Breakfast Topic: The GM's wife
by Stephanie Drury 
Oct 27th 2010 at 8:00AM
My husband is our guild master. He's also our guild recruiter, website maintenance man, raid leader and master looter, as well as one of the top DPSers on fights he doesn't have to choreograph. He's the reason I play the game, as well as part of the glue that holds our guild together. As such, he's a big inspiration to me. Not only is he in a demanding leadership position, but he knows the classes and helps people improve their characters and rotations. Between us, we have many classes at 80 and he plays them all well.
Me ... not so much. I raid endgame on a couple characters, but I wouldn't be the player I am without his help. Now, I've heard many of the stereotypes out there, from the dreaded wife aggro, to the girlfriends/wives who play and people wish they would go back to the kitchen, ad nauseum. I will be the first to tell you my downfalls. Heck, my idea of successful PvP is Nova, Blink, Invis and fly away! But I try my darndest to not be that GM's Wife. If I look bad, he looks bad, and that reflects poorly on the guild.
I'm sure we all have horror stories of wives not pulling their own weight, but I like to think I'm here on my own merit. I am a DPSer, a healer, the guild chef, the potion brewer, a pet and mount collector, a girl and the GM's wife, and I'm proud of it. Are you a gaming wife, or a GM's wife -- and if so, how do you assert yourself among the good ol' boys? On the flip side, where have you seen significant others not making the cut?
Filed under: Breakfast Topics, Guest Posts
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 10)
Alexander McFadyen Oct 27th 2010 8:08AM
My now ex-girlfriend would kill herself on spell reflect...
Boydboyd Oct 27th 2010 8:56AM
I don't think that has anything to do with her gender.
From my experience in the last six years, stupidity is not gender discriminant.
"Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped."
-Elbert Hubbard
Boz Oct 27th 2010 9:06AM
I'm not sure any gaming behavior is necessarily gender-based. More often than not one spouse is simply more into the game than the other, be it husband or wife (the fictional husband on The Guild comes to mind).
Sometimes the less-hardcore member of the married duo will not pull their weight in one way or another, which can lead to guild drama. Most often, though, the additional communication and understanding leads to better teamwork.
As long as one of them remembers to let the dog out before raid time.
Katharine Oct 27th 2010 9:12AM
I do that all the time -_-
Imnick Oct 27th 2010 9:29AM
He never said anything about all females dying to spell reflect, he just said his ex did it.
And this column was about the failings of your girl/boyfriend.
BigBadGooz Oct 27th 2010 9:48AM
Spell reflect + ele shammy overload procs='dead shammy I see the spell reflect we just have to see how good my overload dice are today
cbachelot Oct 27th 2010 10:17AM
I don't think the point of this post was necessarily about women needing men to do anything. It was simply directed at getting the community to talk about gaming in a relationship. Be it man to woman or woman to man. I personally play this game because my wife plays it. I am constantly behind the times and needing advice. I CHOOSE to do this because it is something we do together, just like walking the dog or Sunday softball.
Along with that just like everything else I do for my wife (and things she does for me) I choose to try my hardest for her. I like the poster do not want my wife to look bad. Like I only go to raids because I am the GM's husband. I hold myself to a higher standard than most guildies because my wife is the GM. I will not be thought of as dead weight because I don't ever want anyone to have a negative opinion of me or my wife.
This post has nothing to do with women needing men to accomplish anything. It has to do with representing your family in an activity you do together.
cbachelot Oct 27th 2010 10:18AM
Sorry that was meant as a reply to @jen
Zune Oct 27th 2010 8:15AM
I am the gamer in the family. My husband, prior to meeting me, didn't even play console games (thought they were kids stuff, HA). About 2 months ago I finally convinced him to try WoW and he was hooked almost instantly. So, actually he's a GM husband.
Njay Oct 27th 2010 8:15AM
My wifes nearly got bane - soooo proud :)
Nina Katarina Oct 27th 2010 8:15AM
Our GM's husband has about 7 or 8 characters, none above level 20. He'll come on and play for a night, every couple of months, he comes up with a ridiculous character name and provides a running commentary about his experiences in the starting zones. Then he loses interest and goes back to whichever first person shooter is his current favorite.
Tdog Oct 27th 2010 10:26AM
Poor Stephanie. You made an article of reflections upon yourself but you forgot that people really throw things way out of proportion. Sure the commentors have an opinion of their own just as you had your own opinion of who has influenced you and helped you in your gaming experience. People really like to see things that are not there. Seems kinda how like people are influenced by many things to play this game be it lore, friends, family, and signifcant others.
