Phat Loot Phriday: Gloves of Unmitigated Badassery
by Michael Gray 
Aug 6th 2010 at 9:00PM
"Mitigated, huh?" Throgg responded. His tongue pushed the the bridge of his glasses higher on his crooked nose. "Your gloves be the problem."
"Sometimes," Lolegolas said slowly, "I'm afraid to ask what you mean by these things. And I don't mean like 'I'm afraid I must ask you to pass the grey poupon.' But deeply, deeply Crying Game afraid of what I'm about to find out."
"Oh nothing like that, little man belf," Throgg responded. "But look at these! These are the Gloves of Unmitigated Badassery."
"Wait, what?" the blonde hunter said. "They were actually allowed to name something the Gloves of Unmitigated Baddassery?"
"I don't see why not," Throgg replied. "It isn't an untrue claim. These gloves are unmitigated in their badasseriness."
"When did you master multisyllabic words?" Lolegolas asked, while buffing his fingernails with the finest pumice stone.
"The gloves, belf! They're not only full of stamina, but also agility. That's another word for flexibility," Throgg claimed.
"Not ... really ... but okay ..."
"And, the best thing" Throgg exclaimed. "Hit rating! And hit's hot!"
"Hit's hot?"
"Hit's hot to the hot hit hitter with the hit hot hitting and the hot hit."
"Nice, Throgg," Lolegolas confirmed. "Hitter's delight. Real nice."
Name Gloves of Unmitigated Badassery
Attributes
- 55 Armor
- 3 Agility
- 3 Stamina
- Improves hit rating by 3
How to get rid of it It sells for 3 silver. It can disenchant into strange dust, greater magic essence, or a small glimmering shard.
Filed under: Phat Loot Phriday
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)
MusedMoose Aug 6th 2010 9:05PM
These guys just keep getting better. As much as I usually hate to use internet acronyms, I must admit, I LOLed IRL. ^_^
Also: now I have to roll a goblin and play until I get these gloves, at which point I'll retire the character, as he or she will have reached the pinnacle of badassery.
MrJackSauce Aug 6th 2010 9:06PM
Hmmmm... Does this mean that at lower levels we may get to the hit cap? Or will it be just another semi-wasted stat? Because on a couple of the heirloom items there's hit, and it makes no difference really unless it's going to help you hit the cap imo.
MrJackSauce Aug 6th 2010 9:11PM
Ew what a whiny post.
I like the gloves they have a cool name.
Happy? :P
Drakkenfyre Aug 6th 2010 9:17PM
Heirlooms don't help you if you don't have a level 80 already. Remember, this gear is for new people, too.
Any bit helps. Just because you don't hit the cap doesn't mean that level 40 couldn't use 2% more hit when going against Elites.
andy Aug 7th 2010 3:32PM
hit is only a waisted stat after the hit cap, never before
in fact its usually the best dps stat even while levelling.
plus its always awe-full to have that all important poly morph miss
Kurash Aug 6th 2010 9:35PM
Also, from what I've read about Cata and hit, there won't be a static cap. That is, it'll change -- even at 85 -- depending on the tier level of the boss. So you can stop whining.
Zanathos Aug 7th 2010 5:00AM
Failure to understand how hit works, apparently. It doesn't wait until you're at the cap to suddenly have an effect. If anything adding hit has a more significant effect on DPS at lower levels of hit rating than capping you off.
Simes Aug 7th 2010 7:49AM
In what way does having hit rating on items *not* help you get to the cap?
Jhestor Aug 7th 2010 8:33AM
Anyone who leveled a rogue in vanilla WoW, and then levels one now using all the heirlooms with hit will tell you that it makes a HUGE difference, even as low as the single digits, when dual wielding.
No more "miss miss miss miss miss miss."
Nick S Aug 7th 2010 10:51AM
I'm going to upvote you just to help clear up this common misconception: hit is far from the worst stat for leveling; in fact, until the (at least soft) cap, it is far and away the best DPS stat for most classes while leveling.
Drakkenfyre Aug 6th 2010 9:11PM
"His tongue pushed the the bridge of his glasses higher on his crooked nose"
Wait, his tongue can reach the bridge of his glasses? What the hell? Or did he mean the bridge of the other guys glasses? Do I want to know the answer to that question?
MusedMoose Aug 6th 2010 9:22PM
It's been established in earlier columns that Throgg has a ridiculously long tongue.
Drakkenfyre Aug 6th 2010 9:28PM
I seem to have missed that, and I have read every single one since the characters's introduction.
It seemed disturbing to read what he said. I thought it was a mistake, he meaning his finger instead of tongue.
MusedMoose Aug 6th 2010 9:33PM
http://www.wow.com/2010/07/16/phat-loot-phriday-poisonfire-greatsword/
Second sentence, wherein we learn about orcish grooming habits. ^_^
Drakkenfyre Aug 6th 2010 9:41PM
I missed the "togue", damn.
Angus Aug 7th 2010 1:17AM
Oh please, it isn't like this is something Gene Simmons can't do.
And heck, HE's got a headband in the game.
http://www.wowhead.com/item=25820
Aldarion Aug 6th 2010 9:17PM
YES! Finally, an article with some Sugarhill Gang. And I just love the wicked Goblin item names...
Orkchop Aug 6th 2010 9:18PM
OMG Azshara is my new favorite zone!
Lokanaya Aug 6th 2010 9:56PM
Are they better than The. Best. Bracers. Ever.?
Rainstorm Aug 6th 2010 10:18PM
I hope they make a leather belt called "Four Strength Four Stam Leather Belt *wheeze*"
Four Strength Four Stam Leather Belt *wheeze*
78 Armor
+4 Stamina
+4 Strength