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Phat Loot Phriday: The Fire Extinguisher

The fire elemental was lurking around Frank's camp. And by "lurking," I meant smashing things to bits and screaming "wakka wakka" at the top of its lungs. I think it was doing some kind of a Fozzie the Bear impression. Or maybe an impression of Pac-Man. I don't know.

The fire elemental was about three foot tall. That doesn't sound like it's very big until you remember the functional part of a fire elemental. That functional part, you see, is that it's frickin' made of fire. Have you ever tried to punch fire? Yeah, your hand passes right through and the best you can hope for is some singed hair and maybe some burns.

So we were at a loss about what to do. I seem to remember cursing and swearing like this would end in some kind of Cataclysm. Frank didn't care. but Frank was pretty drunk. He's a goblin, you see, and is thus given to the occasional spirit now and again.

"I got something right here," Frank said. "Just you wait and see."

So, I waited to see. I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm a little afraid of Frank. Sure, the Horde's made up of big tough guys like orcs and tauren. They're all "smash, raur, look at our bulging biceps and inability to stand up straight!" But goblins? Goblins don't look like they're trying to look tough. They look like a shiv in the shower, like something that's wondering how your heart tastes. They're not looking tough; they'll just kill you and move on with business.

Which is why I was little surprised when Frank busted out The Fire Extinguisher.

"Seriously?" I asked. "You kept that?"

"Nothing better for killing fires," Frank said. "It has a handle so you can keep your distance."

"It's a vanity quest reward," I responded. "It's worth 15 gold to a vendor, doesn't even count as a melee weapon, and is just the product of some kind of Blizzard in-joke."

"Yeah, well," Frank said, clearly upset. "So's your face!"

"There's even better options for levelling," I said. "Really, it's 15 gold in stick form. Just sell it."

Name: The Fire Extinguisher
Type: Two Hand. Nope, not a Two Hand Mace, or Sword, or even Two Hand Dog. Just, Two Hand. It's a Two Hand.
Damage: 187 - 352 damage, 86.9 DPS
Speed: 3.10
Flavor Text: "Guaranteed to extinguish the fire, and everything else."
How to get it: Complete This Just In: Fire Still Hot. And, after renewing the world's knowledge that fire burns, you get a useless stick called The Fire Extinguisher.
How to get rid of it: Love of god, sell the thing and get 15 gold, 27 silver, and 86 copper.


Filed under: Phat Loot Phriday

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