Blizzard's zombie survival guide

Recently one of the members of your guild was the victim of an account compromise, and during the course of our investigation it was discovered that items were removed from the guild bank while the account was out of the control of your guild member. The items have been returned to you as attachments to an in-game mail. We sincerely apologize for any inconvenience this has caused.
The email lists what items were restored and that they are attached to an in-game email sent to your account. (You then probably insist the hacked guildie get an authenticator.) Recently, The Spousal Unit received a bit more from the GM helping him with a security incident: a zombie survival guide. The full text of the guide is after the break.
Thank you for your patience while we investigated the embalmed leavings of your account that you reported. We have picked through the bones and goo and apologize for any inconvenience the zombies may have caused you.
After a thorough investigation, quarantine and brain cleaning, we have found this account to be eligible for restoration. Please ignore any dents, scratches, slime or teeth marks that may still be remaining on your recently nom nom nom'd goods. Mini-pets still missing their brains, limbs, or any other appendages have been reanimated and are...just like new.
Tips for surviving a zombie attack:
After a thorough investigation, quarantine and brain cleaning, we have found this account to be eligible for restoration. Please ignore any dents, scratches, slime or teeth marks that may still be remaining on your recently nom nom nom'd goods. Mini-pets still missing their brains, limbs, or any other appendages have been reanimated and are...just like new.
Tips for surviving a zombie attack:
- In either case, you are responsible for maintaining the confidentiality of your Password, and you will be responsible for all uses of your Password, whether or not authorized by you. Also, note that the security of the Account is your responsibility.
- Remember to keep small children and the elderly away from windows and doors during a zombie attack.
- It is possible that the zombie uprising was triggered by a genetically engineered virus. Prior to using World of Warcraft, we highly recommend that you change your password and scan the computer system you are using to remove all viruses, Trojan files, and key loggers.
- Aim for the head. Zombies are most vulnerable to attacks to the head. Good items for attacking a zombie are: Pitchforks, Mining Picks, Lil' Timmy's Peashooter. Bad items for attacking zombies are: Water Buckets, Paper Flying Machine, 15 Pound Salmon, Ripped Ogre Loincloth. DO NOT rely on your Clockwork Rocket Bot to save you.
- Friends and family may be infected! Please take care not to share your account with any other people and risk another infection.
- For further security tips, please visit (http://us.battle.net/security/)
Filed under: Blizzard, Humor, Account Security






Reader Comments (Page 1 of 5)
CaryEverett May 12th 2010 11:03AM
Damn that weapon that always jams at the worst possible time
/shakefist
thegatherer May 12th 2010 11:56AM
Liiiiiiiiiiiivvveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!
thegatherer May 12th 2010 11:58AM
hmmm....In my zombie induced mindless state, I seem to have replied to the wrong post...
Liver should be after all the "Braiiins!!!".
aaronthecow May 12th 2010 7:02PM
MMMMMM, crossbow ja...*distracted by brains*
Nicholas Tam May 12th 2010 7:37PM
That's what she said?
Nethenel May 12th 2010 11:06AM
Braiiiins.
Special K May 12th 2010 11:13AM
Braaaiiiins
Boydboyd May 12th 2010 11:20AM
What did the vegetarian zombie say?
Graaiiiiins. . .
Wraithanne May 12th 2010 11:21AM
Braaaaaiiiiiiiins?
Fatamorgana May 12th 2010 11:22AM
Church's chicke...wait. What?! Oh, yeah....braaaaains....
Ozzard May 12th 2010 12:04PM
Caaauuulllliiifflllooowwweeeerrrr... erm... *ahem* Brrrraaaaiiiiinnnzzzz...
BigBadGooz May 12th 2010 1:49PM
Liivvveeerrrrr annnn braaaaiiiinnnsss
brian May 12th 2010 2:21PM
What does zombie Mario unclog?
Draaaaiiiiiins.
Bloody May 12th 2010 2:49PM
We're not unreasonable no one is going eat your eyes
RogueJedi86 May 12th 2010 9:35PM
CHAAAAAAAAAANGE!
Taylor B. May 12th 2010 11:07AM
Rule 2: "The Double Tap"
Ikatsu May 12th 2010 11:26AM
Zombieland ftw
Elmouth May 12th 2010 11:40AM
Best zombie movie ever.
Vaeku May 12th 2010 1:27PM
Just saw that movie a few nights ago, and was freaking awesome.
Nut up or shut up.
bynde May 12th 2010 4:22PM
Yes. Best. Zombie. Flick. Ever.