Drama Mamas: Spearheading morality
by Robin Torres 
Oct 8th 2010 at 4:00PM
I strongly believe that your fun should stop when it starts to infringe upon the fun of another. However, the behavior of funsuckers is not something we can control. Sure, we can report the blatant offenders to Blizzard. Yes, we can put them on ignore. But no matter how hard we try, we will never be able to make them change their ways. The question is: Does it hurt to try?
Dear Drama Mamas,
Recently, I've taken a more active role in trying to combat the rampant immorality and indecency that has taken hold on the WoW community. I used to be content with ignoring it, and I even left trade chat in an attempt to isolate myself from the more concentrated locations. However, I couldn't just sit by while the problem gets worse each day. It's gotten so bad on my realm that people are actually cheering at people who ninja, troll or gank. I have been brought up right: instilled with values by my parents to make moral choices in my life. I had hoped to reach out and bring some of this awareness to others, but so far it's only lost in the flood or so bashed that people simply laugh at my efforts now.
I know there are people out there who agree with me, but they are content with ignoring it and are afraid to stand up for fear of being singled out by the same people I am under attack by. I am by no means being deterred by these people; I've developed a pretty thick skin over the years, but I just feel like my efforts are falling on deaf ears. These immoral people continue to defend their right to inflict harm on the community, and I am just unable to find a way to reach them. I can try to be their conscience, but I feel like the talking cricket in Pinocchio, crushed by a hammer and only able to whisper in the wind to the people with hollow wooden heads. And to be clear, this is not the Disney story, but the book version. The situation, I feel, is much too serious for a Disney film.
There is also the question of whether it's even right for me to try to force my beliefs on others. I get bombarded with "it's just a game, bro" constantly -- and part of me wonders, if the community as a whole is doomed to be condemned by these people, do I even have the right to interfere? Maybe I really should stop doing randoms, visiting the forums, and leave/block all public channels. For me, that would ruin the game, but is it right for me to try to ruin the game for others, even if their fun is derived from harming others? I can only do so much to balance the PH in the cesspool that the community is becoming. I long for a day when there is accountability and consequences, but if even Blizzard is unwilling or unable to take any action, how do I have any chance at it?
Yours,
Integrity First
Drama Mama Robin: Integrity, it isn't your job to be the morality police, and more importantly, it doesn't sound like your attempts have been fun for you. Now, if you were the type of person who enjoyed verbally sparring with the trade chat trolls, well, I would still suggest you take it to tells. As we've said before, arguing in public chat makes you part of the problem -- it doesn't matter how right you are. Not feeding the trolls is always the right thing to do. But playing the game like a single-player game, turning off all chat and never participating in any group activities is not your only option here. There are many things you can do to make your time in Azeroth more pleasant and less likely to feel like a crushed cricket.
- Change servers. I have to say that your current realm seems to be a bit seedier than the ones I hang out on. Trade chat varies in heinousness from server to server, as does ninja tolerance and other questionable behavior. What seems to be lauded on your realm is vilified on many others. Shop around, looking at RP servers first -- you don't have to RP to be on one -- and look for a realm with a more polite atmosphere.
- Join a guild whose members behave the way you think they should. Ethical, responsible, mature guilds are actually very common. They're just quiet, too busy playing the game, and don't have trade chat turned on for the same reason you shouldn't. Look in server forums for guilds that are compatible. Make sure you find one that has players with similar schedules to yours, so you can random with a couple of friends.
- Stop instructing. Forcing your beliefs on others is another form of griefing. More pragmatically speaking, good people who believe the same way you do will be turned off by it.
- Lead by example. This works in the physical world too. If you act according to your beliefs at all times while still being a good guy to group or chat with, your actions will speak volumes that your words could never do.
- Group with people you like whenever possible. Rather than going solo through the world or getting your dungeons done only via random, try to hang out with online players that you like.
Drama Mama Lisa: You can lead by example until the cows come home -- and that's what I always encourage players to do, Integrity First -- but in this case, I have to point you to one of the first pieces of advice ever dispensed by the Drama Mamas: You can't change other people. At a certain point, you have to adapt to the realities of the online environment you've chosen, choose a new one or leave altogether.I do understand where you're coming from, Integrity; however, WoW is equally a refuge for players who actively choose to act like churlish boors raised in caves by wolves. Alas, if that's the choice the players on your realm have made, then there's not much you can do but respect (such as it is) their choice. The World of Warcraft is filled with not dozens, not hundreds, not thousands, but millions (12 million, to be exact) of other players who are nothing like you. You may find their behavior offensive -- yet at the same time, they may find your "overly prissy" behavior equally annoying. While you are wrinkling your nose in disgust at their immaturity, they're probably making jokes about diamonds forming in places where the sun don't shine, if you catch my drift ... Yet nobody's really right or wrong here; this is about people being people. Welcome to the big, wide world.
So let's cut to the chase: You want to play with others, but you dislike the others you're currently rubbing elbows with. Simple solution: Upgrade the others. You'll never meet like-minded players by retreating from social life altogether, so get out there and find a new guild or a realm with a different take on public community life. The last moments here before the expansion are the perfect time for a transition to a new game home or playstyle. Make the most of it and you'll find yourself looking forward to a refreshing, energizing virtual home that you look forward to joining every evening. Safe travels and happy landings!
