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11-05-2010 @ 4:05PM
The last line is the most important. Honesty about your needs, and your reaction to their needs, are the most important self-filtration tools you have for keeping worthwhile friends.If you say "not now", and they understand, they take a step closer to being "a keeper".If you exist honestly with the degree of distance and comfort your relationship with them feels is proper, and they are not happy with that, and you are not comfortable with bending further, that is self filtration. Let them go.Synchronicity of comfort zones is the most important element of any relationship at any degree, and the lack of it is the largest contributor to situations that motivate this week's letter. One person's version of "high maintenance" is another's comfort zone, one person's degree of "comfortable distance" is another's version of neglect. Sometimes two people can lean to the edges of their comfort zones out of a desire to connect further with someone they find great happiness with for other reasons, but there's a difference between bending and breaking. No friendship where people have to break to make it happen is a good one.
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