves.
The only one that sucked was EOTS, which happened to be the Call to Arms. Regardless, I managed to snag the flag 3 times. 1, i was dg'd and killed by a dk. 2, i forgot my orphan :(
I was completely done with all 3 quest chains, as well as all the achieves (except veteran nanny) in just about 4 hours.
minttunator May 3rd 2010 9:03AM
Fun holiday, except for 1 thing. I expect Wigamooshoo means the same thing I do.
I got it done (in 3 BGs Horde and Alliance were cooperating to get it over with, EotS was pure luck) but I still feel the holiday would be a lot more fun if this particular part of it was changed to promote teamplay (win a BG with orphan out etc).
Bosstone May 3rd 2010 9:30AM
@Noselacri:
People hate it because it encourages completely aberrant behavior. Thousands of PVEers are vying for the same achievement and the same goals, which means there's 30-40 people in Alterac Valley going after 4 towers. PVPers hate it because their BGs get filled with PVEers who have no interest in actually playing the BG, just getting their achievement.
Arathi Basin wasn't too hard, except for the first match where Horde controlled 3 bases and the other 2 were protected by psychotic rogue duos and so were getting totally ignored and unapproachable by a single PVEer. I got that one by logging into an AB match where half the Allies and half the Horde were standing around a flag trading assaults.
Alterac Valley...yes, everyone usually zergs, but not when more than half the players are there solely to assault the towers. This one would be easy if you were the only one in the match who wanted the achieve, but you never are. I only got this one because a friendly Ally showed up and we managed to convince our teammates not to kill him so he could defend the tower and let us all get assaults.
WSG...well, the naked gnome sitting by the flag made that easy. But it would have been a hell of a lot harder had the BG actually been playing to win.
Eye of the Storm, like you said, was the only truly hard one, especially since the Allies had a boomkin constantly hammering the flag site. I was significantly lucky in picking up the flag my first match, with all the competition for it.
Honestly, everyone's problem with the achievement would go away if it were "Win one of each of these battlegrounds with your orphan out." It's the same level of difficulty and doesn't encourage non-PVP behavior.
Noselacri May 3rd 2010 9:47AM
I got downrated for saying I didn't hate an achievement, and for re-telling my personal experience?
Nice. Real nice.
"To cure jealousy is to see it for what it is, a dissatisfaction with self."
-John Didion
pancakes May 3rd 2010 9:53AM
Orphan Week was the last thing i needed for my Violet Proto-Drake. I approached the computer this afternoon, concerned that I would be waiting another year for my new mount after hearing all this talk of how horrendous Hard Knocks is.
Instead, i entered EotS to pick up the first flag and cap it without any hostility from the opposing team, then into WSG where a cute little Gnome Mage with a cat Druid in tow would take it in turns to cap our flag, immediately drop it then pick up the next one as it spawned for a good 10 minutes.
Next was AB (which on my battlegroup consists entirely of Allies Steamrolling Horde—I still don't have my Victory in AB achievement). 5 Allies capped farm. I approached and did a /truce, and they backed off and watched from about 40 yards away as I recapped farm.
Finally, AV. 40 people all after one achievement. The dread is kicking in.
Till I reach the first tower. A group of about 20 horde and 5 allies capping, watching the other team cap, then recapping the same tower.
It's 3 hours later, and I'm flying in circles around Shattrath on a Violet Protodrake.
I'm by no means saying that every battlegroup is going to be the same as mine, nor that the complaints about Hard Knocks are unreasonable.
What I am saying, though, is that the achievement I have dreaded since WotLK was launched has, instead of sending me into hair-tuggingly furious fits of rage, has revealed to me a facet of the general WoW community that is so well concealed behind a curtain of elitism and forum trolls.
I log off tonight with the knowledge that people I have never met, and likely will never even so much as talk to, are willing to help me. If you are one of these people, I, and countless other WoW players, would like to thank you.
This (if you've bothered to read my rant) is why I think School of Hard Knocks should remain in game. I'm actually contemplating that it might be one of my favourite achievements.
Sedna May 3rd 2010 9:58AM
@ Bosstone: Exactly. I'd much prefer to win the BGs with an orphan out; that promotes actual teamwork. PvErs have to pull their weight; PvPers get people who are willing to help them win (or at least, people whose goals don't run completely counter to the purpose of the BG). As it is, BGs are a cluster(duck).
@ Nose: If you don't like the downrating system, don't post here.
Glaras May 3rd 2010 9:58AM
I fervently hate this achievement. I got it done yesterday, but at the cost of my peace of mind, which I highly value these days. But, I'd like to have that drake, and this is the only way I can get it.
I was among the many, many people who asked that the achievement be removed from Long Strange Trip, but Blizz apparently thinks that this is just about "getting people out of their comfort zone", a trite little concept used to justify all manner of impositions by people who think they problem is just with *you*.