"Heck, my idea of successful PvP is Nova, Blink, Invis and fly away!"
Is there anywhere that mentions that she continues to play PVP when she really doesn't know how to? No, so why do you have to assume that she does?
Jen, as a guy I'm sorry you think that everything has to be about guys. I'm not sorry about the fact that you have to see stuff that is clearly not there. I have a question about your gameplay from the way you sound on your post though. When you decide oh I would like to look up some new articles about the changes going on with my class and head over to the forums or elitist jerks do you make sure to message each poster and ask "Hey are you a man or a woman"? And then proceed to ignore every male post? I'm sorry if that's rude but the way you are coming off as is a person that just wants to ignore all advice from a guys view just to prove a point.
Tdog Oct 27th 2010 10:31AM
Damn this system.
Jen Oct 27th 2010 8:16AM
This will come off as a flame...
... But this article's a bit...um... I donno. It makes me sad. As a gamer, and as a woman, I do not play Warcraft because of a man nor am I good or better at playing the game because of a man. It's one thing to give another player praise for his or her actions, but this post, and the question it asks, comes off as being another "women only play mmos because their husbands/boyfriends taught them to play."
Well, let me tell you this. I started playing WoW five years ago. I did not get into MMOs due to any male relative or love interest but because I read about online and because I played Warcraft (again, of my own ambition, not because of anyone else).
I'm an amazing tank and tank class commander in my guild. The person who taught me to be a better tank back in BC was another woman whose character's name was Riza. Oddly enough, she wasn't attached to any man in the guild or the game either.
Interestingly enough, my doctorate thesis is on female assertion in male dominated online cultures and I am attacking the topic via the way that women represent themselves in online gaming media (I personally have gotten tired of reading papers on why developers give female characters chain mail bikinis while the same piece on a male character is a full suit of armor). This article and any comments are certainly going to be great fodder for my final work!
poggg Oct 27th 2010 8:20AM
I have to agree with this. My perspective is different, being male and all, but it did come across as a bit...discriminatory, I guess, it's early and I'm out of good words. I don't really have anything to add other than to agree, but...still.
PrincessRosario Oct 27th 2010 8:22AM
Thank you. I was trying to figure out how to explain my discomfort with this article, and you expressed it much better than I could have.
Boydboyd Oct 27th 2010 8:35AM
@Jen
I hope that I'm not so obtuse that I missed your point. . . but I missed your point.
I play WoW with my wife. We're in a guild with a lot of married couples. Some of the couples are members of the Council that runs our guild. Some are not. Regardless, our guild is not male-dominated by any stretch of the imagination.
What I also don't understand is how you came to the conclusion you typed out for us, Jen. I read an article in which a woman describes the enjoyment she gets out of playing WoW, while at the same time mentioning that thanks to her husband (who happens to have a large role in their guild) she is a better player.
What would you have said if she had written that her husband was a shoddy raider, barely making attendance and when he's there, he performs poorly? Or what if she was the Guild Master?
Chokaa Oct 27th 2010 8:36AM
I don't think she was saying that 'Omg men are better and I'm just a cute little girl teehee' It sounds like you are reading too much into the breakfast topic because you see what you want to see to make yourself feel good about 'not needing a man'
Just my .02
Neyssa Oct 27th 2010 8:37AM
I dont consider your comment a flame, but I feel you judge someone else's playstyle negatively because it is different from yours.
Yes, she might be a person who got into playing because of her husband. She would probably not play if it was not for her husband. But so what? I think she has a clear idea about herself, she knows she is not the best player but she is contributing with everything she can (cooking, etc.). She is aware of the fact that it is hard to be a GM's wife, and she does not want to take advantage of that. It does not make me sad. The only women I dont like playing with are the ones who want to get into a raid or get a certain loot is because they are women or their boyfriend/husband is loot master.
I am also more like the type you described. I got into playing because an ex-boyfriend showed me the game, but I was a gamer before that as well, and I am playing since that (4 years). I am a guild master, and although we do not have huge raiding plans, we are a proud little Kingslayer group and we are having lots of fun.
MusedMoose Oct 27th 2010 8:44AM
I didn't get that impression from the article, then I reread it and read your post again, and I kind of have to agree. I think the problem is that, by someone saying they're the GM's wife or husband, they're defining themselves by another person. The part about "If I look bad, he looks bad, and that reflects poorly on the guild" is what really got me, because I don't think that's how it should work. One person in a guild playing badly can reflect poorly on the guild, but not on another player just because of their relationship.
To try and make my point more clearly, I would say this: define yourself by who you are, not by your relationship to another. Oi.