Breakfast Topic: The Kron'Kar Annihilator is the coolest thing ever, period
by Mathew McCurley 
Sep 23rd 2010 at 8:00AM
First, words with apostrophes and hard consonant sounds are awesome. Kron'Kar has both, and then some. Double hard consonant "k" sounds punctuate both the ferocity and dangerousness of the powerful scorpion. The apostrophe lets you know that this beast follows in a tradition of badassery, such as Thrall's elite Kor'kron guard, or Drek'thar, leader of the mighty Frostwolf clan. Hard consonant sounds make saying Kron'Kar fun and intimidating.
Second, there is really nothing past annihilation in terms of things you can do to something or someone. Annihilating is pretty much it. You're gone, buddy. The Kron'Kar Annihilator annihilates. It's built in right there in the name!
Third, it's a scorpion. Seriously, are you going to tell me that scorpions aren't the most badass thing? It has claws, a stinger and -- since it is presumed that the Kron'Kar Annihilator is going to be the Horde guild mount -- is big enough to carry at least a tauren. I am putting on a diaper as we speak, because I just might be paralyzed with fear and defecate myself upon seeing a giant scorpion barreling down on me, Horde soldier atop its armored back, with nothing but hatred in both their hearts and the impending annihilation ever-present in the beasts' nomenclature.
We have already seen the Alliance's lion guild mount. The Kron'Kar Annihilator is the Horde equivalent. What do you think about the new guild mounts? Can anything be more awesome than a mountable scorpion?
Filed under: Breakfast Topics, Cataclysm
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 10)
Turbo_ski Sep 23rd 2010 8:03AM
Riding a giant scorpion may sound cool, but you're just asking for that massive poisoned stinger to jam straight into your skull the moment your mount gets excited.
Debesun Sep 23rd 2010 8:11AM
All the more reason to have suitable head protection.
And plenty of anti-venom.
DeathPaladin Sep 23rd 2010 8:13AM
Scorpions are generally more poisonous the smaller they are. One the size of the Annihilator would have all the toxicity of a gentle spring rain. Of course, a scorpion that size wouldn't be able to support its own body weight, much less a rider.
Whatever, a wizard did it.
Cathon Sep 23rd 2010 8:19AM
I would love to see the disclaimer for that thing "Warning: Breaking too hard on the Kron'Kar Annihilator may cause severe and irreversible damage to your back and/or spine. Please ride with caution".
Anyways, we've seen scorpions already in game, this mount is just a shinier version of those. The Golden King's model at least took more than a new paint job.
Golden King FTW! (That will be the new catchphrase, further proving the Golden King's superiority).
John Sep 23rd 2010 9:20AM
"You're ignoring the square-cube law. The giant ant would be crushed under the weight of its own exoskeleton. And for the record, the appropriate ranking of cool modes of transportation is jet pack, hoverboard, transporter, batmobile, and then giant ant." - Sheldon Cooper
I presume what applies to ants also applies to scorpions since they're both arthropods even though one is an insect and the other an arachnid.
Also, to amend the great Dr. Cooper's final statement for WoW:
And for the record, the appropriate ranking of cool modes of transportation is jet pack (gunship), hover disc (Malygos phase 2), transporter (gnomish, titanic (Ulduar), or evil (ICC)?), batmobile (demolisher?), and then giant scorpion.
Sane Sep 23rd 2010 9:24AM
I think that's the point. It encourages safe driving for the Horde. Imagine, wouldn't you drive safer if instead of fluffy, huggy air-bags, there are deathy spikes of impaleness that would spring out at you the moment you as much as pressed the break too hard? The insurance premiums for Horde teenagers might even go down.
pinteresque Sep 23rd 2010 9:41AM
@Cathon:
"I would love to see the disclaimer for that thing "Warning: Breaking too hard on the Kron'Kar Annihilator may cause severe and irreversible damage to your back and/or spine. Please ride with caution"."
Ignoring the fact for one tiny second that mounts in WoW don't accelerate, they're either moving or not:
If you brake too hard, the mount stops dead but your momentum keeps you moving - seatbelts keep you from flying forward into the windshield of a car under negative acceleration, remember.
Braking hard will throw you AWAY from the stinger, not towards it.
Cheeselandman Sep 23rd 2010 11:15AM
Keep in mind there have been, in earth's history, 2 meter long "sea-scorpions". The exoskeleton would have to get proportionally thicker, but its by no means impossible to have a rideable scorpion, even today. Now where did my biology set go....
Boobah Sep 23rd 2010 11:32AM
Aquatic animals don't operate under the same restrictions as things that actually have to support their weight; you can substitute buoyancy for skeletal strength in some ways. Water is also far more efficient at conveying heat away, so you get around those implications of the square-cube law, too.
Schadenfreude Sep 23rd 2010 12:04PM
The scorpion is kind of meh, I think I might have preferred a badass new wolf model similar to the alliance lion.
DragonFireKai Sep 23rd 2010 3:37PM
You just know there's gonna be clipping issues, where tauren are riding around with the stinger embedded directly into their back, like some kind of matrix-style interface system.
Meanwhile, the Alliance will be happily prancing around on their Jesus Allegory Lion.
clundgren Sep 23rd 2010 4:51PM
"Scorpions are generally more poisonous the smaller they are. One the size of the Annihilator would have all the toxicity of a gentle spring rain."
On the other hand, pointy objects tend to hurt more the larger they are. So perhaps the poison won't get you, but I suspect the 12 inch spike in your brain would be an inconvenience.
Veloxe Sep 23rd 2010 7:03PM
@pinteresque
You do realize you are arguing about physics in relation to a GIANT RIDABLE SCORPION! Right? I think we threw out Newton's first law long before we got to this point and "Ya, sure, it could happen!" laws took over long ago.
Jamie Sep 23rd 2010 8:03AM
Depends how you plan to mount that scorpion and if it's completely consenting.
On a cleaner note... the new mounts are okay, nothing that is going to change my dwarf from using a ram and even my human will continue to use a palomino.
Elwoods Sep 23rd 2010 8:21AM
Ohhh a gnome had to say that!!! :)
Sicadastra Sep 23rd 2010 6:51PM
In terms of how to mount, I'd love to see a mount you stand on as opposed to sit, like the troll bat riders from WC3. Scorpion could work for that!
(Also, for the record I recognize that the OP was a joke. Feel free to visualize reverse cowgirl with a scorpion if you prefer.)
bigdanrog Sep 23rd 2010 10:04PM
@Sicadastra:
Magic carpet, yo.
Tolkfan Sep 23rd 2010 8:03AM
Lion > Scorpion
Imnick Sep 23rd 2010 8:07AM
Scorpion > Lion
Deicide Sep 23rd 2010 8:11AM
scorpion >>>>>>x10 lion