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World of WarCrafts: Everybody's Free


World of WarCrafts spotlights art and creativity by WoW players, including fan art, cooking, comics, cosplay, music and fan fiction. Show us how you express yourself; contact our tips line (attention: World of WarCrafts) with your not-for-profit, WoW-inspired creations.

It's been a while since WoW player Dan (aka Nemikahn) came up with this WoW-flavored twist on "Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)," released in 1998 by Baz Luhrmann. "I have shared it on my guild's forums and once posted it on the Blizzard forum," he writes, "only to watch it scroll quickly off the page since nearly a year has gone by since anyone has seen it." We're glad Dan contacted us to share it anew (and for those of you who don't frequent the Blizzard forums). The Lurhmann song was inspired by an essay titled "Advice, like youth, probably just wasted on the young" written by Mary Schmich and published in the Chicago Tribune as a column in 1997. Both its subject and tone are similar to the 1927 poem "Desiderata." While Dan makes no claim to the original concept, the WoW-related revision is solely his own creation.

Ladies and gentlemen of Azeroth,
Roll a bank alt.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, a bank alt would be it.
The long-term benefits of bank alts have been proved by scientists,
whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable
than my own meandering leveling ...
I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of the Horde.
Oh, never mind;
you will not understand the power and beauty of the Horde
until you have rolled an Ally.
But trust me, in 20 levels you'll look back at screenshots of yourself
and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you
and how stupid you really looked ...
You're not as 'leet as you imagine.

Don't worry about patch day;
or worry, but know that worrying is
as effective as trying to pug a 40-man raid.
The real troubles in your life are apt to be
things that gank you while AFK;
the kind that blind-side you at a quest turn-in in contested territory.

Do one battleground every day.

Chat.

Don't be reckless with other people's repair bills;
don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

RP.

Don't waste your time on DPS jealousy;
sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind ...
On long bosses, what matters the most is downing him.

Remember the buffs you receive, forget the debuffs;
if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Save copies of your old in-game mail; it only lasts 30 days.

/stretch

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what spec you want to take.
The most 'leet people I know didn't know at level 22
what they wanted to do with their toons.
Some of the most leet 80s I know respec daily.

Get plenty of buff food.

Be kind to your weapon; you'll miss it when durability hits 0%.

Maybe you'll raid, maybe you won't.
Mmaybe you'll grind rep, maybe you won't.
Maybe you'll respec at 40, maybe you'll perfect your rotation at 80 ...
Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself, either –
your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.
Enjoy your gear; use it every way you can ...
Don't be afraid of it, or what other people think of it.
It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

/dance ... even if you have nowhere to do it but on mailboxes

Read the quest description, even if you don't follow it.

Do NOT read Barrens chat; it will only make you feel dumb.

(Brother and sister, together we'll make it through
Someday your spirit will take you and guide you there
I know you've been hurting, and I know I've been waiting to be there
for you. And I'll be there, just tell me now, whenever I can.
Everybody's free.)

Get to know your guild leaders; you never know when they'll be
gone for good.

Be nice to your guildmates; they are the best hope for heroics and the
people most likely to go on raids in the future.

Understand that PUGs come and go,
but for the precious few you should hold on.
Work hard to bridge the gaps in gear and play time
because the higher level you get, the more you need the people you knew
when you were a lowbie for raids.

Try mining once, but quit before it makes you hard;
try tailoring once, but quit before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths.
Mat prices will rise, gold spammers will spam,
you too will get ganked, and when you do, you'll fantasize
that when you were new prices were reasonable,
spammers were few
and noobs respected level 80s.

Respect level 80s.

Don't expect anyone else to support you.
Maybe you have a max trade skill,
maybe you have a high-level alt;
but you never know when either one
might get nerfed.

Don't mess too much with your hair;
the beauty parlor was just a plot for a gold sink.

Be careful whose leveling guide you buy;
it might be available for free elsewhere.
Rerolling is a form of nostalgia;
low-level re-questing is a way of fishing the past
from the disposal, wiping it off,
painting over the ugly parts and recycling it
for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the bank alt ...

(Brother and sister, together we'll make it through
Someday your spirit will take you and guide you there
I know you've been hurting, and I know I've been waiting to be there
for you. And I'll be there, just tell me now, whenever I can.
Everybody's free.)



World of WarCrafts spotlights art and creativity by WoW players, including fan art, cooking, comics, cosplay, music and fan fiction. Show us how you express yourself by e-mailing lisa (at) wow (dot) com with your not-for-profit WoW-inspired creations.

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