Skip to Content
10-15-2010 @ 12:45PM
As someone who is Male-to-Female transgender, and as a leader in my raiding guild, this issues is something that is very close to my heart. Sure you can say that your real life should never make it into a video game, but truthfully that is an unrealistic expectation for a lot of people. I personally spend 3-4 days a week raiding with my guild for 3 hours each. I spend more time sitting on vent chatting with my guild mates online and in vent than I do with most IRL friends. My guild is my home-away-from-home, and we all consider ourselves to be part of a family. We all talk about how our lives are going or things that are happening with our families and our work because that is just the kind of environment there is in the guild.And though this is the case I haven't actually come out to my guild mates as transgender because I don't want to be viewed or seen differently by them. They simply know me as a girl, which is great, and if someone new slips up on vent or something like that it's not a big deal because other people will correct them.The big thing that is scaring me here is the whole "blame the victim" mentality that I'm seeing in the comments. The idea that this person somehow brought this on themselves or deserves it for not continuing to hide who they are IRL is absurd and offensive. Just because society views something to be taboo does not make it okay to ostracize someone for being that way. Just look at the archaic morals of society from 100 years ago where women couldn't vote and racism was the flavor of the day. Society doesn't always get it right, so why should we defer to society when setting standards for how we treat each other... in game or out.
10-15-2010 @ 12:56PM
Jay, suggesting that a transgendered person simply turn his or her microphone off really doesn't solve the problem. Turning off vent to avoid others hearing their voice or to avoid nasty comments would just further isolate those who want to be accepted. That said, I am so happy to see these issues being discussed on this site - it's just awesome. Good luck with whatever decision you make, Reroller!
10-15-2010 @ 1:15PM
I do not understand the problem on vent. There can be men with lighter voices, there can be women with deeper voices. Though in most situations you can get a pretty good bearing on what gender someone is by sound of voice, use of words and through vocal emotional displays, is this really a problem for you?If they mistake you for a chick, roll with it. That is the gender you are aspiring to be, is it not? If they think you are a dude, tell them your a chick, or ignore it all together. Details, 9 strangers do not need to know everything about you. As you make friends, you can let them in on the details, if you feel the need. If they reject you, then they were not really your friends to begin with. Also, how are you letting people know about your situation? Are you letting them find out naturally or are you throwing it in their face? Me, like many others, can accept you for what you are. If you throw it in our faces and jam it down our throats then you will get rejected.Always keep in mind acceptance is not always understanding.
10-15-2010 @ 1:25PM
@Jay: "It's so easy for straight, cisgendered people to say "well just don't do that" when they never have to censor their own behavior to protect themselves from *** gender based *** harassment."Fixed that for you. No reason to discount race, age, region, religion, or political based harassment. It's exceptionally difficult for the young to disguise their age; or for people not trained to it to disguise their accent. And all the other categories can come up in the same fashion as gender issues: someone asks, you "be honest".
10-15-2010 @ 2:42PM
Put me in the "I prefer to keep my personal life to myself." camp as well. Honestly, I really don't care if you are straight, gay, transsexual or any of the other various terms. It's a game, and your personal life is no one else's concern. Making a point of bringing up one's sexual preference or gender identity is not something that I really think anyone should be doing. That applies to everyone. I really don't care if you are straight, gay, man, woman or woman trapped in a man's body etc. Just pick a character and play the game. No one I have played with has ever cared if a man plays a female character. Heck, plenty of video games have females as the only role to play, and men are quite happy with that.If people are bringing this up in-game because they feel they need 'acceptance', then it sounds to me like they are the ones with the issues and not the rest of us. I don't care. Really. You're a (insert term here)...? Cool, can we kill this boss now? It's a total non-issue to me, and I would rather not be forced into a discussion on the subject because someone feels they need to get it off their chest. Talk it out with a therapist if you need to, I don't play the game to be a counsellor to people. I play to have fun, and I keep my personal life personal. I'd love it if everyone else would do the same.
10-15-2010 @ 2:45PM
Indeed- Keep it to yourself- less talky more clicky!! Stop standing in fire Mr.mam!!
10-15-2010 @ 4:16PM
I was wondering how quickly the "Keep your personal life personal" comment would come up.Here's the thing. Telling someone to respond to bullying by hiding whatever it is they're being bullied for is really, really insensitive. I'm sorry- some people don't want to bring their personal life into the game, and that's fine, but acting like this is something that Gender Reroller should have to WORK to hide is really short-sighted and kind of rude.Essentially what you're asking them to do is to curb their own enjoyment of the game- sure you could make the argument that the bullying is curbing their enjoyment of the game even more- that may be true, but if one of the options here is to find another, more tolerant server/guild/etc to play on, then why not do that instead? I think it's incredibly sad that the solutions here- such as just not talking on vent (some of us rather enjoy talking on vent, actually) or lying all the time- are even being touted as "good" solutions. They are not. They suck. I wish I saw less of this and more of people chewing out the bullies, because just ignoring the problem doesn't help it go away.The Drama Mamas have given some very good solutions here for trying to find a good solution that doesn't involve hiding who you are. For some of us, hiding who we are online is second nature, but for others it isn't, and it's silly to tell someone the best solution is just to try and be someone you're not.
