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9-22-2010 @ 2:59PM
Well, we're not going to do shop-keep parodies without this one! I love Monty Python.A customer enters a game shop.Mr. Noob: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.(The owner does not respond.)Mr. Noob: 'Ello, Miss?Owner: What do you mean "miss"?Mr. Noob: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!Owner: We're closin' for lunch.Mr. Noob: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this World of Warcraft what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.Owner: Oh yes, the, uh, the Cataclysm...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?Mr. Noob: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!Owner: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.Mr. Noob: Look, matey, I know a dead World of Warcraft when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.Owner: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable game, the Cataclysm, idn'it, ay? Beautiful water effects!Mr. Noob: The water don't enter into it. It's stone dead.Owner: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!Mr. Noob: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up! (shouting at the cage) 'Ello, Mister Polly World of Warcraft! I've got a lovely fresh cuttle fish for you if you show...(owner hits the cage)Owner: There, he patched!Mr. Noob: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the cage!Owner: I never!!Mr. Noob: Yes, you did!Owner: I never, never did anything...Mr. Noob: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO POLLY!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!(Takes World of Warcraft out of the cage and thumps its head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)Mr. Noob: Now that's what I call a dead World of Warcraft.Owner: No, no.....No, 'e's sapped!Mr. Noob: SAPPED?!?Owner: Yeah! You sapped him, just as he was wakin' up! Cataclysms stun easily, major.Mr. Noob: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That World of Warcraft is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hourago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged expansion.Owner: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the Howling Fjords.Mr. Noob: PININ' for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?Owner: The Cataclysm prefers keepin' on it's back! Remarkable game, id'nit, squire? Lovely water effects!Mr. Noob: Look, I took the liberty of examining that World of Warcraft when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its shelf in thefirst place was that it had been NAILED there.(pause)Owner: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that game down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its cd case, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!Mr. Noob: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this game wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!Owner: No no! 'E's pining!Mr. Noob: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This World of Warcraft is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet Elune! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the shelf 'e'd be pushing up the peacebloom! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-World of Warcraft!!(pause)Owner: Well, I'd better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the counter) Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of World of Warcrafts.Mr. Noob: I see. I see, I get the picture.Owner: I got an Aion.(pause)Mr. Noob: Pray, does it talk?Owner: Nnnnot really.Mr. Noob: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?Owner: N-no, I guess not. (gets ashamed, looks at his feet)Mr. Noob: Well.(pause)Owner: (quietly) D'you.... d'you want to come back to my place?Mr. Noob: (looks around) Yeah, all right, sure. Source: http://www.mtholyoke.edu/~ebarnes/python/dead-parrot.htm
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