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10-24-2010 @ 1:22AM
Headline in the future ...DEATHWING IMPATIENT WITH 'WHOLE FINAL BOSS THING'Dragon annoyed by delays, cameo appearances, lack of starring roleAZEROTH - For years, he struggled beneath the earth of Azeroth, listening to maddening voices of the Old Gods, but this is a torture Deathwing cannot stand."Frankly, I'm annoyed by these geeks, nerds and unappreciable riff-raff firing up their systems and just passing me by on the authentication screen. Do you know how many retakes it took before they got my roar just right? No, most of them mute me or just fly by and authenticate before I can show all my glory," said the leader of the Black Dragonflight on a hookah and gin cocktail break.And Deathwing wants to show he can do more than just perch himself atop Azeroth's Human capital. "All I've done for my own expansion is this title screen few bother with, some face shots for media, a couple of roars, a bit of mediocre dialogue and a cameo appearance here and there. Nothing solid. And I'm still waiting for my lair to be constructed. How long does it take? I've lived in a hole before, it can't be that hard to slap together a dragon's lair. It's frustrating for me, the players, the NPCs to see my abode and there's a sign 'Under Construction - Opening When It's Done!' Do you know how embarassing it is for my kids to know their great and powerful father is homeless?"Deathwing recently had his agent suggest a "fightable appearance in human form" in both Ironforge and a Horde capital - "I relish the thought of ravaging Thunder Bluff, though some people are pushing for a Silvermoon appearance to boost travel there," he said - but he has yet to hear from the development team. He also asked for a combat scenario similar to former Lich King Arthas Menethil's in the Halls of Reflection, "just so I can get some air time."Deathwing did add there was footage of him atop Orgrimmar's city entrance, but the director of the shoot had some problems with it. "First and foremost, of course they're Horde biased, even though I've heard some PR guys say the choice was to inspire Alliance folk in getting behind their arrogant, out-of-touch uppercrust douche of a king," Deathwing snorted. "Second, Orcs like putting wooden stakes into everything they build, so I think I would've burned their town to the ground with my molten frame. It was already a tough place to find a big dragon like me a good place to stand with all the stakes. Well, at least I'm not a giant vampire. Finally, the director and producers thought Orgr was already suffering a catastrophe enough with Garrosh Hellscream taking charge."Previous expansion bosses expressed sympathy to Deathwing, albeit limited."They kept pushing me for advertisements, promos, small cameos in missions and instances, but I really felt like I wasn't even in my own expansion," said Arthas Menethil, former Lich King of Northrend, recalling years of sleeping on the porch of Utgarde Keep. "At the end, it was drips and drabs, teases, until I finally got my due. Maybe it was because they were pooped out of having to think of new, challenging stuff and they feared I'd get run over by some Eurotrash guild in 24 hours. Which is exactly how it turned out. It will probably be the same for him."From somewhere in the Twisting Nether, Illidan Stormrage agreed. "For years I waited. But in the end I was not prepared," he said with a sigh. "Hell, I wasn't even the final boss of my expansion. But neither was that dork on the Frozen Throne. At least I had a good following act. I mean, Barney the Dinosaur ain't Kil'jaeden. I wonder who will be the closing act when Hookah Breath meets his end at the hands of the anonymous jerks."
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