My experiences yesterday did NOT approach the level of Kumbaya I keep reading about. It was every man for himself, and eventually, I followed right along. When I stopped caring what others wanted in there, I was successful. What does that say about this achievement?
Thyago May 3rd 2010 9:59AM
As a PvE Mage, that achievement took me a LOT of effort last year.
And then some paladin comes to tell me it's a cakewalk.
I'll pray for his account to get hacked tonite.
Jamesisgreat May 3rd 2010 10:09AM
School of Hard Knocks was the last thing I needed for my proto-drake. It took me a few hours to get, but I got it. What amazed me was the lack of co-operation from the other faction (the Horde in this case, though I'm sure the Alliance are just as bad).
The only battleground where there was any co-operation was AB where we traded flag assaults back and forth, and that was on my third AB. The other battlegrounds I had to do the old fashioned way. I even stripped naked with my orphan out (oo-er missus) and sat by the flag in one of our towers so as to indicate that I was willing to help the Horde with their achievements. What happened? 5 of them rushed in and killed me....
As I said, I'm sure the Alliance are just as bad. Why can't we all just get along?!
uncaringbear May 3rd 2010 10:18AM
@Noselacri
You got downrated because you came across implying that your own experiences should be the same for everyone. Just because you got lucky in EOTS, don't assume that everyone else should be as lucky. I spent 4 hours in EOTS last night before I finally managed to cap the flag on my pally. When it was time to do it again on my druid? In her first EOTS, she rode straight to the flag at the start of the match and capped it within 20 seconds. There is simply no way for either side to collaborate in EOTS, as you can in WSG, AV and AB.
I also didn't appreciate the /spit and similar emotes from my own teammates when they saw me bring my orphan out. It was amusing being called a PvE n00b when I've probably spent more hours in BGs than they ever will. Either someone at Blizzard has a sadistic streak, or they're seriously deluded about what they hope to accomplish by forcing people to do this achievement.
Noselacri May 3rd 2010 10:35AM
@uncaringbear
I never meant to imply that. I was saying that I don't understand the issues.
I was in/queueing for EoTS for 2 of those 4 hours, and I spent most of the time capping bases so I _could_ get the flag.
I'm most definitely not a PvP expert. I have 3 relentless, and 1 wrathful piece that I got from VoA drops and a little extra honor after turning in the hundreds upon hundreds of stonekeeper shards I got.
I didn't consider it luck. I considered it effort. People in my guild were popping 'For the Children' achievements all day Sunday. I was by no means the only one. My assumptions were that 1, people had horrendous luck with jerks on the opposite faction, and/or they were so against combining PvP and PvE that they just plain hate it.
Did I get angry when I died? Sure. Did I swear and slam my hand on the desk when I got DG'd 20 yards away from capping the flag with blink on cooldown? Absolutely. Will I forever and a day hate this achievement because it forced me to run into a clusterfuck in the middle of a bridge of dead bodies? Nope.
bennet May 3rd 2010 10:53AM
I'm happy for everyone who had an easy or enjoyable time finishing School of Hard Knocks. But that certainly isn't all of us. So far every time I've run Alterac Valley I've encountered polite lines of Horde and Alliance waiting patiently with their orphans, waving and dancing. And then people - I will attempt to refrain from calling them jerks - from both factions who rush in, start carnage and then burn the towers while those of us who were waiting are yelling at them.
Here's a hint: if you're causing mayhem because you hate all the PvP noobs ruining your BGs (and I know a few people who are doing precisely that): the sooner you let us finish the quest, the sooner we'll be gone and your life can return to normal.
Glaras May 3rd 2010 11:59AM
I will say this, though: The bridge in EotS is an *awesome* place to Thunderstorm. I may never PVP as resto again...
Syllean May 3rd 2010 12:26PM
I found school of hard knocks to be ridiculously difficult. While some of my problems were caused by horde players after easy honorable kills, even more were caused by spiteful alliance players looking to show us how much they hate PVE in their precious battlegrounds.
I tried unsuccessfully to capture a flat at EoTS for hours, I can't count the number of times I was thrown off that cliff in the middle. I wasn't lucky enough to be first to the flag, and it was not even remotely easy for me.
Assaulting a flag in AB was relatively easy, but I found it funny when I was called an alliance bot for smiling and waving at a hunter that seemed to follow me to every flag for an easy kill.
AV was tough because no less than 25/40 players on the alliance side needed to assault a tower in every match, and those that didn't need or care to complete the achievement seemed to feel it was their duty to make sure we were unsuccessful. As we all piled into one of four towers patiently awaiting the arrival of a friendly horde player, one of two outcomes was nearly certain: an jerk on our side would rush in and attack our horde friend or the tower would be set ablaze. This one took several tries.
Finally in WSG, the only way that we were able to get everyone a chance to return the flag and move on with the game was to have a horde player repeatedly capture and drop the flag. I was lucky enough to find two of these horde players, but on my first attempt some jerk on our side grabbed the flag 15 times and finally the hordie got bored and left.
