Breakfast Topic: Are real-life friendships more "real" than in-game friendships?
by Chris Henderson 
Oct 3rd 2010 at 8:00AM
It was a Saturday night. I had spent the whole week working, and I wanted to do something fun. A buddy of mine called me to go out that night, but I just didn't feel like it. I wanted a fun night, but I didn't feel like going out and doing anything. Another one of my friends called me: "Dude, meet me at ICC in 20 minutes." Then he hung up. I thought to myself, "Should I do something with my real-life friend, or should I play WoW with some people I've never really met?" Well, my WoW friends won, and I spent the rest of the night on an alt beating up ICC for about three hours.
I've noticed as of late I tend to lean toward my WoW friends rather than my real-life friends. Why is that, you ask? I really have no idea. A few of my real-life friends play WoW. One of them is actually the one who got me started in the first place. I quit two years later and then came back because I started dating a girl who played WoW. Needless to say, my troll hunter became a night elf hunter, and I have come to call the people I play WoW with true friends of mine.
Other people may say I am wrong in this mindset. I tell them that I spend more time with the online friends (even though it's not in a physical sense), and I have a lot of fun doing it. Sure, there are arguments and rage-logging occasionally, but doesn't that happen in real life as well? Instead of a door slamming and car burning out in the driveway, you get the nice ding of someone disconnecting from Ventrilo and their name coming up as "Bob has gone offline."
Do you consider your WoW friends real friends? And if you do, what lengths are you willing to go to for them? Are you willing to stay up until 2 in the morning trying to two-man Molten Core, just like you would stay up until 2 in the morning back in high school watching some crappy horror movies with your real-life friends? Have you met up with your WoW friends in real life, and if so, do you now consider them real-life friends?
Filed under: Breakfast Topics, Guest Posts
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 5)
Muse Oct 3rd 2010 8:05AM
A lot of the RL friends I have are friends because we've met through something I've had no choice in. I've met them in school, which is obligatory, I've met them in college which couldn't be avoided, and I've met them at the work places because I need the money. That we've hit off and become friends is more an effect of them being there at the time and being nice people to hang around with.
My WoW friends, on the other hand, are people who've actively sought out to share something; we're in the same game, we might have shared a guild at some point, we've absolutely certainly done something we've wanted to do, together.
Gendou Oct 3rd 2010 8:20AM
I agree that meeting friends through an avocation can create a tighter bond because it's a bond of choice.
But if that avocation were to be removed, how long would you stay in touch?
For example, there are some guys in my guild who I would consider to be good friends. But outside of WOW, we don't share a hell of a lot of interests. Hell, even our geeky interests are different. So without the bond of WOW, we would likely drift apart simply because there wouldn't be a lot left to talk about.
The best and most lasting friendships I've had are the ones where I've had multiple shared interests with the person.
Noyou Oct 3rd 2010 8:25AM
I know what you are trying to say. But meeting them by circumstance is the same whether it's online in a guild or someone you bandage up somewhere in Helfire Pen. Even if you see someone pop up on your screen and say 'hey I want to be that persons friend' there still is a fair amount of circumstance right there. It's like the saying "friends are the family you choose", although I also believe they choose you too.
Toothy Oct 3rd 2010 10:34AM
Take a moment here. After all, the way you describe RL friends is the absolute definition of family. People you are with despite your own wishes. That's life - deal.
Remember, when you have friendships (and family) where you are forced together, you learn to be human. You don't learn empathy by hanging with folks just like you, and saying "me too" al day. You don't develop your own character and most importantly, you do not grow or learn until you go outside your comfort zone. Get out sometimes, you'll be a better person, and a better friend for doing so.
And remember, when you are seeking the same thing as others, that isn't the end of it. Just look at WOW. You said "we're in the same game". Are we? Read some posts here in this little corner of the world. Casual vs Hard Core? PVP vs everyone? RP vs ERP? Yes, you found like minds, but soon you tire of those annoying folks who want to RP. Then you get tired of your guild because they aren't top of the progression. Soon you are having major rage storms with folks over putting 1 point in the wrong talent. Narrowing you focus has no limit.
Stretch yourself, get out of your comfort zone. You'll be better for it.
And in hopes of scaring a few of you straight, remember, when people only choose to associate with what they are comfortable with, and folks who agree with them we only end up with more Classic Rock Stations, and FOX News. Haven't we been hurt enough?
dengarsw Oct 3rd 2010 10:47AM
Gotta agree with some of the others. I've made some good RL friends in other MMOs, but the big factor is how it translates IRL. If you quit the game, where are your game friends? Do you talk via e-mail/facebook/etc? If not, it's the same thing as your school friends.
Brozarius Oct 3rd 2010 11:07AM
Very nice comment Muse!
The best of my friends I have met through activities I choose myself indeed, on- and offline. Online I've met some great people who I consider very valuable friends, not only in WoW but also in a game called Nokiagame (ancient history). Offline as well, in sports and other social activities which aren't obligatory.