Drama buster of the week
Keep it positive, whenever possible. Sure, we all whine and complain in guild chat every once in a while. But for the most part, try to keep the balance tilted firmly toward positive things said publicly. Complaining brings people down and we're all in the game to de-stress, not re-stress. If you are bumming people out on a regular basis, people will avoid you or complain about you ... Drama ensues. If you remain mostly positive, people will want to hang with you ... Drama avoided. Bonus Tip: This works well on forums, Twitter and Facebook, too.
Dodge the drama and become that player everyone wants in their group with a little help and insight from the Drama Mamas. Remember, your mama wouldn't want to see your name on any drama. Play nice ... and when in doubt, ask the Drama Mamas at DramaMamas@wow.com. Filed under: Analysis / Opinion, Drama Mamas
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 7)
Beleth Oct 8th 2010 4:07PM
If you find your fun "infringed upon" when people do things that do not effect you directly in any way, the thing to do is grow up. But then again, I'm a firm believer in liberty of thought and speech, and personal responsibility.
If your fun becomes "infringed upon" because your friend is flying a kite, and this reminds you of your dead father, a kite-builder, the thing to do is not tear his kite down and smash it to pieces, but:
A) Ignore it.
B) Go somewhere else.
Kolyarut Oct 8th 2010 4:38PM
When it comes to in-game trolls, it's hardly fair to compare them to peaceful kite-flyers, who aren't bothering anybody (or at least certainly aren't intending to). The intent is the difference - this is more like trying to use your public library and finding people shouting, throwing things at people and urinating on the books.
Aside from exchanging shaky analogies, cheering on ninjas and trolls incites more morons to ninja and troll. Ninjaing has a solid, concrete affect on your gameplay, and at the end of the day, if the social dimension (that the trolls want to spoil) wasn't important to us, why would we be playing an MMO?
Gendou Oct 8th 2010 5:09PM
Kolyarut:
You're comparing apples to oranges. Trolls and Ninjas are not the same thing and do not have the same effect on gameplay. Please don't conflate the two. Just because two things are against the terms of service (trolling and ninjaing) does not mean they are similar except in both being terms of service violations. Similarly, while slander and theft are both against the law, they are not otherwise similar and should not be conflated.
Your analogy of people throwing things and urinating on library books is flimsy at best. This is more akin to people yelling obscenities in the library - except that in this case, you have the option of actually turning on a filter that makes that person invisible and inaudible to you. It's better than real-life.
Yes, the world would be a better place without trolling and slander. But comparing these 'crimes' to ninjaing and theft not only detracts from the weight of ninjaing and theft, but it detracts from the weight and impact of your argument as well.
Fearmemortals Oct 8th 2010 9:35PM
Man where do people get this misguided and factually incorrect idea that ninjering is against the ToS? How many times do Blizzard have to say that they respect the way people want to hand out their loot unless it falls into the realms of scamming which is something entirely different.
Arbolamante Oct 8th 2010 4:15PM
DM Lisa:
It may be "people being people," but I think the letter writer has a point. These are ultimately moral issues. How we choose to behave in a game is just as much a moral issue as how we behave out of it.
I'm not sure what to do about the folks who choose to engage in harassment or dishonesty, but simply saying we should "upgrade the others" just seems like giving in to bullies to me. It's like when people say "Guess what? Life isn't fair." My response, "Yep. What are going to do to help fix that?"
In a practical sense, Blizz should step it up a bit. Not that it's all that applicable to WoW, but I love how in EVE if you do enough bad behavior, you get in trouble with the police, who will come after you if you venture into the nicer parts of town!
Wugan Oct 8th 2010 4:29PM
To say "Yet nobody's really right or wrong here; this is about people being people" is to argue from a frame of reference that Integrity First likely does not subscribe to, given statements such as "I have been brought up right: instilled with values by my parents to make moral choices in my life." He believes in objective values, while you are speaking from a relativistic frame of reference.
While I don't disagree with the general advice to ignore the trolls and play with people you like, to just say that no one is really right or wrong will not be comforting to someone who really believes that people are acting in an immature, hurtful way, to the point where it lessens his experience of the game. He thinks that people are being immoral, and that's not the kind of thing where you just say "hey, if you want to ninja that's cool with me." If you think it's wrong, at some point you have to say something, and when the community does not back you up, that gets frustrating.
Moorit Oct 8th 2010 4:30PM
The letter writer seemed like he was completely surrounded by jerks. If he's really considering isolating himself from the rest of the players in the game, and the Mamas advise him to go find another group of players instead, I don't think that's giving in to bullies. Well, maybe it is technically, but it isn't like he's giving up some awesome support community (as far as we can tell).
Leaving to hang out with nice people doesn't really empower the bad people he was surrounded by before. His old server may further decline into a cesspit, but he can't save it by himself anyway.
