Drama Mamas: My guildies are turning into alcoholics!
by Robin Torres 
Jun 11th 2010 at 7:00PM
Before we go into today's touchy topic, I just want to be clear that we are assuming all people involved are of legal age and in good health. If that is not the case, then that's a whole other issue entirely. We don't condone underage drinking or illegal activities of any kind. And now that I have piqued your interest, let's get right to it.
Dear Drama Mamas,
My guild is currently running 10-man ICC twice a week. I had been raiding just once a week, but my schedule freed up and now I am raiding twice. The guild consists of real life buddies and coworkers. I am one of the few people who doesn't work with everyone else or date someone in the guild. Everyone in my guild is really close (except for me). Raiding has always been really chill (we only raid for about 2 hours and normally don't have to much trouble downing new fights). Well that's changed lately. We are now sitting in front of Sindragosa. It doesn't matter how hard we try - we seem to screw up on something every time.
I love wipe nights because I think they are fun. Well, I used to. It seems like the majority of the guild has found a new remedy for wipe nights. Lots of alcohol. Now, trust me I like to drink as much as everyone else does. Drinking (responsibly) doesn't bother me.
Recently we were raiding when I noticed one guild member quickly become more talkative. His speech wasn't exactly perfect. So I asked his girlfriend if he was drinking. Well duh. Then I asked his brother later into the raid why it seemed like everyone was drinking (granted this is on a Wednesday). His answer was "it makes the facepalm wipes more bearable."
To me this kinda defeats the purpose of raiding. It is supposed to be (in my opinion) about having fun and conquering new aspects of the game. Yes, it is also about gear. But if you can't bear raiding without having alcohol, what's the point of even doing it? Also, the drinking starts before the wipes even begin, as if they know we are doomed to fail. Trust me, I have seen these people - drinking does not in any way, shape, or form improve their raiding skills. In fact, for some of them it greatly decreases their skills. The drinking has also lead to some rather callous statements - that I know would not have been said were the person sober. Their drinking is turning me off from raiding with them.
So my dilemma: do I bring this up to my guildies? Or do I just accept that this is how they deal with new content?
Sincerely,
Boozeless Bri
Drama Mama Robin: Bri, when I first read the subject of your email, I saw "My guildies are turning into altoholics!" and I thought, "That's happening a lot this close to Cataclysm." Reading fail. What is actually happening to you is still related. There's a lack of urgency and seriousness going on in this in between time, which I'm sure is one of the reasons behind your guildies changing their definition of fun.The interesting thing here is that there are many guilds who raid while under the influence of something (not necessarily liquid) and do so with success. But there is a difference between that being the status quo and it suddenly being forced upon non-participating members. And it is particularly unpleasant if the lack of inhibitions that alcohol brings about results in nasty things being said, making the sober feel uncomfortable.
Because it is a recent thing, I doubt that your guildies are actually becoming alcoholics. I think it's the time of year, plus the status of the content and a desire of many of them to just relax and get silly during their leisure time. But even if they are developing problems, they don't sound like they want to hear anything about it. You're just going to be seen as a buzzkill. It's really too bad that this happened before you all finished your progression, but I think they are done being serious until Cataclysm (if then).
Find another guild to join that is still serious about progression. Tell your current guildies that you will happily return when and if they want to go back to seriously trying. Don't burn bridges by placing blame or laying on a guilt trip. While you are looking, try to PUG raids and get a feel for other good players. You should be able to find more than one guild on your server that is hurting for raiders at this time. Apathy sucks for the non-apathetic.
Also, don't be surprised if your drinking guildies don't stop imbibing when the new expansion hits. They may be forming a new habit that they like. Again, that may be a sign of a problem, or it may be just a way to drink responsibly. It is better than hitting happy hour and then driving home. Regardless, it doesn't sound like you are likely to join them in their inebriated instancing. So finding a new raiding home now is your best bet. Good luck!
Drama Mama Lisa: I agree with everything Robin said. I would also add one thing to this equation -- a question that's becoming a refrain in so many Drama Mama responses .../whisper And what are GM and officers doing?
Your guild leaders may be among those turning raid time into happy hour. Even if they aren't, if they're laughing along with the rest of the gang, then they're condoning and supporting the situation. I'm not saying that's either good or bad -- but it is the way they've chosen to handle this situation. That, more than anything, is your signal that it's time to look elsewhere for your progression fix.