10-15-2010 @ 4:55PM
@M "Let me guess? You're male and straight, so you really don't have to deal with these issues. "bigotry isnt bigotry because its against a minority. you can also be bigoted against a majority, which is what you sound like here. i am a devout christian who doesnt bring spirituality into wow unless im asked about it directly, however, it seems that there are more antichristian players than there are antigay. does this offend me? of course not. even if hatred is directed at me, how could effect me much? these people are as real as baron rivendare and arthas menethil. you need to learn to like who you are, once you do that, you wont worry about what anyone else says. bullying is simple to overcome, dont become a victim.
10-15-2010 @ 5:56PM
Just a thought...Voice synthesizer + vent = more masculine or feminine sounding voice.Not the best option because you're still effectively hiding who you are, but *an* option for asshat servers.
10-15-2010 @ 6:33PM
@ Schadenfreude, who said, "It's so easy for straight, cisgendered people to say "well just don't do that" when they never have to censor their own behavior to protect themselves from harassment. "I have known cisgendered people of various sexual orientations, including straight, who fall on both sides of that... either of the "keep it to yourself" mindset or the "be proud of who you are, fight the bullies" mindset. I've also known some transgender people who are firmly of the "keep it quiet unless you must reveal it, choose to associate only with those who are open and like-minded" mindset. Only one of them ever told me they took that position out of fear of ridicule and oppression. The other two both took the stance of "the only reason to bring it up is if you're looking for attention". I've known transgender people who are so firm on being only recognized as the gender they identify as that they are cruel in the criticism of those who are open about being transgender, rather than having been born that gender. They, in fact, become bullies themselves over it. Assigning that view to "straight, cisgendered people" is closed-minded and unfair. And being part of the "socially approved" gender identity and sexual orientation group does not automatically mean never having to be concerned with being ridiculed for other things that may be different or unpopular about how a straight cisgendered person lives. Inaccurate blanket judgements like that are divisive and play right into the hands of the people who take delight in hurting those who are not like themselves.
10-15-2010 @ 7:15PM
Some things in our society are simply not "personal". Gender is one of them. Whether you like it or not, your gender is one of the most public and obvious things about you. It's one of the first things, if not THE first thing, we think of when we identify an individual. In English, we don't even have a pronoun for an individual or unknown or intermediate gender. Everyone is constantly referred to as either "he" or "she". (People who want to get around this have to invent words, or use the plural "they" as a singular, which any English professor will tell you is grammatically incorrect.)When there is any kind of incongruity in a person's apparent, stated or presumed gender (like say, voice on vent, or a person asking to be referred to by a different pronoun than they used to use), altogether too many people will make a big deal out of this. And, because it is such a fundamental part of a person's identity, gender issues are likely to be outed in a community eventually, even if a person does not talk about them.It is easy for a person whose body matches their mental gender and who fits within other people's expectations of their gender to gloss over how powerful a force gender identity is in human relations, simply because they have never encountered any serious or recurring problems with it. However, a person who does not conform to heteronormative expectations can face constant rejection, both subtle and outright, from those who view gender as an absolute, and a person transitioning gender is especially vulnerable because it can be very difficult for a person to hide that transition, even if they want to.Personally, I don't understand why anyone bothers to mock or be affronted by someone else's gender identity or sexual orientation. As far as I'm concerned, people are just people, whether they're female, male, both, neither, gay, straight, bi, omnisexual, asexual, or an alien from the planet Gsxmemedtblat. People are people, and some people spend altogether too much of their lives hating other people for seemingly no good reason.TLDR: Gender schmender.
10-16-2010 @ 4:36AM
Not that I'm saying that you should have to hide, but if you want to, you could use voice-morphing software. I've only ever seen voice-morphers used for trolling our vent, but I suppose your situation is a fairly legitimate use of it.
10-28-2010 @ 12:39PM
Be Brave! if you are on an EU server and fancy transferring, The B Word Steamwheedle Cartel, would love to have you although we are a casual raiding guild made up of in game friends, we keep it light social and remember our focus is to have fun, no matter what is going on, WoW is an escape for all of us!Sad to hear people aren't accepting you and it's easy for me to say this but remember they are the ones leading small lives not enriched by the wide diversity of people out there. I am very shy in real life, in the game I am a Guild Master, a Raid Leader, Agony Aunt and a friend, I found a confidence in game that I struggle to find face to face so I can understand to a point what you wanted or found within the game. (Granted its not as major as what you are going through!)Keep being strongHugs Mel (Aurna)
First time? A confirmation email will be sent to you after submitting.
Members enter your username and password.
Enter your AOL or AIM screenname and password.
Please keep your comments relevant to this blog entry. Email addresses are never displayed, but they are required to confirm your comments.
When you enter your name and email address, you'll be sent a link to confirm your comment, and a password. To leave another comment, just use that password.
To create a live link, simply type the URL (including http://) or email address and we will make it a live link for you. You can put up to 3 URLs in your comments. Line breaks and paragraphs are automatically converted — no need to use <p> or <br /> tags.