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Blizzard's zombie survival guide

If you are the leader of a guild that has a large number of people who have account security issues, you regularly get emails from Blizzard that say the following:


Recently one of the members of your guild was the victim of an account compromise, and during the course of our investigation it was discovered that items were removed from the guild bank while the account was out of the control of your guild member. The items have been returned to you as attachments to an in-game mail. We sincerely apologize for any inconvenience this has caused.


The email lists what items were restored and that they are attached to an in-game email sent to your account. (You then probably insist the hacked guildie get an authenticator.) Recently, The Spousal Unit received a bit more from the GM helping him with a security incident: a zombie survival guide. The full text of the guide is after the break.



Thank you for your patience while we investigated the embalmed leavings of your account that you reported. We have picked through the bones and goo and apologize for any inconvenience the zombies may have caused you.

After a thorough investigation, quarantine and brain cleaning, we have found this account to be eligible for restoration. Please ignore any dents, scratches, slime or teeth marks that may still be remaining on your recently nom nom nom'd goods. Mini-pets still missing their brains, limbs, or any other appendages have been reanimated and are...just like new.

Tips for surviving a zombie attack:
  1. In either case, you are responsible for maintaining the confidentiality of your Password, and you will be responsible for all uses of your Password, whether or not authorized by you. Also, note that the security of the Account is your responsibility.
  2. Remember to keep small children and the elderly away from windows and doors during a zombie attack.
  3. It is possible that the zombie uprising was triggered by a genetically engineered virus. Prior to using World of Warcraft, we highly recommend that you change your password and scan the computer system you are using to remove all viruses, Trojan files, and key loggers.
  4. Aim for the head. Zombies are most vulnerable to attacks to the head. Good items for attacking a zombie are: Pitchforks, Mining Picks, Lil' Timmy's Peashooter. Bad items for attacking zombies are: Water Buckets, Paper Flying Machine, 15 Pound Salmon, Ripped Ogre Loincloth. DO NOT rely on your Clockwork Rocket Bot to save you.
  5. Friends and family may be infected! Please take care not to share your account with any other people and risk another infection.
  6. For further security tips, please visit (http://us.battle.net/security/)
Please note that items with random modifiers (of the Infected Mother In-Law, of the Holy Water, of the Weapon that Always Jams at the Worst Possible Time, etc.) are randomly generated.



Please remember that account safety and computer security are your responsibility! While WoW.com has provided you with resources to additional information, do your homework and make sure you know what you're doing before installing any antivirus or other software. And if your account does get stolen, please see our guide on what to do next.

Filed under: Blizzard, Humor, Account Security

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