It's absolutely possible to hop to another raid group without burning bridges with your real-life friends and coworkers. Use our tips for making a drama-free move. Be matter of fact. It's not the end of the world -- just a temporary parting of the ways.
Dramabuster of the Week: Don't say anything in whispers that you wouldn't want screenshotted and plastered on the forums or somewhere else on the internet. Seriously. There is no privacy in WoW, and the internet is forever.
Remember, your mama wouldn't want to see your name on any drama. Play nice ... and when in doubt, ask the Drama Mamas at dramamamas@wow.com.Filed under: Analysis / Opinion, Drama Mamas
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 3)
Fletcher Jun 11th 2010 7:10PM
During ToC days we once wiped because one of our healers was so drunk he (claimed he) could not see the screen. He had a Problem ... fortunately shortly after that he left the guild, so he was no longer *our* Problem.
Andrew Jun 11th 2010 7:11PM
My guild celebrates alcohol. Our ranks go from "Underage" for new members, to "3 Drink Minimum", then "Regular", "Bar Back" is the first officer rank, then "Bartender".
Guild Leader is entitled "Town Drunk".
Drunk vent Saturdays are a proud tradition, as is the Ultimate Lightweight Challenge. Earlier traditions included "40 at 40", whence one would consume a 40 when they hit level 40. Few have attempted "80 at 80", wherein the drink is doubled.
None of us are alcoholics, and the rude and uncouth are dealt with swiftly by the bartenders. We can drink and be merry one night and off the Lich King the next. Works pretty well.
Frank Jun 11th 2010 7:36PM
is your guild accepting applications?
Aerislan Jun 11th 2010 11:24PM
sign me up for that!
theRaptor Jun 11th 2010 11:46PM
If you get drunk every weekend you are an alcoholic by definition. There are plenty of "functional" alcoholics out there.
Andrew Jun 12th 2010 12:14AM
No one said anything about getting drunk every weekend, that said, Saturdays are nights when a lot of people drink. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. It isn't mandatory. I don't go a'gkickin' if someone doesn't drink up.
The guild's gone strong for over three years with a fairly solid core of people. A lot of us are friends in the real world. One of our members even runs his own vineyard. We drank wine he made at a guild gathering. So no one really feels left out if a bunch of people decide to go on a drunken Black Temple raid or such. Lots of people go sober to laugh at the lightweights who get ridiculous (guys... Arthas put nickels in my drink... hes tilting the world left its taking all I can to get... back... to center...)
And lest you forget, one can drink without getting drunk. One can get drunk without getting stupid. Also, the definition of alcoholism is an addiction to alcohol. Millions of people the world over who are perfectly normal get drunk on Saturdays. Frankly, it is one of the reasons our species has survived.
Chilleia Jun 12th 2010 2:33AM
No offense Andrew, but not only do you sound like an alcoholic, you also sound like you're in denial
Shelly Jun 12th 2010 3:35AM
From what i read about what Andrew is saying there is no indication that they sit down and play wow every day while drunk. They don't seem to sit down and drink alcohol every time they raid. Just google the recommended daily maximum of alcoholic consumption. Do it...
Now you see? two drinks per day? per day? not like... three times a week... or only on Sunday at dinner... every day.
I don't understand how a person can claim another person is in denial of a problem if the max consumption is so high. And I also don't think that a person has a problem if they decide to drink all their weekly allowance of alcohol in one sitting. If they do it every day, sure, they have a problem.
Brett Porter Jun 12th 2010 7:05AM
It's kinda sad that so many out there don't actually know what being an alcoholic means. What Andrew said is true: you can drink regularly w/o being an alcoholic; you can even regularly get drunk.
"Alcoholism, also known as alcohol dependence, is a disabling addictive disorder. It is characterized by compulsive and uncontrolled consumption of alcohol despite its negative effects on the drinker's health, relationships, and social standing."
Nothing what he described leads me to believe it is a "compulsive and uncontrolled consumption" despite the negative effects. Just because you don't drink doesn't make everyone else who does an addict.
And for the record, I drink maybe once every 2-3 months, and haven't gotten drunk in over 3 years. Not because I'm an addict, but because it's not the thing for me. But I don't label every other drinker as an alcoholic. That is a serious term that has serious implications, and you shouldn't throw it 'round willy-nilly.