Sharvis Oct 8th 2010 7:26PM
Funnily enough I read that first-line as "Dungeon Master Lisa" in reference to Dungeons and Dragons. :P
Sarabande Oct 9th 2010 4:27AM
I have to agree. You can't use "people being people" to justify bad behavior. If I could just push people down and take their lunches, call people horrible names, make racist and sexist jokes out loud in public, and generally, have fun making people feel miserable and yet have others defending me saying "Oh, she's just being herself" while other people just go about their business as if nothing odd was happening, really, why SHOULD I behave myself?
A community that stays silent always, never backs up people who have been wronged or have been bullied, or just picks up and leaves (though moving is NOT a bad idea) allows the ninjas, trolls, and bullies to win. I'm not suggesting feeding the trolls - that's just exhausting, and they tend to thrive on it. But saying "Hey, that's not cool" isn't a bad thing. And if they persist, put them on ignore. The biggest drawback being the limited side of the ignore list, of course.
And yes, if there is nothing to keep you, DO move. But do some research first (aside from visiting the forums, maybe create a low lvl toon to scope out the atmosphere) before making a real monetary investment. Sometimes you have to move out of a bad neighborhood if the crime rates go up.
Begin to use your collective power for GOOD. Keep around and teach the poor player who is trying, in your group. Kick the jerks, even if he's doing the best dps. Put players on ignore when they display intolerable behavior (even if it wasn't done against YOU directly). I'm not talking about some kind of a witch hunt or going after someone vindictively. I'm talking about what real COMMUNITIES have done for thousands of years (though sometimes for very bad reasons - such as when someone had an affliction - but I hope we have become more enlightened over the years). But it takes more than one voice. Guilds have to not tolerate their members behaving badly like this. The communities don't have to put up with whole guilds that behave like this. Don't join them. Don't run with them.
But unless you want 1) Blizzard to have to play the police (not really ideal, except in cases involving a real violation of ToS) or 2) The good people to have to put up with very bad behavior or have to pick up and move, even away from a good guild or friends they may enjoy despite the atmosphere of the rest of the server, the best we can do is to support those who behave in a good way and NOT support behavior that most people would agree to be "fun sucking". We are all responsible for the communities that we create after all.
Leading by example doesn't help if other people don't see that there are benefits of behaving nicely, rather than an uncivilized jerk.
Ben Oct 8th 2010 4:15PM
Be generous with your ignore list... and get the IgnoreMore addon if necessary. Also, switch to Alliance. It doesn't completely solve the problem, but it helps.
quasarsglow Oct 8th 2010 4:25PM
I'm going to say this politely, but when I faction changed, I found that Allies were far more immature and prone to griefing in public channels. I found more people kicking me from the RDF for never having been in a particular instance before, more L2P and more vocal racism, sexism and purile behavior than I ever did on hordeside.
I really think that if you think a faction swap is the answer, you may have your helm on too tight.
Stephen Oct 8th 2010 4:32PM
Ben, I'm sorry... But Alliance is the WRONG way to go if you want more mature, stand up people. I've played Alliance almost my entire WoW Career. Recently I started a Horde toon, and I was amazed at the difference in trade chat and the way players treated each other. If my best friend and playing partner didn't LOVE Dwarfs and have to have his main be a Dwarf, I would be Horde in a second.
bigalthebear Oct 8th 2010 4:35PM
Because the Alliance are far more mature than the silly horde?
For real?
Having played both sides of the fence on several servers both sides of the Atlantic I have yet to find a server where the Alliance and Horde differ in maturity levels.
Remove head from orifice and think for a second. its the same age groups, its the same racial backgrounds and same social backgrounds that play both factions, there choice of faction has nothing to do with maturity level,
I played with a Baptist pastor who's main was a undead warlock. and I played with an ashiest that played a Human priest.
Changing factions will not even slightly elevate the issues this guy is having.
V Magius Oct 8th 2010 4:38PM
Or switch to Horde. Nowhere in the article is it mentioned which faction they are playing on.
Checking out the other factions/servers would be good. Shouldn't be that hard to create a low level character on both factions on a few servers and run to a capital. Watch it for a little while. If it meets with your standards, transfer a character. If that goes well, transfer any other characters.
Valius Oct 8th 2010 4:43PM
Ignoremore is a godsend in this game. I do not know what I would do without it lol.
Ben Oct 8th 2010 4:41PM
I like how no one took the articles advice about me :)
Kirke Oct 8th 2010 4:45PM
I have found that Horde were less mature... So still it really just depends on the server.
Astemus Oct 8th 2010 4:51PM
The only problem I had with ignore addons was how I would still get put into a random dungeon with those people. If you can stifle your values long enough for a random dungeon run, then they are a great tool to use.
Bronwyn Oct 8th 2010 4:55PM
Yeah, gotta say I wouldn't give this advice, either. I'm sure that it varies from server to server, but at least on the servers I am, I find tons more offensive stuff on my alliance toons than I do on my horde toons.
darkLogik Oct 8th 2010 4:56PM
Factions behavior on server varies greatly and is not something prone to one or the other. Alot of the time its based on time of day, over population or how many people feel the need to feed the trolls and give them more ammo by acknowledging then at all. Ignore them and they resolve back to the normal chucknorris | anal[this] | or thunderfury spam.