Muse Oct 3rd 2010 11:17AM
@Toothy: I haven't seen that many (erroneous) assumptions from someone since kindergarten when boys thought girls had cooties. Try to look at things from this perspective: I grew up in a town where reading, writing and being smart was looked down on, thinking with your hands was premiered, and girls were frowned on when they liked anything other than boys and getting married/having kids. The industry was everything. What could I possibly have gained by "leaving my comfort zone" and go out and get drunk on cheap liquor with people I barely know that I have nothing in common with, instead of staying in playing with my REAL friends? Seeking out my own interests, my own friends, my own way has given me a life, and let me grow as a person.
Biskit333 Oct 3rd 2010 1:49PM
Hey, what's wrong with classic rock? Am I a close minded shut in because I prefer a different genre of music than you? A lot of classic rock bands actually knew how to do things like harmonize and build interesting musical scores (listen to sweet emotion live and then name a modern band who could sing with that kind of pitch without a computer).
My point here isn't to start a musical debate, it is that you should not assume that people with different views than you all behave in a certain way.
/soapbox
Toothy Oct 4th 2010 9:05AM
@Biskit333 - No slam on classic rock, have quite a bit of it myself. When I said that I was thinking of how the boom in interest specific channels on cable TV and satellite radio. I was thinking of a friend who surprised me when he commented about how he liked a song I had playing that he never heard - it was The White Stripes, at the time they were in heavy rotation. When I asked him what stations he had been listening to he said the classic rock channel on his Sirius. When I went further it turned out it was the only station he was listening to for several years at that point.
Last car I bought came with a Sirius trial, and when I looked through the promo stuff, it bothered me because of the strict segregation of genres. I remember noticing that classic rock was even further segregated with the prog rock, which in my mind is a big part of classic rock, was off on its own. So just a societal rant, not a music slam.
Myf Oct 3rd 2010 8:06AM
In game friends don't judge you for not wearing pants.
Deathknighty Oct 3rd 2010 8:37AM
Well, they might if you go on about it excessively...
Wulfkin Oct 3rd 2010 8:44AM
By the same token however, I have never heard a RL friend peeing because they left their mic on.
lazymangaka Oct 3rd 2010 9:41AM
I've had a RL friend suddenly reveal that while we were talking, he had been taking a crap the entire time.
Traumatizing.
vinniedcleaner Oct 3rd 2010 9:46AM
But did he hold the phone down by the toilet when he flushed like I do?
CoM Oct 3rd 2010 8:12AM
If you can connect with people emotionally, then they're your friends, regardless of whether you have actually met them or not. You do not have to see them physically in order to be able to have fun with them and trust them.
sccorp.sc Oct 3rd 2010 2:05PM
I met a very good buddy of mine through WoW in the first place. I had been gaming with him for about a year before I even knew anything about him in real life. Turns out, he had been deployed overseas the entire time-- he was an SF Communications Specialist, or something to that effect, (I always mess up his title on purpose to give him a hard time). I asked him why him and a lot of his buddy's in his unit played WoW in the first place if they're deployed, and he told me after a long day, all a lot of the guys could think about was putting down their gear and just goofing off in WoW for a little while.
After his deployment was over, he actually came to Dallas to visit me and my girlfriend, and we've been good friends ever since.
To imagine I met my best mate, all the way from halfway across the world, just because we both enjoyed in-game fishing.
Anye Oct 3rd 2010 3:01PM
"f you can connect with people emotionally, then they're your friends, regardless of whether you have actually met them or not. You do not have to see them physically in order to be able to have fun with them and trust them."
This.
The only difference between "online" friends and "real life" friends is venue. If you have friends that you watch movies with, and friends that you go to concerts with, is one group inherently better than the other group? No. It's the same deal.
I've got real life friends that consistently let me down. (Or, rather, I had such friends... I've let them drift away by now.) And I've had online friends that, long before they ever saw a picture or anything "personally identifying", followed me through 5-6 guilds and even a server transfer. And oh, I met my wife on Second Life. We met online, hit it off so tremendously well that it *became* a real-life thing. The venue has changed (and ugh, thank god, because SL went to hell) but the bond is still the same.
Really, I don't get why there's still this giant separation between "real life" friends and online friends. What are the two biggest ways real life friends keep in touch these days? Texts and Facebook. How do I keep in touch with my WoW friends? RealID and Facebook. There's not really much difference any more, is there?
Ithrandil Oct 3rd 2010 8:13AM
yes, hence the term "real" life
Spellotape Oct 3rd 2010 8:51AM
People are no less "real" just because you have not met in person; I would hope most people consider friendship to be something beyond whether someone lives in close proximity.
Ithrandil Oct 3rd 2010 4:02PM
online firends are important, and I have many, but the question is are they less real than real life friends, and of course they are. I can chat all day with my guildies online, I know more about some of them than I do my own "real" friends, but I can't go out drinking and shoot some pool with them, I can't go watch a movie, or call them for a ride if my car breaks down. I certainly wouldn't lend any of them money, and I'd be pretty leary of letting any of them crash on my couch.
Are the online friends more than just text on a screen or a voice in vent? of course they are! but would I drop raid in a second to go help a real-life friend out of a jam? you bet i would. Would I walk out of a movie, drive home to get online to talk out some problem that arose between guildies? probably not. They're people and they're friends, certainly, but with the same magnitude as people I se and talk to everyday? no