(Sebastien on IcftB)
Bronwyn Jun 13th 2010 9:48PM
Echoing Brett here. Being alcoholic has very little to do with how often you actually consume alcohol, and I know people who are alcoholic who do not drink at all- the disorder/addiction remains long after you've "kicked the habit."
eweapon Jun 11th 2010 7:15PM
Man. My guild has plenty of people who get completely smashed while raiding. Nothing wrong with raiding drinking games.
Saturnbluesl2 Jun 11th 2010 7:24PM
Does anyone else think that what the real underlying issue "Boozeless Bri" is concerned about is not that her guild mates are consuming adult beverages during raids but that she is being left out? Being in a guild where the majority of the members either work together in real life or have some other form of connection is difficult when you're the only one who doesn't share that common ground. For example, she writes "I am one of the few people who doesn't work with everyone else or date someone in the guild. Everyone in my guild is really close (except for me)." What I gathered from that statement as well as the rest of her letter is that she feels excluded because the other members of her guild that share that commonality choose to consume alcohol during their downtime, which also happens to be when they raid, and she doesn't. Games in general should be about having fun, whether that is achieved through downing bosses and acquiring new gear or finishing that last quest for your "Loremaster" achievement, to each their own. I think she should perhaps lighten up a little and let people have their fun.
Sometimes in the anonymous world of online gaming it's easy to forget that your guildies aren't just the other 9 or 24 characters in your raid, they're people as well. If that is how they choose to spend their leisure time and it makes her uncomfortable, perhaps that guild isn't the right place for her.
Sorry for the long post, just wanted to speak my piece. Keep the articles coming, I always enjoy reading them :-)
Rob Jun 11th 2010 8:45PM
Yeah i also think the fit is bad. Drinking and raiding is fine w/ me if everyone is doing it. Otherwise it's like wearing clothes to an orgy.
Shelly Jun 12th 2010 3:35AM
From what I read, the games start BEFORE the raid. I understand raiding drinking games but are they supposed to start BEFORE the raid?
Paulio Jun 11th 2010 7:25PM
One night last month after spending the evening on mescaline, I jumped in game and found that I could see OK :) so I tried LFG and got H-HoR. With a competent tank and healer we did just fine, but I knew I was slow and forgetting to use my trinket, etc. Afterward, recount showed that my (rogue) DPS was a pitiful 3rd place, and about 2K less than usual. Conclusion: I sucked, and since HoR proved to be a very stressful place for coming down off a psychedelic, I won't be doing that again. If it had been a raid group I believe I'd probably have been told to shape up or leave. Next time I'll go traipse around Nagrand instead. BASE jumping with trails, wheee.
Bigelow Jun 11th 2010 7:46PM
One night I got totally trashed while raiding. Apparently I was so hilarious on vent that I get requested to drink at least once every couple of weeks. Since then I do not usually drink while raiding (got promoted to Raid Master), but on non-progression nights I will have a beer or something, I don't want to hinder my leading with alcohol. However one night I used my drinking as an incentive. I told them I would do shots if we got a boss down that we had been working on for 3 weeks, and they did, so I did. So I spent the next hour and a half gabbing away in vent while we were clearing bosses that we had on farm, and everyone had a good time.
This is the only way I can see for people drinking while raiding, making the person hilarious but who shuts up while fighting a boss and is somewhat wanted by a majority of the raiders. Situations like this though, and finding the right person, is very few and far between. However one night I am going to have to lead one of our 10 mans for a raid drinking game, see how far we get.
omedon666 Jun 11th 2010 7:46PM
... So tempted to link a CM Punk promo...
SES REPRESENT!
Lol
Killian Jun 11th 2010 11:33PM
SEX NOT SXE
arcaneterror Jun 11th 2010 7:49PM
There's at least a couple people in my guild who hit the liquid courage on raid nights, but they're always pleasant and they don't hold us back, so it's all good.
uncaringbear Jun 11th 2010 7:52PM
If your raid members are under-performing or being abusive regardless of reason, then it's probably time to find a new team to run with. That's assuming you've brought it up with the officers and they don't resolve the problem.
I can tell you I've played with many players who were less than competent/nice and they didn't have substance abuse to blame it on.