I'm not sure how many battlegrounds I was in, but in total I only earned about 35,000 honor points as I was using my tank spec wearing a mixture of tank gear and pvp gear to increase my chances of surviving long enough to complete my goal. If I'd been in my regular dps spec and playing the game normally I would have earned much more honor. Overall this was not an enjoyable experience, and one that I don't plan to repeat in the future.
Kylenne May 3rd 2010 1:06PM
I was completely shocked by how easy School of Hard Knocks was yesterday. I didn't even it try it on my old main last year, because I'm one of those fervent PvP haters (and a clothie to boot). But on this toon, all I need for the drake is this, Midsummer and Brewfest, and I wasn't about to let one stupid achievement get in my way after all the hard work I've put in so far. Honestly, I figured the first day would be optimal for getting it done because there would be tons of people going after it, thus the chances of getting some cross-faction cooperation would be way higher. So what I did was get my PvP expert of a friend and his roomie to buddy up with me (they were also doing the achievement), we got on vent and my friend explained everything as we queued up.
We ended up knocking out the achievement in only a couple of hours, it honestly took longer to queue up for each BG than it did to actually complete the tasks. I'd like to say it was all luck, but it really wasn't--the only luck involved was Eye of the Storm because the one we were in was full of hardcore assholes on both factions despite pleas of mercy to let people get their achievement (and complete abuse from one particular asshole over BG chat). And there was the luck of not having any griefers in the other BGs. But I managed to get everything done in one BG a piece, largely because everyone was basically on the same page for all the other BGs besides EotS. We patiently took turns with flags, etc. Yeah, there were a couple of trigger happy people, but it was fine when they got it through their heads to stop attacking the Alliance who were trying to help us.
So if there's any Alliance from the Bloodlust battlegroup reading this, thank you so much for being so cool yesterday. And my advice to any PvE-er intimidated by this is to find a friend or guildie who knows what the hell they're doing and use the buddy system. If you go it alone, I can see where it would completely suck.
Glaras May 3rd 2010 1:46PM
@Syllean I'm sorry to hear about your experiences. While I didn't have to suffer the abuse from the pvp-centric folks, I did see folks holding the flag in EotS, rather than capping, knowing as they did so that they were interfering with that achievement. And I heard from some friends that in a different EotS, people were taking the flag, and then telling people that they'd only let them have it back if the rest of the team achieved a 4-cap. That kind of griefing, along with what you suffered, makes me want to go into the bg's next week... to screw it up royally. I've had about all I can stomach of people telling us "it's only for a week" to explain why we shouldn't bitch about having to do, and then hear from people telling us to GTFO. Fine. Next week... I'll enjoy myself helping to throw the match.
Sehvekah May 4th 2010 5:22AM
I had a mixed bag getting my achievement. AB was a cakewalk. Jumped down to the mine with orphan in tow and started capping the flag. Another Rogue was there defending it, but when they saw I wasn't trying to defend myself, just repeatedly trying to cap the flag they backed off and let me do so, and *then* finished ganking me. AV was even easier, with Horde and Alliance both camping/recapping their own towers so everyone could get their achievement and GTFO. EotS took some fighting to get, and I actually had to get the flag twice because the first time I stupidly tried to mount up while holding the flag(damn it). But persistence paid off and I eventually got it.
But then it was time for FUCK YOU WARSONG GULCH! FUCK YOU WITH A FLAMING STICK COVERED IN ACID! FROM HELL'S HEART, I STAB AT THEE... Sorry, got a little carried way there. Suffice it to say, every time I tried that, all I got were Hordies who wanted to roflstomp anyone who was there for the achievement, and eveyone who wasn't, and eveyone who was respawing at the graveyard. It really was that bad.
*But*, by taking time out between FUCK YOU WARSONG GULCH! Sorry, it's a reflex now. *Between matches*, I'd work on the orphan quests for a while and try again, and eventually, I finally got a cooperative Hordie who was willing to help. And I ganked him twice in a row out of reflex and sheer spite(if they're reading this, whoever they were, I'm sorry. Shouldn't have taken it out on someone who was trying to help). But I eventually realized they were being decent, and settled down and let them help out. I even tried to repay the favor, but apparently the other hordies didn't need it, but still wanted free HKs, which I gladly gave 'em in payment for *FINALLY* getting this done, and because I did heartlessly gank that nice Tauren twice in a row and really had it coming.
So yeah, it's done now, but it wasn't all /hugs and sunshine to do it. Just half.
Dendallin May 3rd 2010 8:06AM
I love children's week, but I for one want to know what happens to these orphans when they grow up... I mean the Draenei child is told she will become a great shaman seer and the Oracle and Wolvar children are both told they'll become great heros as well by great powerful figures of the world. What happens to these little children when they grow up? I want to see them included in something later. Make them age with the story, let us know what happens to these little kids we took on a tour around the world...