Ugh, I wish my wife would let me raid. She really hates it that i would spend 3 hours uninterrupted time on the game in a scheduled manner. I used to be a hardcore raider and it really took its toll on our relationship, but nowadays I play 30 min to an hour in the morning before work, and an hour or maybe two max in the evening. Enough for a heroic or a weekly, but that's mostly it. I try to PUG when I can since my schedule is unpredictable.

Scheduled raids also take a toll on the social life; "i cant do activity X because I need to play a computer game" is a weak excuse to your RL friends IMO. But anyway yeah i really miss being in a progression guild.

It is what it is. I cherish my wife far more than a game.

Well, there's a balance to be found even in scheduled play time. If I want to do something else, I decline my raid invite on the calendar, and we go to "RL" stuff instead (Tuesday was Iron Man 2 night with my wife and some friends--well worth missing the raid.) However, since that was "my night," my wife let it be my call as to whether or not we went to the movie (as if there was any question.)

I should probably point out that I'm also a member of a friends and family guild, so we're all very understanding of things like this. If I were in a "normal" guild, I would probably think twice about canceling a raid slot less than a day in advance out of respect for my guild mates, but still--RL comes before WoW; having scheduled time just makes it easier to be intentional about how I use my leisure time without making the Mrs. feel ignored.

@rob... you wish your wife would LET you? This and the carefree teen comment in the column annoy the heck out of me - both people in a marriage are adults and should talk to one another. If you don't do things because your wife won't 'let' you you need to grow up, grow a pair and talk to her. You each should be able to do things without the other person giving permission. You each should *also* be adult enough not to let those things become so consuming that they hurt your marriage. It's called being a resonable adult.

That's why the 'carefree teen' comment above had me glare at my laptop - Mamas, you're NOT OUR MOTHERS. It's belittling to act like your opinion is the adult one and his is immature and all to often that dynamic is used to do precisely what the LW describes - make the guy's life hell - "Playing games is for carefree teens! Grow UP!"

AS for whether these 2 should staty together, who knows? My take is that, if they can't talk about something like this, they're headed for the rocks. It might be that she's a control freak, it might be that he wants to play 5 nights a week and neglects his marriage - we can't know, so we can't say what they should do except for this - quit acting like 14 year olds and TALK.

@Robin - I think we're talking about different things unless I misinterpreted your post. You say "But often we are just trying to be the voice of responsibility in the face of a spouse who's behaving more like a carefree teen." which implies that wives are somehow inherently more responsible - and that's what I find demeaning unless you'd grant the reverse too (that "often [husbands] are just trying to be the voice of responsibility in the face of a spouse who's behaving more like a carefree teen.")

My point was that BOTH people in the LW's marriage are acting immature - he by letting his wife dictate what he can do and sneaking behind her back and she by trying to forbid him to do something he enjoys. They both need to talk. This need is so blindingly obvious that many of the comments here point it out and, frankly, if they are so immature or relationship challenged that they can't figure this out, I have little hope for them as a couple or in later relationships. Being able to talk about stuff like this is pretty basic to any long term relationship.